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Old September 17th, 2017, 04:46 AM #1
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> Cameron Samurai
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The Danger Agency-My Danger Mouse (2015) Fanfiction Archive



Disclaimer: Danger Mouse (2015) and all trademarked characters are property of Fremantle Media and CBBC.

This is the hub for all of the fanfiction I've written for the 2015 reboot of Danger Mouse.

Many of the fics, with a few exceptions, often were written fresh off an episode had been transmitted and act as a mini-epilogue to that episode, although I do my best to inform people in-story of what's went on.

You'll find just a little bit of 'ship teasing going on in some of them, although they're not incredibly overbearing or too intimate, as I like to work with what the show gives me in terms of hints and there's not a whole lot of that, just my overactive imagination.

Pairings to sort of look out for in these stories:

-Danger Mouse/Danger Moth
-Penfold/Squawkencluck
-Duckula/Jeopardy (bit of a crack one I admit)

For the most part, the stories are generally humor and friendship or comfort based, more in keeping with the spirit of the show


Fanfiction Index

Stories Written During Season One


2. From The Boring to the Bold

4. The Pen Is Mightier

5. Tokyo Drift

6. DFFS


8. With Eyes Wide Open

9. Follow You, Follow Me

10. A Dance Amongst Raindrops


12. Jeopardy on the M-1

13. Perfect Timing

14. A Day Reserved For Magic

15. The Great Mouse Detection Part One


16. The Great Mouse Detection Part Two

17. The Great Mouse Detection Part Three

18. Do Forget Your Toothbrush

19. You Spin Me Right 'Round

20. One Flew Over The Baron's Nest

21. The Light At The End

22. Don't You Open That Backdoor

23. The Life Of The Party

24. Remember The Name

25. A Dagger to Her Mind

26. The Next Level

27. A Vivid Picture

28. Competitive Edge

29. You Laugh, You Lose

30. 'Till The Cows Come Home


31. That Time of the Month

32. The Right Fling

33. Working Weekend

34. The Cost of Living

35. Life Support

36. Eye of the Needle

37. Lost Luggage

38. A Wrench for Peanuts

39. A Better Mousetrap


Stories Written During Season Two



2. Risk In Recreation

3. The Superior Sqauwkencluck

4. By The Book

5. He's A Vamp But I Love Him Part One

6. He's A Vamp But I Love Him Part Two

7. Top Banana

8. That 80's Scene

9. They Love to Watch Him Strut

10. Easy Listening

11. Repeat Offenders

12. I'm Sad I Crashed The Wedding

13. The Mouse Behind The Curtain

14. Secure Our Souls








29. Crueller Than Blood

30. Compromises




36. If They Only Knew


Last edited by Cameron Samurai; May 11th, 2019 at 11:41 AM.
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Old September 17th, 2017, 04:47 AM #2
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ADDED LAYERS

Note: In case you get slightly confused, everything in between the quotes from the characters is meant to be the narrator talking. Cheers.

London, the heart of the British people...and the lungs, and the brain stem, and the spleen, and quite a lot of bits and bobs that make up the human body...OF THE BRITISH PEOPLE. Of which there are many thousands. We focus on one such person this day. A person born for one role: Science.

Oh, you were perhaps expecting something a bit more...dangerous?

"Give me five seconds Professor, I need to pinpoint exactly where to drop this" said Danger Mouse as he carefully raised the knife upwards.

"For the love of Mike Post man, watch yer fingers" uttered Squawkencluck in mild panic as the five seconds passed and the knife came down across the chopper board. It steadily, and quickly, began to dice through the layers of onions that were spread across it.

"Careful now, careful" she cautioned, before steadily lowering a large series of bulky needle-shaped bulbs, "Let me get those ion emitters in place"

"Squawkers are you absolutely certain of this?" asked Danger Mouse.

"Are you absolutely certain of anything Danger Mouse?" replied Squawkencluck in return

"Of course I am, otherwise I would be certainly dead" Danger Mouse expressed with frank confidence.

"It's just the last week or so you exhibited the height of arrogance...taking down almost all of London"

"And then proceeding to take down Greenback" Danger Mouse countered

"Aye, aye, that too, but that came after, when the chips were down..." she replied.

"Speaking of chips, couldn't we have laid down some potatoes when we were at this too?"

"Stick to the experiment" ordered Squawkencluck. "If we get this right, we'll be able to supply the entire contingent of the Secret Service with tear-free onions"

"A pity, I've always found onions to be the poetry of vegetables" remarked Danger Mouse, "Since they move you to tears"

"The pungent nature of onions is down entirely to enzymes, that's what the purpose of the emitters are for; the radiation will weaken those enzymes and reduce the pungency in touch and taste"

Squawkencluck looked at the device high above her as a small trigger switch lowered from it and gently fell into her hand.

"How come you're not crying right now?" she said as she wiped a few small tears from her own eyes.

Danger Mouse looked into her powerful...

"Excuse me?"

What?

"Do you mind not adding layers?"

But you're talking about onions. It fits the theme.

"Romance isn't really what we're pursuing here"

"I'm good with it" said Squawkencluck

"You are?" asked Danger Mouse.

"I'm a girl; we're always good with it. Besides, it's just a fanfic; it's not exactly going to make it to open air now is it? Just ask me lad...why aren't you crying NOW?"

Go on D.M.

(He's sighing by the way)

"Ok, Squawk, I'm not crying because...I reserve that for the inside. When I left London in ruin, when they took away my name badge, when they placed more trust in that toad hunchback and his henchman's army of safety mice, left me trudging through jobs that were unbecoming of me...that was almost too much for my heart to take. That I was perceived as this one-eyed monster whose prior conquests were put to bed so people could pin the blame on what had worked in the past and wake up to a new face...a new kind of assurance. And when that new day proved a false dawn, I cried within for the world without. "

D.M noticed the device had been turned on, the onion layers had been successfully irradiated, Sqauwkencluck was still crying.

"Oh I can't remain impartial tae this, I'm crying for real, and by your story's indication, you're prepared to rarely emote if ever. We're gonna have to get your man in to road test this for us"

"Penfold" Danger Mouse yelled.

I'll just go check in on him...

...Oh erm, D.M?

"What?"

He's fast asleep.

"Then I'll have to use my patented hum"

Patented hum?

"Yes, it works quite well in these circumstances, it's a high pitched sound that is very easy to pick up on"

Let's hear it then.

"Ok then"

He's clearing his throat

"PENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNFOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLDDDD"

Ah, I think he's getting up now DM

DM?!

He's collapsed in a heap!

Squawkencluck, check on him will you?

"Right on. Danger Mouse, are you alright? You look a right state you do"

"I told you it was very easy to pick up, it's just I need a pick-me-up after I'm done with it. Takes a lot out of me"

Squawkencluck knelt down besides D.M and took his hand in her left hand; she gently pressed her right hand on his chest and then his forehead

"Palpitations fine, head temperature normal...oh, you're fine lad, I'll get you an aspirin or something...and Danger Mouse?"

"Yes Professor?"

"Thanks for sharing that with me, it really adds layers to you"

Penfold slowly walked into the room, having overheard the last couple of sentences.

"I did not" said Penfold.

Check the last couple of paragraphs and catch up then

"You're not the most articulate at Prowse narration are you?" said a most rude Danger Mouse.

"I wasn't being rude, don't take it like that"

I'm not going to partake any further in this.

"No wait, come back, I..."

I've worked in this industry for several years, I try to add some layers and take a very early stab at the DM/Squawkencluck 'ship and I get this kind of treatment. Well, don't come crawling back to me for gratitude when you become a hen pecked husband.

"Cor chief, are you really going to take everything he says to you lying down?"

"Penfold...shush"
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Old September 17th, 2017, 04:56 AM #3
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FROM THE BORING TO THE BOLD



Note: In case you get slightly confused, everything in between the quotes from the characters is meant to be the narrator talking. Cheers.

London, and as the world's greatest secret agent and his bright and boring sidekick Penfold...

"Boring?"

Bold. Bold, there, you happy?

"Kind of"

Well glad to help then. As I was saying, with his bright and bold sidekick Penfold in tow, Danger Mouse returns from vacation to deal a firm hand to a perplexing issue.

"Feeling better then are you?"

Pardon?

"You know, since you caved in last time we did this"

Yes, yes, Danger Mouse, all better now, ready and willing to knock one out of the (sniff) park...

"I say man, are you crying?"

Yes. Sorry, I (sniff) just have to adjust to the tone of this story

"What tone? We just came off of a riveting adventure in Hawaii, it took us to scorching sandy beaches to the very depths of the ocean, and we even mended a brief bump in that long stretch of road that is the friendship between Penfold and I, what could possibly lower our mood? As the old spy song goes, we're an all time high...

I'd best get on with describing the story...you've got Col. K coming in, his mood sombre, his usual demeanour altered from the average routine of suave assertiveness and bravado

"D.M, thank goodness you've come back"

"Approaching headquarters now Colonel, what can I do for you?"

"It's...well...I didn't want to tell you this earlier because your mind needed to focus on the matter of the mission, but...it's Sqauwkencluck DM"

"Squawk?" Danger Mouse (sniff) replied, a sudden jolt of dread coming over him

"Wha...what happened to her?" he asked

"It was those confounded cruel sea creature hybrids...hoards of slimy tentacles, one surprised her in the women's lavatory. Bugger almost drowned her before she found the strength to hit the flusher on all three toilets it was sprouting from"

"Is that all it did to her Colonel?" Danger Mouse asked.

Col. K remained tight-lipped (sniff, I told you this issue needed your firm hand)

"Calm down, I'm on my way"

The car touched down on the solid concrete path and sped towards the mailbox headquarters, home to Dangermouse, Penfold, and a crack team of scientists and other such agents. Including Danger Mackerel, who was steadily doing his best to belly-flop across the farthest reaches of dry land to reach his aquatic abode in the heart of London.

"Why are you focusing on the Mackerel?"

Sorry Penfold, I'm just finding it difficult to focus on this matter, it's sensitive.

"You need to keep your eyes firmly on the narrative, it's up to you to convey what's going on to the audience, if not, you're just going to...well...bore them"

Oh, you mean like you were boring Dangermouse senseless in the previous episode?

"Don't turn all of this on me and my preferences"

Fine, fine, on with the show. For the sake of the readers.

As the car dashed through the entrance tunnel and into the loaded and stunningly well equipped crime lab, Danger Mouse did not even hesitate to dash out of the vehicle without turning the engines off, so urgent was the situation...

"Hang on"

What now?

"That would be quite irresponsible of me to be a reckless driver now wouldn't it?"

Need I remind you and the readers what you did to the city of London in the pilot episode?

"I'm learning lessons as I go, that was one of them. Penfold, turn the ignition off"

"Why chief?" Penfold asked

"Because the narrator has just described me as having jumped out of the car, you're the only one left in the seat"

"Oh right, gotcha" Penfold remarked, and, being a clever little hamster, turned the ignition keys sideways and brought the car to a screeching standstill before it could collide with an array of fragile and highly combustible Blitzer beverages. Laser-guided bottles of bubbly that will light a true fire under any unsuspecting crime Baron's buttocks.

Dangermouse dashed to the ladies lavatory stationed within the base, and...Waited.

And waited.

And waited.

To the point that he needed to nip into the male's lavatory to relieve himself just a tad.

Finally, the door to the lavatory opened and Squawkencluck emerged, rattled, drenched in an unhealthy mix of bog water and the scent of Toilet Duck, desperately trying to distinguish what portions of water were from the toilets or the tears from her eyes.

"Are you...ok, Squawk?" Danger Mouse replied (choke)

"Oh don't you start choking up, I'm the one who got well and truly rattled"

Sorry Professor, I've just never...had to endure subject matter like this...

"What subject matter?" asked Squawkencluck, putting on a brave face, "Nah, I just got a little shaken; I wasn't stirred if that's what you're indicating'"

Danger Mouse put one had over her shoulder, "The Colonel told me you held yourself together pretty well in there...I thought I'd help you take the mind off"

"No offense D.M, but you've always a bit too excitable, even when you're not trying tae be. Sometimes the world can stand to be a little boring"

"Fancy a vanilla cone then?" asked Penfold, dipping into his pockets, "I've got change for some; we can nip on over, all three of us, to a local cafe and get a few scoops"

"Aw, that'd be magic darling'" said Squawkencluck, giving Danger Mouse a rosy peck on his own cheek, "And thanks for actually being a gentleman waiting for me to get sorted out like that, most spies are so hard-wired and hot-headed they dash right through somewhere they have no place being in..."

"Well, I sort of figured the finest sort of fashion in standards is to be old fashioned" said Danger Mouse.

"What do you know? You can be boring after all, come on, let's get an ice cream"

And so...well...actually, hold on, I thought this was going to be a dark little parable about how the job comes with very sensitive risks that leave you feeling vulnerable and prone to depth, and feeling, you know, which allows you to flesh out characters and whatnot...instead I find myself narrating a...fluff piece about how sometimes life is better when it's boring?

"Take it up with the author"

Oy, author, try challenging yourself a bit more, it'll give me something to do, leave your safety checks at the door, not just your ego...oh great, now I'm being told to wrap this up. Well fine, I will, but only if I get an ice cream too. Banana ripple. We have to find some transition from the boring to the bold.

There. An appropriate title drop. Fin.
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Old September 17th, 2017, 05:04 AM #4
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ROOM FOR A GOOD LIFE



It was the simplest instruction.

Stay out of the lab.

And it wasn't followed.

He's supposed to the world's greatest agent, and he couldn't stick to this very basic request.

A request for privacy.

A request to serve her own basic need for personal security.

She wanted to rely on him. She wanted to trust his judgement.

And in this instance he dared to disappoint her most dangerously.

And the results were catastrophic.

She had dared to contact him while she attended the rock concert, letting him know that what had been uttered by her translator wasn't intended to come off as hurtful, she was just concerned for the ongoing security of her work. She thought she'd even give him a little look at what she got up to when she would literally let her hair down, to show what a kid she was at heart.

She wanted him to see her as she was.

When she got back, and learned of what he did, learned that he had proven her trust issues valid, she wanted to violently tear his face off so she could peck it into a billon pieces.

She had been through so much over the course of a few weeks, she had fought valiantly beside her friends, valiantly beside him, and she had also been through a traumatic experience with a pair of terrifying tentacles intruding on her within a most private of areas, the women's lavatory. Any normal woman would have screamed.

The only thing that could her scream was the loss of trust and the misplaced faith she had in one mouse.

And yet...when all was done, when crisis was averted, she accepted his invitation to dinner

Just like that.

It wasn't even a question.

It was yet another exercise.

An exercise in trust.

She knew how it usually went. She'd been through it in school.

Someone would reach out with their hands.

You would fall backwards.

You'd trust that they'd catch you.

That's how it worked.

That's what she was counting on.

A chance for him to catch her as she too fell backwards into a state of ease around him.

And even when the floor caved in beneath her, before she could reach the dinner table Danger Mouse and Penfold had set up for her, even as she fell and knew she couldn't be caught, one question came into her mind.

Was this faith worth the pain?

"How are you feeling Squawk?" asked Danger Mouse as he stood at the edge of the doorway that led into the infirmary containing the prone and injured Squawkencluck.

"Do you...want me to sign your name on the cast?" Penfold offered, pointing to her cast.

"Knock yourself out" the Professor replied.

Penfold smashed his head against the side of her bed and dropped to a heap on the floor.

"Must he always take things so literally?"

"I think it works subconsciously, he knows when to take himself out of the equation to invite privacy on me at a moment of great reflection"

"Danger Mouse, there's not one mirror in this room, so your usual patented narcissism is going to have to table its appointment"

"Ah, a funny" said Danger Mouse, "Good attitude to have, a cracking joke always elevates the sting of pain"

"I wasn't joking. I never joke about mistrust" said an irritated Squawkencluck.

"Yes, about that...look, it was done with the best of intentions, I just wanted to water that seed for you" Danger Mouse replied.

"If that had been less irregular, I would have asked you of that, but it was isolated in the lab for a reason. You of course couldn't see any other reason other than to...to..."

"To what?" said Danger Mouse.

"Impress me" she answered.

"Come to think of it, I was being awfully impressionable" Dangermouse added, stroking his chin as he pondered his choice of action.

"Offering to water the plants is a very domestic thing, it wouldn't be out of place in The Good Life" Squawkencluck continued, "But in a world as fragile as ours, in a universe that's hard to predict, there can't be any room for a good life now can there? Everything has to be chaotic, and then it has to be controlled"

Danger Mouse walked over to her cast, took the felt tip pen from the unconscious Penfold's hand, and penned a small picture of a buttercup daisy with a dove flying overheard on Sqauwkencluck's cast.

"What's that for?" she asked

"To remind you to never stop thinking of a good life"

"Casts come off you know"

"Then imprint it on your memory, and never let the dream die"

"You are such a lost cause...but you know what? If dreaming of a good life's worth the pain, then I guess you are too" Squawkencluck replied, permitting herself and Dangermouse a wry smile.

Once again, she was showing him a more affirming part of herself.

She knew it would cheer him up.

And he would do better in future to make her feel better.

All to find room for a good life.
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Old September 17th, 2017, 05:38 AM #5
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THE PEN IS MIGHTIER




Penfold got up in the midst of early morning still wearing his princess attire from the activities of the day before.

He didn't want to change clothes just yet.

He felt too pretty.

And he needed that feeling.

Because he couldn't bear to confront the ugly underneath.

He had risked it all to save London from a perilous pink dawn.

A wise sage once said 'Too much pink energy is dangerous'

He wasn't sure if that was from ancient text or Saturday morning television.

He and DM had managed to diminish that energy before it could manifest worldwide.

The fight had taken a lot out of them, DM still couldn't quite shake the stench that had emitted from the pony that belonged to the prickly Princess, a conceited and spoiled child who had, as a result of a mishap involving her tiara and one of Professor Sqauwkencluck's inventions, become a serious threat to national security and even commonplace male pride and dignity.

Still, a woman's touch was never without flare. It always livened things up. It could always elevate your mood, no matter the weather.

And in saving the day, Penfold and DM felt most fine indeed. Nothing really dampened their spirits when dressed to impress.

Penfold only wished the woman with this magic touch had been a bit more concerned with him rather than her possessions.

This was the second time Squawkencluck had shown more compassion and empathy with things that she owned or had created. It happened in Tokyo also, when her artificial chip was placed in his trust and he let it slip from his hands.

When it was recovered successfully, she called it her 'baby' and lavished it with kisses.

Today, after another mishap in the lab, Sqauwkencluck had been awash with concern, thinking she had almost lost something priceless.

Turned out it was her pen.

Penfold's heart sank there and then.

When Squawkencluck used her makeover skills to prepare him and DM for their infiltration of the Princess' mansion, Penfold used his conversion as a shield, to hide the hurt he'd been feeling. Of the notion, the evidence, that pen was mightier.

And then he froze in his tracks down the long and gloomy corridors of H.Q that stretched from his bedroom to the executive washroom.

There she was.

Not wearing her glasses, her long layers of hair down, and wearing a bright vest and stripy pyjama bottoms, a small night cap over her head, the Professor gently rubbed her eyes and greeted Penfold

"Hey Penfold" she said.

"What are you doing up?" asked Penfold

"Bit of a habit, care to watch?" invited Squawkencluck

"Lead the way" said Penfold.

The pair entered Sqauwkencluck's lab and hopped on top of the elevator pad that rose upwards and climbed several stories. The manhole positioned just at the very front of the pavement slab that was home to the letterbox H.Q of the secret service opened and permitted them access to the great land above.

A quiet street. Scarce traffic.

The only signs of life were milkmen, mailmen, and paper delivery antelopes, all on their early bird routines.

And in the Professor's case, the routine fit her role.

"Sun's just about up" she said.

"Professor...I...um...hope you had fun yesterday" said Penfold.

"Oh that I did Penfold. But don't tell DM I said that" the Professor requested.

"Yes, you were awfully persistent you didn't have fun ,why was that?" asked Penfold, "I mean, you've shown us you DO like to have fun, remember when he broke into your lab to look after that plant and you called him from that concert..."

"Yes, well, that was a different sort of enjoyment...you'll find I was dressed like a real tomboy" explained the Professor, "Yesterday was the first time I got a chance to be a real girl, I relished it. It shows I should put more concern into my appearance than actual things"

"Maybe put more concern into people while you're at it" insisted Penfold.

Sqauwkencluck looked at him, and put one arm on his shoulder, "Penfold, if this about the pen incident...I'm sorry about that...it's a bit of a coping mechanism I have. It's part and parcel with my professionalism. I can't get too close to the people I work with; the risk is so great, so I put all that concern into things I know can't instil any fear in me whatsoever. Whenever I do that with a pen, or a chip, it's done to..."

She cut herself off.

"Nah, I think I've said too much, I'm not firing on all cylinders this morning. Once the dawn breaks and I do my thing I ought to be ready to face the day"

"Why are you telling me all of this?" asked a curious Penfold.

"Oh you know, a little girl-to-girl natters, and you're still dressed for the occasion" she said, giggling, "And may I say, my Pen, you look on-point"

Penfold blushed, "Nobody's ever called me Pen before...wait, does that mean...?"

"Shush now" said Sqauwkencluck, "The dawn is breaking"

"Let one rip Professor" Penfold said, now clued in to what was about to transpire.

Squawkencluck stretched out her arms, put her hands together, cracked her knuckles, breathed in, and let out a dynamic and deafening cockle-doodle doo that resonated across the London landscape.

Penfold, both fingers inserted into his ears, was relieved to find the pitch wasn't so high in frequency that it could shatter his glasses.

Just as he was now felt more and more assured the Professor couldn't break his heart.
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Old September 17th, 2017, 06:07 AM #6
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TOKYO DRIFT


As their trusty car sped across the various road bumps of Tokyo, the trio of Danger Mouse, Penfold, and Professor Squawkencluck reflect on their latest bog-standard adventure.

"Did you have to say that?"

Sorry D.M, I guess I'm just bogged down by this whole adventure.

"Please relief yourself"

I've been doing just that. I didn't go eleven minutes before airing, and then the seats rose up in revolution.

"I hope you weren't too far behind"

I was being held up by my behind DM.

"Well then at least you haven't been rendered black and brown"

Bruised. Black and bruised.

"Yes, I surely meant that...look, why don't you check on Penfold and Squawk?"

Righty-ho DM (clears throat), as Danger Mouse concentrates on his ersatz driving, we check in on Penfold as he twiddles his thumbs and summons up the courage to talk to the pre-occupied Squawkencluck, who has yet to cease bestowing her precious A.I chip with kindly kisses from her now near blistering beak.

"Erm...Professor?" said an unnerved Penfold, clearing his throat. He knew first-hand what an unpredictable temper the Professor had.

"What? Surely you don't need the little hamster's room again?" said Sqauwackencluck

"I just wanted to...um...apologize...for sticking your chip down little John..."

"Oh don't worry about it pet, I was to blame for even entrusting it you. I shouldn't have tried taking a selfie with that scientific lot. I should learn to be more careful about where I store things"

"Cheer up, you could say we came through when the chip was down" Penfold added.

"I haven't had a sturdy couple of weeks since we got MI6 up and running again...in fact, this is the second instance of certain facilities giving me trouble" Squawkencluck added.

"I guess you...weren't expecting a straight successive flush?" Penfold said in attempted jest.

Squawkencluck wasn't quick to laugh.

"Oh, I guess you exhibit that lively side of yourself when your own interests crop up" said Penfold

"Give a girl a chance Penfold, we have to be strictly professional...well, one of us has to be anyway" Squawkencluck replied, handing Penfold back the chip

"Why are you handing me this back?" said Penfold.

"You're like a little boomerang, I toss something away, you and Danger Mouse ensure it comes right back to me. And in a funny old way you proved that my A.I chip worked perhaps a little too well. Everyone deserves a second chance, I'm sorry if I tend to drift too. I should never take handlers, carers, for granted when their top priority is keeping me on my toes and alert to any misdemeanors"

"Quite right Professor...crumbs, chief?"

"What is it Penfold?"

"These bumps are making me quite queasy all of a sudden"

"Oh dear, we'll try to hold it on Penfold, I'm just about to engage flight mode"

"Why weren't you doing that earlier?" asked Squawkencluck, "You were clearing whole traffic pile-ups with the flight mode at the start of the episode"

"I guess my span of attention sort of...drifted" Danger Mouse replied.

"That is a very brown excuse" the Professor replied.

"A what excuse?" DM asked.

"Well I'm not exactly going to say the other word..."

"Oh I'm sick of this bottom draw humour"

"Don't mention sick around me Chief"

And so, we ourselves now find ourselves drifting, away from the neon lights, away from the bustling and dazzling city blocks, and up into the clear and present air around us, another adventure awaits for the world's greatest secret agent and for Penfold and his sense of renewed responsibility, he finds himself reaching truly greater heights

"Blech"

...And then we find that even as you reach greater heights, some things come down much, much harder and faster. I do hope someone below is wearing a hat, or an umbrella, or, if it hits a car, some windscreen wipers...
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Old September 17th, 2017, 01:10 PM #7
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DFFs


Penfold had spent much of the morning feeling like he'd been taken for granted.

His attempts at getting anyone to pay attention to him at the breakfast table had been for naught, as everyone was butchering each us with crisp insults, bitterness, and bickering.

Such a stark change from what had transpired earlier that morning, where two minds so distinctly different were forced to think alike to combat a renegade computer programme of Professor Squawkencluck's invention.

To defeat it, Squawk had to encourage Danger Mouse to embrace what had routinely ticked her off about him. He would tamper and tinker with a device of her design, and ride it to ruin.

Such teamwork had to be carefully coordinated by compliments, a part of Penfold's precise method of persuasion, as he relied on his own faith in Danger Mouse's skills as an agent and Squawk's resourcefulness as an inventor, stirring their egos into a cohesive and cooperative mix.

Having cooled their tempers, Penfold could only watch on and take mental notes as Squawk guided Danger Mouse through the next phase of the urgent mission. He could tell how much she enjoyed the sensation of DM's foot running through her tight held-back hair, gently and ever so slightly dislodging a part of her glasses as he reached for what was hidden within her hairdo.

He could tell from her look.

And the hug later cemented his frustration and envy.

That was the first real instance he had that morning of feeling like he'd been taken for granted, and the arguments going on now at the breakfast table felt like all the hard work he had put into what had unfolded earlier to remedy the situation and defeat the computer programme had been more a bitter lesson for him.

He disembarked from his chair at the breakfast table and marched back into his bedroom to change.

When he came out again, still clutching his teddy, he found the kitchen empty. The harshness had given sway to a gentle hush.

Penfold sat back on his seat and looked at a bowl of Rice Krispies with fresh, crisp and clear milk poured into it, and a small note, laced with a lipstick.

Penfold read it.

Dear Penfold

While we can be a pretty rowdy bunch, the one thing we'll never forget is the hard work you put into putting up with us and never letting your guard down, you know just when to add a compliment at a point where there's nothing but chaos, and you always know when to screw our heads back on when they come flying off. Hope you enjoy your breakfast, and we hope that means you'll keep your hope, and heart, for us beating.

Love

Squawk

Penfold beamed and sat down to munch on the specially prepared bowl, munching away at the krispies and feeling proud and elated to be a part of the D.F.F

Danger Mouse's Friends Forever.

Last edited by Cameron Samurai; February 22nd, 2019 at 02:56 AM.
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Old September 17th, 2017, 01:18 PM #8
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A SURE THING

Penfold felt like he had grown in a multitude of different ways.

He had grown in courage.

Grown in conviction.

Overall, he had altogether grown up.

He had helped the Chief overcome his fear of Spiders, allowing him to take on the overwhelmingly terrifying source of the world wide web, exiling it to the farthest depths of space.

Putting in such time and effort had been the making of him. Penfold now felt assured DM would think twice about installing an automated inflatable Penfold in the car when embarking on solo missions. Nothing could suffice for a friend as real as he was.

When he got back to headquarters, he made his way over to the home computer and set about preparing a few things, a freshly made cappuccino, and opening up several web windows so he could settle in with a hot mug and

"I wonder if that Danger Mouse is stupid website is still up and running?" Penfold wondered, and entered it's web domain address. To his surprise, and some might say relief, he found nothing but a 404 error message.

Professor Squawkencluck entered the room, nursing her own hot beverage in a gleaming blood-red cup, she sat down on a chair at the main dining table and put her feet up, reaching out for a newspaper.

"Hi Pen" she said, waving over at Penfold.

Penfold anxiously waved back.

"Erm...Professor? I've noticed you've taken the shine off your smear campaign"

"I can't be doing with it anymore Penfold, I only ever put that up whenever I couldn't actually put up with Danger Mouse. The last few days have really opened my eyes on him" the Professor admitted

"Yeah, well, he owes a lot of that to those around him, keeping him grounded"

"If I were his mother, that's exactly what he'd be 24/7 at the worst of times" joked Squawkencluck.

"He's not a child, he's just...curious" Penfold said, "That, and a bit unsure"

"Secret Agents are supposed to be towering pillars of confidence, I'm surprised he had such a low tolerance of very little things" Squawkencluck admitted, taking a small gulp of her hot mug and checking in on the crossword puzzle in the newspaper, taking a pen out of her coat and writing in the solutions to the conundrum.

"DM worked his way literally upwards, no size was too unsure for him after that, the only certainty is that back massages from them cost 12.95" said Penfold.

"Well, it's good to know he found some pleasure when involved in business. I can barely afford that kind of comfort with my time and even my salary" Squawkencluck admitted, "A back massage does sound rather magical though, but I couldn't imagine a big hairy spider doing it, yuck"

"If he got even one of his legs somewhere you didn't want it to be, I'd wack him with that very paper you're reading" Penfold replied.

Squawkencluck projected a soothing and comforting smile in his direction.

"You're a gallant one Penfold, want to help me sort out this crossword and then we'll grab some brunch?" Squawkencluck suggested.

"How big is the word?"

"Well if you're unsure, we'll start off small, just like you had DM start that way with the spiders"

"Professor, one guarantee I have coming out of this conversation is that you're a sure thing" complimented Penfold.

Last edited by Cameron Samurai; February 22nd, 2019 at 03:00 AM.
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Old September 18th, 2017, 02:23 AM #9
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WITH EYES WIDE OPEN


Penfold walked into headquarters with his head high and a giant grin etched all over his face.

Surely everyone had to take notice at some point.

What else could he do?

Each day he seemed to top one achievement with another.

Just yesterday he had used cowardice as a tactical advantage to help the chief out, telling him to put up a pathetic and petty front to sour a galaxy's worth of alien tourists on him as a gallant hero and as an attraction for them.

Penfold wondered just how long it would take for people to clue into the fact he was steadily earning his keep, that he was steadily earning the right to be an agent in his own right.

He paused briefly, wondering if he was thinking just a bit too much above his station.

His tutors at school had always told him to leave something at the door.

He always assumed it was a sandwich.

Or a milk bottle.

Or a tip for a well-earned education.

But no, it was something else.

He just didn't know what it was, he couldn't place it.

When he finally waltzed into the main lounge area, he found Sqawkencluck spread across the couch, her eyes wide open, curled up over a blanket, and snoring loudly.

He went over to her and nudged her just a bit.

"Professor?" he asked, Squawkecluck stirred.

"Pen-Penfold? What is it? Is there an emergency?" she said.

"No, no, I was just wandering what you were doing sprawled on the couch like that" asked Penfold.

"Could'nt you see I was trying to get a bit of shut-eye?" she said.

"You were keeping your eyes open the whole time" Penfold replied.

"They were? Oh, yes, that'll be a direct result of what I was up to back there on the moon" she said.

"Oh, when you were serving refreshments to those alien tourists?" Penfold asked

"I just zoned out eventually, it's a little trick I learned from my uncle, who picked it up from Danger Mouse himself, to essentially go into automotive sleep mode, keep your eyes open and still serve your basic function, but the whole time you're actually sleeping and replenishing your energies. The whole time on the moon I focused on a single thing, the craters, and I imagined little things poking out of it. Usually cute critters, nothing like the little monsters I had to keep serving. It became almost second nature" Squawkencluck explained in detail.

"Sounds like a great method to cope...kind of like how I used my cowardly tactics as a means of coping with the pressure points of fame which allowed him to save the day" Penfold gleefully replied.

"Check it at the door Penfold" an unimpressed Squawkencluck said.

"Check what?" Penfold asked.

"Your ego. Nobody likes it when they brag. I think that's why nobody notices it when you save the day, you then remind us daily that you did, so we just sort of zone out" she said

"Oh crumbs, sorry" Penfold said.

"Don't worry about it, I can fall into that trap too, being the glorious innovator and inventor I am" she said, "Indeed, that's sometimes why I practice this kind of sleeping technique, so I can centre myself and not get so high and giddy on my own genius" Squawkencluck added. "It gets me ready to face the day in a much more humble manner"

"Do you think I could join in then?" Penfold asked.

"Sure" she said.

And so the two relaxed on the couch, falling into a slumbering state, their eyes open, their minds dormant.

And their egos firmly in check.
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Old September 18th, 2017, 02:38 AM #10
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FOLLOW YOU, FOLLOW ME


Penfold was all a flutter as he pondered the mystery staring back at him on his blog.

Who was his one follower?

Why were they so interested in what he had to say?

Could it be the Chief?

Danger Mouse was, as always, a sturdy rock, and not even the intrusive effects of a ray that infected them with blunt rudeness could do anything to derail their friendship, so what was stopping him from giving him unconditional support online?

Could it have been the Colnel? All those weeks of not quite getting his name right...perhaps it had been a ruse? Maybe he had been keeping tabs on him the whole time in secret and compiling notes on how effective he'd been in the field lately?

Penfold entertained this idea heavily. He had his sights set on a promotion of some sort. Maybe now that the Colonel had again dipped his toes into the lake of fire and threw himself into a most hazardous duty for his Queen's country, it meant he had gained a fresh perspective on the best his field agents had to offer.

Penfold decided to blog about this also.

As soon as he entered his thoughts into the blog, he constantly hit refresh and stayed up well into the calm and uninviting hours beyond midnight hoping for a 'like', and, perhaps, a comment.

When he realized what time it was, he sighed, put down his touch pad, changed into his comfortable and cusy Giraffe Warriors Onesie, and slipped off to bed.

When he woke up the next morning, he realized he hadn't switched off the touch pad, and swiftly looked at his blog once again.

Christmas had come.

There was a like again.

More importantly, a message.

My dear Pen Pal...these are great thoughts to have. Always keep reaching for that brass ring

Penfold beamed from ear to ear, and commented back

Ta for the like and comment, whoever you are, you've earned a top smilie

Elsewhere in the mailbox headquarters, deep within the agencies' top crime lab, the delicate fingers of Professor Sqauwkencluck danced around a keyboard as she typed in a further response. Illuminating the screen was Penfold's blog.

She permitted herself a sly giggle, and left him with this passing remark

Keep that smile...it's worth my while ^_^

Last edited by Cameron Samurai; September 18th, 2017 at 04:54 AM.
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Old September 22nd, 2017, 01:21 AM #11
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A DANCE AMONGST RAINDROPS

Disclaimer: Danger Mouse (2015) and all trademarked characters are property of Fremantle Media and CBBC

London, and at St. Beak's Hospital, the world's most petrified assistant to the world's greatest secret agent, is accompanying the city's most revered beaked boffin to a ward situated within the facility.

"Thanks for coming Penfold, I needed a pal" Squawkencluck uttered as they passed through into reception.

"Think nothing of it Professor, I just wish DM had put his foot forward with this" Penfold replied

"Now, now, you can't expect him to make every meet-and-greet when he's busy tackling a fifteen foot tall lighting fast lama" Squawkencluck said, pointing to the ensuing battle that was still ongoing outside one of the hospital windows. "If he can get my special lighting lasso around him, the calm and nullifying energies emitting from the lasso it should slow down his metabolism and bring his rampage to a halt"

Penfold started out at the visual of Danger Mouse taking the Mark III and doing his best to encircle a rampant powerful yellow streak of lighting that left vapor trails in the air that resembled the bodily imprint of a lama. Sometimes DM would lasso those vapor trails rather than the actual thing.

A few meters away from the sight, several buildings had already been hit and left singed by the hoofs of the quick tempered and even quicker paced creature. Charged and seemingly in charge, it's prowess and power was something DM would have trouble matching even with his quick reflexes.

Penfold followed Squawkencluck up to the elevator and through to level 3, where he then accompanied her to ward Blue 32.

Sqawkencluck tapped on the door, alerting a kindly elderly antelope patient just three beds away from her stationed in the ward.

"It's my special knock, she can tell it's me without speaking" Squawkencluck revealed.

"Why can't you just say who you are out loud?" asked Penfold

"It's a little homage to a show we like to watch together sometimes...she calls me the one who knocks"

"Squawk, darling, how nice to see you" the lady spoke.

Squawkencluck shed a few tears

"Aw, what's the matter Professor? She seems to think you're a sight for sore eyes"

"She's blind ya dingy" Squawkencluck snapped.

"Oh crumbs, I'm sorry Professor"

"No, no, it's alright Pen hen, you did'nt know, I can't get my feathers ruffled by that...bad enough this was all my fault"

"How so?" Penfold asked

"She knew my Uncle, the original Squawkencluck that worked with you and DM a few years back, I was still a naive young little chick and I wa so transfixed by technology that I kept touching everything my uncle created...including ultra sensitive sunset blinders. Janice over there loved sleeping with blinders on, so I thought I'd swap her old ones with my uncle's invention, I thought they'd help her enjoy a good night's rest..."

"...But instead, the blinders actually blinded her" Penfold replied, finishing the sentence for her.

Squawkencluck nodded, and shed another tear. Penfold clasped her hand.

"Don't blame yourself Professor, you were just trying to impress at a young age, we all do that"

"Come over here Squawk, it's been so long since I last saw you" Janice uttered, beckoning her over.

"Does she KNOW she's blind, or is she in some sort of denial?" Penfold replied.

"She can still see things vaguely and up close, you know that superhero movie where the blind man can only see his love interest fully when the rain starts? It's a bit like that, that's all we are to her visual eye...raindrops"

She approached Janice nervously, a part of her wanted to finally confess to Janice that it was all her fault all those years ago, and that it wasn't an act of nature as Janice had to believe.

"Did you enjoy the music samples I gave you last month?" asked Squawkencluck, attempting to dry her eyes.

"That I did chick, though my one wish would be if I could dance to those numbers" Janice lamented.

Penfold pondered something. Slowly but steadily, a light bulb formed in his head.

"Be back in a giffy" Penfold replied, and darted out of the ward. He pulled out a small eraser from his right pocket and rubbed his thumb print on it. A holographic projection of DM emitted from the piece of rubber.

"Penfold, what is it? Aren't you supposed to be minding the St. Beaks meet-and-greet?" said Dangermouse.

"I am, which is why I need the tiniest of favours from you for when you eventually lasso that lama... I just thought of a way you could help at least one patient down here" Penfold replied.

Back in Ward Blue 32, Squawkencluck was talking to Janice.

"Your Uncle always said the craziest things about his inventions...I told him always that he ought to spend more time creating and enabling life than coming up with anything that encouraged war"

"Yeah war, what is it good for, as the old song says, all it does it cause mischief to manifest" Squawkencluck replied, lightly feeling the back of her own neck as a tingling, frightful and guilty sensation coursed through her body and crept into her soul.

"Janice...I really need to tell you something" Squawkencluck replied.

"Can't it wait 'till the rain comes on?" Janice replied, "You always have such good news, and it always brightens your complexion to the point it brightens my soul"

"It's pretty sunny at the moment Janice"

Suddenly, a massive lighting bolt broke through the roof of the building, a terrifying rumble could be heard coming from the heavens, and rain came pouring down into the ward. Squawkencluck looked upwards to find Danger Mouse in the mark three circling a cloud, a tight yellow rope attached to the back of the car, attached to that was the lama.

Penfold rushed back in. Squawkencluck, furious, marched straight at him, picked him up by the shirt and shook him violently

"Before you pass out from enduring my righteous fury, kindly explain to me just what is that Dangerous Dingbat and you are up to?" she angrily uttered.

"W-w-well" Penfold said, as Squawkencluck continued to shake him, "I told DM, when he finally managed to get his hands on that critter, to hoist him into the clouds, I figured him landing as many bolts as he did would kick-start some kind of brief storm and generate enough sufficient rain to...well...look"

Squawkencluck turned around to see the breathtaking sight of Janice twirling around like an energized ballerina.

Suddenly, Penfold found himself being steadily swayed back and forth in a celebratory and loving twirl from Squawkencluck as she gave him twenty or so pecks on the cheek and nose, joyous and grateful for the gift he'd just given her.

"Wow...where are we going with this?" asked Penfold.

"I'm thinking back to that movie...how about a dance you little Daredevil?"

And as the doctors and nurses poured in to tend to the situation, Penfold, Janice, and Squawkencluck twirled, turned, and merrily waltzed their way through the storm until the clouds cleared and the sun burst through, but even by them nothing could dampen or diminish the dance spent amongst the raindrops.
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Old September 22nd, 2017, 01:57 AM #12
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LIKE SMOKE

Squawklog. Entry 55.

Picture this.

There's a woman walking down the street. Plain jane, not too tall, not for these streets certainly. She wears trainers when she has to go in to big meetings.

That'll be important later.

She walks into the meeting, she tries her best not to make a squeaking sound on the floor.

Trainers do that.

She takes a deep breath, and she gags.

It's a ghastly stench that overtakes her.

And it's not long before she walks out again.

She can't help it you see, it's the smoke.

The smoke gets everywhere.

It chokes the potential out of her.

Potential.

The potential to speak, the potential to pitch, the potential to make or break into the business of choice.

It's another choice that cuts her out of the deal.

Not hers though.

Theirs.

Their choice to be who they are. To take the mild cigar.

To indulge in their own brand of happiness.

That's why they do it, you know.

To be happy.

It's happiness.

A slow burn from the lighter.

A slow and slurred inhaling.

And then to steadily breath the toxin out, scattering the smoke in all directions.

The lass can't stand it.

So she locks herself up in here.

This dinky clean and clear lab.

She'll sometimes walk out. Try to get a word in.

Always puts her trainers on before a big opportunity.

And in every instance, she tries to avoid squeaking in them.

She does not want to make herself out to be a mouse.

As she sits in the office and waits for the overbearing board of directors to finish lighting up, she realizes being viewed as a timorous little beastie by her peers is not what concerns her anymore.

She's a chicken.

Look at her, opting not to use her experiences, her skills, to suggest alternate means of recreation, worried that it would make her look a fool, for not knowing her place in a world of arrogant men participating in arrogant pastimes.

This wasn't a tree house.

Girls are allowed.

But the mice? The mice get stepped on if they sit around too much.

So she's glad she wore trainers.

Because it's easier to run out.

Scurry back to her lab.

Her hole.

Her wee little hidey hole.

And resume work.

Leave the big meetings to the mice amongst the men.

The ones who scurry in the direction of danger.

Be a chicken. Any day. Everyday.

And witness firsthand the miracle of invention.

Watch them be utilized.

Sometimes they are used in the field.

And sometimes they, too, blow away.

Like smoke.

Maybe that's why the lass walks into those meetings.

In an ironic way, everything she experiences in there is so much like what she experiences in her wee hole.

People made of smoke.

They discuss the danger. Their actions are the danger.

Her inventions made of steel.

She discusses the dangers about them. Sometimes they become the danger.

Neither are destined to last long doing what they are doing.

Dangerous pastimes.

Dangerous ends.

All eventually blow away.

Blow away like smoke.

'Tis quick to be a mouse.

Harder still to be a chicken.

When you continue bear a brave soul.

But that's the part of you that convinces you to hang on in spite of the one cruel reality.

No matter what you light up.

Or what you create.

You are as finite as all that persist in the danger.

We will all blow away.

Like smoke.
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Old September 22nd, 2017, 01:59 AM #13
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JEOPARDY ON THE M-1


London.

It's on fire.

A great fire indeed.

A great fire...of LONDON.

I'm paid to be this dramatic.

A new fangled super tank, a gift to the militaristic "men of mice" regiment in service to her majesty's external defence network, with an impenetrable control dome shaped in the form of a mouse's head, and christened the M-1, has been appropriated by that tyrant of a toad Baron Greenback, and is being piloted by the nefarious Snowman, and he is unleashing it's unique and lethally irritable firepower on any monument that falls upon it's targeting mechanisms.

Why the Snowman and not someone like, say, Stiletto?

Because it's December, Snowman has offered up a discount price on his services as a principle antagonist.

It's a winter sale.

I don't write these puns, I just throw that out there.

But opposing the warpath of the M-1 is the world's greatest road block, at the helm of the Mark Three as it darts across the sky is the world's most insecure sidekick Penfold, and at his side, the ever-confident, ever cool, forever renowned...Jeopardy Mouse.

Hey, wait a second, my script said DANGER MOUSE a couple of rehearsals ago. Jeopardy, what is the meaning of this?

"DM's locked up in bed. He has the sniffles"

Ah right, my apologies Penfold. Shall we cut away to him then?

"Best not to disturb him, he'll just play up to the cameras"

This isn't exactly a visual story Penfold.

"Oh it's not? Well, he might put in a bit of an over dramatic word then if he hears us rambling"

"Penfold, I need you to take the wheel" said Jeopardy as she disembarked from the car in mid-flight, Penfold franticly scrambled into the driver's seat as Jeopardy made her way over to the bonnet of the vehicle

"What's the plan Chiefette?" said Penfold as the Mark III steadily hurtled towards the terrifying tank

"Cheifette? Just call me boss, it helps keep things clear" said Jeopardy, "And the plan is to get close enough to attach this DNA locking device to the outer shell, I then place my palm on it, the DNA overrides the security lock, and we can get it and drive the Snowman to meltdown"

"Wait, how did Snowman even get in that thing?" said Penfold.

"It was during a lunch break, he poised as an ice cream refreshment" said Jeopardy.

"Oh" said Penfold

As the Mark Three rapidly approached its target, Jeopardy fired a grappling hook; it latched on to the exterior shell. She quickly jumped on to the grappling wire feet first and slid down it.

As soon as she landed, she approached the side of the control dome. However, from hatches encircling it, shot forth small alphabetical letters, that, when they clicked into place, formed a sentence.

BOOM.

Explosions were set up as soon as they formed the word.

Jeopardy thankfully was able to doge the blasts.

Penfold was almost not so fortunate, as the words assembled 'Danger Mouse', the mark three pulled up just in time as the giant logo exploded.

"Crumbs, why did it form the name of the chief" Penfold spoke over the radio to Jeopardy.

"Must be the Men of Mice's way of honouring DM with a customized explosive" said Jeopardy, "How I wish such an accolade could be bestowed on me, especially since I'm more of a pro"

Smaller letters continued to click into place, trigging cataclysmic explosions that were truly testing the patience and perseverance of the American agent, but she was able to gut the experience out. She took to summersaults, rolls, and ducking to avoid becoming soup to the alphabet.

Finally, she was able to latch the DNA lock on to the control dome and placed her hand on it. The dome glowed brightly, and the top of the dome sprang open.

Jeopardy clambered inside and confronted Snowman, only to find a puddle in the command seat.

"Must be a faulty air conditioner" she said, and scooped up the Snowman's liquid state in a small glass.

"Jeopardy, are you ok?" Penfold said over the radio as Jeopardy brought the tank to a standstill.

"I'm fine Penfold, I'm just a little irritated that I've brought the day to a peaceful end and DM's name still ended up lighting up the skies"

"Well if it helps any, I now know whatever DM will have to say, and it won't make as much a dent in the room as those lethal letters did" said Penfold.

Jeopardy permitted herself a giggle.
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Old September 22nd, 2017, 02:01 AM #14
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PERFECT TIMING


Jeopardy snuck into the bedroom to check on the kids.

There had been a few minutes of unrest when she had sent them to their rooms to snuggle in for the slow and steady evening hours, but such rowdiness had long since settled by the time she crept in.

She smiled, assured that all had gone according to plan.

She was ever so good with timing.

She kissed the youngest child on the cheek, and steadily groomed the fur between his ears with her fingers.

The younger suddenly began to stir from his slumber, Jeopardy immediately took swift action, wrapping the quilt further over his delicate head and humming a soothing lullaby.

A faint hum suddenly went off in the right pocket of her crisp blue jeans; she took out the source of the noise to reveal a compact phone. She opened the compact to check her messages.

Two missed calls, and a bill for the room.

She sighed.

Exiting the bedroom, she brought the compact close to her ear, and spoke into it as quietly as she could

"I told you to give me five more hours" she said.

"We can't afford you any less than two more" a gruff voice on the opposite end of the phone echoed.

"Two isn't long enough, you know they can only store up to thirty hours worth of memory before they're shipped out" Jeopardy insisted

"You know the rules Ms. Mouse, no attachments" insisted the voice.

"Colonel, why give them only minutes and not hours...days eve?"

"The war affords us very little time" Col. K continued.

"There should never have been such a swift and unanimous vote...it's a fudging disgrace if you pardon my French" remarked Jeopardy

"Don't bring the French into this again" insisted Col.K

Jeopardy suddenly heard a creek, and a tiny patter of feet from behind her, she turned around.

"Oh no" she said, and peered back into the room, dismaying at the sight of an empty bed.

"He was listening in" Jeopardy said.

"Who was?"

"Daniel, oh god, little Daniel, I think he was listening in" Jeopardy continued.

"Is he up?" Col. K continued.

"Yes, yes, he's clear of the bedroom...if he doesn't get any shuteye, his programming will write out sleep altogether, he'll jump straight to the fail safes, survival instinct and combat mode, who knows what damage he'll cause, who knows what harm he'll bring when the other lads awaken, he could disrupt the whole of the next day's drafts "

"That alone could disrupt the harmony of the whole institution, hang in there Jeopardy, I'll see to you receive the best agent as back-up should things go wrong"

"I'm THE best agent, let me handle this" Jeopardy said, "Besides, do you have any agents I could use as back-up BESIDES Dangermouse?"

"I'm afraid DM's the only one on the active roster, everyone else is down with Wine flu"

"Wine flu?" asked a confused Jeopardy.

"An unfortunate consequence of the office party, they all got tipsy and challenged each other to sip through the nose. Now all they do is sneeze out the stuff" the Colonel explained.

"I'll let you know if I need him, Jeopardy out" she said, and closed the lid on her compact phone, tucking it back into her pocket.

As Jeopardy made her way across the corridors, whispering the name of the youngling in an attempt to lure him out of the shadows, she cast her mind back to what she was doing here.

Her experiences in London with the M-1 super tank had given her more privileges with the militant mice in service to government defence, and she had been entrusted with the London branch of the 'Field Mice' initiative, a special compound where genetically modified mice are bred from a clone batch and given approximately twenty-five minutes worth of a progressive lifetime, before they are equipped and despatched to a primary warzone.

It was Jeopardy's job to play nanny to these mice, giving each family unit a total of ten of those twenty-five minutes

Cox him out of the shadows as the dark corridors suddenly ignited into bright infra-red lighting. A 3-dimensional grid lit up around and along the corridor, allowing Jeopardy to see a distinct path ahead of her, and, better yet, to track the footprints left behind of the young Mouse.

Finally, she caught up to him

"Danny? Danny? It's ok, it's ok, you don't need to.." she began, only to be caught with a blinding tackle as Danny darted up to her and grabbed her by the legs, sending her carrering to the floor.

"I'm the champion of the world, you fell right for my lure. You're no sport, way too easy" Danny said in triumph, "You'll have to do better if you want me back in bed" he continued.

"You want to play a game?" said Jeopardy, partially relieved.

"Yeah, I got bored playing 'Giraffe Warriors: Neck to Neck'" he said, "So I browsed Goggletube before I went to bed, and I saw how you tackled that super-tank...physical activity beats boring old war simulations any day"

Jeopardy breathed a sigh of relief, "I thought for sure you'd...overheard something"

"Nah, I've got way too much wax in my ear to hear much from a distance"

"Clean out those big lugs young man" Jeopardy.

"Why don't you clean them out for me?" said Danny.

"Tell you what; I'll give you some advance physical education, p.e for short, I know you don't get this until, well, five minutes after bedtime, but I'll give you some of my moves, and then we'll get you snuggled back into bed and you can sleep off those minutes, then you can get an early breakfast and play in the park before your big trip tomorrow right?"

"Deal" said Danny, "Shall we begin?"

"Anytime you're ready Champ" said Jeopardy.

As Jeopardy showed the young lad what she could do, she reflected on the limits she had to work with, and how, with a little bit of wiggle room, she could make one mouse's world last so much longer.

And the more that thought entertained the precious minutes they spent together, the more elated she felt.

She was ever so good with timing.
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Old September 29th, 2017, 04:28 AM #15
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A DAY RESERVED FOR MAGIC



Christmas Day. London.

In the wake of a dicey dance with the cold colossus The Snowman, Penfold and Danger Mouse have settled down in their may fare mailbox to share with one another the gift of giving. DM had been a generous spirit all day, being mindful of both the poor and the privileged.

He'd even given Tiny Tim an armed defence crutch. Armed with high explosives to fend off any foreboding foe that attempts to take advantage of a spy when injured.

He just forgot to tell Tim how to disarm the explosives.

Then again, the gift was'nt intended for Tim, but for Penfold.

Penfold, who was all a glow at the realization he had not gotten anything that could bring his enjoyment of Christmas down with a bang and then a bit of whimpering from him as he suffered the aftershock of dealing with a dangerous gift.

As he tried his warm, woolen cotton socks on, Penfold noticed poor Father Christmas struggling with the list of demands given to him by Professor Squawkencluck.

"Say, Santa, don't be glum, I'll take that list off your hands and help pay it off if you want" Penfold suggested.

"Ho ho ho, you are a helpful little Elf" said Santa, "If you can pull this off, you may be in line for chief aid"

Penfold clapped his hands wildly at that, only to be kicked in the shin by Santa's cheif aid.

"Hey, cut that out, the crisis is over" said Penfold.

"You're not nicking my job in a hurry you merrily mole" replied the irritated elf.

"Hamster" said Penfold, "I'm a hamster"

"Mess with me, and you'll find I'm no spring chick" she said, nipping at Penfold's toes with her beak.

Penfold scrambled behind Professor Squawkencluck out of concern for her safety.

"What are you doing behind me you big Jessie?" said Squawkencluck as the elf converged on Penfold

"'Sick 'em, attack, defend" commanded Penfold.

"What do you think I am? A henpecker?" she said

"Well you've got the beak for it" said Penfold

"Oh you know me so well" sarcastically replied Squawkencluck.

"Look are you going to rise to my defence or not?" asked Penfold.

"Well, it is Christmas after all" she said, and began circling the elf, pecking holes in the floor. Swiftly and suddenly, the floor gave way, the elf remained suspended in the air for a fraction of a second for the type of comical effect found abundant in animation, before being pulled down by the laws of gravity.

The Professor dusted off both her hands and gently rubbed her beak.

"Whew, chipping away at the that floor can leave a beak feeling pretty bleak" said Squawkencluck.

Santa handed Penfold her list and then dived down the gaping hole in the floor to collect his elf before she hit the floor.

"Penfold, you're going to take care of my list?" The Professor observed

"I'm not so secret a Santa am I?" replied Penfold.

"I don't know...you make yourself to be a lot of things..." the Professor continued.

"Really?" asked Penfold

"Sure...a spectacle of yourself, a target of yourself..." she began, until she noticed Penfold's head, his expression highlighting a look of sure sadness about it.

"Hey, hey don't be glum, despite making yourself look all those things, you always have the strength to face up to them as well, you're honest about yourself, even to a frank degree, I'm like that too, though I come across as more cross than you are about those things. I envy how you can bottle that in at the best of times" the Professor continued, her compliments raising a tender smile out of the little agent.

"You're a real champ Professor"

"Just tell me one thing though...why do you always get me a hair-dryer?" Squawkencluck asked

"Well, I...oh it's nothing...it's just..." Penfold began, but nerves began to overtake him.

"It's got something to do with my appearance. A girl can afford to be flattered you know" the Professor said, urging him on

"It's...well, yeah it's kind of that. I always like to picture you with your hair down and you using something we've given you to make you look better and brighter every morning, no matter what mood you're in, which is normally all feisty and ferocious, it's nice to know that while you're projecting fear into us, you spend those first few hours every morning bringing out the best in yourself...gives us something to think about"

Sqawkencluck gave Penfold a nod and a reassuring smile, placing one hand over his forehead and stroking cit, losing her eyes briefly as she took all those words in.

"Pr-Professor? You ok?" said Penfold as her hands slowly ruffled through him.

"You know...forget that list Penfold, you can get me the same thing every year" she said.

"Cor, thanks Professor, say, why did you reckon Santa wasn't real?" asked Penfold.

"I didn't want to think there was magic in the world...I'm a scientist, I always have to rationalize everything, to let logic take hold over ludicrous realization of fantasy...guess it's a silly thing to think, especially around a day reserved for magic"

"I'm glad you've realized that" Penfold, clutching her hand, "You shouldn't deprive yourself of the magic, in order for that to come, you have to make time for those moments"

The two stood where they were, transfixed in a precious moment of time, staring lovingly into one another's gaze, each hoping one would make the move on the other without having to wait for the descent of mistletoe.

The alarms suddenly went off, DM sprang forward to answer the call as Col. K and his brightly lit Christmas jumper disrupted the moment.

"Penfold, Danger Mouse, you must scramble immediately, those rogues Greenback, Loocifer, Duckula and the rest are threatening to tarnish the next 24 hours by staging a real boxing match between all of them on Boxing Day, get that group separated ASAP" the Colonel commanded.

"On our way Col.K, come along Penfold, and don't stop for Christmas punch, we have to halt the literal kind from coming to pass" ordered Dangermouse.

"Heh, don't want to get punch drunk then" Penfold said nervously to Squwakencluck.

"Another time?" said Squawkencluck

"Another moment in time...I'll be ready" said Penfold.

"...Ready...to believe" replied Squawkencluck.

Disengaging from their grip on one another's hands, Penfold and Dangermouse dashed into certain danger.

"Be safe" said Squawkencluck, waving to them as they darted into the Mark IV hovering outside and speeding off into the snowy skyline.
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Old October 22nd, 2017, 04:27 AM #16
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THE GREAT MOUSE DETECTION


EPISODE ONE


(Special thanks to Fanfiction.net member "bravekid" for supplying some ideas for this story)

Lt. Cameron Cosgrove checked his watch to find it was set to military time.

Appropriate.

As he paced across the dank cold docks of the harbour, looking to his left and right anxiously for signs of life from the murky bleak London fog that enshrined his location, he gazed anxiously at the ticking seconds and minutes accompanying his hour of destiny, and realized all too quickly this crucial time had crept up on him.

He was not late for his appointment. His appointment was late for him.

And that chilled him.

A cold wisp of air danced breezily across his neck. This did nothing to cool him in his fit of steadily developing anxiety.

Too much was riding on his appointment, too much was at stake.

He did his best to prepare and expect an unexpected arrival by fiddling through his coat and revealing a pocket watch.

He opened it, revealing inside a compass, embedded at the centre was a glittering bright and beautiful miniature crystalline rugby ball.

He closed the lid of the fob watch and clutched it tight in his hand.

"Where are you blast it" he said, the wind picking up, a cold snap made him turn.

Cameron was feeling slightly embarrassed.

He was a mouse of the military, he served overseas in wars too terrible to bring up at peak time CBBC hours. He was lucky to get a brief mention in daily uploads of Newsround.

He'd seen things that had broken many minds.

So why couldn't his own mind be put to ease now?

Especially when this was a simple, if illegal, business transaction?

The simplest answer was because he was in a place, a city, where wars had been waged that were even larger in scope and size.

In the city of London, day to day business went hand in hand with day to day chaos.

He cursed the air as it continued to cool him.

He had a good mind to tighten the scarf around his neck.

The odd thing was he had tried to mere minutes before.

He simply couldn't move his hands.

And now he suddenly realized he couldn't move his legs.

When he tried, he felt another cold snap. He pushed harder.

He felt it this time, ever so nippy.

He pushed his legs forward again, hoping to gain motion, another snap and a crackle. And following those, came more pain.

He caught a glimpse of his arms, they looked fridged, he tried flexing a muscle, it yielded the same results as the legs. A snap, a crackle, then pain.

He realized the weather was becoming too treacherous, and yet he couldn't dismiss himself.

He was held prisoner.

A prisoner in the city of war.

And then, from half-way out of the dark, the Snowman cometh.

He gazed upon the mouse's frozen grip, clasped the icy palm with his own, and with a further snap and a crackle, came a painful and precise pop.

The hand gave way, and was crushed completely in the Snowman's grip.

He took the Fob watch from what remained and looked at the hapless militant mind.

"Wha-what have you done?" he said, "I did everything you asked"

"In all your months and preparations made in acquiring this trinket, you made one monumental misfire" said The Snowman, as he blew more icey air into the features of the soldier.

"You only came through in the winter" he said.

He then proceeded to glue the soldier's hand back together a special tube of insta-glue, before fastening in back in place with a mechanical screw attached to the wrist area.

"What was that for?" Cameron asked.

"Standards and practices won't let me exit the scene with a mutilated limb" the Snowman admitted.

"That kind of takes the bite out of this scene" Cameron continued.

"Then you'll just have to settle for one of the frosty variety" The Snowman said, and fastened the soldier's lips shut with an icy bridge across the lips.

The Snowman dug deep into his frigid belly and produced a cell phone

"Inform the benefactor that I have the treasure, and that the appointment is New Year's Day"

The Snowman switched off the phone and smiled as he compared his reliability to that of Cameron Cosgrove.

Through winter he'd come, and through winter he would always come through.

Everything was in place now.

The feast, and the bidding, was soon to begin.

***

Inside a familiar may fare mailbox, trouble was brewing within the catacombs of the country's foremost scientific mind as she dealt with one of her usual migraines.

"Out, get out" cried a disheartened Professor Sqauwkencluck as she hoisted the world's greatest secret agent out of her laboratory, "I told you to stay well clear of that Megabyte Modem"

"Good grief Professor, I only wanted to use it for faster broadband" said Dangermouse.

"There's nothing wrong with the rate you've presently got" Squawk rambled.

"You tend to forget the kind of speeds I'm used to travelling with in the Mark III Professor" said Dangermouse.

"Oh right, so the thing has to dial through traffic lights to satisfy you?" Sqawkencluck continued.

Haplessly waltzing in on the argument was Penfold, a small can of coke in hand.

"Chief? The Colonel asked me to come fetch you, you're needed urgently in the briefing room" he said.

"We're calling the living lounge the briefing room now?" asked Dangermouse.

"No, we call that because you've taken to loitering all your unwashed briefs across the floor. No, of course it's the briefing room Chief, as you're briefly in it to lounge around, you're always down here pestering the Professor" said a slightly irked Penfold.

"Very well Penfold" Dangermouse continued, "I'll lead the way" he added, grabbing the coke from Penfold's grip and chugging it's content down his own throat in route to the main elevator.

Penfold stared at Squawkencluck as he pressed her head firmly against the edge of the walls that lined the entrance to her lab.

"He gave you another one didn't he?" said Penfold, producing a pair of aspirins from his pocket and handing one to her.

"I'm used to having the occasional pop of the membrane Penfold, you don't have to make a special effort to clear it" said Squawkencluck, petting Penfold on the head.

"Yeah well, sooner or later the Chief's gonna have to settle a bit...the way he treats some ladies" Penfold continued.

"What he needs is a date" Squawkencluck added. "If he were made to be on his best behaviour, made to treat a woman right, be it his career on the line or whatnot, I reckon he could just about manage it"

"You think so?" said Penfold

"Well you see how good he is with you all the time"

"I'm not a girl" Penfold said, crossing his arms in frustration.

"You sure do scream like one" Squawkencluck joked

Penfold turned his back on her. Squawkencluck recoiled, feeling a tad guilty.

"Penfold, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, I was just having a little laugh, you two act like such a pair of tykes it's hard to see you talk about grown up things" she insisted.

Penfold turned his head ever so slightly, "You're right though, DM does need a date. Cor heck, I need one, this job never gives us any time, and you know how it is with relationships at work"

"I can't say I have" said Squawkencluck, what's the Colonel want from you and DM anyway?"

"Something about a rugby diamond" Penfold explained.

"Ruby" Squawkencluck said in an attempt to correct him.

"No, Rugby. It's shaped like a Rugby ball. It was designed as an heirloom for the winners of the Rugby world cup. It was placed in the care of the British military"

"Well that's a pretty silly thing, England was ousted early in the game this year" said Sqawkencluck, "There's bound to be some bitterness there"

"Yeah, well, that right there was grounds for someone in its care to tail off with it. The Colonel got a hot tip from a cold source...the soldier who swiped it, and he's feeding DM the details on where it's ended up"

"So you'll be working New Year's day then?" asked a disheartened Squawkencluck.

"'Fraid so" said Penfold.

Squawk sighed, "I guess I'll just tend to my modem then...the thought of it, seeing in the New Year, I might as well make it a NU year"

"NU year?"

"See in the morning with nothing but nu metal. Low standards for lower expectation"

"Did you have any plans prior Professor?" asked Penfold.

"No...not with anyone, not anymore" she said.

The awkward conversation was interrupted when Dangermouse stepped back through the elevator.

"Penfold...I have an urgent matter to discuss with you"

"This isn't the best time Chief" Penfold continued.

"Then make time Penfold" Dangermouse asked.

"I'm not a watchman" said Penfold.

"Penfold, I need...something"

"Spit it out then" Penfold said,

DM rinsed his mouth with saliva and spat out a date he had lodged in his mouth, which hit Penfold's palm with full force.

"Oh" said Penfold

***


"According to all sources..." DM began as he and Penfold marched through the lounge area towards DM's master bedroom.

"...The Street's the place to go?" Penfold asked, his tongue firmly in cheek

"No, the sources reveal that an auction for the stolen Rugby diamond will be held at the Humble Grape near Clapham Junction"

"Doesn't sound too swank does it?" said Penfold.

"Yes, but apparently they want evening wear worn there anyway...everyone must look their best, it is a bit of a competitive occasion"

"So why don't they all wear sport wear?" asked Penfold.

"Penfold, shush" said DM, and opened the door to his bedroom, where he immediately made a beeline for his wardrobe. Penfold settled on the bouncy bed

"No, that won't do" said DM as he fondled through the packed closet, "That's too lanky, that's too straight...that's a straight jacket..."

Penfold sat on the bed, staring puzzlingly at a lollipop DM had given him, with instructions not to take it yet. Pairs of jeans, bundles of shirts, and a few crooked ties flew by him as DM emptied the contents of his wardrobe.

DM spun around and showed Penfold a matching white overcoat and black shirt.

"It's very you" Penfold said.

"Thank you kindly Penfold, now shush and put on the dress"

"Excuse me?" Penfold replied, a little taken aback.

"The dress, it's the one you wore to that Pink Princesses' party remember? It still fits, and I took the liberty of ironing out the cresses personally" said DM.

"I...um, think I need to step out a bit Chief" said Penfold.

"Take your time, it'll all be waiting for you when you get back" said DM.

Penfold anxiously entered the lounge area where the hologram of Col. K waited patiently for his agents to begin the assignment.

"Penfold, anything the matter lad?" asked the Colonel

"'I'm not going to be DM's date for this, I've been making plans to spend New Year's Day with a friend in dire need of cheering up"

"Dash it all" said the Colonel, "We could really use you on this field assignment, how about a raise?"

"Well, I could do with walking on air given how I'm feeling" said Penfold.

"I meant a raise in pay" corrected the Colonel.

"Oh, well I could do with some cash for my date...say, how about I bring the date along?" requested Penfold.

"I can't ask you to endanger a civilian lad" replied the Colonel. Penfold nodded, but he had an ace up his sleeve

"I was thinking of bringing someone from work" Penfold replied.

"Splendid chap, one of our top agents I imagine, and would provide adequate back-up for DM" the Colonel replied ecstatically.

"Well hang on, I want DM to have a date too, as per the original plan" said Penfold.

"But who do you reckon would be a good fit for him?"

Penfold gave the Colonel a knowing look.

"Oh no, not her, not Jeopardy Mouse. DM wouldn't permit it; neither would she come to think of it. Those two have gone right off the other following that contest all three of you participated in off-world" said the Colonel.

"Not if we trick them into going out with each other" said Penfold, "Tell me...does Jeopardy do any...online dating?"

"Yes, anonymously" answered the Colonel.

"I can get the Chief to set up an account of his own, just find out what her online alias is and we'll arrange for the chief to chat with her under an alias, I'll tell him she's a foreign agent and he can inform her of his needs for the gala auction. We're going in disguise anyway so she won't recognize him"

"He'll be in disguise...but then, so would she if she were told of what was going on...oh splendid and diabolical notion lad" complimented the Colonel, "I'll get right on it, I should have the information by next chapter"

"That's cracking Colonel, I'll get the Chief online ASAP" said Penfold.

"Might I ask though Penfold lad...who is your date?" asked the Colonel.

"Someone who's all too familiar with chickening in than out" said Penfold.

Chapter 4: Episode IV
EPISODE FOUR

The Colonel came through for Penfold, and before long the pair was chatting with one "Daisy Day Breaker" on the online secret agent dating service EyeASpy.

"What sort of question is that?" asked DM as Penfold tied back his ears into a pseudo-ponytail.

"Just ask her" Penfold continued. DM yelped as Penfold gripped the ears and twisted them into a knot.

"Have you had at any point a 'Close Shave'" DM wrote on to the online chat log that he was participating in. A few agonizing and awkward minutes passed.

"What's taking her so long?" asked Penfold.

"She said she'd give me a visual" DM said.

"Of her close shave...like, an actual mission?" Penfold asked, a part of him was frightful this would encourage DM to send videos of his own exploits as a way of one-upping her.

DM, however, understood the importance of maintaining a cover on a covert mission.

"If you have any worries about showing mine if she shows me hers, you don't have to fret Penfold, I'd rather we keep this blunder with the diamond completely under our hats, if word gets out to foreign powers England aren't the most sporting of nations after all, it could makes a pigs ear out of our reputation"

"So long as it's a Pig's EAR, that's fine by me Chief. The Prime Minister has more to worry about regarding other parts of a pig as it is"

DM finally received an update on the chat log.

"Ok, here's the visual...oh, it's just her legs"

"They look particularly hairy Chief"

"Well she's a mouse; we tend to be covered in fur Penfold"

The two browsed the screen, their eyes fixated on the legs.

"So where's the close shave?" asked Penfold

The image of a smooth razor came into view as it was placed delicately on the female's furry kneecap

"Oh my giddy Aunt..." Penfold said in a squeamish manner.

"That's not your Aunt" DM said

"I'll tell you what this is...it's nap time for me" said Penfold, scrambling to get out of the room.

"You're not staying up to greet the New Year Penfold?" asked DM.

"I like the soothing notion of letting one year slide out of my life peacefully, and awaken to a fresh start" Penfold replied.

"That's...very wise of you...just one other question...Penfold, do I have to wear my ears this way? I don't think I'll ever get this pair out of the knots you've tangled into"

"I had to do it tonight in case your date for tomorrow asked you to provide a visual...if she found out you were a British secret agent, it'd lead to the sort of commotion we're dreading will get out" Penfold explained.

"So thinking I'm cosplaying as Heidi is better for business?"

"Good night Chief" said Penfold, and retired from the room.

***


The fifth hour of New Year's morning had ticked into life as the clock hanging above Penfold's room struck the expected numbers, and his eyes had yet to firmly shut. The irritating noise emanating from the floor beneath his bed had risen to intolerable levels for this time of evening as the secret agents of Mayfare brought in the New Year with passionate choruses brought on by an intake of precious and rare wines saved especially for these annual occasions.

Penfold wandered if the assistant agents for any of the other operatives in the base were getting any shut-eye. They too, after all, had to be in healthy order for visits from their Aunties and Uncles. The assistants were often mocked for being good little boys and girls by the Agents, almost in a manner befitting a fraternity house.

Penfold took the restless hours as an opportunity to catch up on his diary and make note of his schedule for the morning and afternoon so he could plan the evening ahead.

He made note to catch the television in the morning and then look up more information on the Humble Grape, where the auction for the Rugby Diamond was said to take place. He was strangely more interested more in the menu than conducting any sort of business.

Then he began to wonder just how much of his restlessness was due to the party a mere floor beneath him.

This wasn't the first night he had trouble sleeping.

This was now the fifth instance in a row.

He hadn't had such a consistent bout of insomnia since the last Christmas where he had that uneasy ache in his teeth. He had to get it plucked out by the emergency dentist on Boxing Day. So sharp was the pain that he couldn't even take to the annual Christmas banquet that year.

Penfold shook his head as he caught himself going slightly off-point.

His mind tended to slip and slide like that, but then, his mind was exactly what was mucking about with him in these sleep-free hours, leading him to spend the whole of this week's post-Christmas dozing off in the daytime laying like a leech on the lounge sofa.

He often wondered who kept tucking him with blankets of days old newspapers like some homeless tramp that was not up to date on proper homing accommodation.

There was his mind slipping again. Penfold shook his head back and forth again, trying to rattle off distraction.

He needed to trace the source of his issues, what was plaguing his mind enough to keep him up so much.

Initially, he looked for a feeling, he searched for one, but feelings are alien to the logistics of the rational mind, he needed to associate it with a word.

The word that raised him from amongst the snug and the dead.

He finally found it.

Something that, when uttered, struck a chord so loud it rattled his psyche enough to keep him alert and awake. A word that, each time he found it, would repeat again and again ad nausea until he found himself speaking it for all too brief a time.

And then it would be forgotten.

A seed planted in his mind.

Seed.

Again and again.

Seed.

And in the constant repetition that followed, Penfold realized to his horror he would have no sleep permitted to him for some considerable times.

With a sigh and an utterance of the word, Penfold scored out any plans he had made for the morning and afternoon in his diary.
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Old October 22nd, 2017, 04:56 AM #17
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THE GREAT MOUSE DETECTION

EPISODE TWO

A shift in time zones now, to the dying embers of a afternoon and early evening for Jeopardy Mouse as she glanced outwards from the window of her mobile RV base, taking in the breathtaking sights of the city from afar as it steadily began to light up for the impending New Year from a more literal neck of the woods.

A swift and sudden noise made her turn. A rattle, a thud, a voice emitting groans of sheer agony. The all too telling signs that a vintage trap had been sprung.

A trap she'd set herself. The mice making use of methods designed solely for their own destruction. It was a just irony.

She jumped off the window ledge, hot-footed across the warming radiator, leapt off of it, cradled into a ball and rolled across the clear grass before springing upwards directly in front of a five gallon bucket with a plank of wood smeared with peanut butter forming a makeshift ramp. At the centre of the bucket was a small tin can suspended by a metal wire, also smeared with peanut butter.

Jeopardy walked up the 'ramp' and stared down into the custom abyss to find a shady field mouse, trying desperately to reach a green cap and a gold tooth, both of which had been ejected from the body when he had crash landed.

"That's what you get for being peckish" said Jeopardy in triumph.

"Alright, alright, I couldn't help myself, my fridge is knackered where I live" said the field mouse in a winded and distinct hill billy accent.

"So you're trying to snatch stuff from me? Why don't you just ask?" said Jeopardy

"You can't find the time for me, you're always busy...just get me out of here and we'll talk payment for any grub you can offer, I'll even pay you in the tooth I just lost"

"No can do I'm afraid" said Jeopardy, "I've got to be in London in a couple of hours"

"Another mission?" asked the mouse

"It's a mission...of sorts, I'm looking to it as an excuse to socialize with someone like-minded, a fancy event for a charitable cause" she said.

"Ah, so it's a date" the mouse replied, "Looking to be the bell of the ball?"

Jeopardy froze.

Bell.

A word that she'd been mulling over and over all day.

Like it had been planted there in her head.

Planted like a simple seed.

Seed.

That was another word, not as persistent as 'bell', but a word she felt persisted on forming a connection with the one that frequented the most in her mind.

She didn't have the time to sort this out. Sort any of it out really.

A new year was dawning; a date was imminent, only the mission mattered.

"Stick around will you, I'll try to be back in 24 hours" she yelled to the helpless field mouse, and scampered back to her RV, which was swiftly transmogrified into a sleek and sharp looking flying contraption at the mere press of the button

"Great...I fall for the ol' Bucket trap, and she's given me nothing but peanuts" the mouse said in frustration, observing the stains of peanut butter across the walls of the trap.

***

DM kept a sharp and beady eye on the Colonel as he stood a few meters away from him, pistol in hand, raising it high into the clear air.

"On your marks" he began, tightening his hold on the trigger of the pistol

DM placed one leg forward, another to the back. He leaned forward; his eye focused and trailed along areas of the circular track spread out before him

"Go" the Colonel uttered. The pistol went off.

And so did DM.

Dashing at impeccably swift speed across the track, DM achieved several laps in mere minutes, impressing a passionate and swarming crowd of deer leaders (that's deers holding pom-poms), as they encouraged every sprint made across the track and field.

In his series of sprints, DM tallied up the number of times he had completed the run in his head, projecting a specific number. That target number came closer to being reached with each successive run around the perimeter.

And then he stopped dead in his tracks. Dead ON the track.

Standing before him and the finish line, out of nowhere, materialising where it had not been before, was a large crater.

"Help" echoed forth a familiar hoarse and croaky voice from the crater.

"Toad in the hole" DM said, extending his arm to pull his hated nemesis, Baron Greenback, out.

"Ah Dangermouse, it appears I am in your debt" said Greenback.

"What on Earth are you doing here?" said DM.

"Virus in the data" Greenback replied, "But why has the data arranged for itself here?"

"I've got this whole thing figured out, look at me here, this is me figuring it out, and I'm even taking the opportunity to get some needed exercise out of the experience"

Greenback looked out at the field, the cheerleaders, the ecstatic colonel who continued to fire shot after shot of the pistol in the air, repeating the same sentence "On your marks, go", "On your marks, go"

"You've not paid much attention to the smaller details...they serve one function, not several" criticized Greenback.

"Should they?" DM asked.

"You don't learn anything in the mindset of the singular, you need to make something more of the whole" advised Greenback, he then took to examine his surroundings

"I recognize these grounds...the Academy was it not? Your alma mater?"

"Yes" DM confirmed.

"I've read the files"

"No you didn't" DM remarked, a brief hysterical hiccup under his breath betraying his emotional armour, giving away signs of awkwardness

"Of course I did, why else would I be in here? We have to advance the next phase of the conversation somehow white wonder" Greenback replied.

"My files are confidential" DM insisted.

"And yet you're choosing to turn the pages on an open book. To me."

"Why would I do that?" DM asked.

"Think it through Dangermouse...you suspect something more than a simple bit of awkward social mingling will occur at this auction you're going to...something that elevates a mundane task. You suspect my hand in it, so you're trying to put your suspicions on show" Greenback continued.

"And what do my school days have to do with it?"

"You tell me. Why 66?" Greenback asked.

Dangermouse sighed.

"I took a test here. I was late for my P.E session, didn't bother bringing my sports gear, so I had to sit out a marathon sprint across the circuit. This circuit"

"What did you do in the meantime?" Greenback asked

"I...was given a paper...a survey..." DM continued, "It was a challenge...how much of our mind can be made up on issues based on simple word play. It was the public option of a world health care issue. Forty-four percent accepted the public option if it said the health care plan was government funded, and a higher percentage accepted it if it said it was a government administered plan similar to Medicare"

"That number being 66" said Greenback.

"I...was one of the forty-four that accepted the first option" admitted Dangermouse.

"Loyal to the government at the risk of being behind on the popular vote" Greenback replied, "Sounds an awfully cruel test handed out by a P.E teacher"

"All our teachers had dual roles back then, saved on the budget. Even the Canteen ladies taught Modern Studies while they served you a chip bun" DM continued.

"So you trust the government enough to plant these words in your mind...these seeds?" Greenback added.

"Oh don't start the seed thing with me, I've already figured that bit out"

"So the number is what you'll figure out now? Why so keen to be amongst the 66 percent?"

"Words mean something. Search enough and you find a solution to everything, even something that hasn't been solved yet" DM continued.

"And what would that be?" Greenback said.

DM slowly turned to him, and raised one eyebrow.

"My impending murder" DM revealed.

And with that, DM snapped his eye open, finding himself curled up in a meditative position on his bedroom floor.

He got up and looked out through the window. Bright and loud Fireworks illuminated the dank curtain of night.

New Year had arrived.

And he was no longer of the singular mind; he was with the whole, a whole he was not in control of.

In his mind, the word 'seed' persisted, but the word meant nothing, he had pinpointed a better word in the soup of the survey, something that would enable him to have the upper hand.

All he needed now was the right remedy.

And to that he turned to not one word, but two, based off a location. There was more to his method than just a return to embarrassing missteps in Physical Education.

He had made progressive steps on the track and field.

He had fast tracked his way to a solution.

Fast Track.

Over and over again in his head those words would persist.

Fast Track.

The answer to averting his fate lay in them.

***

Squawkencluck kicked the vacuum cleaner for a third time, frustrated that it was on the fritz again.

A couple of knocks, a rhythm of four, at the door seemed to calm her nerves.

"Erm, Professor...is your room decent?" came a squeaky yet sincere voice.

"I'm the only decent being in this maelstrom of a mailbox...did you HEAR the commotion last night?" Squawkencluck rambled as Penfold crept through the door.

"Every bit of it" Penfold replied.

Squawk folded her arms and again gave her vacuum cleaner a firm boot up the backside.

"Be a dear and sort that out" she mumbled, the whole of the sentence running together into an incoherent mutter.

"Pardon?" said Penfold.

"SORT IT OUT" she yelled. Penfold shivered.

Penfold bent down nervously and tinkered with the back of the machine, all while Squawk observed him, beginning to feel bad for yelling at him when his very entrance into her room had soothed her previously.

"Don't mind me there Penny, just letting the night intrude on the day" she said apologetically.

"No problem Professor, did you at least get any work done?" Penfold asked.

Squawk gave him a coy look.

"You think that's what I do? You think I stay up all night gluing back together everything that turns to confetti when you and your meddling mouse lift your little fingers and dance all over them?"

"Steady on Prof" Penfold said. Squawk bit her tongue, again kicking herself for losing it.

"I'm never in the right place with you two am I? Sorry, I just wish people would see me as more than a workhorse..."

"Well you're not even a horse" Penfold replied

"Enough with the jokes, your timing is horrible" criticized Squawk, "If you must know, I spent all night trying to meditatively time travel" Squawk explained.

"Is that possible?" Penfold asked

"In a dream-state everything is" Squawk continued, "It was an odd one too...perhaps this happened, perhaps it didn't, I was a young chick sitting with my parents at a dinner table, being served a hot dish...I was given tiny little seeds to peck on while the grown-ups ate the meal. My dad suddenly stopped, looked at the meal, and called for the waiter to take it back. He later told my mum that he'd rather have taken the seeds I was having, and then he asked me to share mine with his"

"Did this actually happen?" Penfold asked.

"Oh I was a just a child back then, and you know how memories tend to become more loose and romantic from that era when you get older...I could be misremembering, but everything felt so clear, and it was almost as if that dream was telling me something..."

"Professor...you mention 'seeds', I...I can't seem to get that word out of my head"

"Really? Now that is fascinating...could be signs of dream meshing" Squawk speculated. Penfold, as usual, was perplexed.

"What's dream meshing?" said Penfold

"There are several explanations for it; one has to do with latent telepathy in an unconscious state"

"Yikes, does that mean all the spoons in the kitchen will bend when I pick them up?" Penfold asked in alarm. Squawk giggled.

"No, no silly, you're probably not that strong telepathically, but having a close mutual connection to someone and having a shared experience with them can lead to strong ties to their psyches."

"But when did we have any shared experiences? I was only just now about to ask you out on one"

"Well there was that time you, me and DM had to entire a virtual reality prison to try and repair the government's firewalls from a virus installed by...what did you say?" Squawk said, trailing off of her speculation to focus on what Penfold had said.

"Ask you out" Penfold continued, "DM is going undercover with someone to infiltrate that auction for the Rugby diamond and I was thinking they'd need back-up...besides, I...could do with the company" Penfold proposed.

"Is this business or pleasure? You know how badly I need a break from doing the dirty work for you two" said Squawk

"Oh it won't be like that Professor, it's just...you know how the chief gets, you know his moods, we can't risk him exposing himself to his date or to the auctioneers, they're going to be a pretty bad bunch"

"I suppose I should at least try...ok Penny, since it's the new year and I have to make some kind of fancy resolution, I'll resolve to help you sort this mess out...just, next time you ask me out, go about it the way any other guy would...and settle on an ordinary set of circumstances. I'll still say yes if you're not so awkward about it" Squawk said.

Penfold grinned, "Thanks heaps Professor, I'll let the chief know you're coming...just, um, try not to read too much into his behaviour when he acts a bit erratic around his date, it's all an act"

"The one thing DM isn't is a class act, so I won't make any promises" said Squawk.

Chapter 9: Episode IX
EPISODE NINE

At her request, Penfold waited outside of the Professor's quarters for about thirty minutes, checking his watch every five. He was so frustrated with how long it normally takes her to freshen up that he neglected to notice the watch he had was a toy one he picked up from a pick'n'grab machine at the carnival.

The door opened just as he leaned on it, sending him careering into the room and sprawled in front of Sqauwkencluck. Penfold rubbed his eyes as the Professor extended her hand and offered to pick him up. He grabbed her hand and straightened himself up.

He stood there transfixed at the way she looked. Her hair down, her glasses off, wearing a silk black night dress and stiletto high heels (no, not shoes shaped like the head of Greenback's henchman Stiletto), in her left hand was a scarlet purse with a DM logo attached to it.

"You look...look...you look like...quite the chick" said Penfold. The Professor blushed and tugged at his cheek.

"You're a darling Penny, come on, we'd better catch up with DM, he's waiting at the car"

"The car? Professor, we can't use the car"

"Why not? Is there something you're not telling me...Penfold, I get we work for a secretive agency, but a little trust exercise would do you more good than your sordid attempts at physical exercise"

"It's just...well..." Penfold began, not wanting to tell the Professor the slightly humiliating and potentially harmful information that Dangermouse was playing Jeopardy like a fiddle to guarantee her cooperation. The Professor was a pretty proud woman, and she would not want any sister from another mister to be taken for a ride.

"...It's...well...this is a causal day out is it not? We could just leave the top secret stuff behind, don't attract attention to ourselves, and just mingle in with the regular Joes, like you did when you went to that concert..." Penfold explained.

"Not too bad an idea, I'll run it by DM when we catch him" The Professor replied.

"No, I'll tell him" Penfold said, and took out a small pocket pen from his pocket. He clicked the back of it and a holographic projection of DM in his current position lit into view.

"Why are his ears tied back like a ponytail? That has to hurt, and it can't do much for his hearing" said a perplexed Squawk.

"Remember what I said about him acting...eccentric?" said Penfold

"Fair enough, I have no idea what you two are doing, but I'll leave you to discuss it privately, I've got to finish powdering up" said Squawk, and retired back to her room, locking it shut.

"Chief, where are you? I just realized you can't take the Mark IV, Jeopardy will tell it's you right from the get-go"

"No worries Penfold, I didn't take the car, I took the bus, I'm present, and as always, correct"

"Wait, you're there? Right now?"

"Yep, all that's required now is to await Jeopardy's arrival, I'm sure she wouldn't want to attract too much attention either..."

A sound of ferocious rocket fire suddenly interrupted him as Jeopardy Mouse's craft made a perfect ten touchdown on the streets below to alarmed and amazed expressions from every civilian in the street surrounding him.

"Ok, so much for being casual" DM said.

"Ok Chief, butter her up until we get here, and for gosh sakes, don't make yourself look like clear and present Danger" Penfold replied.

DM nodded.

"Professor, enough with the powder, we need to go take a powder" said Penfold, knocking on the door.

"Keep your hair on" the Professor snapped back.

"You've been around my head long enough to know I'm no hair-raiser" Penfold replied.

INTERMISSION

"Maggie, come on" Magpie Maybelline cried from outside the star dressing cabinet lodged in the centre of the restaurant kitchen, "The mugs are teeming in and they're babbling about their own problems, we need ya to sing before something sets off"

"I'm saving my performance for less of a commotion" Magpie Maggie replied, taking another handkerchief from her box and blowing into it.

"You only ever say that when there's something tickling you in a sad way" Maybelline responded. "What are ya reading in there? It's always something you can't put down that winds up putting you down"

"Ok, you got me" Maggie replied, "It's a...it's a romance story. The couple I like the most in it, the hero and his loyal wife, they...they might split up; I can't deal with it if they do. She wants to sacrifice her own happiness and be this bad boy prince's queen, run away with him, all so he spares her real love and her husband and this village he's attacking"

"So what's emotional about that? It's simultaneously trading up and making her love for the guy seem so important she's willing to sacrifice it to keep a whole community from falling apart, thus doing him proud" Maybelline responded. "Besides, you could always peek to the end"

"I can't" she said

"Why not?"

"It's an online daily" she confirmed.

"A daily? You mean one of those dicey novellas that only update over a 24 hour period?"

"Yeah" Maggie confirmed

"Oh for goodness sake Maggie, the place isn't going to be open all night lass. You've got to move on up and move ahead, your anxieties can hold up until then. Lord help us loads if this was for a month like all those mid-season breaks in the States"

"It takes me hours to calm down"

"Just make sure it doesn't take you a second to clam up, we need your voice stirring some souls up here, and it may even sooth your own. Sing something classy and heart-warming, live in hope things will work out and you're not being taken for a ride just to keep your eyes glued to that site."

"Yeah, they've had twists like this before and it all turned out alright"

"Then sing about that. All crooks deep down like to think that the world can do right by them, even if it compels them to do wrong by everyone else."

Maggie stepped out of the room, in her dazzling silver dress and blonde highlights illuminating her appearance.

"Alright, let us two wee magpies keep those souls from stirring the wrong way" she proclaimed

"Two for joy, that's our motto" Maybelline said in agreement.

"Oh isn't you just born with it" Maggie added.

And as the guests filed in and the commotion continued, the Magpies, the afternoon's musical entertainment, took to the stage to sing.
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Old October 22nd, 2017, 05:01 AM #18
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> Cameron Samurai
DENY IT'S A PARTY!
 
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 33,561
Cameron Samurai
DENY IT'S A PARTY!
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Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 33,561



THE GREAT MOUSE DETECTION
EPISODE THREE


"What will be your pleasure my dears?" asked the waiter as he served the dangerous dating duo

"Coffee. Leave the pot" a bored Dangermouse replied.

"I'll just have a Mars Crispy cake and some soup for starters" Jeopardy requested.

As the waiter headed off to take their orders, Jeopardy looked through her diary.

"Making note of any dates?" Dangermouse asked in a thinly disguised voice.

"Just the ones that interest me" said Jeopardy.

Dangermouse stretched his arms out as another yawn overtook him, he then leaned over and gave Jeopardy a telling look

"Do I interest you?" he said.

"Very" said Jeopardy, tickling his nose with her fingers, "And don't worry, I'm sleeping on the inside too, this place was so lively earlier"

"Yeah, blame the music" Dangermouse said, spotting the two Magpie singers transfixing the audience, "I swear one of them is singing like the last remnants of her private little world came unglued"

"Think it's always this sort of way?" asked Jeopardy.

"The world collapsing around our ears? Depends on how well the date goes" Dangermouse joked.

"We're here to work" Jeopardy replied.

"Yes, but it's my pleasure to do business with you" Dangermouse replied.

Jeopardy couldn't help but notice how his ponytail was starting to look very bruised. The result of being tied back too tight to avoid her recognizing him.

"You might want to untangle your ears, they look like they're developing blisters" she said

Dangermouse recoiled, "Um, no, no I like it the way it is. I'm good with pain, slight or large. I wouldn't be here otherwise if I wasn't made of sterner stuff"

"Alright, just...if push comes to shove, I don't want it proving to be a distraction or anything"

"If I undid my ears, you'd be able to read me like a book. I like to keep some secrets" Dangermouse added.

"So when are your friends coming?" she asked.

Dangermouse looked at his watch, glimpsing Penfold and Squawk approaching their location on a video screen

The coffee soon came for DM

"I'm afraid there's only one main special on the menu today my guests, largely in part due to unaccommodating kitchen problems" revealed the Waiter, "I'm sure you can understand"

"No, no, we're fine" Dangermouse replied, and started sipping from the pot

"So...what do you dream about?" Jeopardy asked

DM put down the coffee jar.

Now he was interested.

Chapter 12: Episode XI
EPISODE ELEVEN

Penfold and Squawkencluck found a lot to talk about in the back of the taxi as it sat amongst many others that were currently victims of a traffic gridlock.

"All I'm saying is not a lot of restaurants have been up to my particular standards the last couple of years" Squawk insisted

"Such as?" a curious Penfold asked

"Well, when I was in America, Subway was excellent, until they disposed of that five buck footlong deal" she continued

"Burger King for me" Penfold added, eager to one up his date, "Once they changed the recipe on their nug..."

Penfold caught himself.

What an idiot he thought. Of all the things to bring up to a chicken, you use nuggets

"Nevermind" Penfold replied

"I'm sure they're not that bad" Squawk replied.

"Well, if you fancy random Churros, curly fries, and the choice of spicy burgers they're not all that bad...especially the chic..."

Penfold was close to slapping himself for nearly name-dropping anything that had to do with compacted poultry in light of who he was taking to lunch.

"Why couldn't those crooked bidder have picked TGI Fridays for their auction?" Squawk pondered to herself as she took out her compact mirror and applied more lipstick to her ruby-laced beak. Penfold, slightly transfixed by the luxurious imagery, eventually followed that with a freshly inspired bit of information.

"I insisted we stop going there after they stopped serving the French dip sandwich" Penfold told her, "He was sort of tempted to go back himself, but the one nearest to HQ shut down some time ago"

"I'd rather have went somewhere in the morning...Taco Bell maybe. Their breakfast is excellent. Mind you, I don't know if they still serve their volcanic Burritos" Squawk mused.

"My aunt's youngest was a waiter at Olive Garden. Very bland food and service there, but she always heard her son was one of the better waiters there" Penfold revealed.

"Oh I would love to work in those places, I'd make sure it was no place that served chicken nuggets. Such an illegal practise, they have to all be made in countries that legalize slaughter of innocent chicks too. If I was sitting next to anyone who liked to scoff them down for lunch, I'd have them for lunch"

Penfold permitted himself an unnerving gulp.

"KFC changed their cooking oil" he muttered...a part of him cursed himself for even letting it slip from his lips, but he couldn't help it. Whenever he felt like he had something to say, he was obligated to just let the words loose.

Fortunately, Squawk didn't hear him, so he opted now to change the subject.

As the traffic jam came to a gradual end, and the taxi began moving along, Penfold asked Squawk what she fancied to eat when they finally got to their destination.

"I don't know...I feel like I could just go with a sesame bun, just for the seeds" she answered.

"Still thinking of dream meshing, are is the little chick just going to settle on seeds and let us grown ups eat the meal then?" Penfold joked.

Squawk smiled at him.

***

DM was truly mesmerised at how Jeopardy was opening up to him about what had occurred in her mind in times where sleep was required of her.

"You say you got engaged, married and divorced in an hour during this dream?" DM asked as he poured himself another cup of coffee from the pot. His inner gentleman had by this point taken over and he was finally drinking it in the most English of manners.

"Yes...fascinating concept. It was to a boy I had sort of developed a fondness for well over eight years" she revealed, taking a freshly served jug of orange juice and pouring it into her own glass, "I'd only ever met him in the physical sense about three times, one time I wanted to tell him how felt was when I lent him a DVD box set of a tv series he loved. I tucked in a note expressing my feelings, but five minutes later I pulled it out for fear I'd have to ultimately come clean to him about my experience in the field, which would put his life at risk"

"So you pined for him long afterwards?" DM asked.

"Yes, that dream I had where I married and left him is only a few days old. I don't know why I would think of hurting him like that"

"You're not hurting him...you're liberating him. Giving him even the tiniest fraction of your time would be world enough for him" DM replied.

"We're all so...expendable aren't we? Time is precious to us, time is so little, and life for us agents is never simple...even when we have our desires presented to us in illusion, as we advance in age, we tend to welcome in a harsher reality even to that mirage...we don't want an Oasis, we are as barren as the desert, and we want even our inner worlds to reflect what we experience in everything outside. The world outside our windows has never had such stronger pull on us"

"Perhaps we should concentrate on the world in here then" DM said, "Look around, how many do you think we can take?"

Jeopardy glanced at the huddled mass of inhumanity gathered at the tables. Reptiles, one-eyed Giraffes, well-manicured scarabs in evening wear, foxes dressed in casual light green shirts and ties indulging in a game of cards with a pack of Alsatians. Each one giving the other dirty looks.

"You're seriously thinking of instigating a confrontation? We're here to take back the Rugby diamond, not add an unstable element to a fragile situation. No, we're going to do this discreetly"

"I'm just weighing our options" DM insisted.

"Male mice and their happy fists, what a philistine approach" a cross Jeopardy criticized, "You remind me so much of another hothead I'm usually tagged up with, the one comforting thought is he is'nt here to bungle things up"

DM kept his temper in check. Now was not the time to forfeit his disguise in favour of setting Jeopardy right on her cruel comments.

"You're right...of course, you're right. We ought to try something that doesn't leave too much of a a fuss...at least until we make it out of here with the diamond"

"Then listen up, because here's my strategy" Jeopardy began, "I'd like to whisper it in your ear if you've got a minute, untie one of them so I can do so"

DM felt apprehensive. If he let his ears loose, his disguise would be undone.

"Come on man, what's the hold up? Important business to be had here" she said.

The swift arrival of Penfold and Squawkencluck at the table spared him any embarrassment.

"Penfold, glad you could make it" said Jeopardy, "Me and my date were just about to discuss strategy, mind if I whisper it in your ear?"

"Sure" Penfold replied, "I'll pass it on to H.Q for you too if you like"

Jeopardy nudged past Squawkencluck just as began settling into her seat, she kneeled down beside Penfold, her voice was barely audible to everyone else, but what she slowly slipped into Penfold's hearing made sure to make enough commotion in the hapless hamster's packed and panicked mind.

"I don't know what you and Dunce Mouse are up to with this little double dating deception, but rest assured, if we don't come away with this diamond, I am going to arrange you two never see a single date in a calendar year let alone one of the romantic kind"

***

Penfold had to think quickly.

They'd been rumbled.

"What makes you think your date is DM?" Penfold whispered

"The voice he's put on the whole time sounds strained and false" Jeopardy revealed, "I can master thick cockney accents when I have to go undercover, but he cocks it right up" revealed Jeopardy, "He also the exact same manners, can't keep himself too attentive unless it's something that interests HIM, and on top of all that, you show up. You're permanently attached to his sides, to the point they'd split if you did"

"I have friends besides DM; the Professor has friends outside of work. We're just helping a fresh agent out in the field" Penfold replied, trying to salvage the situation with more lies.

"Oh so you're going to humour me are you? Fine, but this is a delicate situation" Jeopardy replied.

"Are you two going to hum sweet nothings in each other's ear all day?" Squawkencluck asked.

"No, it's nothing" Jeopardy said, and clambered back over to her side of the table.

"I don't see you get out all that much Professor, work must stress you out, having to hang around so many walking and talking errors posing as helpful hands" Jeopardy said, complimenting Squawkencluck

A loud clatter made her turn.

"Oh I'm so sorry, I dropped the coffee jug" Dangermouse said, "I'll just pick it up"

"I'll help you Matlock" Penfold said

"MATLOCK?" Jeopardy replied

"That's his name...met him during a game of Go at the Checkers games night festival" Penfold said.

"Oh yes, your life outside DM...and it's amongst more nerds. How glamorous" Jeopardy said, deciding to play along with Penfold's poorly conceived deception even if she didn't buy an inch of it.

DM and Penfold huddled under the table.

"Penfold, does she know?" DM asked

"Who knows who?" Penfold asked

"Jeopardy" DM replied.

"Sort of, I know she knows, but she doesn't know you don't know, but now you know" Penfold replied

"So if I know she knows, that means she doesn't know that I know, but the Professor doesn't know" DM said.

"She knows what we know, Jeopardy doesn't know she knows that much, so she could be an asset" Penfold revealed.

"Right, fine, we'll move ahead with what we're doing, but just make sure we both know where we stand"

"I'll try to remember that I know what we know" Penfold vowed.

"Good. I know I can trust you" DM said, complimenting him.

"Did you remember that you knew that? I know you've got a tricky memory"

"I didn't know that" DM whispered back, before clambering out from behind the table and sitting down once again

"Where's the coffee jug 'Matlock?" Jeopardy asked, "You didn't retrieve it"

"I know, I know" DM said, sighing.

"What don't you know now?" Penfold asked.

"Penfold, shush" DM replied, a tad irritated.

"Now now, you know not to be rude like that in front of ladies" Penfold replied.

"You'd be surprised at how little I know of patience" DM revealed.

"I can't but notice how quiet things have gotten...everyone's just staring at their dish of the day, not even taking it in" noted Squawkencluck

Dangermouse and Penfold looked around at the other tables. Sure enough, the commotion all around them had died down. Everyone was staring blankly into space.

DM noted that only their lips were moving.

"Do you know how to read lips?" DM asked Jeopardy

"Implicitly, it's a woman's way of reading minds when they try to pucker up with them" she revealed.

"Mind letting us knows what you know of the kind of numbers they're spilling out?" DM asked

"Is there something you know you're not telling us?" A curious Penfold interrupted.

"Shush" DM and Jeopardy said in unison, and resumed their lip reading.

"Yes, numbers, and going up, and up...like...bidding" Jeopardy noted.

"The auction for the Rugby Diamond, it's going on right now...but...why isn't the Diamond present?" DM asked, "And why be so quiet about it...not unless..."

"..Your special sir" came, besides them, the only other different voice in the room, the one that belonged to the waiter as he served them their meal.

"...Unless what?" Jeopardy asked, but DM was too fixated on what they'd been served.

Hot plates of simmering seeds.

***

"Do you mind if I record this?" Squawk asked as everyone stared at the dishes, taking out her portable video camera.

"Pardon?" DM asked

"Bit of an inconvenient time for home movies" Jeopardy added. DM nodded in agreement.

"Always keep an archive of what we've been mutually dreaming about" Squawk replied. "Quick, no time to lose...rationalize events as best you can before jumping to your inevitable conclusions"

DM pondered aloud what she meant, "Yes, yes, I had fast tracked a solution to this earlier...as a way to avoid my fate..."

"Your fate?" a curious Jeopardy asked, about to place one of the piping hot seeds into her mouth. DM slapped the seed out of her hand.

"Don't eat it, it's poisonous" he said

"How do you know?" she said.

"Think about it, think about why everyone is quiet...trance-like, as if they were all...sleeping awake...all except us and the service..."

"Yes, but how does that and mutual dream experience mean you...we...are about to be killed?" Jeopardy insisted.

"Because I chose the words 'Fast Track'" DM revealed.

Jeopardy was still confused.

"Don't worry, that look on your face was mine too when those words sprang up on me...they meant something significant, but the hows and whys eluded me as soon as I thought them up"

"That's to be expected. Sometimes you can get too over-ambitious with how you think your plans out, then when morning comes, like many dreams; they simply cease to be as the mind is too pre-occupied with other things. Only the odder ones linger the most after you awaken" Squawk revealed.

"So you're saying you could be killed...but you've managed to avoid it by...reminding yourself about a lucid dream solution you've forgotten about?" Jeopardy said, continuing with her puzzled inquiries.

"I don't have to remember, I fast tracked a different solution...I rushed you all here"

"Rushed us into what?" Penfold continued

"This location...within this dream" DM revealed

A bright light shimmered all over the area, and everyone assembled in the restaurant suddenly burst into commotion. Loud, angry, obnoxious complaining could be heard from every table. They all glanced in the direction of the table our double dates were seated at, fire in their eyes and murder on their minds.

"Crumbs, they're all awake" Penfold said, alarmed.

"Just as well, let's send them back to sleep" Jeopardy replied, springing out of her seat. DM joined her.

They all came at them. Duckula, Snowman, Greenback, Stiletto, and many more familiar and unfamiliar...and each stepped straight into a big clunking fist and a well timed judo kick from the pair.

Penfold was perplexed.

"Professor...I don't get it. What is going on?" he asked, afraid he wouldn't be able to comprehend the answer...and worse, didn't think the Professor would either.

"I'm afraid I've got a wee confession to make Penfold" Squawk replied, "...You see, each one of us are dream partners. Remember what I told you earlier about dream meshing? The goal about having a partner is you all have a lucid dream at the same time, on the same date, and you remember exactly how to enact the meet-up when you come across the real thing"

"So this...isn't the real thing?" Penfold asked.

"It's both a premonition and a dress rehearsal. There's a theory going around that time travel has always been possible in dreams. We're all still asleep, New Year's Day has yet to arrive, and this is us caught in a fraction of the future using my new patented Lucid Undercurrent DetEctor. L.U.D.E for short. This is what you're all going to do, what we're to expect when we arrive at the restaurant, once DM and I make it as clear to Jeopardy as I'm making it clear to you, we should be able to deal with everyone gathered there in a quicker amount of time"

"Jeopardy doesn't know about this?" Penfold asked.

"And neither did you. Only I and DM knew" Squawk revealed.

"So...you USED me?" Penfold replied in a raw tone. Squawk could sense the hurt was sincere.

"No, no, I didn't think you'd ask me out, in fact, I was sort of going to ask you out..."

Penfold sighed, his mood a tad elevated.

"Of course, there were times where I wasn't so sure we were in the exact scenario, so I made small talk with you in the 'taxi' taking us here. By having an unprecedented random conversation in the journey there, I made sure I could share things with you that would keep us focused on arriving at the precise destination" Squawk continued

"Ah, I get it; the crooks were all having a lucid auction weren't they? The Rugby diamond was safe and secure with whoever stole it far clear of here, and the actual bidding was being conducted all in their heads, like you said, but at the same time, they were counting on us all to arrive the next day, so they tried poisoning us in our sleep and then continue to proceed apace with the auction at the restaurant knowing no one would arrive to arrest them all while gloating in our final crushing defeat. That's diabolical" Penfold replied.

"Yep. A good thing they're all now sleeping soundly in their dream state...they'll get up in real life, feel a major hangover, realize we're all aware of the auction and go back to bed without thinking once of attending it for real" Squawk continued.

As the fight settled down. DM and Jeopardy dusted off their hands

"Will I gather a mop to clear them off the floor?" asked DM.

"I might not know exactly what just happened, but I get the feeling as soon as I wake up, I feel the need to do it all over again...especially the dating part...I found our conversations about dreams pretty dreamy"

"At least this day has yet to turn to a nightmare" DM asked, as his ears suddenly popped back into their rightful places, the fight having loosened them from the elastic holding them backwards.

Jeopardy was fuming

"Oh I KNEW it" she said, and proceeded to batter DM soundly.

Penfold and Squawk watched the spectacle, each of their hands holding the others.

"Ah DM and Jeopardy...what dreams may come...whenever she calms down and lets him have an more anyway" Squawk replied.

EPILOGUE


For Maybelline and Maggie, their performances had gone down with the crowd swimmingly.

If only their audience had existed for real.

Oh there had been many a tortured soul that had appreciated the music, appreciated the choreography and the pain and elation delivered through their impeccable singing...but they were all preoccupied with priorities and rehearsals of their own.

"How's your daily Maggie?" Maybelline asked as Maggie checked her I-pad.

"It worked out fine after all, just as you said. My favourite couple may be stronger for it too"

"See? Nothing to worry about"

"I just get so paranoid about it...like there's some grand conspiracy against them...that's the appeal isn't it? Those two against the world, both the threats in their own little reality, and the threat from all of those that weave it all together"

"And do you think you'd ever change if one day your worst fears would come to pass? Or would you rise to the challenge the way you rose here?" Maybelline asked of her friend.

Maggie shed a small tear, proud of what she'd been able to accomplish.

"I'm always pushing myself to achieve what I can without limits...if I was able to cope with the trauma in the most lucid of ways...think about what can happen in reality"

She smiled, as she imagined the sound of applause, gently she whispered something else.

"We are such things as dreams are made of"
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Old October 22nd, 2017, 05:03 AM #19
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DO FORGET YOUR TOOTHBRUSH


"I tell you Chief, it doesn't make any sense" Penfold insisted as DM made his way over to the bathroom.

"Look Penfold, does it really matter? You should be more concerned that even after a hiatus of several months and a DVD out, the Colonel still hasn't find the time to go back over previous missions to learn your blasted name" DM replied, and quickly entered the room.

Penfold leaned back on the door, his arms crossed, he proceeded to pout. He heard the faint trickle of water from inside as DM turned the taps on.

A sharp yell caused Penfold to worry. He lightly tapped on the door.

"Erm, Chief, is anything the matter?" he said.

"Confounded thing..." DM shouted.

"Confounded what?" Penfold asked

"Someone's replaced my electric toothbrush with a Beelectric toothbrush" DM replied, "I put it in to rinse my pearly white wonders and it stung me as soon as it connected to my wisdom tooth"

"Well that's most unwise of you Chief" Penfold joked.

"Not the most appropriate time for jest Penfold" DM replied.

"But...but how can that bee?" Penfold said, trying not to chortle at another ill-timed joke.

"What do you mean? And could you not be so mean about it?"

"That little cur Kong never invented time travel, how could he have still have invented that

"He was only struck by the inspiration to time travel; I doubt his inventive mind had an off switch for everything. He probably put a lot of Stock Aitkin and Waterman into developing this project on the side, got funded, and developed the product for commercial use"

"Do you think he got some backers from dragon's den?" Penfold asked.

"I'd like to stick him in a lion's den" DM replied, opening the door and showing Penfold the blister that had formerly been the gum lined around his wisdom tooth

"Oh that's nasty stuff there Chief...let me take a look at that toothbrush" Penfold said, DM handed it over. Penfold checked the back of the yellow and black striped appliance and found, etched into the rubber, an image of a monkey perched on a surfboard with a team of gorillas standing on his shoulders.

"This product supported in full by the karma future house" Penfold replied.

"Just as I figured...crowd-surfing" DM added.

"At least he got some success out of things, and made peace with those bullying him...still doesn't explain why you wound up with one here though"

"If I recall, we recently recruited a gorilla agent...he must have belonged to that campus faction, remembered I had spent two years deceiving everyone there with my disguise as captain of the football team, and swapped my regular electric toothbrush with a beelectric version" DM theorized.

"A typical revenge plotline...see how much more sense that makes? How straight-forward it is? What I would give for more episodes like that" Penfold mused.

"Sometimes Penfold, what you want isn't exactly what we all exactly need" DM said as his gums continued to hurt.
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Old October 22nd, 2017, 05:06 AM #20
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YOU SPIN ME RIGHT 'ROUND

Hey, this isn't a furry biscuit, it's the microphone.

A microphone? Is it made by McCain's by any chance?

No, no cut it out, get this wretched celery out of your system narrator, and hold on a minute, I just need to skip to the loo again.

Wait a moment.

Wait-a-moment.

Ahhhhhhhhhh.

Well, that's a relief. Just wait until I flush and wash my hands, there we go.

Excuse me while I clear my throat, that's it.

Ok.

London, and within DM's mailbox headquarters, Dangermouse talks to Colonel K about the recent events involving the sabotage of the super smart celery...try saying those six sentences quickly.

"This is the second instance of Nero infiltrating our base Colonel, this surely can't go on" said DM

"You're right DM, we may have to start passing out intelligence tests to anyone who wants access to the lab" the Colonel suggested, "Say, where's the other fellow?"

"He's gone off to try and calm Squawkecluck down, she's insistent on the interrogation of Pandaminion and Nero" DM revealed

In the catacombs of the agency's special cells, Nero defiantly stuck his tongue out at the very cross cockerel Squawkencluck.

"Persist in that with me and I'll give you a real tongue lashing" she said.

Penfold gently placed a hand on her shoulder, "Come on Professor, you know he can't exactly own up to anything, he doesn't even know the English language, try asking Pandaminion something"

"That's easier said than done" the Professor replied, "He's gone into silent running"

She pointed to him on a nearby treadmill, jogging along, and not making a peep, not even a pant, from his mouth.

"Oh, I'm sorry Professor" Penfold replied

Squawkencluck sank into her chair; Penfold opted to give it a bit of a spin

"Penfold cut it out" she said, giggling a little.

"Why? Enjoying it too much Professor?" Penfold asked.

"This is really silly, we're supposed to be professionals here, all this fun in front of the little furry vermin, and it's bound to give him a lesser opinion of us" the Professor added.

"Then all the more reason to show what we're more capable of than he is...having fun in the face of danger" Penfold replied.

Nero looked on anxiously and with great frustration as the two engaged in their completely balmy means of escapism from the rigorous pressures of the usual business associated with their organization.

Penfold knew that keeping her mind off of the corruption of her invention, keeping her from contemplating how easy it was to turn a means of bettering the cream of the agency's crop into a means of deterring them, was the right way to go.

Nero's eyes widened and he gave the pair a sympathetic gaze.

"Oh I do think he wants to join in" Penfold said, picking Nero up and placing him in the Professor's lap

"Have you had another batch of my celery Penfold? There's no way I'm touching him" the Professor replied, trying to brush Nero aside, "Get this midge off of me"

"Just let him sit in your lap Professor, he won't bite, he just wants a ride" Penfold said, giving the chair another spin. Nero let out small yelps of joy, and snuggled up.

"Ok, Ok, I'm a little bit dizzy now, could you cut it out, at least 'till I get off of it?" the Professor replied, Penfold obliged.

Nero sat alone on the chair, allowing him to be continuously spun as Penfold and Squawkencluck took turns with the chair.

Dangermouse walked in on them, and was curious as to what this had been all about.

"We're transferring Nero over to the lunar prison so he can be with his master. I trust you've been behaving yourselves?" he asked.

"Everything's right as rain Dangermouse, Penfold here's been showing me a wee bit of domestic bliss with Nero" Squawkencluck said, stroking Nero's chin, "He's such a cute little beastie, I don't know why I ever thought he was..."

A quick bite of her finger sent her into a fit once again, she violently spun the chair so wildly that the ensuing g-forces were enough to catapult Nero off of the seat and into the wall, carving a nero-shaped hole through it.

"At least that proves one theory I had...there really is enough room to swing a pet in here" she declared.

DM laughed.

"What's so funny about that chief?" Penfold replied.

"Well it's a traditional way to wrap up an episode Penfold, you know how it goes, a bad pun is made, everyone in the ensemble laughs, we freeze frame, there's credits while you wave goodbye to the audience..."

"Seriously Chief, I should call animal services after what she just did..." Penfold added.

"Could you please cut to something else narrator? I'd hate to end this fic on an awkward note..." DM said.

Spot on DM.

The moral of the story is that it's better to spin things around in the right way. Even if it means the literal sense.

Well, erm, there's still a little bit of time left so why don't I entertain you with the fact that after today's episode ended I couldn't switch off the CBBC channel because it was clashing with an episode of Giraffe Warriors over on POP? Yes, I watch POP, what's it to you? And no, don't presume I watch it just for Giraffe Warriors and that wretched Sabrina cartoon. Sabrina's never been the same since the live-action one ended...
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