It's a pretty interesting start to the season, though I do think that the main cast could have used some characterization just for this episode since the only characters we see forming their personalities are the commander and Hiyori, Blue to a small extent. Other than that, the pacing was good, the action fun to read, and I'm intrigued enough to want more. Might I recommend posting the chapters on this forum in addition to FF.net? Makes it easier to just read it on the forum.
Also, I would like it if you could come over to my story and you can give your thoughts on it if it's ok with you. Welcome to the FF side of Rangerboard, if its your first time.