RangerBoard

Go Back   RangerBoard > Discussion Forums > FanFiction

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old November 30th, 2008, 06:38 PM   #1
Sky/Z Fan
Power Ranger
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 289
Mighty Morphin Power Rangers

Episode 1: Day Of The Dumpster

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

Summery: The evil space-sorceress Rita Repulsa has escaped! An intergalactic being known as Zordon of Eltar teleports five teens to help protect Earth.

A/N: This is defiantly in the AU section! And this is my series!

XXXX

Up on the moon two astronauts walked around the moon. One of them saw a dumpster. “Over here!” He called to his friend.

The other astronaut walked up. “A dumpster? What’s a dumpster doing here?”

“Don’t know.” The first astronaut said. “Lets open it.” The two astronauts reached toward the dumpster and opened it

Suddenly a bright light came out of the dumpster to reveal 4 creatures and a witch. “Ahh, it feels good to be free.” The witch by the name of Rita Repulse smiled. “It’s time to conquer Earth!”

XXXX

Inside the Youth Center Kimberly Ann Hart sat down at a table next to her best friend Trini Kwan. “Hey girl.” Trini smiled. “You know one of these days a coach from the Olympics and ask you to join a team down in Florida.” She teased.

Kimberly smirked. “Don’t jinx me.” She nudged the Asian teen who laughed.

At the counter Jason Lee Scott, and Zack Taylor were watching the girls. “Now’s your chance Jase.” Zack grinned.

“What?” Jason looked at his best friend. “I can’t, what if she says no? That’d ruin our friendship.”

“You have a black belt in marshal art skills. But your afraid to ask the girl you’ve been crushing on since forever out?” Zack asked.

Ernie walked up to them from behind the counter. “He’s right Jase.”

Jason looked at the adult. “You to?”

“Jase, you don’t know unless you try.” Ernie leaned his arms on the counter.

Billy Cranston walked up. “What’s going on?”

“Jason’s to chicken to ask Kimberly out.” Zack quickly answered before Jason could say anything.

Just then an earthquake hit, everyone began to panic.

“Something telling me this is no Earthquake!” Billy said as he, Jason, and Zack stumbled their way over to the girls who had fallen out of their chairs and now sat under their table.

XXXX

Back at the Command Center Alpha 5, and Zordon of Eltar also was feeling the earthquake. “Danger, danger! It’s the big one! We’ll all be destroyed!” Alpha cried.

“Calm down Alpha. It’s Rita. She’s escaped and she’s attacking the planet.”

“Aye, aye, aye, aye, aye! What do we do?!”

“Teleport five brave teenager humans.” Zordon said calmly.

“No!” Alpha cried as he jumped. “Not that not teenagers!”

“We have no choice Alpha.” Zordon continued to be calm.

Alpha lowered his head. “I was afraid of that.”

XXXX

Back inside the Youth Center Jason, Kimberly, Trini, Zack, and Billy made it to the middle of the center. “Oh my gosh!” Kimberly cried. “What’s happening?”

“This is to weird.” Trini says.

“Hold on!” Jason yells. No sooner had he said that the teens were teleported away in red, pink, yellow, blue, and black colors.

XXXX

The five color of lights landed in the middle of the floor inside the Command Center and the teens fell to the floor in a heap. “Guys! Get off me!” Kimberly’s voice was muffled from under her friends.

The teens got up from the floor, Jason, and Zack helped her stand.

“What happened to the Youth Center?” Kimberly asked as they looked around the room.

“I don’t think we’re on Earth anymore.” Trini stats.

“Wow.” Billy looked around with interest.

Zack walked over to a counsel. “I bet these have some great and interesting games.” He looked around. “Where do you put the quarter?”

Alpha came running out from the dark. “Wait! Stop! Don’t touch that!” He tripped and fell to the floor.

“Whoa.” Billy walked over to the robot and helped him stand as he said a big science word.

“Translation?” Jason asked looking at Trini

“A robot.” Trini answered.

“Welcome.” A voice said from behind the teens. Who spun around.

“Uh oh.” Trini said.

Jason folded his arms over his chest as he asks. “Who are you?”

“Like what are you?” Kimberly asks.

”Do not be alarmed. My name is Zordon of Eltar, and that is Alpha 5.”

“What do you want with us?” Zack asked.

“And where are we?” Kimberly asked.

“It is quiet simple young Zachary. An evil space-sorceress known as Rita Repulsa has escaped and is now planning on conquering Earth.” Zordon explained.

“What do you want us to do?” Billy asked.

“We will not harm you, we’re here to offer you a chance at becoming heroes called Power Rangers to defend your home planet against an evil army.” Zordon answered.

“Power Rangers?” Zack asked.

As if to answer morphers appeared on the teen’s waists. “Whoa.” Zack said as he, and his friends examined them.

“What are these?” Kimberly asks.

“Those are your Power Morphers. Hold them up to the sky and call out the Dinosaur on it. Jason you are the red ranger, you control the Tyrannosaurus Zord and you are the leader of the team, Trini you are the yellow ranger, you control the Saber-toothed Tiger zord, Billy you are the blue ranger, you control the Triceratops zord, Kimberly you are the pink Pterodactyl zord, and Zachary you are the black ranger and you control the Mastodon zord.”

”Wait, wait, wait!” Kimberly made her hands into a ‘T’ as she continued. “Dinosaurs?” She grabbed Jason’s arm. “Come on Jase we’re out of here.” She pulled him toward an exit.

“Sorry Zman.” Zack apologized. “But the Zackman is out.” He quickly fallowed his two friends.

Billy, and Trini looked at each other. Billy shrugged before he too turned and jogged after his friends.

Trini stared after her friends. “Guys!” She turned to look up at Zordon. “I’ll go talk to them.” She headed off.

XXXX

Up on the moon Rita stood on the balcony as she looked through her telescope. “NO!” She thundered. “Finster!”

XXXX

Back on Earth in the dessert the teens were trying to make their way back to the city. “The least he could do was to send us back into town.” Kimberly complained.

“Are we even going the right way back to town?” Jason asked as he fallowed Kimberly.

“Guys we were talking to a giant floating head.” Zack said as he fallowed his friends.

“Guys, I think he was being serious. And he asked us for help.” Trini said as she followed her friends.

Kimberly suddenly stopped causing Jason, Zack, and Billy to run into her. “Ask?” She turned around to face her best friend. “He didn’t ask. He just assumed that we’d say yes.”

Suddenly a bunch of gray creatures surrounded them causing the teens to gasp.

Two of went up to Kimberly and grabbed her by the arms causing her to scream.

”GO!” Jason yelled.

The five quickly went into action.

Billy was thrown to the ground, Kimberly stumbled toward him, followed by Trini, Zack and finally Jason.

”Somebody think of something!” Kimberly said in a panicky voice as she gripped Jason’s hoody.

“I can’t think of anything.” Zack said shaking his head.

Billy took his morpher off his belt. “We could morph.”

“What do we got to loose?” Trini asked.

Jason nodded as he stood up, followed by his friends. “Lets do it then. It’s Morphin Time!”

“Mastodon!

“Pterodactyl!”

“Triceratops!”

“Saber- toothed Tiger!”

“Tyrannosaurus!”

The now morphed teens fought against the putties and started winning. Soon all the putties were destroyed.

XXXX

“They did it!” Alpha cried just as the teens were teleported back into the Command Center.

Just as they took off their helmets the alarm rang off causing the teens to put their hands over their ears.

“What’s happening!?” Kimberly cried.

“Aye, Aye, aye, aye, aye! It’s the monster alarm!” Alpha cried as he watched the viewing glob. “Zordon! Goldar is in the city!”

“Rangers, go and stop him!” Zordon told the new Power Rangers.

“Right!!!!!” The five nodded.

Jason held his helmet above his head as he called. “Back to action!”

XXXX

The morphed Jason, Kimberly, Zack, Trini, and Billy arrived on top of a building.

“You think I’m afraid of five humans?” Goldar asked as he saw them on top of a building.

“Back off fang face!” Jason yelled.

“Cause the good guys are here!” Zack yelled.

“So get off our planet!” Billy yelled.

“And that goes for Rita!” Trini yelled.

“Because we’re not backing down!” Kimberly yells.

“Because we’re the.” Jason began.

“Power Rangers!!!!!” Jason, Kimberly, Trini, Billy, and Zack yell in union.

“We need Dinozord power now!” Jason calls as he moves his hand to the sky.

Within minutes the Tyrannosaurs Zord, the Mastodon Zord, the Triceratops Zord, Saber-Tooth Tiger Zord, and the Pterodactyl Zord came toward them.

“Alright.” Jason said before jumping up and hopping into the Tyrannosaurs’s cockpit. “Rangers lot in.”

The other quickly followed Jaosn’s lead.

“Zackman here, lets send this monkey back to where it came from with its tail between its legs!”

“Billy here all systems go.”

“Trini here, ready to rock”

“Kimberly here, nice stereo.”

“Lets bring them together.” Jason commands.

The Mastodon Zord transformed into arms with cannons out the front. Then the three Zords combined with the Tyrannosaurs Zord and the Pterodactyl Zord sat behind the T Rex’s head. All five rangers ended up in the Megazord cockpit.

“Lets show this golden monkey what humans can do.” Jason instructs.

“Right!!!!” His friends said in union.

Goldar attacked the Megazord, the Megazord got a hit at Goldar.

“Jase, that blow didn’t phase him at all!” Zack exclaimed.

“Man.” Jason said.

“You foolish humans are finished!” Goldar yelled.

“We’ll see about that!” Jason looks toward the sky. “Power sword!”

The power sword came falling out of the sky and landed in the Megazord’s hand.

“I’ll be back, humans!” Goldar growled before teleporting out.

XXXX

The teens stood in front of Zordon.

“You all did good today rangers!” Zordon smiled down at them. “If you still accept the responsibility there are only three rules you must ably at all times.”

“I’m in.” Jason said putting his first in front of him.

Kimberly quickly put her hand on his as she said. “So am I.”

“That make’s three.” Zack added his hand.

“Make that four.” Trini ads her hand.

“Five Power Rangers.” Billy ads his hand.

“First rule: Never use your power for personal gain. Number two: Never escalate a battle unless Rita forces you. And lastly: Keep your identity secret. No one may know you are a Power Ranger.” Zordon tells them of the rules.

“Power Rangers!!!!!” Jason, Kimberly, Zack, Trini, and Billy jumped into the air.

A/N: Remember this is my series!
Sky/Z Fan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old November 30th, 2008, 08:58 PM   #2
Sky/Z Fan
Power Ranger
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 289
Here are the titles for the episodes. I took some episodes off and added my own episodes in their place. Also some of the episodes are differnat then in the series.

I hope you like!

My Season 1

Day Of The Dumpster
High Five
Teamwork
Mystery In The Locket
Sweet Sixteen
Food Fight
Daddy Dearest
Big Sister
Green With Evil Part 1: Out Of Control
Green With Evil Part 2: Jason’s Battle
Green With Evil Part 3: The Rescue
Green With Evil Part 4: Eclipsing Megazord

Green With Evil Part 5: Breaking The Spell
Picture To Burn
A Different Shade Of Red Part 1
A Different Shad Of Red Part 2

Gung Ho!
Island Of Illusion Part 1
Island Of Illusion Part 2
Calamity Kimberly
The Green Candle Part 1
The Green Candle Part 2
Doomsday Part 1
Doomsday Part 2
Monster Of Jealousy
Lonely Rangers Part 1
Lonely Ranger Part 2
Sky/Z Fan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old December 1st, 2008, 12:00 AM   #3
TSoldier
*MySpace page is now up!*
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 3,509
There was a certain something that felt lacking and I’m not sure how to really identify what that is. I think it’s something between depth and detail. For example, you have the Ranger’s go “Back To Action” cuz Goldar is attacking the city, and they call iin their Zords, however, you failed to even mention 1) who or what Goldar is, and 2) that Goldar is (I’m assuming) in giant form, necessitating the use of the Zords. This is even more an issue that needed to be addressed, considering you had Zordon tell the Ranger’s in the end that one of the rules was not to escalate a battle unless forced.

The 1st “Back at the Command Center…” scene sounded weird, just because that scene was it’s first appearance in the story so that scene should have been written more like an introduction to that location, and the people who reside in it, rather than coming off as a return to a part of your story and characters that you’d already established, but actually didn’t. It made me feel like your audience could expect all your scene intro’s and transitions to begin with “Back at the ____…” and the fact that you did indeed use that line in the very next scene kinda proved it. I encourage you to find new ways to approach scenes, because originality and delivery can be some of your strongest and most defining abilities as a writer.

Speaking of originality, you begin your story with a claim to an AU storyline, and I would say that that is technically accurate, however, you just re-used a lot of the dialogue and actions from the TV show, coming off as more of a reiteration of “Day Of The Dumpster”, as opposed to a more original piece that inspires readers to want to check it out as oppose to feel -like they could just re-watch the actual 1st episode. I do have to commend you for the advancing descriptiveness you employed. Things were a little….curt, for lack of a better term, from the beginning, but once the Ranger’s were teleported the first time you really started to employ more descriptiveness, which I think is essential when presenting a creative piece of writing. And as I mentioned before, it’s an area in which you can really employ a signature writing style all your own.

Also, after their first scene, Rita and crew aren’t heard from until after Zordon propositions the team. There you wrote that Rita was watching them from a balcony on the moon. I think it would have been a great service to your story to detail what building the balcony was attached to and where it came from. In fact, it seems that the story was written with a very strong dependency on your audiences prior knowledge of MMPR, which I understand to a degree cuz this is a PR site and only the most dedicated of fans go so far as to register with a PR site, but at the same time, it very blatantly comes off as lazy writing, and what’s worse is that in doing so, you give up A LOT of opportunities to instill a unique writing quality, and shape the universe, people and places inside your story in accordance with the way that you want everything to be for your story. You seem to be relying too much on your audiences PR knowledge to tell your story for you.

I liked the “Asked?” line following the first command center scene. You really took that opportunity to make the episode, the scene, and Kimberly, a creative construct of your own by letting your characters use dialogue to express an emotion as opposed to using dialogue simply for exposition. I have to admit, I have a “writer’s crush” on dialogue; I just love it, and I think it’s the strongest tool a writer has to identify a character’s personality and this was one of your strongest attempts to do just that, even if it was just a small line.

The ending seemed a little incongruous. You had the Ranger’s accepting the power when Zordon told him there were 3 rules, but you didn’t let him say what those rules were until AFTER the Ranger’s agreed. It came off as illogical and impractical, and since your story seemed to rely a lot on the audience pre-knowledge of PR, that made it stand out even more that the scene didn’t flow well because we all know the Ranger's don't give Zordon an answer until after they hear the rules.

I think you should also look into what writing fight scenes might do for your story. The 1st Putty attack was way too simple. And I can understand generalizing the scene and saying that the teens were overwhelmed, without having to go into way too much detail, which is a legitimate concern in writing a scene that is best understood visually, but you made it sound more like the teens tripped over onto eachother, which was not a good lead-in to showing how the teens felt the need to have to Morph, which they weren't interested in in the scene before.

Overall, I think you should think about what it is you are intending to do with your story, because it comes off as different from the show, but without a real strive or goal or vision as to what it wants to offer other than being different from the show. Kimberly is my favorite character, so I can understand your focus on her, but you should also remember that MMPR is an ensemble piece, and that, at the very least, bolstering the characters and dialogue for the other Ranger's could help be of service to the scenes they share with Kim, especially in the case that you might have episodes focusing on other characters than her.
TSoldier is offline   Reply With Quote
Old December 1st, 2008, 05:47 PM   #4
Sky/Z Fan
Power Ranger
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 289
A/N: I hope this chapter is a little better.

XXX

Episode 2: High Five

Summery: Rita traps the other rangers using Trini’s fear of heights.

XXXX

Inside the high school gym Kimberly, Zack, Jason, Billy along with their classmates and Coach watched as Trini tried to climb the rope that went to the top of the gym.

“Whatever you do Trini, don’t look down!” Jason called up to her.

Trini who was only halfway started getting dizzy as she looked at the ceiling, she lost her grip and fell giving a startled scream.

“I got her!” Zack exclaimed just as Trini landed in his arms bridle style and her arm automatically wrapped around his neck.

“Trini are you ok?” Kimberly asked concerned.

“I think so.” Trini nodded.

“Still have that fear of heights huh?” The Coach asked.

Trini nodded. “Yeah.” She said as Zack let her down.

“Go have a seat on the bleachers.” The Coach instructed. “Help her out Taylor.”

Zack helped a shaky Trini over to the bleachers.

XXX

At Rita’s palace, Rita had witnessed the scene though her telescope. “So the yellow ranger is afraid of heights.” She cackled. “That gives me an idea.” She walked into her palace.

“What are you think your Royalness?” Squatt asked.

“I’m planning to trap those humans all but the yellow ranger.” Rita began. “I plan to use her fear of heights against her!”

“Her fear will be their downfall! Brilliant Empress!” Goldar nodded.

“And I have the perfect monster for the job.” Finster walked over to them. “I present the Fear Monster.”

A monster that was all black walked up. “I’m ready to serve my Empress.” He bowed at her.

“Tell me.” Rita walked over to the monster. “Just what are your plans for using the yellow ranger’s fear?”

“My plan is to capture the Rangers and let them dangle by rope on the highest mountain.” Fear Monster answered.

“Excellent!” Rita exclaimed. “Now go!”

XXX

Inside the Youth Center Trini was seating at a table, her left elbow sat on the flat smooth surface while her chin rested on her palm. She was staring at the gym area where a rope was dangling from.

Ernie walked up. “You look down in the dumps.” He set a smoothie down in front of her.

Trini removed her hand and laid it on top of her open Math book. “It’s my fear of heights. I just can’t get over it.”

“Maybe you should try conquering your fear.” Ernie suggested. “They say it helps.” When she still didn’t look convinced he patted her shoulder before walking back to the counter.

Billy, Jason, Kimberly, and Zack walked up to the table. “Hey Trini.” Billy greeted.

Trini smiled. “Hey guys. What’s up?”

“I’ve been working on these last night. And I think I’ve got the bugs out of them now” Billy held out his left wrist to show what looked like a watch.

“A watch?” Jason asked.

“Not just any watch.” Billy looked around before leaned forward. “I call them communicators.” He set down a Wal-Mart bag and opened it. “I was able to create these devices that will enable us to establish contact with Zordon and vice-versa.”

“Huh?” Kimberly asked.

“Like a two way radio.” Trini translated and Billy nodded.

“Cool.” Zack grinned.

“There’s one for each of us.” Billy handed the pink one to Kimberly, black to Zack, red to Jason, and yellow to Trini.

“So how do we contact him?” Kimberly asked as they strapped their new Communicators on.

“Lets talk in the hall.” Trini said as she quickly gathered her books and shoved them into her backpack.

The five head over to the hall as Billy answered. “To talk to them just press the middle button.”

“Like this?” Kimberly pressed the middle button and she disappeared in a pink teleportation light.

Jason, Zack, and Trini followed by pressing the same button and disappearing in red, black and yellow lights.

“Hm. Guess I’m not finished working on them.” Billy pressed the middle button and disappeared in a blue light.

XXX

Alpha was walking around. “Uh oh. In Coming.”

Kimberly landed on the robot, followed by Jason, Zack, Trini, and finally Billy. The five stood up.

Zack helped Alpha up. “Sorry Alpha, are you ok?”

Alpha nodded. “Yes, I’m ok.”

“It appears that Billy has tapped into the Command Center’s teleportation system. Until Alpha can fix it. Billy’s device will act as a two way communicator.” Zordon explained.

Billy took off his communicator and handed it to Alpha.

“Don’t worry Rangers, it’ll be easy. All I have to do is.” Alpha trailed off as he looked up. “Uh oh.” He started bouncing around the Command Center and the Rangers leaned against the consoles.

XXX

In the mountains the Fear Monster appeared along with putties. “Hurry and set up the trap before Zordon detects that we’re here!” He ordered the clay creatures.

The putties quickly went to work at setting up the trap witch was a big net.

XXX

The alarm began to blare. “Ouch! We’ll have to get used to that alarm!” Zack said after jumping when the alarm rang off.

“Aye, aye, aye, aye, aye! There are putties and a monster in the mountains!” Alpha cried as he looked at the viewing globe.

“Rangers. Find out what she’s up too.” Zordon instructed.

“You got it.” Jason said before Alpha teleported them out.

XXX

In the mountains the Rangers teleported down and quickly hid behind a big dusty rock. The Rangers poked their heads around the corner.

Billy heard something and turned around to see some putties. “Uh guys.” He tapped Trini on the back causing her to turn around.

“We gotta move.” Billy said.

“Why this is perfect cover.” Zack asked as he, Kimberly, and Jason continued to watch the other putties and monster.

“It was about five seconds ago.” Trini replied causing her three friends to turn around.

“We better morph.” Kimberly said.

“No.” Jason said putting a hand on her shoulder. “We have to take care of them our own way first.”

The teens then separated. Jason used his marshal arts skills on the putties while Zack used his Hip Hop skills on the putties, Kimberly used her gymnastic skills on the putties, and Billy used his skills that Jason, and Zack have been teaching him.

The Fear Monster watched as Jason, Zack, Kimberly, and Billy inched closer and closer to the trap.

“Come closer to my trap rangers.” Fear Monster said happily.

Finally Jason, Zack, Kimberly, and Billy were now on top of the trap.

“Say goodbye Rangers!” Fear Monster used his sward and cut the rope.

The net sprang up capturing the four rangers.

“Now for the next step of the plan!” Fear Monster laughed as he started to search for the other ranger.

In the middle of the mountain Trini finished off her group of putties. Trini rounded a corner and came face-to-face with Fear Monster.

“Hello ranger.” The Monster sneered.

Trini quickly got into a defensive stance. “Where are my friends?” She demanded.

“Up there.” The Monster pointed to the net that held her friends.

Trini looked up to where the monster was pointing and gasped when she saw her friends up high. She turned slightly pale.

“What’s the matter Ranger? You scared?” Fear Monster asked.

Trini swallowed hard. “No.” She glared at the monster. “Give them back!”

“Let me think.” The monster said. “No!” He laughed before disappearing, then reappeared on top of the highest mountain. “Come and get them girly girl!”

Trini narrowed her eyes. “Fine.” She started to climb the mountain, when she got near the top she started to get dizzy.

XXX

Up at Rita’s palace, Rita was watching the scene through her telescope. “HA! It’s working!”

XXX

Meanwhile in the mountains Trini was still feeling dizzy. “Conquer your fear.” She whispered to herself. “Conquer your fear.” She forced herself to focus and continued her way toward the mountain.

“HA! HA!” Fear Monster laughed. “Soon you can say goodbye to your planet Power Rangers!”

“Not while the Power Rangers are around!” Trini exclaimed.

Fear Monster turned around. “Impossible! How did you get up here?!”

“I focused on what was important.” Trini reached for her morpher. “Its Morphin Time! Saber Tooth Tiger!”

A now fully morphed Trini charged and attacked the Fear Monster. She flipped over him and landed in between the net that held her friends and the monster. “Have a nice trip!” She high kicked the monster in the chest sending him falling off the mountain. Trini turned around. “Power Down!” She ran up to the net and untied the rope.

The net opened causing Trini’s friends to tumble out.

“Are you guys ok?” The Asian asked as she helped Billy up. Her friends nodded.

“Trini. You conquered your fear.” Jason smiled.

Trini looked to where she was before smiling. “I did, didn’t I?”

XXX

At Rita’s palace, Rita had been watching through her telescope. “No!” She turned around. “Magic Wand, Make My Monster Grow!” She tossed down her wand.

XXX

Inside the Command Center the Rangers were smiling.

“Good work Rangers! And very good work to your Trini for conquering your fear.” Zordon congratulated.

Trini smiled. “Thank you Zordon.”

The alarm rang off.

“Time for round two.” Zack said as they turned to the viewing globe to see the Fear Monster about the size of a skyscraper.

“Its Morphin Time!” Jason called.

“Mastodon!”

“Pterodactyl!”

“Triceratops!”

“Saber Tooth Tiger!”

“Tyrannosaurus!”

XXX

Back in the mountains the Rangers teleported down. “We need Dinozord now!” Jason called with his hand in the air.

Within minutes the zords were heading their way.

Jason jumped into his zord. “Lets do this Rangers!”

“Billy here, all systems on line.”

“Zack here, its rock and roll time.”

“Trini here, no one messes with my fears and gets away with it.”

“Kimberly here, lets toast this guy.”

“Rangers bring them together.” Jason instructs.

Within minutes the zords combined and soon the Megazord was complete and the Rangers were in the cockpit.

“I’m not afraid of any humans!” Fear Monster charged at the Megazord.

The Fear Monster kicked the Megazord and sent it down to the ground. He then blew a black cloud at the Megazord.

A big shadow blanket made its way over to the Megazord.

“We gotta get back on our feet!” Billy exclaimed.

The Megazord finally got to its feet.

“Power Sword!” Jason called looking up toward the sky. The Power Sword fell from the sky and landed in the Megazord’s hand. Then it slashed at the shadow blanket, destroying it.

“Uh oh, its lights out for me!” Fear Monster exclaimed as the Megazord slashed at the Monster.

XXX

Inside Rita’s palace. “Oh I have a headache!” Rita cried as she moved from her telescope.

XXX

At the Youth Center, Trini walked up to the counter and smiled at Ernie.

“Hey you conquer your fear yet?” Ernie asked.

Trini continued to smile. “Yes I did. And I have you to thank. So thank you.”

Ernie smiled. “Your welcome.”
Sky/Z Fan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old December 3rd, 2008, 04:46 PM   #5
Sky/Z Fan
Power Ranger
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 289
Teamwork

Summery: A Marshal Art scout wants Jason to come to his school, he has a choice between a new school or his old one. To make things worse Rita sends down the Mighty Minitor into the city and putties in the park.

XXX

Inside the Youth Center Jason was practicing his marshal arts on the mats. Kimberly was seating at the regular Ranger table as she watched him, she smiled as she admired his figure.

Zack walked up to the table and grinned when he saw Kimberly. “Someone’s in love with Jason.” He teased in a singsong voice as he sat down next to her.

Kimberly jumped startled. “Shh!” She punches him in the arm. “He’ll here you.”

“Ow!” Zack cried as he rubbed his arm just as Jason walked up to the table.

“Whatever you did Zack I’m sure you deserved it.” Jason chuckled as he sat down next to Kimberly.

“Why do girls have to hit?” Zack asked pouting.

“Toughen up bro.” Jason grinned at his best friend.

Ernie, and another man walk up to the table. “Hey Jase, Mr. Lance here would like to talk to you.”

Jason nods. “Ok.”

Ernie turns and leaves to head back to the counter.

“I’ve been admiring your marshal art skills.” The man said.

“I’m sorry but who are you?” Jason asked trying not to be rude.

“My name’s Ted Lance, I’m a scout from the Marshal Arts School in Crystal Falls.” The man introduced.

XXX

In Rita’s palace, Rita walked into Finster’s lab. “Do you have my monster ready yet Finster?”

“Its almost complete.” Finster nodded.

“What’s taking so long?” Rita demanded.

“As I told you once before you can’t rush art.” Finster said calmly as he continued to work on the monster.

Rita huffed before turning around and storming off.

XXX

Back in the Youth Center Jason walked back to the empty Ranger table. Looking around he found Kimberly on the balance beam and walked over to her.

Kimberly saw him and did a perfect jump and landed perfectly next to him. “So how’d it go?”

“He wants me to come by the school and check it out.” Jason answered.

“Are you?” Kimberly asked as she picked up her gym bag.

“There’s no school Friday so I’ll be going there to check it out.” Jason said.

“Crystal Hills is a hundred miles away from Angel Grove.” Kimberly retorted, starting to feel hurt that he would even consider going.

“Kim you know I’ve been wanting to go to that school. It’s a special school for marshal art students.”

“What about your friends, your parents?” Kimberly asked. “And more importantly.” She held up her left wrist and using her right hand points her communicator. “What about responsibility?”

“I’m just going to check out the school that’s all.” Jason retorted.

“If you want to leave the team, then be my guest.” Kimberly said with hurt written clearly on her face and voice. “You wont hear any argument from me.” She grabbed her towel and walked off.

Jason watched her walk off just as Zack walked up. “Let her cool off Jase.” He said gently.

“If you’re going to give me a speech then you’re wasting your breath.” Jason turned and started walking off the mats.

“Hey I’m on your side.” Zack said as walked along side his best friend.

Jason raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

Zack nodded. “Yes.” He paused. “If you’re looking for a relationship with Kim then you’re doing a lousy job.”

“I don’t see the hurt in just looking at the school.” Jason replied. “She knows I’ve been wanting to go to that school. I’d thought she’d at least be understanding.”

“Maybe she doesn’t want you to go cause she loves you as more then a friend and is afraid you’ll find another girl.” Realizing what he said Zack quickly shut up.

“Kim’s in love with me?” Jason asked.

“Kim made me promise not to tell you. If she finds out I told you I’m history” Zack quickly started to panic.

“Then I didn’t hear it.” Jason said calmly.

XXX

Back in Rita’s palace, Rita had been watching the scene. “So the Red Ranger is thinking of leaving huh?” She cackled as she moved away from the balcony.

“With no leader, the four remaining rangers will fall!” Goldar exclaimed.

“We’ll wait until the Red Ranger is out of the picture.” Rita replies. “It’ll be more fun to take the four down.”

XXX

Kimberly stood in front of Jason’s home, taking a deep breath she walked up to the porch and rang the doorbell. After a few minutes the front door opened to reveal Jason’s father.

“Hi Kim.” Mr. Scott smiled.

Kimberly returned the smile. “Hi. Um Is Jason home?”

Jason’s father shook his head. “No, I’m sorry he’s not home.”

Kimberly nodded. “Ok. C – Could you tell him that I stopped by?”

Mr. Scott nodded. “Of course.”

Kimberly smiled. “Thank you.” She turned, walked down the porch steps and walked down the sidewalk.

XXX

“Its time!” Rita turned from her telescope and walked inside her palace. “Finster!”

Finster nodded. “Yes my queen the Minitor monster is finished.”

“Then send him down along with the putties!” Rita walked back over to the balcony. “Goldar, make sure the plan sticks!”

Goldar nodded. “Yes Empress.” He teleported out.

XXX

Zack, and Billy were in the park. “She’s to hurt to listen to reason.” Zack was talking about Kimberly as the boys walked down a path.

“Maybe this is what the two need.” Billy said.

Zack stopped. “What? How?”

Billy stopped and turned around. “Think about it. This might help Jason realize his feelings for Kim.”

Before anymore conversation could be added a group of putties, and Goldar appeared causing the two to drop into defensive stances.

“What do you want goldilocks?” Zack demanded.

“You destruction of course!” Goldar growled. “Attack!”

XXX

At the Command Center Alpha was panicking. “Zordon! The girls are battling a Minitor monster in the city and Billy, and Zack are out numbered with Goldar along with putties in the park, and Jason’s not answering!”

“Keep trying Alpha.” Zordon said calmly.

XXX

A morphed Kimberly was flown into a parked car. Trini ran up to her. “Kim, are you ok?”

“Yeah.” Kimberly got to her feet.
“How are we going to fight him?” Kimberly asked. “We only have blasters. And we don’t have a game plan.”

From under her helmet Trini was chewing on her lower lip. “Lets attack at both sides. Then maybe we can get a shot.” She suggested.

No sooner had she said that black, and blue lights came down revealing a morphed Zack, and Billy. “Reinforcements are here.” Zack said.

“Anyone have a game plan?” Billy asked.

“Just a cheep one.” Trini said.

“Any things good right about now.” Zack replied.

“We should attack at all sides with our blasters and maybe we’ll get a shot in.” Trini explained her plan again.

“It’s worth a shot.” Billy said as the four took out their blasters.

“You four are hopeless without your leader!” Minitor hissed.

“We’re just as strong as he is!” Zack exclaimed taking a shot at the Minitor only for Minitor to deflect it and Zack got hit instead.

The Minitor found himself surround by four Power Rangers.

“Now guys!” Zack yelled and four shots hit Minitor but nothing seemed to work.

“That didn’t faze him at all!” Billy exclaimed.

The Minitor charged at Trini delivering a direct hit to the stomach sending her flying backwards.

“Gotcha!” A morphed Jason just teleported down and caught her.

“Jason!” Billy exclaimed as a smile appeared under his helmet.

Zack, Billy, and Kimberly ran up to Jason, and Trini. “You sure took your time in getting here.” Kimberly punched Jason’s arm.

“But aren’t you suppose to be at that Marshal Arts School?” Trini asked confused cocking her head to the side.

“I was.” Jason looked at her. “I declined the offer.”

From under her helmet Kimberly blinked. “Why?”

“Because we were offered to save the world from evil. To me that’s a chance I’m not backing out of.” Jason answered. “You guys aren’t just my teammates. You’re my friends.”

Exited that Jason wasn’t going to leave, Kimberly launched herself at Jason and hugged him.

“Human emotions! I’m going to be sick!” Goldar growled as he teleported next to Minitor.

XXX

“Aye, aye, aye, aye, aye!” Alpha cried as he, and Zordon watched the battle through the viewing globe. “The Rangers are still out numbered!”
“I think its time to bring out their new weapons.” Zordon said.

XXX

Back in the battle zone the Minitor grew to the size of a building. “We need Dinozord power now!” Jason called as he raised his arm into the air.

The Zords soon arrived. Jason jumped up, followed by the others.

“Alright Rangers, log on!” Jason called.

“Zack here, moving and a groovin.”

“Billy here, time for this guy to parish.

“Trini here, ready to rock.”

“Kimberly here, lets show these to goons what teamwork is all about.”

The Pterodactyl zoomed down and shot laser blasts at Goldar, and the putties. The Triceratops shot blasts at Goldar. The Saber Tooth Tiger shot blasts at the Minitor. The Mastodon shots ice toward the Minitor.

“Activating Power Claws.” Billy said from inside his Zord. Two Power Claws shoot out at the Minitor’s horns and locked on, but the monster still held his ground. “Full power!” Billy’s Zord is able to bring down the monster.

The Minitor head butts the Tyrannosaurus Zord sending it crashing to the ground, it uses its tail to get back to its feet.

“Power Rangers bring them together!” Jason exclaimed from his Zord.

Soon the Zords are combining and the Rangers are in the cockpit of the Megazord.

But that’s still not enough.

“Megazord to full power!” Jason said.

XXX

“No matter what the Rangers do, he keeps coming!” Alpha cried.

“Rangers teleport to the Command Center for new instructions.” Zordon tells them.

Five colored lights teleports inside the Command Center to revel the morphed Rangers.

“Your zords have been sent back to their hiding places right now its time for you to receive new powers and weapons.” Zordon told them.

A lance appeared in Billy’s hands, a bow and arrow appeared in Kimberly’s hands, a sword appeared in Jason’s hands, an axe appeared in Zack’s hands, and two daggers appeared in Trini’s hands.

“These are your Power Weapons. Jason the Power Sword is the key to all the Power Weapons. Zachary the Power Axe is yours to call upon its Blade is as tough as diamonds and it also doubles as a power full Cannon. Billy the Power Lance goes to you with this you can split it in two and use it as two weapons or use it as one weapon that can deliver a power full blow. Trini the Power Daggers are yours to use you can use them as short range weapons or you can throw them as projectile weapons. Last but not least Kimberly the Power Bow goes to you it can fire normal bows and also fire powered up arrows as well. And Rangers when you combine your weapons they create a power full Power Blaster but only use this if you really need to.” Zordon explained.

“That Minitor’s history.” Jason said as he held out his sword.

XXX

Back at the battlefield the Rangers teleported down still morphed. “Here’s the plan. We attack him using our new weapons and if that don’t work we pull them together.”

“Yeah!!” Kimberly, and Trini both gave a thumbs up.

“Right!!” Zack, and Billy gave a nod.

The Rangers attacked the Minitar with their Power Weapons. First Trini and Kimberly attacked the Minitar Kimberly shot an arrow at him and Trini threw one of her Power Daggers at the Minitar causing the Minitar to drop his club and shield. Then Billy and Zack attacked together with their Power Lance and Power Axe. Then Jason attacked the Minitar with his Power Sword.

“Rangers. Now is the time to combine your weapons to create the Power Blaster.” Zordon said into their communicators.

“You heard him Rangers.” Jason told his team. “Bring em together.”

“Power Axe!”

“Power Bow!”

“Power Lance!”

“Power Daggers!”

“Power Sword!”

Jason jumped to connect his sword with the other weapons, then landed on his feet, when he landed on the ground Billy, and Kimberly stood to Jason’s right while Zack, and Trini stood to Jason’s left.

“Fire!!!!!” The five Rangers called. The blaster shot out five beams of light at the Minitar and destroyed it.

XXX

“What do I have to do to win around here!?” Rita demanded as she moved from her balcony to back inside her palace. “Finster where’s the aspirin bottle?!”

XXX

Later at the park Jason, and Kimberly were seating on a grassy hill. “I can’t believe you came back.” Kimberly was saying as she looked up at him.

“I know about you love me.” Jason looked down at her.

Kimberly looked up at him. “Zack opened his big mouth to you, he promised he wouldn’t say anything! He’s so dead!”

From there hiding spot behind a big bush Zack opened his mouth ready to defend himself when two hands quickly clamed his mouth shut.

“Mmff!” Zack’s voice was muffled.

“Shh!!” Both Billy, and Trini shushed the black ranger.

Back on the hill Jason moved a lock of Kimberly’s hair behind her ear as he said. “It was just a slip of the tongue. He didn’t mean to tell me.”

“So you now know the truth.” Kimberly said. “I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember.”

A smiling Jason leaned down and gently pressed his lips to hers in a gentle and loving kiss.
Sky/Z Fan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old December 8th, 2008, 05:53 PM   #6
mlo13
Kiva
 
mlo13's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 432
best pr series s1.
mlo13 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old December 10th, 2008, 09:35 PM   #7
Eternal
loserssaywhat
 
Eternal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 1,739
Quote:
Originally Posted by TSoldier View Post
There was a certain something that felt lacking and I’m not sure how to really identify what that is. I think it’s something between depth and detail. For example, you have the Ranger’s go “Back To Action” cuz Goldar is attacking the city, and they call iin their Zords, however, you failed to even mention 1) who or what Goldar is, and 2) that Goldar is (I’m assuming) in giant form, necessitating the use of the Zords. This is even more an issue that needed to be addressed, considering you had Zordon tell the Ranger’s in the end that one of the rules was not to escalate a battle unless forced.

The 1st “Back at the Command Center…” scene sounded weird, just because that scene was it’s first appearance in the story so that scene should have been written more like an introduction to that location, and the people who reside in it, rather than coming off as a return to a part of your story and characters that you’d already established, but actually didn’t. It made me feel like your audience could expect all your scene intro’s and transitions to begin with “Back at the ____…” and the fact that you did indeed use that line in the very next scene kinda proved it. I encourage you to find new ways to approach scenes, because originality and delivery can be some of your strongest and most defining abilities as a writer.

Speaking of originality, you begin your story with a claim to an AU storyline, and I would say that that is technically accurate, however, you just re-used a lot of the dialogue and actions from the TV show, coming off as more of a reiteration of “Day Of The Dumpster”, as opposed to a more original piece that inspires readers to want to check it out as oppose to feel -like they could just re-watch the actual 1st episode. I do have to commend you for the advancing descriptiveness you employed. Things were a little….curt, for lack of a better term, from the beginning, but once the Ranger’s were teleported the first time you really started to employ more descriptiveness, which I think is essential when presenting a creative piece of writing. And as I mentioned before, it’s an area in which you can really employ a signature writing style all your own.

Also, after their first scene, Rita and crew aren’t heard from until after Zordon propositions the team. There you wrote that Rita was watching them from a balcony on the moon. I think it would have been a great service to your story to detail what building the balcony was attached to and where it came from. In fact, it seems that the story was written with a very strong dependency on your audiences prior knowledge of MMPR, which I understand to a degree cuz this is a PR site and only the most dedicated of fans go so far as to register with a PR site, but at the same time, it very blatantly comes off as lazy writing, and what’s worse is that in doing so, you give up A LOT of opportunities to instill a unique writing quality, and shape the universe, people and places inside your story in accordance with the way that you want everything to be for your story. You seem to be relying too much on your audiences PR knowledge to tell your story for you.

I liked the “Asked?” line following the first command center scene. You really took that opportunity to make the episode, the scene, and Kimberly, a creative construct of your own by letting your characters use dialogue to express an emotion as opposed to using dialogue simply for exposition. I have to admit, I have a “writer’s crush” on dialogue; I just love it, and I think it’s the strongest tool a writer has to identify a character’s personality and this was one of your strongest attempts to do just that, even if it was just a small line.

The ending seemed a little incongruous. You had the Ranger’s accepting the power when Zordon told him there were 3 rules, but you didn’t let him say what those rules were until AFTER the Ranger’s agreed. It came off as illogical and impractical, and since your story seemed to rely a lot on the audience pre-knowledge of PR, that made it stand out even more that the scene didn’t flow well because we all know the Ranger's don't give Zordon an answer until after they hear the rules.

I think you should also look into what writing fight scenes might do for your story. The 1st Putty attack was way too simple. And I can understand generalizing the scene and saying that the teens were overwhelmed, without having to go into way too much detail, which is a legitimate concern in writing a scene that is best understood visually, but you made it sound more like the teens tripped over onto eachother, which was not a good lead-in to showing how the teens felt the need to have to Morph, which they weren't interested in in the scene before.

Overall, I think you should think about what it is you are intending to do with your story, because it comes off as different from the show, but without a real strive or goal or vision as to what it wants to offer other than being different from the show. Kimberly is my favorite character, so I can understand your focus on her, but you should also remember that MMPR is an ensemble piece, and that, at the very least, bolstering the characters and dialogue for the other Ranger's could help be of service to the scenes they share with Kim, especially in the case that you might have episodes focusing on other characters than her.

In other words, your fic sucks.
Eternal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old December 11th, 2008, 11:13 PM   #8
Sky/Z Fan
Power Ranger
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 289
Thanks a lot!!

I thought it was good.
Sky/Z Fan is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:22 AM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.