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Old January 11th, 2018, 05:52 AM #41
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> Cameron Samurai
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AUTHORS OF PAIN


(Contains Spoilers for "Colonel Danger Mouse")

In the cafeteria of the Danger Agency headquarters, two close friends were exchanging choice words about the world's most untrustworthy former head agent.

"The nerve of him, the sheer nerve of him" complained Danger Moth as she took another bite of the chips recovered from Baron Greenback's island resort, beckoning Professor Squawkencluck for a bottle of ketchup.

"You think the nerve of that mouse can unnerve you, think of what his ham-fisted hamster friend said to me as soon as I took charge" she said, reflecting on Penfold critiquing her attempts at preparing the Agency for the chip crisis.

"You'd think the males in this agency would get the memo by now, we don't need to take instruction from those that can't take it well themselves" Danger Moth continued, before a sharp pain shot through her mouth.

"Anything the matter?" asked Squawkencluck

"I've only gone and bit down hard on a tooth I got smoothed over today at the dentist. She told me not to chew down on anything too hard, but after the chewing out I got from the front office, I'm in no real mood to take it easy on anything"

The two girls calmed themselves and sought other topics to cover, but everything came back around to the urgent mission they were presently on.

"You think Col. K was serious when he told us to consume all of the chips transferred back to headquarters?" Danger Moth asked.

"I'm pretty sure this was a command direct from Danger Mouse before he stepped down" replied Squawkencluck.

"The absolute madmouse, is he aware of the figure I'm trying to keep?" Danger Moth responded, once more slightly irritated.

Danger Mouse entered the cafeteria, opting to inspect how the mission he had placed upon the Agency's finest was coming along.

Danger Moth spotted him, and steadily rose from her seat, planning to sneak up upon the agent who's brash ego had gotten in the way of her attempts to prevent landmarks from being shrunk and collected by Greenback.

Squawkencluck grabbed her arm and gave her a stealthy and cautionary gaze, urging her to sit perfectly still and not cause much incident.

Danger Mouse turned and spotted Danger Moth resume her seat, and waved over to her.

"I was hoping I'd find you here" he said.

"I was hoping to do my job without you looming over my shoulder instructing me on how to pull it off sir" Danger Moth replied venomously.

Danger Mouse sighed, "Yes, about that, I wanted to apologise Danger Moth, it was my confidence getting in the way of your expertise. I should have trusted you to do things your way"

"Your confidence? That's what you're calling your ego these days?" replied Danger Moth.

Danger Mouse let out an unnerved chuckle.

"My ego? Don't be ridiculous, we're all conditioned to be a little selfless you know" he said.

"Then you won't mind me being a little selfless now, have a handful on me mate" Danger Moth said, grabbing a plateful of chips, mashing them up in her hands, and thrusting them in Danger Mouse's mouth.

DM buckled and spat them all out in rapid-fire succession, pinning Danger Moth to the wall.

Squawkencluck couldn't help but laugh, which reminded her of what she and Penfold had gotten up to when Danger Mouse had first taken up duties at Col. K's desk dressed in the un-snazziest of suits.

Being reminded of sharing laughter together compelled Squawkencluck to get up and seek Penfold out, with the aim of apologising.

Danger Mouse walked over to the stricken Danger Moth and pulled her off the wall.

"Apologies again for this particular serving" said Danger Mouse.

Danger Moth looked a little down.

"No, I still think you're at fault sir, but I should not have stepped out of line like that, especially when I read the report on how you used that same technique to put things right and apprehend the Baron" Danger Moth replied.

"Perhaps I can serve you better this evening, with a little of that earl grey mix you look to cosy up to during first run episodes of Quality Street, and some mash to go with it"

"I hope you're not going to make the mash off the writing on this wall" Danger Moth joked, pointing to the regurgitated concoction that she had been pried away from.

"I think we've authored enough pain between us for one taxing day" assured Danger Mouse, and kissed her right hand.

Danger Moth let him cross his right arm with hers and lead her out of the room.

Last edited by Cameron Samurai; February 22nd, 2019 at 02:49 AM.
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Old January 16th, 2018, 06:16 AM #42
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RISK IN RECREATION


(contains spoilers for "Earnest Penfold and the Half-Price Wand")

Fresh off thwarting the money making schemes of the alien Quark, Danger Mouse has returned to his humble abode at his Mayfare Mail Box, where he was set to do a great deal of medal polishing.

First thing was first though, and that was to see to himself. He intended to give freshman agents their first real tour of the place, and if he wanted the medals to look good enough to motivate those hip new upstarts into making a difference, he had to look good too.

To this end, he had made plans to coat himself from head to toe in a fine thick coating of a special equivalent to Titanium White oil paint, one specifically designed for his body to bring out the highlights in his coat of fur.

To his dismay however, he found the supply of Titanium White was being used for other means.

As he entered his room, he found canvas after canvas stacked against the walls, each apparently waiting their turn to be seen to, as he caught sight of Penfold taking the White and applying it to a bright clear blue sky he had been painting with a brush taped to the edge of a walking stick. The white was used to generate small cloud-like wisps.

"Penfold, what are you doing?" Danger Mouse demanded.

"Oh don't mind me Chief, I only have another thousand to do" said Penfold as he used the familiar looking stick, a sparkling blue emerald embedded in it's centre, to put together the vivid and breathtaking imagery of a bright blue sky being reflected upon a crystal clear lake.

"Are you using Merlin's staff as a paint brush?" DM asked.

"I thought I'd use it for something more lax and creative, something to just relax my mind with. That staff's been used in far too many tense situations" Penfold replied.

"And you though painting would be an appropriate pastime?" asked DM.

"They always say you as an artist can bring all kinds of things to life, well with the staff it's quite literal" said Penfold, who, after completing the picture, aimed the staff at it and muttered a small incantation that caused the still lake in the painting to suddenly develop calm but visible ripples and for a cool and calm wisp of air to generate from the sky he had crafted above it.

"Now, let's see what we can do about putting a few bit of land where the lake is, and maybe give it a hut too" Penfold said, putting together the picture and giving them both a very firm foundation with yet another incantation.

Danger Mouse had gone from being mildly annoyed to feeling quite composed and relaxed.

"You know Penfold, this is the kind of money Quark could easily have been making, happy little clouds, little lakes, portraits which reflect the splendour of nature. The joy of painting, most assuring, and the most painless kind of pleasure there is"

"Oh crumbs" Penfold said as he winched in pain.

"Whatever is the matter?" asked DM.

"I reached out to get a feel for the hut, and I wound up with a splinter" Penfold said, sucking his finger as the pain intensified.

"Yes, well, what did I tell you? There can be risk even in recreation"

"You never said anything like that chief"

"I must have thought it very hard then. I figured with Merlin's power at your finger tips, you'd be able to read my mind or something"

"I did, and it still came up with nothing" pointed out Penfold.

"Well you know how thoughts can be, they just drift in and out, sometimes you'll have a clear concept, the next you end up butchering it because the best way to go about it gets away from you"

"You said I was always someone special to you Chief, but I think you're a whole different kind of special sometimes" said Penfold, certain the chef would think he was being complimentary.

His instincts proved correct.

"Charming thing to say chap" Danger Mouse said.
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Old January 16th, 2018, 06:16 AM #43
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THE SUPERIOR SQUAWKENCLUCK


Right, am I me again? Is that maverick monkey off my mind? Good, let's get back to the business of filing in an epilogue to this latest caper.

Whew, what literal mouthful of mayhem and mirth today was Danger fans. I, your humble narrator, suddenly feel quite peckish with all I've seen go down as part of Professor King Kong Brunel's latest maniacal power play, and adequate redemption for our very own Professor Squwakwencluck.

"Redemption?" she asked.

"Well the narrator does have somewhat of a point Professor" replied Danger Mouse, still trapped in the body of Penfold, "The only reason I had to pack all that jam, and later the contents of that meat reactor, into my trusty assistant's tummy, was because you were insistent on proving some kind of ridiculous point about who's ideas could be listened to more depending on the mind stored within"

"Yes, well it didn't quite work out that way did it Danger Mouse? I thought I made that clear when I had the epiphany near the end of the episode. That everyone deserved a chance to be heard, even if their ideas were a wee bit off-kilter"

"Oh I don't know, I still wonder if your point could stand some chance of being proven" replied Danger Mouse.

"And what does that mean?" a cross Squawkencluck responded.

"Well, the ideas Brunel offered up while in your body did somewhat appeal to me"

"He was only using you to gain access to those weapons in the lab" the Professor protested, flapping her arms in uncontrollable fury as she resisted the option of strangling him.

"Nevertheless, he understood my needs better than you do" Danger Mouse replied, referring to how at least Brunel was offering to let him play with Squawkencluck's inventions.

"The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the one" Penfold said, "At least that's how I think it went in Star Trek"

Squawkencluck smiled at him and gave his white fur a stroke accompanied by an affectionate purr.

"See? He totally gets it"

"Hey, I did all the work consuming that jam, why were you complimenting him?" Danger Mouse asked.

"Because you're just borrowing a little of what makes him special" Squawkencluck insisted.

"Really? So what you're trying to say that if it had'nt been for the inventions you already designed, Brunel would'nt have been inspired to use his own off-the-wall ideas to create his little big bang machine"

"In a way, it taught me an additional lesson to the one about learning to invite in any and all creative voices...that everything is connected, someone's portrait of a sunset inspires someone to make a moon rise upwards, concealing us all in darkness"

"That's a rather pessimistic outlook Prof" noted Penfold.

"Not to worry dear, the darkness never lasts, that's what you're there for"

"So in order for the light to penetrate darkness, there must first be darkness, and darkness can't come without penetrating what is already made by light" Penfold replied.

"Got it in one, one can't exist without the other. It's all in balance" replied Squawkencluck.

"I guess you were the superior Squawkencluck after all" replied Danger Mouse.

"Took you long enough to admit it, now how about we switch you and my heroic hamster back so I can quickly reassess how exactly I'll wrap my hands around his body, I'd rather not start at the neck"
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Old January 16th, 2018, 06:17 AM #44
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BY THE BOOK


I've been told to keep very, very quiet, so quiet in fact that the narration button is in danger of having the "mute" switch activated.

"Splendid to see you comply narrator, the last thing we need are these little rattlers, well, rattling" Danger Mouse replied to me, but even his compliments proved too much of a commotion for one other individual.

"Keep the noise down Danger Mouse, I've only just managed to keep one of them from giving the floor a warm golden glow" Squawkencluck cautioned as she prepared to administer a fresh diaper to one of the Danger Babies

"Can I help Professor?" Penfold asked.

"I don't know Penfold, have you managed to do some biological research beforehand?" she asked

"Professor, I'll have you know I don't like being teased like that" revealed Penfold.

"You don't really think I took your 'they grow up so fast' thing to be literal right? I was teasing you silly" said Squawkencluck, patting the Danger Baby on the toosh as it let out a rude ripple from it's mouth.

"Ugh, it's breath is worse than it's butt" replied Danger Mouse.

Squawkencluck put the baby to sleep with the rest of them, then handed Danger Mouse a book.

"What's this for?" he asked.

"These are all the bedtime stories approved by the Danger Agency. They're specifically designed to provide the Danger Babies with conformity and discipline"

Danger Mouse was left flabbergasted by the contents of the book.

"There's columns upon columns of important figure's phone books and addresses in here"

"Helps them with memorizing locations and those in high society, the kind that depend on us to keep their interests secure so they can help keep the rest of the nation secure" said Squawkencluck.

"What's a crossword puzzle doing in this? You can't read someone a crossword puzzle" Danger Mouse responded.

"I read the clues to them while they doze off, that way they're keen to give me the answers in the morning having ran it over time and again in their slumber"

"This isn't leaving much else to their imagination Professor" said Penfold.

"After the chaos your chief of calamity caused tapping into their imaginations, I assure you this is for the best" Sqawackencluck responded, and handed Penfold a fresh sack of diapers.

"Don't wear them out" she said, giving Penfold a wink, "And don't actually start wearing them either"

"I resent such an accusation" Penfold replied, not realizing one of the babies had awoken and pinned the diaper to his waist already.

Squawkencluck made her way to another darkly lit room. Greeting her was Danger Moth.

"Care for some popcorn?" she asked.

"Don't mind if I do" said Squawkencluck.

"How long do you reckon it'll take for Danger Mouse to cease going by the book?"

"When he does, and it backfires, it'll all be captured on film and I can use that footage to discredit him with the front office. He'll never be allowed to babysit my pride and joys again"

"What about Penfold?" Danger Moth probed.

"Ah, the sweet little thing knows his way around children, I wouldn't mind him doing it" Squawkencluck assured her.

Something suddenly caught her attention on the hidden camera feed

"What on Earth is he doing?" Squawkencluck said in response

Danger Moth had one of the cameras zoom in on what Danger Mouse was up to.

"He's filling in the crossword puzzle" she said.

Squawkencluck's hand gripped the popcorn so tightly, it caused them to disintegrate.

"That's the defining rule of leaving something for someone to read while waiting for something to happen...they're bound to always go for the crossword puzzle" Danger Moth suggested.

Squawkencluck looked upwards at the clock, and for the next fifteen hours, counted down the precious moments where the babies would wake up, be set their daily routine, carry on with their training, leaving her free to administer to Danger Mouse the kind of vindictive pain that would not normally be approved of by the Danger Agency.

That is, unless she planned to file her treatment of Danger Mouse under a 'cautionary tale' category of her existing book, to teach children the pitfalls of stepping outside of your boundaries with those in your care.

Uh oh Squawkencluck just gave me a gaze all but confirming she approves of the idea.

I really should have pressed that 'mute' button.
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Old January 16th, 2018, 06:18 AM #45
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HE'S A VAMP, BUT I LOVE HIM


EPISODE ONE


It's a peaceful day in a bustling London park.

A lazy Friday.

A Good Friday.

That's right, it's Easter.

Two days to go before the kids tuck into the creamiest chocolaty eggs you can purchase off the high-street.

Two days before Kinder Surprise nets a tidy million in profits.

But before that, there is joy to be had, for the kids are off school, and are quick to embrace their fortnight of freedom.

What could ruin their good mood?

How about balloons?

Yes. You heard right.

Balloons.

Descending upon the park in their thousands, all pouring out of a giant airship with giant bat-like wings attached to each side and a large beak perched at the front.

This vessel can belong to only one creature, the most sinister showman in all of Transylvania, and a threat to the known world, Count Duckula!

"Now that was quite an introduction" said Duckula at the controls of his airship, "I'm glad I wrote it for you Mr. Narrator, and I'm just as grateful you had a chance to read it"

Ok, ok, now will you please cut my family loose?

"Certainly" said Duckula, turning to a trio of terrified human beings tied up in the far left of the airship. He pulled a switch which opened up a hole in the floor which the family fell through.

Yikes! My family is in deadly danger, and here I am depicting every detail of it!

This wasn't in my contract...no personal stakes, I specifically put that in there, along with a minor raise and a trip to Vienna during mid-series breaks in between the holidays.

Somebody help them!

Fortunately, this narrator's prayers were swiftly answered as the family came back up through the hole being held in the arms of a trinity of very special secret agents. This world's finest. Danger Mouse, Jeopardy Mouse, and Penfold, all wearing rocket packs.

"Good thing the plot required us to hang about the back end of your airship Duckula" said DM.

"What is with the balloons Duck? Talk while you still have your beak attached" said Jeopardy

"The balloons contain a special form of gas that, when it comes into contact with the atmosphere, will permanently alter the vocal chords of everyone within proximity, and the first thing they hear afterwards will be what the chords will adapt to, and do you know who they'll hear?" Duckula boasted, before throwing another switch.

"Mine"

A large series of loud speakers attached to the bottom of the airship were soon charged and ready to emit whatever sound was due to come through.

The top of the airship suddenly opened and an immense gloved hand containing an equally large drawing pin, it lowered gently down and menacingly hovered over the descending balloons.

"Think of it, a whole world speaking my kind of language, I'll forever be the talk of the town" boasted Duckula.

"Not if we render you mute" said DM, and sped towards Duckula in his rocket pack.

Duckula transformed into a bat and glided across the ship, proving difficult to catch. He turned around and gave DM a taunting rasp, before glancing in horror as Jeopardy and Penfold encircled him in their own rocket packs.

"Penfold, grab him" said Jeopardy.

Penfold went in to grab Duckula by the throat, but the count quickly dug his fangs into Penfold's fingers. Penfold squealed.

"Cor, 'Chief, that really hurt" Penfold said, as Duckula ultimately flew down the hole and out of the airship.

"It was just a love bite Penfold" DM said.

"Yeah, well fat chance of us going out on a date, I don't like the type that bite" said Penfold.

"At least he didn't burst any balloons" said Jeopardy

"Now all we have to do is gather them up and take them back to headquarters and get them processed at the labs" said DM, "Let's just hope Squawk doesn't take it as a sign we're trying to make up for that birthday party we kept ruining"

Back at headquarters, Professor Squawkencluck took a hammer and beat it down hard on the cotton socks in front of her, fierceness in her eyes. She folded up the socks, curled them into a ball, and griped them tightly.

Seemingly satisfied with what she could feel in her hand, she threw it into a pile of other compressed socks in the back of her lab.

DM, Penfold, and Jeopardy walked in, carrying a cart full of Count Duckula's balloons. Penfold noticed the rather immense sock collection.

"What's with all the woolly warmers Professor?" he asked.

"I'm going to attend a convention in the alps in a couple of days, the weather up there is said to be quite brutal this year so I'm enhancing all of my thermal wear with a special alloy that will keep me in pristine temperature even under the coldest conditions" she explained.

"Ah, always nice to present yourself as all warm and fuzzy, suits your personality" noted a sarcastic Danger Mouse.

"Just what is this business with the balloons Danger Mouse?" asked Squawkencluck, trying to change the subject before she snapped again at DM's teasing.

"They carry a gas that makes you a personal member of a club reserved only for Huey, Dewey, and Loewy" said Jeopardy.

Squawkencluck examined one of the balloons with a keen and sharp eye, "Hmm, yes, yes, I can see the gas somewhat swirling around there, I'll test it out on a couple of lab rats"

"But we're the only two rodents in here" said DM, noting himself and Jeopardy.

Squawkencluck folded her arms and raised an eyebrow.

DM and Jeopardy quickly dashed out of the room, leaving her with Penfold.

"I heard you had a little brush with the count" Squawk noted.

"Please, If I ever had children with him, it'd certainly wouldn't resemble a brush, probably more a stick of broccoli" Penfold replied in jest, before feeling a sharp pain in his right fingers.

"Penfold, are you sure you don't want to have that checked out?" Squawkencluck asked, worried about Penfold's condition.

"DM told me it was just a love bite" said Penfold.

"I'd be a bit worried if I were you, this is what the Goosewing institute for vampire research call 'green fingers', a process used by rare vampire ducks to convert their victims"

"Well it's sure made me want to take a bite out of something...like a carrot, or some cucumber..."

"Cravings for vegetarian food? Oh that settles it, you're not to budge from this lab until I get back" Sqauwkencluck said, "Stay right there while I get you a veggie burger"

Jeopardy and DM made their way over to the canteen, where Danger Moth was waiting.

"I'll get us something to snack on, you two can talk shop" DM suggested, and headed over to grab a plate and begin making selections. His eyes were trained on a large stack of sandwiches in the far left, dripping with mustard, cheese and relish.

Trouble is, they were all wedged under white bread, and DM knew what scoffing down too much of them could do to your weight. In addition to that, they could block up your bladder.

So his next instinctive act was to check for any brown loafs instead. If anything else, they allowed evacuations to occur much more quickly, which could only be good for his long-term health.

Jeopardy and Danger Moth sat down at the centre table. A copy of the Metro newspaper had been left behind by the previous occupants; Danger Moth took to reading it.

"You're aware that's yesterday's paper right?" said Jeopardy, pointing at the date at the top of the paper.

"Oh I'm not interested in the headlines for yesterday, today, or tomorrow, I'm checking to see if the crossword's been filled in, or if the funnies are still intact" Danger Moth replied.

"Like to tackle a bit of a puzzle in the mornings then?" asked Jeopardy.

"This is the afternoon" said Danger Moth.

"Forgive me, I'm American, it's the break of dawn where I come from at this time" Jeopardy said, checking her watch.

"Any news on that Rugby Diamond you've been tracking over here?" asked Danger Moth.

"Do you need to remind me of that?" Jeopardy replied, slightly irked.

"My apologies, DM had told me you didn't take kindly to being lied to on that mission" said Danger Moth.

"Deceiving me in public is one thing, but did he have to do it in a dream sequence?" Jeopardy persisted.

"It's his way" she said.

"His way?" Jeopardy asked, a bit bamboozled, "His way is constantly thinking of ways to make himself look surer than he actually is. He wants to prove something all of the time to me. I should be flattered, but I'm always left feeling frustrated" she continued.

"Feeling frustrated is still a feeling" said Danger Moth.

"You trying to say something about how I truly feel about that manipulative mouse?" said Jeopardy.

"Certainly not, but he is my friend, I have the right to look out for him when someone shoots him ac cross pair of eyes" replied Danger Moth.

"Is that just a thought, or a feeling all of its own?" asked a suspicious Jeopardy.

Before Danger Moth could reply, Danger Mouse arrived with a couple of brown loafs, chips, and rice.

"Anyone for a chip butty?" he asked.

Squawkencluck re-entered the lab, veggie burger in hand, which was now immersed in darkness.

She demanded some sort of chill run down her spine, but it never occurred.

She wondered why that was.

Perhaps because she didn't fear what was coming next, maybe it was because she never truly feared the dark.

Maybe she was far too trusting of it.

The lights suddenly flickered on and off, she tried to focus on anything that dared to move besides her.

"P-Penfold?" she said, "Ar-are you there?"

"I'm everywhere" echoed back a voice.

"Are you now?" asked Squawk, "Then would you mind being in the proximity of the light switch? I'm blind as a bat in here"

"Funny you should mention that" said Penfold, as the lights flickered on again, revealing that he was in front of Squawk, looking distinctly dour, the eyes behind his glasses were hazy and blood-red. He was also wearing what looked like a torn bin-bag over his neck.

"Aren't you a little old for dress-up Penfold?" Squawk said, trying to humour him in light of knowing exactly what was occurring to him.

"I feel older now than my ancestors ever were" said Penfold

"Feel. Not are" Squawk replied, detecting the slick emergence of the Transylvanian accent in his voice.

"Ah, but what are we if we cannot feel? It's so clear to me now, how much of a lost puppy I was. Me, a hamster...and all I do is curl up to the chief like I were a complacent puppy. I should be more a dog of war, not a dove of peace"

"I like puppies" Squawk replied, humouring him.

"Yes, but you're also quite content to shoot the dog down sometimes, not pet it" said Penfold, slowly approaching her, extending his right hand, slightly swollen with shades of leafy green across the digits of his fingers.

"What do you want me to do with that?" said Squawk.

"Honour me as a gentleman" said Penfold.

Squawk tried to back out of the lab through the door, only for the lights to flicker again. When she turned to exit, she found herself sealed inside.

Alone with the monster before her.

"Honour me" he said, his mouth now wide open, revealing two sharp fangs.

Squawk screamed, the veggie burger dropped to the floor.

Dishonourable deeds soon commenced.

TO BE CONTINUED
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Old January 16th, 2018, 06:19 AM #46
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HE'S A VAMP BUT I LOVE HIM


EPISODE TWO

As the alarm bells rang all over H.Q, Danger Mouse, Jeopardy and Danger Moth sprinted through the bustling corridors amongst the teeming masses of panicking agents and maintenance workers scattering in all directions.

DM pressed a button attached to his right wrist, the hologram of Col. K immediately flared into life

"Status Colonel?" DM asked, "We've been running down these corridors ever since lunch, the least you could do is actually point us to a specific room"

"Sorry DM, it's been a bit of a bad show for us so far" admitted the colonel, "Anyway, it's been hard to keep track of activity from Professor Squawkencluck's lab, and most of the people covering the security feeds are too scared to talk about what they witnessed"

"Why is everyone else panicking then if there's nothing you can get out of the surveillance crew?" said DM.

"Oh, that's completely unrelated...we're having a clearance sale" said the Colonel, "People are scrambling either to collect their cards or hide their valuables before security appropriate them for the necessary bidding"

"Is this seriously how you pay for your budget?" asked a nosy Jeopardy.

"We're on our way to Squawk's lab Colonel, and whatever you do; please don't commandeer my precious smoking jacket variant chess pieces"

The trio arrived at the lab, and found that the doors had been forced open and split in half.

They stepped into the inky black room, tip-toeing ever so slightly, only their bright eyes were visible in this black void.

"Professor? Professor?" DM asked.

"We've got to find the light switch" said Jeopardy.

"Oh no, don't even mention that around me" said Danger Moth.

"We can't see a thing" insisted Jeopardy.

"Yes, but if you so much as flip that switch on, I'll be mucking about more with that that minding the mission" replied Danger Moth.

"DM's right" said DM.

"Thanks DM" said...erm...DM.

Oh great, you've got me doing that again, how can I tell Mouse and Moth apart when you use the same initials?

"Sorry Narrator" apologized Danger Mouse,

Apology accepted.

The hologram of Col. K swiftly provided some light on this delicate subject. Literally.

"DM, we've finally managed to conjure some courage out of our surveillance unit, this is what they found"

The Mice and Moth looked on horror at what they glimpsed, their friend Penfold taking a nibble at Sqauwkencluck's fingers, Squawkencluck fainting, Penfold prying the doors open, and then swiftly carrying Squawk out of the lab, before suddenly transforming into a fogey sort of mist that seeped through the walls of the Mayfare h.q.

"Penfold...is...a critter of the night" Danger Mouse said in his best William Shatner impersonation.

"Horrifying" said Danger Moth.

"He must have been turned by Duckula" noted Jeopardy, "Is there any way we can revert him back to normal? And where could he be going?"

"Shouldn't be too hard to track him, I put a tracer in one of his fillings from that time I dragged him to the dentist in case he ever lost it, I could easily trace it and drag him to the dentist all over again to put it back in" replied Danger Mouse, taking a small tracking device out of his right pocket.

The device began to make an audible beeping sound.

"Ah, it still works a treat, come on, this ought to lead you right to him"

"What do you mean just us?" said a suspicious Jeopardy.

"I'm afraid I have to take my leave of you fine ladies" said DM, as he reached back into his pocket and produced one of the Professor's latest inventions, a back-episode teleport bracelet, and attached it to his wrist.

"Where could you be going at this crucial minute?" said Jeopardy.

"There's only one person that knows how to turn Penfold back from villainous vampire to harmless hamster, and that's the blighter who bit him" said Danger Mouse.

"You're going to ask for Duckula's help?" Danger Moth asked in alarm.

"I'm afraid I have no choice" said Danger Mouse.

"Neither do I then" said Jeopardy, and laid out the Mouse with a swift right hook from a clenched and furious fist.

She swiftly descended upon the limp body and pried the teleport bracelet from his wrist, attaching it to her own.

"Are you sure that was necessary?" asked Danger Moth as she knelt over DM's body and subjected him to some smelling salts to help bring him back around.

"Danger Dimwit never thinks these sort of things through" noted Jeopardy, "The Count's plans being thwarted earlier will still be fresh in his mind, he won't think twice about subjecting Danger Mouse to repercussions"

"What advantage do you think you'll have then?" Danger Moth asked.

"With DM he'll fancy a bite, it's with me he'll just fancy" Jeopardy replied, giving Danger Moth a wink and activating the teleporter.

And so we join Jeopardy as she rolls back several episodes back to Transylvania, where the Count is in the midst of administrating some of his own hot air to a fresh supply of balloons.

Say, why you so insistent on repeating a past crime Count?

"Because, you narrative nimrod, the writers have stuck me with a recycled script, they're far too lazy to cobble together a fresh scheme for me to concoct. All they care about on their weekends off are complacent little asides for transmitted episodes"

So? Just rebel and doctor the script like you did before.

"I can't, I need a security pass" The Count said, holding up the script and instructing you, the reader, to imagine a long hard stare at the fine print at the bottom.

I have to say IMAGINE because this story is read only and does not have the benefit of imagery.

"I can help you with that" said a confident Jeopardy as she materialized before the count, startling him, but also leaving him lovelorn and star struck in awe of her splendour.

"Jeopardy, to what do I owe this privilege?"

"I'm here to clean up your mess" Jeopardy revealed.

Duckula let out a sigh of relief.

"About time, the sanitation workers want me to pay for all the bags they bring to store what I've got littered around the place" Duckula said, pointing to a mountain of grime and debris.

Jeopardy grabbed his beak and snapped it shut, looking into his eyes with a stealthy glare from her own.

"No, I meant the mess you left poor Penfold in. He's turned into a vampire and is converting the whole base into a castle"

"What do I get out of it?"

"The only reason you can't doctor a script is because I made sure to secure them all with a pass code that only I have knowledge of. Help us undo whatever you did to Penfold and you can alter the script to make me say anything you like"

"Anything?" said Duckula.

"Anything"

The Count pondered the possibilities, and gave his answer with a tender pressing of lips to the back of Jeopardy's right hand.

"I'll write you a cheque coming in" he joked.

Jeopardy withdrew her hand and rubbed it across her right hand side in disgust.

"Just promise me you won't make me say something you'll regret" she said.

"You have my word as a gentle-duck" said Duckula.

Back at H.Q, Moth and Mouse were trying to enter the Colonel's office.

"It's no use" Danger Mouse said as he strained to turn the knob, "This door is weighed down in fourteen carrots"

"I didn't know the colonel's accommodations were so expensive" Danger Moth replied.

"No I mean Penfold's wedged fourteen carrots together around the door knob, making it tough to open" Danger Mouse said, correcting her.

The two agents began to notice that the corridors were slowly transforming, becoming much wider, and several portraits of Penfold and Sqauwkencluck, arm in arm, dressed from head to toe in Edwardian era garb standing over mountains of undressed potatoes and both holding muskets loaded with cabbages, lined the walls.

Danger Mouse inspected one of the plaques on the portraits.

"What does it say?" Danger Moth asked.

"This way up" said Danger Mouse, pointing to the sentence and an arrow pointing him in such a direction.

Danger Mouse looked upwards to find the top end of the musk bleed like a three dimensional object out of the canvas. The fearless mouse pressed the edge of the musk in slightly with the tip of his finger.

The door to the Colonel's office slid to the left and left in its wake a long black passageway. With every step Mouse and Mouth took down it, the steps lit up.

Danger Moth was easily distracted by the bright lights, and hovered joyously over several of the steps, forcing Danger Mouse to grab her by the collar and hold on to her tightly to prevent her from being preoccupied.

Finally, they reached another thin door, Danger Mouse kicked it down and the two fell down a warp hole into a vast chamber alight with all manners of flickering blue, crimson and emerald flames.

At the centre of the room was a small mountain, atop which sat a throne, and perched on that throne was Penfold.

To his right was a bird cage containing Squawkencluck, who had been converted to a vampire, and who was letting out a few high notes and soothing Penfold to sleep.

"He's asleep, let's make sure whatever he's hearing now is exit music" Danger Mouse said, and made a dash towards the mountain throne.

Suddenly, bleeding out from the walls came shadow goblins, each with Penfold's glasses attached to their faces, a pair of scythes slowly slid out of the thick black coating that formed their hands, they charged without hesitation at Danger Mouse, who stood poised to engage in combat.

Danger Moth took the decision out of his hands, flying overhead, she honed in on him and plucked Danger Mouse up before the shadow goblins could gut him with the scythes.

Penfold, without opening his eyes, snapped his fingers. The bird cage's doors flew open and the vampire Squawkencluck sprang out, transforming into a bat-like creature and chasing over Danger Moth, digging into the back of her with ferocious pecks from a sharp beak.

Danger Moth was weakened by the continuous pecking and her hold on Danger Mouse slipped and he crash landed at the tip of Penfold's mountaintop throne, and as he stirred, he found himself face to face with the heinous hamster, now fully awake.

"Cor Chief, you look pale, oh wait, that's because you're traditionally white, we're going to have to put some fresh ketchup in your veins to bring all that colour back to you" Penfold said, cackling.

"Penfold, you're not yourself, let us help you" Danger Mouse pleaded.

"Will you honour me first Chief?" Penfold said, lunging at his former friend with his sharply tipped green fingers, eager to convert the mouse.

As he did so, Count Duckula and Jeopardy swiftly materialised before him, Jeopardy gave Penfold a ferocious roundhouse kick that sent him reeling, while Duckula transformed into a winged matador, flying up to Squawkencluck, and tempting her bull-headedness with a red blanket.

She ceased her attack on Danger Moth and flew towards the blanket, Duckula swiftly stood aside and Squawkencluck crashed into the side of a wall.

Duckula and Danger Moth joined Danger Mouse and Jeopardy on the mountaintop throne, ready to close in on Penfold, but he had another trick up his sleeve.

Indeed, he produced from his sleeve a sharply tipped piece of steak and threw it like a javelin at Jeopardy.

Duckula threw himself in the line of fire and opened his beak, the steak went through his mouth and lodged in his throat.

"Oh no" cried Jeopardy as Duckula leaned backwards into her arms, weakened greatly and choking.

"There's one delicacy Vegetarian Vampires fear, and that's a nice warm meal" said Penfold.

Jeopardy's memory raced back to earlier in the day, a flash of inspiration came to her.

"Do you have anything left over from the time we spent in the cafeteria?" Jeopardy asked Danger Mouse.

"Just the usual burger I take with me on the way out" he said, producing the burger from his pockets.

"Excellent, your greedy stomach may have saved us all" Jeopardy replied.

"Ready yourself for the end Chief, for tonight we might dine on tomato soup" Penfold replied.

"Doesn't really have a blood-curdling tone to it does it old chum?" Danger Mouse replied, etching closer and closer to Penfold as he was lulled into a false sense of security through the small chatter.

"Can't say it does Chief, we're all so limited by our choice of diet" said Penfold.

"Maybe you need to see an expert on these kind of matters, here, I've arranged a meat and greet for you" said Danger Mouse, thrusting the burger into Penfold's mouth and forcing Penfold to bite down.

Swiftly, Penfold transformed back into his humble hamster self, and the changes made to the Mayfare Mailbox were undone.

Colonel K's hologram lit up.

"Ah congratulations DM, it's a good thing I locked myself out of the base earlier, heavens knows what kind of show tunes young Pip-squawk in there would have had me chirping"

"That's Penfold sir" corrected a perplexed Penfold.

He then turned his attention to Squawkencluck, dusting herself off.

"P-Professor? You're not mad at are you?" a humble and apologetic Penfold asked of his victim as she observed herself in the mirror inspecting her fangs.

"I know it wasn't entirely your fault Penfold, but I am going to have to see a shrink" she said.

"Oh no, I've mentally scarred her" said Penfold, reduced to a fountain of tears.

Squawkencluck patted him on the head as she reassured him that was not the case.

"No, no, that was short for one of my patented minimising rays, just to bring these large fangs you gave me down to a more manageable level" she said.

"Oh, could you give mine a once-over too?" Penfold asked.

"No, I think you'll just have to get yours pried out by the dentist, you've got to pay some sort of price" Squawkencluck replied.

Penfold laughed, assuming she didn't mean this.

"I wasn't joking" Squawkencluck asserted.

Penfold fell silent and hung his head in solemn frustration. Squawk smiled and gave him a hug.

Danger Mouse walked over to Jeopardy as she cradled Duckula's barely conscious body. She was performing the Heimlich manoeuvre on him.

She eventually succeeded in dislodging the piece of steak trapped in his throat, she reached down into it and pulled it out.

"Jeopardy, are you sure that's wise? If you make him chew the meat, you stand a chance of converting him back to normal"

"Do you really want to turn a normal vampire loose on this mailbox Mouse?" said Jeopardy.

"Good point" Danger Mouse replied.

"Besides, he's a vamp, but I love him" she continued.

Realising what she said, and suspicious of what drove her to say it, she withdrew her hold on Duckula just as he sprang right back up.

"Ok Count, you've had your fun, now get out of here before the script insists I arrest you" she said.

"What fun? I haven't written anything yet" Duckula replied.

"You must have written something before we arrived then" she said.

"No, I came here with you as soon as we were both ready" insisted Duckula.

"Wow Jeopardy, I never pegged you as a vampire's vixen" noted Penfold.

"I'd never be one, he made me say those words" a frustrated Jeopardy said.

Duckula shook his head, then recollected something.

"Oh I almost forgot, I did write something into the script before we arrived" he said.

"Ah ha" she said, glad that her hunch was apparently right.

A bell rang and a bell boy walked into the Colonel's offices, handing Jeopardy something.

True to the Count's word, a cheque had come in.

"I told you I'd write you a cheque" he said.

"It's blank" Jeopardy noted.

"I said I'd write you a cheque coming in, and so it did, I didn't say anything about money being part of the package"

A frustrated Jeopardy chased after him, furious that she had not only let it slip she actually liked him, but that he had cheated her out of a tidy profit for all her troubles in today's episode.

"Well Duckula, I hope this teaches you a valuable lesson" Danger Mouse cautioned.

"What's that?" Duckula replied as he narrowly avoided several swipes and kics from Jeopardy

"Never write cheques your mouse can't cash"
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Old February 6th, 2018, 03:52 AM #47
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TOP BANANA


"So I hear you're royalty now Penfold" Squawkencluck observed on her monitors as Penfold and Danger Mouse made their way back to headquarters in the Mark IV Danger Car.

"I was only trying on a spot of fetching head ware" said Penfold, taking a look back at the country he was leaving behind, a mass of people letting their praise of him be heard as they begged him to stay and devote himself to their plight.

"Well, this ought to teach not to let things go to your head, literally" Squawkencluck joked.

"How is the lab Professor?" Danger Mouse asked.

"Not too shabby all things considered, after all, ballistic intercontinental missiles don't come knocking at my door all too often...unless they're invited" a scathing Squawkencluck responded.

"My apologies Professor, at the time the missile was the only means by which we could communicate with you" Danger Mouse replied.

"Are you going to send the missile back to the Baron?" said Penfold.

"Not really keen on that one dear. If the Baron still had special powers per his relationship with that Queen, so then of course, but since he confessed his intent to use the missile against headquarters to you, and since there's an existing warrant now out for his daughter's arrest, the Colonel has decreed him a wanted felon again, so we need to keep an eye on anything he's unleashed from his inventory" explained Squawkencluck.

"Just be careful Professor, the Baron may have left a few extra dirty tricks in that otherwise clean looking rocket" Penfold noted.

"Oh don't worry too much, I've got my top banana working on it" the Professor replied.

"Top banana?" Danger Mouse asked

Squawkencluck pointed to Professor King Kong Brunel feverishly working on a computer hooked up to the casing of the missile, trying to bypass the security codes that would deactivate the explosive core at the centre of the device. A large hammer was perched to the right of him.

"Professor, I was meaning to ask you a bit about using Brunel like this...why are you insisting upon his services lately? When Jeopardy Mouse and myself were trapped on that planet, he lent you a hand in devising ways to rescue us" Danger Mouse asked out of curiosity.

"And not every attempt was successful I might add, if any at all" replied Penfold.

"He's been on my mind lately" Squawkencluck replied.

"And literally" Penfold joked.

"That too" Squawkencluck replied, giggling.

"Yes, that mind-swap business truly has given you some empathy with him lately, I suppose you think the experience you shared makes you think if he were more accepted into your day to day operations, the scientific community would be more lenient on him and give his ideas a chance"

"Eureka, I believe I have cracked it" said Brunel.

"Splendid Professor Brunel" said Squawkencluck, "What code did you use to bypass the core?"

"No, I actually cracked it" Brunel replied as the hammer came down hard on the casing and left significant dents, which caused sparks to fly out and caused the missile to start shuddering violently.

"What did you do?" Squawkencluck said in a fit of panic.

"The computers weren't co-operating, you know how we all get with them whenever they do that, you just go for more primal methods afterwards...I still made progress right?"

Squawkencluck gulped and turned back to the monitor.

"Penfold, I think its best you fly back to your new kingdom and take some time getting acquainted with your people, we're going to be a bit busy the next few days"

"I'm never one to cool down while you're on fire Professor" Penfold replied.

The Professor, despite the fear creeping upon her and the grim irony of that statement affecting her, permitted herself a kindly smile, and switched off the monitory as an explosion swiftly consumed the lab, and all Danger Mouse and Penfold could see was static.

"Well I do believe their top banana just slipped on his own peel again" observed Danger Mouse.

"And here I thought I was the royal boob" noted Penfold.
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Old February 6th, 2018, 03:53 AM #48
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THAT 80S SCENE

(This fic contains spoilers for "Quantum of Rudeness")

What a calamity for all Danger Kind!

The quenched thirst of Brigadier Bad Boy for more rudeness to envelop the world has driven him to harness the power of a corrupt behavior modification device, and he is in the process of channeling it's terrifying powers and enveloping all of London.

Before long, profanity will be pardonable, punching our favorite aunts will be precisely how we'll punch our tickets on the way home. The drinking guidelines will be amended so we'll be tempted to consume over 5000 units a day before stopping off for a beer on the way home!

What can save us from the reign of rudeness?

Why, the world's greatest secret agent of course.

"Well Professor, our minds are made up, Penfold and I will take the time travel device, go back to 1985, and uncover what happened to Professor Goodman, and maybe he can help us sort out how to undo what the Brigadeer is doing with the device"

"You're best talking to Danger K when you get there" suggested Sqauwkencluck, "He's the Colnel's past self, from what I heard he was always very trusting of complete strangers"

"Oh, I've seen pictures of the Colonel from back in his heyday, he was quite fetching" Penfold said.

"Oh yes, he was quite a hunk" said the Professor, blushing slightly.

"Wow Professor, you have a crush on K?" asked Penfold.

"Oh just a silly little interest I had when I was wee, my father worked for the Danger Agency back in the day and always came back with group photos of all the Agents back then. Having a pin-up of Danger K on my wall is pretty much what helped, among other things, motivate me to apply for a job here and follow in my dad's footsteps, so I could learn the tricks of the trade from the real thing"

"Well, if you say he's a trustworthy type, it should make our mission reletively easy" said Danger Mouse

"Oh I would'nt say that DM, there's one thing you need to watch out for...that 80s effect" Squawkencluck cautioned.

"I don't follow you" said Penfold.

"You better, I'm leading you to where I have the time machine stored" she said, pointing to an old and knackered junkyard just north of where the mailbox H.Q was.

"What's it doing held up in these conditions" Danger Mouse asked as they walked through the tips of rubbish.

"Budget cutbacks, a lot of the old inventory has had to share storage with the discarded items and failed experiments" Squawkencluck explained.

"I can't imagine someone being so careless as to put a time machine in a junkyard" said Penfold.

"I recall reading that some of the earlier prototypes were left lying around in them sometime during the 1960s" replied Danger Mouse.

The trio stopped dead in their tracks as they came acroass the time machine.

"Now, before you go Danger Mouse, I have to give you these specific notes about the period you're going to visit"

"Is this going to last longer than the average length of this episode?" asked Danger Mouse.

"Please, you have to hear me out, it's vitally important you avoid that 80s effect at all costs, for the sake of your dignity if nothing else"

"I have so much dignity, that I carry an additional supply in my costume" said Danger Mouse, which only served to irritate Squawkencluck

"Listen you misfit Mouse, if you go back to the 80s, you will undergo a series of radical trasnformations as your body adjusts to the planet's invisible aura field, various tastes and trends in fashion style and volcabulary will infect your core brain functions, compelling you to blend into the envrionment. Spend too much time in this time period and the effects are irreversible, you'll be a nostalgic hipster pining for the days of mullets and breakdancing forever"

A loud yawn conveyed to the Professor that Danger Mouse hadn't been listening.

"Sorry Professor, but I doubt the CBBC audience are interested in jargon alluding to aura fields, leave that for the insomniac attendees of the Open University will you?" he said as he clambered into the time machine.

Squawkencluck grabbed Penfold by the shoulders.

"Penfold, I implore you..if you can, remind Danger Mouse of this conversation"

"You have my word Professor" Penfold assured her.

"If not, I'll have his head" remarked the Professor.

And so our heroes swiftly dematerialized as the machine flung itself into the time/space vortex, leaving Squawkencluck alone with a feeling of powerlessness, this particular scene now left to the mercy of the cutting room floor.

"I'll get over this, I know I will, I'll pretend this ship's not sinking..." she hummed to herself as she permitted that 80s effect to ever so briefly overtake her.
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Old February 6th, 2018, 03:54 AM #49
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THEY LOVE TO WATCH HIM STRUT



Ah, the lure of Hollywood. The glitz, the glammor, the cameras, the temptation to look into the lens and give every tabloid on the market a worthwhile money shot. If only life were like this every day.

Well, for one lucky hamster, it is.

Penfold waltzed into his Mayfare H.Q with a spring in his step, wearing glasses with razor sharp lens and a swanky three-piece suit complete with emerald green loafers. He looked the part and certaingly wanted to act like it, only he wanted to keep a humble attitude about himself, not wanting to appear too brash.

Still, every member of the Danger Agency could'nt resist walking up to him and shaking his hand, demanding a picture, asking him questions about his relationship with hollywood starlett Scarlet Johamster, who he'd met on the set of ''Rise of Loocifer'', which had gone through a very literaly kind of development hell in recent days having been revealed as a trap sprung by the genuine Professor Loocifer.

Penfold met each greeting with a sense of apprehension, but tried to keep his wits about him, making the occasional crude dig at the movie's production and what had interested Scarlet in him. He was sure some of the Danger Agents that were probing him with questions were probably journalists in disguise.

Still, he could'nt let the press or the adoring private servants of the public get to him

And then Colonel K approached him.

"Ah, Penflack, good to see you" he said, still clutching his photo of Scarlett.

"Oh hi Colonel, I thought you said you'd be more precise with my name now that I'm dating an important hollywood figure" Penfold replied.

"I'm not exactly carrying a torch for you two, I've seen The Bodyguard, these type of relationships are doomed from the outset"

"So why do you have such a crush on her then?!" Penfold asked.

The Colonel gazed upon Scarlett's photo and sighed deeply.

"She just reminds me of what my job will never permit me to grasp. If you want to hold on to something that special, you may have to give up something special to you"

The Colonel took his leave and slowly sulked as he went down the long foreboding corridor to his office.

"Think about it" he said.

Penfold went on his way.

"Morning Professor" he said as he marched into the crime lab.

Squawkencluck's keen sense of smell picked up something rare in Penfold's appearance.

"Is that what I think it is?" she asked, aroused by the aroma.

"Missing Lynx...just for hamsters"

Danger Mouse entered the lab in pursuit of him.

"Penfold, I really don't think you should come to work showing off like that"

"Scarlet gave me this outfit for our date in four days" Penfold replied

"And you're going to bring it with you on missions?" DM asked

"Danger Mouse has a point Penfold, Scarlet wants you looking your best, that's hardly possible when you're going in to face the worst of this weary world" added the Professor.

Penfold sighed.

"I guess you're right Professor, regardless of where I stand with Scarlett, I still want to muck in with the Cheif and everyone else"

DM and Squawkencluck nodded approvingly .

"Should I get changed then?" Penfold asked.

"No, there's not a lot of criminal activity today, besides your apperance has livened up a particulary dull day" assured Squawkencluck.

"Tell me about it, this place sure does love to watch me strut" Penfold asked.

Squawkencluck grabbed one of his cheeks and pinched it.

"I think we're all kind of proud of who you've managed to draw the attention of. So many of us rarely have time for love, or to learn from it"

"Here's hoping this pairing doesn't go down the toilet" said Danger Mouse
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Old February 11th, 2018, 05:32 AM #50
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EASY LISTENING

Penfold marched back into Mayfair H.Q well and truly burnt from the whole dating experience, and flying too close to a setting sun.

Oh wait, that was Danger Mouse's fault.

He put his feet up on the couch just as Professor Squawkwencluck followed him into the lounge area.

"Come on, tell me how it went" she said, offering Penfold a parcel.

Penfold opened it, and beamed at the contents

"It's make-up Ice Cream" she explained, "I was going to share these with Danger Mouse after we had our falling out over how best to give you advice on dating, but since you're the one who got the girl I figured you were more in need of celebrating with it"

"Thanks Professor, but I don't think me and Scarlett are going to work out" Penfold replied.

"She seems to flip flop on things...she says she does'nt want me to be defined by heroics, yet then she got addicted to the dangers me and the Cheif got up to when confronting my evil twin. She boasted about saving the universe, no humble pie in the pit of her stomach at all...and then insisted we set about doing more heroics"

"An action starlet is always going to want a piece of the action" Squawkencluck replied, "The important thing you can do is ground her expectations a little, if not a lot..by engaging in little home comforts. Take some of this ice cream to her and she'll cream at the sight of it"

"That's a bit lude for kids telly Professor" said Penfold.

"At least you're listening to me this time" the Professor said.
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Old February 11th, 2018, 05:34 AM #51
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REPEAT OFFENDERS


Duckula sat in his cell wondering if any of the prison officers would bother fetching him his clothes to wear. He'd been in nothing but his pajamas for hours.

The door to his cell opened and, it appeared, salvation had come at last, as his cape was thrown at ludicrous speed towards him, smacking him in the face and settling on his beak.

His hands still tied behind his back, Duckula couldn't reach up and pull the cape off, he was forced to let whoever was coming into the cell commence with the deed.

Soon, that too came to pass and the cape was removed from the tip of his beak by his visitor...and what a sight it was to see.

Jeopardy Mouse.

"You look dangerous gorgeous" said Duckula as he beamed at the sight of her.

"All I want is answers to a question or two Duck, just routine...although routine is not how I'd describe the last few hours I've had"

"I'm all ears"

"One minute, I'm being awarded the medal for best Danger Agent in the whole world, the next I'm smacking my superior officer on the bottom with a tennis racket. I don't even remember how it got there. All I know is the incident embarrassed me and I wound up detained for hours, I almost lost my position until word came back from the reports filed by Danger Mouse's plump pal that I'd endured some last minute rewrite of reality"

"So your thoughts, as always, turned to me did they?"

"I know you're rewritten scripts on this show before Duck, so I want to know exactly what you were up to at Big Ben, and who put you up to tampering with my matters in the morning?" Jeopardy asked.

"Now, now Jeopardy, I wouldn't have dreamed of messing with your moment. That was all Danger Mouse's idea. According to Penfold, I was getting ready to mess with reality using my new temporal editing software, and I had framed him for a string of felonies which brought you out into the field to arrest him. You and the Danger Agency beat him fairly soundly and led him away to jail, making you the hero"

"You edited reality just to make me look good?" said Jeopardy, trying to disguise how flattered she actually was.

"Not just you, but I also schemed to take DM's place as Danger Duck, the world's most star-struck secret agent. Just imagine what you and I could have achieved together with Danger Mouse out of the picture and you and I crossing paths each and every week...why I'd even have understood your need for company at Thanksgiving earlier in the week"

"Yeah, well if Danger Mouse was meddling with me this morning, I know just who I won't be inviting over in the future. Some friend he turned out to be. He's proven to be a timely jerk"

"Well, the biggest thing you bruised other than his body was his ego...sometimes that's hard to shake"

"So, I really whipped Danger Mouse into shape did I?"

"That doesn't sound like a routine question, are you seeking a compliment?"

"I could do with some soothing after my ego's own bruising"

"Well if anything, take comfort in the fact that there's a version of reality on the cutting room floor which proves how vastly superior you are to Danger Mouse when you're forced to step up and kick tail"

"It's funny, but I don't think DM even has a tail" said Jeopardy, making sure to attach Duckula's cape to his back as a way of thanking him for supplying the information.

"Any chance you could get the rest of my clothes sent to me?" he asked.

"I'll arrange it" Jeopardy promised.

"It's a real pity Penfold had to ruin what fun I could have had with that device" lamented Duckula. "Imagine if I could edit the entire CBBC morning schedule? Maybe I could even place your big defining moment that DM deleted on their upcoming weekend show and place it on loop"

"I think we've had enough repeat offenders for one day" joked Jeopardy, blowing a kiss to Duckula and waltzing out of the room.

Last edited by Cameron Samurai; April 4th, 2019 at 08:38 AM.
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Old February 11th, 2018, 05:37 AM #52
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I'M SAD I CRASHED THE WEDDING


Well, this a fine mess you've gotten us into DM.

"Can you get a clear signal back Narrator?"

It's going to take a lot of juice in the unit, but I think we can manage an episode this week...no thanks to you.

"Relax Narrator, all I did was abort one time line. The anomalies from every aspect of the aborted dimension will ultimately merge as one to cope with the existing paradox"?"

If reality can manage that before our scheduled transmission this evening, it would be appreciated DM.

"Right, well Penfold, any ideas on how to speed up the process ?"

"I've had time to think a bit cheif...I've got so many questions" said Penfold.

"That's all well and good Penfold, but we need answers"

"But these are important to our futures, that is, if we still have any"

"Oh I'm sure we'll have plenty of time" DM assured him

"And what time do you call this?" Penfold said in a huff.

"The end times?" DM replied.

"Exactly. It's the end. Nothing but static and a white void...and all because you had to open your big mouth and inform reality what a muddle we'd gotten the timeline mixed up in..we live in a very sensitive universe Chief. I hope you know that, you never know what kind of mood it'll be in. I'm certain even it was enjoying Derick and Pennyfold's wedding"

"Is that what your questions Penfold, some curiosity over whether or not the universe has some existential emotional compromise?"

"We watch soap operas for a reason, we're invested in stories for a reason...it just makes sense for the universe, our motherly spirit, to be just as invested in how we move along" Penfold argued.

"So why would the universe even give me the freedom to express a bit of logic that would undo it's investment?" a confused DM asked.

"Maybe it wanted to test your character...to see if you could keep that ego and insistence on having a correct hunch in check long enough for someone to live happily ever after"

"Surely that would be the universe giving itself permission to live a perfect lie then...I can't see how the truth should hurt it so much" DM continued.

"Think of it like a computer with a virus, only the virus is the question, the same one that causes so many of us to go, on a bad day, 'what's the point?', and constantly dwelling on that question leads to no easy answer...so we crash...and in this case, we're lucky it didn't result in the heat death of the universe" Penfold replied.

"Well, now I feel deflated...I guess the universe probably wants me to write it a frank and formal letter of apology before it resets"

"Will you even remember giving it the letter Chief?" Penfold asked.

"I suppose a small part of me would...but that would probably only linger for a short time. Our will, though strong, can't defy time"

Penfold felt a tingling sensation.

"I think reality's starting to realign, I can see everything forming around us"

"Well then, any further questions?" DM asked.

"Just one more, if Derick's wedding did'nt happen now, will he and Pennyfold ever meet? Will they even be born?"

"That's a whole world and time apart from us Penfold, the important thing is, we just have to hope the universe is willing to give the grand soap opera called life another chance to thrive...nothing's worse than a rerun"

Reassured, the pair allowed reality to realign, just in time for another mind-bending adventure on the edge of existence with Danger Mouse!

Last edited by Cameron Samurai; February 22nd, 2019 at 02:37 AM.
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Old February 11th, 2018, 05:38 AM #53
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THE MOUSE BEHIND THE CURTAIN



(Contains spoilers for "Dark Side of the Mouse")

Well, apologies are in order aren't they DM?

"I'm glad you agree narrator" said DM as he and Penfold made their way back to headquarters, having saved the world from the grip of the cretinous Crumhorn and a mind-controlling device that made even myself turn against the world's greatest secret agent and ridicule him, but he managed to overcome all obstacles after leading a team consisting of members of his reviled rogues gallery, whom he's left up on Crumhorn's space station duelling with one another over who should take the credit for the heroic deeds Danger Mouse has pulled off.

"All single-handily I might add" said DM.

"Single handily?" Penfold asked, slightly baffled, "But Chief, you had help, from them, from me"

"Now now Penfold, let's not leave things to technicalities, they helped in part, but I'm the main cog in this wheel, and it's me that's kept everything spinning"

"Sometimes Chief, just by knowing what you're like, I get the strangest feeling that when the Danger Agency ganged up on you after Crumhorn took over, they weren't brainwashed" Penfold noted.

The Mark III flew back into headquarters and DM and Penfold made their way to the lab to rendevouz with Squawkencluck.

"Professor?" asked DM as Squawk threw darts at imagery of Crumhorn on the surveillance monitors.

"The nerve of that Crum bum" she said

"I think you'll find his name is Crumhorn Professor" corrected Danger Mouse.

"He even wanted me to call him Crummy" Squawkencluck said in a fit of emotional release, taking the container of darts and tossing them to the floor.

Penfold walked over to her and gave us a reassuring pat on the shoulder.

"Nevermind Professor"

"That's precisely what I was Penfold, I was never in the right mind because of that device, and I turned against you and everything I worked hard to secure. To think the episode ended without any of us being recalled in the casting sheet to say sorry to you and Danger Mouse and to reward him for single handidly saving the Earth"

"You seem awfully complimentary Professor" said Danger Mouse.

"I just felt the sudden urge to" said Squawkencluck.

"Really now?" Penfold said, folding his arms and huffing.

Colonel K's hologram lit up and he urged Danger Mouse to come to his office for a special reward. Penfold opted to stay with Squawkencluck.

"Go ahead Chief, the Professor's in a real state, it's best she lean on a friend's shoulder"

Squawkencluck promptly accepted the invitation and buried her head atop his right shoulder

Danger Mouse, courageous and confident, steeled himself for his encounter with the Colonel.

"I have to admit, you really are being quite courteous to me today"

"Well you single handily saved the day Danger Mouse"

"I know, I feel like I ought to thank people for making that all possible, my enemies, my assistant, my writers, the CBBC staff who introduce my show every week..but I feel the sudden urge to bypass all of that. Anyway, time to get what's coming to me"

He entered the Colonel's office, the door slammed shut behind him, and greeting him was every Danger Agent armed to the gritted teeth with clubs and mallets.

"Colonel, are you still under Crumhorn's mind control?" asked an alert DM.

"I think you'll find this entire office is now immune to brainwave tampering DM...but it's not so safe for you" the Colonel assured him.

A monitor in the office came to life and the Professor and Penfold, seated comfortably in their seats munching down on a bag of popcorn, greeted him.

"I've been tracking the readings of the mind altering device since it went offline, small vestiges of it are still active, and they're responding to commands from you" Squawkencluck revealed.

"You used the psychic brain scrambler to get everyone to lavish praise on you. For some reason, I wasn't affected, but the narrator and Squawk were...luckily, Squawk realised what was going on and alerted the Colonel just before you arrived" said Penfold.

"All this time we thought you were the great and powerful...we never took into consideration that we were puppets on a string, made to the dance to the merry tune of the mouse behind the curtain" said the Colonel.

"You'll get your thanks for saving the world in due course Danger Mouse, but we do need to teach you that fine lesson, that you must leave your ego at the door" said Danger Moth with a hint of dread and empathy in her voice.

"But, but I didn't do anything, I felt the urge as much as you did to take all the credit for myself...I had nothing to do with it"

"Then who did?" asked Danger Moth.

"Someone who clearly wants my fame to be my misfortune...and there's only one person I can think of who's obsessed with fame. Duckula"

DM led the Danger Agents out of Mayfair and, pitchforks and rotten tomatoes in hand (the critics of Rotten Tomatoes, not actual rotten tomatoes), they stormed Castle Duckula in Transylvania.

Witnessing the Danger Agency arriving at his doorstep, Count Duckula severed the connection he had with the mind control device, swung his throne around and leapt out of it, heading to a secret passage. He instructed someone in a scarlet coat to see their way out.

"Go, your neck's on the line here, and not from a dose of my fiendish fangs, if they catch you here, your reputation's sunk like the Titanic...sorry I couldn't give DM the razzie he deserved for embarrassing you"

The cloaked figure held the Count's hand and gave him a tender kiss on the cheek, before vanishing through the door and down the long corridor.

As the Danger Agents crashed through the door with a battering ram, the cloaked figure made it outside just as a raging commotion commenced in the castle. The figure pulled the hood back, revealing the solemn features of Jeopardy Mouse, watching the castle eagerly ..before common sense dictated that she get a move on.

All she wanted was to gain revenge on Danger Mouse for editing her portion of reality in a previous episode, framing her for embarrassing her superior officer. Duckula already had an existing soft spot for her, she felt he would make the appropriate ally.

She walked from the scene with many thoughts playing through her head, how she had refused to keep her own ego in check in an attempt to make DM's occasional ego trips his undoing, how she sided with a known felon because he would rather place his life in hers.

She knew she had made many compromises, played with many lives, and she resolved that in future missions she would never make such mistakes again, least it poisoned her soul.

She vowed there would be no further lives put at risk of ruin within her own.

So we end this session of Danger Mouse back in the lab, with the Professor and Penfold watching the scuffle in the castle, taking handfuls of popcorn out of the bag, settling in and admiring the spectacle of a comfort fight with comfort foods.

Can I have one?

"No narrator" said Squawk

But I suddenly have an urge to eat

"Oh for heaven's sake, has that device not been switched off yet?" said an annoyed Squawkencluck.

Curse you Jeopardy.

"Why are you cursing her? She wasn't even in this episode" said Penfold.

Oh if only you knew the mouse behind the curtain Penfold.

Last edited by Cameron Samurai; September 23rd, 2018 at 12:53 PM.
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Old August 3rd, 2018, 10:20 AM #54
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SECURE OUR SOULS

As the bright dawn rose from the pitch black night, DM pressed his head against the window of his Mayfair headquarters and listened with his large round ears for the song of the first waking bird.

He wondered if he could steal that song and get away with it.

He wondered how cross the Colonel would be if he found out about that, what kind of reputation the world's greatest secret agent would have if the world and the agency had found he had, rather than be inspired to compose a merry melody of his own, he would face a barrage of bad press for stealing from someone's soul.

All living creatures had a soul, and their songs sprang from it.

Would DM be moved so much that he would take the song from that individual, credit it as his own soul to bear, and risk his reputation?

Or would the world consider it business as usual for him?

After all, he'd made a direct steal before when writing a detailed mission report for the agency.

It was a routine task, a few nuggets of information on the situation and how it was resolved, followed by a small anecdote, with some flowery language attached; complimenting the herculean efforts of the various agents and staff involved in ensuring the mission was pulled off without much fuss.

In this particular instance, DM had been struck with a lousy case of writer's impairment, and he found himself struggling to cap off the final paragraph with something that made his otherwise routine mission sound more romantic than it was.

So he watched a video interview with a renowned writer on YouTube, Jay Mouse, and found his inspiration that way through a speech Jay had given about trying to write and just writing.

He had mentioned something about likening it to dancing and attempting to dance, and if you know those moves, and that it's not homework, then writing can be the best.

DM thought it was an inspired masterstroke, a heartfelt analogy, one that can only come from the mind of an experienced being and not just a scribe. Jay Mouse had blazed a trail with these words and they inspired DM to write these words down and form a powerful paragraph that gave his completed report a boost of inspirational thought.

He sent it away to be printed and processed, to be filed in the archives that the next generation of Agents could step forward and read it.

DM just prayed that one of those new agents didn't turn out to be a comic book fan.

For you see, DM had done more research on Jay Mouse's work and discovered he had a seven year run on The Sillier Spider-Mouse for Marble Comics, and in one of those stories, the much renowned, "Bins Past", there was a whole sequence where an aspiring actress had been told by a talent scout that there was a difference between trying to act and allowing one's self to let the acting come naturally, and likened it to dancing.

DM realised that he had made a direct steal wholesale from someone he thought had been smart enough to contain this life lesson to just a lecture, so that if the time ever came where DM's essay would be discovered by the public, and if he were fortunate enough to still be around, he could point to the words of this great writer as an inspiration.

But no, he had used it in a fiction, something accessible to so many people in the public as it was, and it made DM look like a heel.

DM had been tempted to contact Jay directly, to apologise in advance for fear he would ever see it, or to perhaps maybe joke about it, hoping he'd see the lighter side of things, but he darned try both out of fear for his reputation.

So as his head pressed hard against the glass of the window, and his ears picked up on a most harmonious song sung by a pure soul, he realised how secure the bird must have felt when bearing his soul to the world.

DM realised, more than ever, how important it was to secure our souls.
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Old September 18th, 2018, 06:43 AM #55
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CAUGHT IN THE WIND

(Contains Spoilers For "Twysted Sister")


At the Mayfare H.Q of the Danger Agency, we find Pefold, Danger Mouse and Professor Squawkencluck stationed at the Professor's lab, she hard at work on her report of recent events trying to make sense of a most topsy turvey day.

The professor was seated at her desk, with a knitting ball opposite her. She was tempted to start a session of Danger Knitting earlier than scheduled, but first came the priorities of work.

Anything to relieve the tension of typing out her report while DM and Penfold leaned over to check on how long she was taking by looking at the time on her computer's digital clock.

"We have a perfectly traditional clock on the wall fellas, you can stop gawking" said Squawk.

"I'm sorry Professor, we're just finding different ways to distract ourselves while you finish up" DM said.

"Well you're distracting me, so go make yourself busy elsewhere" Squawk snapped.

"Well, we would, but I'm afraid we're still trying to get that creature your twistyverse counterpart left behind out of our apartment" DM explained.

"That was your own fault, you impulsively decided to take her out of her home dimension just to try and teach me a lesson" Squawk said frustratingly.

"And the lesson needn't have been taught, you already had the means to turn older and wiser at any point, you just wanted to have fun" Penfold said.

"I'm surprised you're even standing up for her Penfold, she seemed fixated on humiliating you when she was younger"

Penfold conceded that Danger Mouse had a point.

"You're right Chief, she did pick on me a lot, I mean, sure so did you, but she was enjoying it far too much"

Squawk reached the point in her report where she had to bring that up.

"Oh dear, how can I best put it?" she thought.

Penfold leaned over and read some of the report, which frustrated Squawk even more so.

"That's it, I'm heading to the toilet, and at least there I know I won't be disturbed" Squawk said in frustration.

"You can't Professor, you're still grounded and confined to the lab" DM insisted.

"I'm a grown woman and I helped you save the world, there's grounds for ungrounding me"

"Danger Agency regulations. All grounded agents and staff are to endure at least twenty-four years of curfew before reassessment"

Squawk was close to tearing out the feathers in her hair, she needed to finish the report without prying eyes peering over her shoulder.

Penfold then asked her a question.

"Professor, what changed you?"

"I have no idea what you mean"

"Well, at that age you were wide-eyed, exuberant, not afraid to put aside protocol and acted more impulsively...you were an ill-fit for the Agency in your condition, but at the same time the Colonel put up with it and you came up with a strategy that DM used to save the world from the Twistyverse, when did having fun become such an issue for you?"

"Believe it or not Penfold, it's the work. Oh sure it's what I've wanted to do since I was a wee hen, but as you grow and evolve, the ideas become more complex to you, and requires thorough thinking and sometimes over thinking, it demands more responsibility. If you aren't responsible for your ideas, if you just put them together without any concern for the long-term ramifications, they can go from being powerful tools to powerful playthings, and in the hands of the playful, they can be dangerous"

"I see...being in our line of work, it's so hard to see where pleasure ends and business begins, because I'm so caught in the wind, blown over by excitement and impulsiveness, the thrill of being right after all the times I get it wrong. It must have been quite humbling for you to go through all of that in a day Professor"

"To be fair, I probably did enjoy it too much"

"What are you referring to? Being caught in the wind, or picking on me?" Penfold asked.

"I'll tell you when you're older" Squawk said as she figured out how to finish her report.

Last edited by Cameron Samurai; February 22nd, 2019 at 02:38 AM.
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Old September 20th, 2018, 01:16 AM #56
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EMERGENCY MAINTENANCE

(contains spoilers for "Grand Stress Auto")

Another fine evening in London England.

When I say fine, I say that from the confines of my narrator's booth here in Media City, safe inside it's confines and out of the blustery weather coming in from one thunderous storm coming in from the coast.

Danger Mouse's villains also picked a fine time to try to escape from Arkwright Asylum after they were somewhat helped by a stray rocket courtesy of some unfortunate aiming from Danger Mouse himself. The winds have scooped them right up and thrown them far across the coastline.

So with no telling where the villains will end up on my end, we cut to Professor Squawkencluck and Penfold at the Mayfair H.Q lab pinpointing their precise locations on the visual maps, with Danger Mouse giving chase in the latest version of his trusty car.

"Are we still going to call this one the Mark IV, or move up to V?" asked Penfold.

"You're worrying a little too much about what the audience might think if they missed an episode aren't you?" said the Professor.

"Not really, I was just remembering how lazy the Danger Agency can get with numerical designations. We're still calling the bathroom in Col. K's office the number two seat" Penfold replied.

"Don't you usually use it for that?" Squawk inquired.

"We've been scared to use it in case it makes that haunting noise again, it makes us so sqeewish we usually end up with the number one priority" Penfold admitted.

"I should never have asked" Squawk said, significantly grossed out.

Still, getting Penfold to open up about a habit seemed the perfect opportunity to confront him on another matter.

"Penfold, why were you so defensive when we accused you of smearing the other vehicles with jam?" asked the Professor.

"I-I'll ha-have you kn-know I was cleared of any wrongdoing, you know th-that" Penfold stuttered

"Yes, but if you didn't have something to hide, you could have worded your defence with a bit more confidence" Squawk advised.

"If I were to tell you, It'd just make you laugh" Penfold replied.

"Good, with the amount of chaos you two create, I could do with a chuckle" she said.

"Well, so long as you promise not to tell the chief" said Penfold.

"I won't breath it to a soul even if I have an onion ring and want to make Danger Mouse gag" she said.

Penfold was anxious, but Squawk's assurances made him slightly more comfortable.

"I make a mess of myself all the time with jam. It's one of my favourite lunchtime treats, I can't help but have it every day, it ends up on my shirt, it ends up on my shoes, all at the most inopportune times, so in order to get rid of it I smear it anywhere I can, just in small doses of course, a little smudge on a seat, on a wall etc"

"Interesting, so the MK 3 actually picked up on your habits and relied on our existing knowledge to pin the blame on you" the Professor concluded.

"You knew it was me?"

"Of course, security cameras exist for a reason. What annoyed me was you never admitted to it, not even when it manifested into a major situation" the Professor explained

"So why didn't you tell me off?"

"Because I figured if we gave you enough time, you'd admit you were leaving behind a trail that led all the way back to you. Mind you, I was prepared to report your obsession to the Agency's resident psychologist after seeing the chaos left behind. I do wonder where the MK3 got all of that jam too, anything else you'd care to share with me?"

"Well, it kind of all started when the Chief and I saved Mr. Whitaker's jolly jamboree festival from the Baron. He offered me up a lifetime supply of the stuff. It was too large in number for just the Chief and my apartment, so I stashed most of it in here"

Squawk was annoyed at the extent of Penfold's involvement in the MK3's jam smearing campaign, but quietly let the subject rest.

"We'd best get back to work" she said.

"If the Chief finds out about this he'll dispense with me" said Penfold.

"That's why we won't tell him will we?" said Squawk.

Penfold grinned.

When it came to keeping bridges intact, he could always rely on close friends like Squawk for emergency maintenance.

Last edited by Cameron Samurai; February 22nd, 2019 at 02:39 AM.
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Old September 23rd, 2018, 12:17 PM #57
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THE SAFEST PLACE

(contains spoilers for "Clash of the Odd-ysey")


Professor Squawkencluck made her way over to the executive washroom with a lot on her mind, only to run into Danger Moth in the corridor.

"Moth, how's tricks?" she asked.

"Oh, nothing much, still elated that Col. K assigned me to Danger Mouse's usual duties" she said.

"It was the wisest move he'd made in a while, you and Penfold gelled perfectly" Squawk said, complimenting her.

Danger Moth giggled.

"What's the joke? Let me in on it, especially if it's at Danger Mouse's expense" Squawk inquired.

"How did you know I had him on my mind?" Danger Moth asked.

"Because that's all you ever think of girlfriend...like it or not, that mouse has a way of making himself the focus of all our conversations" Squawk explained.

"That's just about right" admitted Danger Moth.

"So come on, spill, what made him stand out this time?" Squawk asked.

"Do you really have to ask? You came crawling out of the lab just to check in on him when he stripped of his god like powers" said Moth.

"I'll have you know I was checking on someone else, but go on" Squawk said defensively.

"It was less about the powers he'd been wielding and more about the clothes he was wearing, I mean, a onesy is bad enough for his self-image, but a toga?"

"Oh you should see what Penfold looks like in a kilt, it's worse, especially when he never takes his trousers off" replied Squawk.

"It was about the only thing that cheered me up after he accidentally broke every rogue out of prison. Penfold and I had made some great progress in rounding them all up and with one swift kick to the frog's head flyer, everyone got sprung. All that show of bravado proved is that the real hard work comes in keeping that clown in check"

"Oh don't feel too bad about it, he did eventually come around and realize his friends held more value in his heart than the friendship of Zeus" Squawk assured her.

"If only I'd been around to hear that, and I'd wish I'd been there when you, Penfold, DM and even the Colonel stood up to Zeus" Danger Moth lamented.

"Hey, it wasn't too thrilling an experience, we were all pretty scared when the battle started. The way DM fell to Earth and left this gaping hole, I took to cowering in it almost immediately" Squawk explained.

"You rose to the occasion though" pointed out Danger Moth.

"Only because there was someone at my side the whole time, cowering with me, making me feel slightly more assured of myself If that person was just as scared as I was, and was still willing to put that fear aside to keep the world from falling apart, not just mine, I could stand to share in their bravery, they could assure me without speaking everything was alright. I'd do anything for that person, even if they required me to keep things they cherish every day secure, because they kept me secure. The city was a danger zone, but with that person at my side, I found myself in the safest place"

"Does this someone have a name?" asked Danger Moth.

Squawk walked past her, heading back to the bathroom, not saying a word.

Danger Moth resumed going about her business, and came across Penfold as he struggled with a rubix cube.

"Having difficulty Penfold?" she asked.

"I'm struggling a little bit, but I'm only playing with it now because I don't know if I'll ever get a chance to play with it again, the chief's become hooked on it and won't relinquish it for hours. I need to put it somewhere else"

"I suggest you try the executive washroom"

"Why? There's no locker in there" Penfold said, confused.

"I think you'll find the safest place is in there at the moment" Moth said cryptically, and resumed her journey, leaving Penfold most puzzled.
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Old September 23rd, 2018, 12:19 PM #58
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THE CORNER OF YOUR EYE

(Contains spoilers for "Henemy of the State")

As Danger Mouse and Professor Squawkencluck argued over who would pay the repair bill for the Great Wall of China, DM's faithful assistant Penfold was seated at the edge of the seat waiting for something specific to occur.

It had been happening for a bit since the day's events had concluded, and he was puzzled over what it had meant.

He was glad to see the Chief and Squawk arguing like old times, their relationship had taken quite a hit in the span of the last week, what with Squawk feeling unappreciated by DM and taking her inventions elsewhere, leading to them falling into more dangerous hands.

She had been dead set on staying away from the Danger Agency too, and it took a chance encounter in an automated car to put her in the right position to help DM achieve the means with which to save the world yet again from Baron Greenback.

In doing so, Squawk realised just how much DM did value her and her skills, and it had led to her making use of two more innovations in her range to give DM the upper hand.

Only one of the devices used wasn't of her invention.

It was Penfold who had come up with the toaster that the Professor had used to trigger the fire extinguishers in the frog's head flyer, which assisted in freeing them from the Baron's clutches, but despite Penfold's protests that Squawk was taking credit for his hard work, his voice was not listened to as the top priority came with preventing a solar weapon from incinerating the planet.

Penfold had every mind to confront Squawk about this, as now he was the one who didn't feel appreciated. He was the one who felt taken for granted.

Maybe he ought to quit the Danger Agency like Squawk did, and be dead set on not returning. There wouldn't be any reason not to return, there wouldn't be a sly toad disguising himself as a sincere and caring entrepreneur looking to give him a place to practise his innovations in peace, there could just be him, his toaster designs, and hopefully a tennis court fashioned after the one the Professor had in her office.

Yes, leaving the agency to pursue your ambitions was a choice presented to him, but something prevented him from making good on the intention.

The same issue that was keeping him from having a cross exchange of words with the glory leeching Squawkencluck, and he thought it a good thing to, as frustrated as he was with the Professor, she was in the right mood to argue and her temper was often regarded in the agency and through personal experience as second to none.

Penfold hesitated arguing with her because something had happened just before the fuss about China broke out, when she was relaxing in the lounge with DM.

He noticed a look from her, just in the corner of his eye.

It was a slow, fixated, longing look, one which indicated she had long thought of a few interesting ways to pass the time between now and when working hours recommenced.

He wasn't sure who the look was aimed at, not from the angle he was standing in at the time, he was sure it was either for him or for the Chief.

He thought back to the events of the day and pondered whether or not this was the reason she took credit for his toaster?

Perhaps she did so knowing it'd give her excuse to later look upon the source of the last great resource she had relied upon to bring the Earth to a peaceful state with great admiration and some sensual intent.

It didn't take long for Penfold to dismiss the latter possibility; he didn't deem it appropriate without the full facts

Still, whenever something annoyed him or he felt he wasn't getting due credit, he would always think back to that look Squawk was giving an individual that fateful day, a longing, loving, appreciative look.

Whether it meant something more was fuel for a wilder imagination than his.
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Old September 23rd, 2018, 12:21 PM #59
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> Cameron Samurai
DENY IT'S A PARTY!
 
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THE NEXT EPISODE

(Contains spoilers for "For Your Insides Only" and "The Scardy Mouse Project")

Penfold wanted to press his feet on the grass outside on the grounds of the hospital garden. They say it's most therapeutic.

Mind you, all of the patients who have said that to him have been Danger Agents struggling with near life-threatening injuries or an illness, pressing your feet down on solid earth is usually a trend for those struggling to make it through the final stages of life and desiring a simple pleasure.

Penfold wasn't dying, he just felt like dying.

He nursed the top of his head, still wrapped in bandages, looking for a lump, a bruise, anything to remind him he'd been through hell in Danger Mouse's body.

He wanted his cowardly nerves to start tingling so he could rush straight back into bed and rely on the nurses and doctors to calm him with special medicines and transfusions.

But no, this was the phase of his stay where the confidence was there again and the body was becoming durable again, containing his lively spirit was once more exclusively its main responsibility, not the people taking care of him at the hospital.

The door clicked open and in walked Professor Squawkencluck with a table packed with the usual daily trinkets. A piece of bacon, some cereal, milk and a newspaper.

"Last day in the ward Penfold" she said in a spirited and cheerful voice.

"Yeah, I suppose I can't keep the Chief waiting any longer".

"Oh he's still recovering himself, he probably hasn't even noticed how long you've been locked up in here" she said, handing Penfold the newspaper as he clambered back into bed.

Penfold switched the television on with the remote control and flicked through the numerous television channels, settling on one showing a vintage rerun of an old soap opera.

"DM will kick himself for neglecting the weekend"

"Why?"

"They're usually the days he reviews all of his missions like they were episodes, he analyses them meticulously. Every detail, every bit of body language, just so he can maintain exactly the same level of performance during the next few sequences of events over the week"

"Perhaps that's why he developed an allergy to his own heroism...he was trying to stay static and maintain his status quo, but the body is ever changing and adapting to different climates and situations. It ages, and in doing so, information is gained as well as lost. There's an old saying that some people have forgotten more in their lives than young or ignorant people have ever managed in their own lifetimes, and that saying applies to hardened veterans" Squawkencluck explained.

"I think you might be right there Professor, The chief wants to be consistent, but even he can't stop the changes in the system, everything has to upgrade otherwise it trails behind, and ultimately the old ways stop working, and the larger engine you're running on stops altogether"

Squawkencluck sat next to Penfold on the edge of the bed, her legs crossed and her arms spread across the bed, she leaned over to Penfold with a look of distinct interest.

"So, since you've got a few hours to spare in here before you're discharged, how about we talk about the body language you've picked up on?" she asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Way back when you were trying to frighten Danger Mouse, you disguised yourself as me using a hard light holo project and set yourself upon him quite instinctively, using traits I recognised in myself"

"Oh crumbs that was embarrassing...you should have seen the look on your face" Penfold replied.

"I was a little annoyed obviously, but only because it embarrassed me in front of DM, it's a side of myself I rarely let anyone at work see...so I'm curious as to how you were able to pick up on my nuances so well...unless you too have been studying me on and off"

"Trust me Professor, I can't begin to think how you function, that was all guess work really" Penfold said, wincing and hoping the Professor would buy into his bluff.

"Well, I just wanted to tell you how appreciative I am that someone can make such a good guess about me. Just make sure to save it for a special occasion next time"

Penfold gulped.

A special occasion? He thought.

What did she mean by that?

Penfold could feel a migraine come over him; perhaps this was his cowardly instincts resurfacing again after all.

As he felt his heart and his head suddenly shoot into orbit, Penfold really could do with a piece of solid earth beneath his feet right about now.

His mind couldn't help but drift towards thoughts of when the occasion would occur, what tomorrow, and the next episode, would bring.

Last edited by Cameron Samurai; February 22nd, 2019 at 02:40 AM.
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Old September 23rd, 2018, 09:50 PM #60
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> fb111a
Power Ranger
 
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Read a few chapters... so far, a very intriguing look into a cartoon I liked when I was young...
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