ZeoMew2Too
03-23-2006, 10:27 AM
In celebration of my reupload of Blade #2 yesterday, here's the fiver for it. As much as I enjoy doing Blade, I'm thinking of fivering Kabuto #1 next.
Because...
a.) Kabuto, episode 1, was the first Kamen Rider show I watched. EVER.
b.) Kabuto is more popular. Hence...
c.) Kabuto is more widely available.
Despite the fact that Tendou is an asshole, at least he's a COMPOSED asshole. Meaning he's one of those assholes you'd like to call your own. Plus, you can go around pretending you've found a new backward lyric in the Time Force them by chanting, "Tendou is my asshole, bitch, bitch, bitch."
Kenzaki does have this annoying habit of yelling just about everything he says. This might turn off some first time viewers.
But, yeah, anyway, Blade fiver 2. Yeah. If you don't enjoy it, well, you may need professional help. Or have you considered Viagra?
---
Kamen Rider Blade Round 2 Fiver
The Overgrown Man-Furby Writing This Shit : Chris "I'm Only Paid to Translate" Kalish... Er, Brockner
Executive Dude: GreenNinja
------
*the front lawn of Men In Black Headquarters, where Tommy Lee Jones begins to look more like an alien than the aliens do*
Kenzaki: TACHIBANNA-SAN! TACHIBANNA-SAN!! TACHIBANNA-SAN?! TACHIBANNA-SAN!!! TAAAAAACHHHIIIIBAAAANNNNAAAA-SSAAAAAANNNN!!!
...
...
Geez, it always worked with Tommy.
Glenn Close's Mangina: Blurrblebluurblegina!
Kenzaki: Can't you see I'm busy here?
*Mangina Boy becomes a CGI post-prod effect and looks frighteningly familiar*
Kenzaki: OMG, you're not just any Mangina! You're a GEONOSIAN Mangina! Oh, I hate it when people rip Star Wars! You are so dead now!
*Kenzaki pulls out his Rouzer, which has conveniently become a lightsaber*
Kenzaki: I have been betrayed! My emo angst has turned into SHINING YUUKI... Of Mangina death!
*Kenzaki unpredictably throws away his LightRouzer -- the only unpredictable thing about this show, really*
Kenzaki's Fists: Lalala, fisting a Mangina!
Geonosian Mangina: That didn't sound just ri-- GAK!
Kenzaki (picking up his Rouzer: Well, that was easy. I'm glad no damage was done to the buildi--
*the Geonosian Mangina rises back up, and lunges at Kenzaki; they hit the front wall of BOARD HQ, which promptly collapses, showing just how little BOARD cares about its employees to build with such subtstandard equipment*
Kenzaki: HA! Shiori made it out of the building, and everyone else was already dead! So, no harm done.
*one of the BOARD comm towers falls over, creating a domino effect and knocking down most of the buildings within half a mile*
Kenzaki: It's night time. I'm sure there was nobody in tho--
*all the falling buildings create an earthquake, which causes a children's hospital to topple; shrill screams can be heard, and the throaty howling of dying little boys and girls fills the air as an electric line falls on top of the remains of the hospital, apparrently hitting the exact area where oxygen tanks were stored -- the place goes up in a blaze, and little burning bodies can be seen running around begging Kami-sama for mercy as they are slow-cooked in their own juices*
Kenzaki: Um, I'm sure that's just the "Evil Midget Robot Prison," cleverly disguised as a children's hospital to prevent mad scientists from attempting to break them out. There's nothing to worry abo--
Nearby Mother of 10: OMG, all my children were in that General Hospital! Oh, if only they had more than one life to live!
Kenzaki: I'm sure this woman is just here as a clever plot device to remind us just how much of a soap opera New Gen Rider shows ar--
Nearby Mother of 10: Oh, Kami-sama, if only I were just here as a clever plot device to remind everyone just how much of a soap opera New Gen Rider shows are! But no! I am a REAL mother, who's grieving over the loss of her REAL children who are being burned to death in what is NOT a secret location for holding evil midget robots!
Kenzaki: >.>
...
...
<.<
Hey, 5 of Mangina Spades, did you know they've been screaming your name?
5 of Mangina Spades: Who, the children?
Kenzaki: Nope. DEEZNUTS!
*Kenzaki throws a Jetix card at Mangina*
Jetix Card: CAPTURE!
Kenzaki: My work here is do--
*Kenzaki is knocked out by flaming preteen appendages, as the fire at the children's hospital apparently hit the gas line for the whole downtown Kytokyo area; mass destruction of decidedly EMPTY no-vacancy hotels and the district's most populated orphanage -- which TV Asahi assures us is EMPTY for no good reason -- are blown to smitherines*
Shiori: Wow, sucks to be Kenzaki.
---
*roll the theme song: abstract camera angles, strobe lights, and j-Pop*
---
Ferbusdora Boy: Round 2 -- "With a Poet's Soul Like That, Kotarou Should Get Laid More ~ Magi Gi Goolu Blueballsjin"
Shiori: Look what I found on Captain Janeway's laptop!
Janeway Audo File: Captain's Log, Supplemental. After receiving help from the alien, Trydar, we have arrived back in our own time, and 5,000 lightyears closer to home thanks to the technology we were given by Hayley and the DinoThunder Rangers. 7 of 9 has requested temporary leave of duty to pursue her own spirituality. Her meeting with Dr. Thomas Oliver has made her a believer in Jeebus. I'm happy to report that no one got inside Ensign Kim's circle on this missi--
Shiori: No! Not that!
Visual Log Chief Kurusuma: Do you expect me to talk, Tachibanna-san?
Visual Log Tachibanna: No, actually I expect you to -- LOOK, THAT RABID LEMUR IS GETTING AWAY WITH ALL OUR POCKY!
Visual Log Chief Kurusuma: Wha-- KIDNAPPED GAK!
Shiori: OMG, Tachibanna bit us in the ass!
Kenzaki: Well, maybe he had a good reason. We should try Plan Xander.
Shiori: How about we try Plan Kenzaki Loses HIs Faith In Humanity?!
Kenzaki: Shouldn't be too hard. I've already lost my faith in lemurs.
*rabid Visual Log Lemurs consume Pocky on Captain Janeway's laptop at Absurd Velocity*
---
*Two Guys, A Girl, and A Very Sexually-Tense Pizza Place; Kenzaki is sitting outside, wearing black and slitting his wrists*
Kotarou: Well, I tried to cheer him up with my classic "Dying Lemur" routine, but, zippocakes! What about Kurusuma?
Shiori: Well, I've managed to reconstruct a roomful of BOARD computers using the milk-borne casinate you piss out on a daily basis. But, well, zippocakes! Now, help me move these stolen computers upstairs.
Kotarou: For letting you stay here, will you gave me nights of wild uninhibited sex?
Shiori: Shut up and start moving!
Kotarou: Fine, then I'm not evicting the room's previous tenant.
Shiori: And who would that be?
Ferbus: I'm Ferbus, wanna play... BLOODY MACHETE MURDER?!
Shiori: ... Kotarou, you beefcake, get out of those sexy clothes and let's see if you can share some "milk" with me, because you make my udders tingle!
Kotarou: All you Jews had better tune out now, because I'm about to mix meat and dairy!
Bridge: Wait a second! Just let me go grab a cheeseburger and some ham on swiss!
---
*soon, Kotarou goes to visit Kenzaki*
Kotarou: Well, you think you've got it bad. Shiori kicked me and told the Jew to see if he could make her buns more buttery.
Kenzaki: That girl loves to make weird food/sex analogies. One time, she asked me to put my "special sausage" into her "clambake." Hey, have you ever been bitten in the ass?
Kotarou: Does she do that too? Well, I say it's better to be the man who's been ass-bitten 100 times than the man who's bitten the asses of 100 people. God only knows no amount of toothpaste could ever make that man right again.
Kenzaki: With wisdom like that, it's a wonder you don't get laid more.
Kotarou: Well, I figure with 47 episodes, one movie, and a Kodansha video to go, I stand a pretty good chance of getting lucky before Hibiki starts.
Shiori: AGGGGHHH!!! HELP!!
Kenzaki: What is it Shiori? Undead?
Shiori: No, the Jew put boiling butter in my cooter! Now he's posting about it on the Internet!
---
*Hayley's Cyberjacaraporium*
Haruka: Oh, hellow Nearby Mother of 10. How are you holding up after the death of all ten of your children?
Nearby Mother of 10: Oh, it's horrible! I found out I had an eleventh child, and that child is at the Ryan Tober Observatory!
Haruka: Oh, what's so terrible about that?
Nearby Mother of 10: The Invenusable Flytrap has returned, and it's terrorizing the observatory!
Haruka: OMG, Amane-chan is at the observatory! What does the Invenusable Flytrap want?!
Nearby Mother of 10: It's holidng all the children ransom, and will only let them go if a borderline-pedophilic amateur photographer with GQ looks agrees to take their place!
Hajime: Looks like that's my cue. As if the disembodied visions of the Invenusable Flytrap digesting the souls of innocents wasn't enough...
---
*at Shiori Hirose's Two-For-One Virgin garage sale*
Shiori: The computer has detected that the Invenusable Flytrap is terrorizing Ernie's Juice Bar and Observatory!
Kotarou: Invenusable Flytrap? Does that thing EVER die?
Shiori: Someone has to stop that monster from killing potentially important characters!
Kenzaki: Don't look at me. I don't like people anymore. Can't you tell by my "Hello, My Name is FUCK YOU!" name tag?
---
*Kenzaki arrives at the observatory*
Invenusable Flytrap: Welcome, Kamen Rider! I hope you enjoy your stay at the observatory!
Kenzaki: Because I'm never going to leave?
Invenusable Flytrap: No, because today they're holding a tribute to Star Wars knockoff movies.
Kenzaki: What?! Star Wars knockoff are my pet peeve. That, and my parents burned to death in a fire while I was forced to watch and do nothing.
Tetsu (aka DekaBreak): Yeah, well, some of us aren't whiney bitches about it...
Kenzaki: Oh, go buy some high heels... TINKERSAM?!
Tetsu: ... ...
...
...
*sob sob*
Mean people SUCK!
---
*soon*
Kenzaki: Rider up!
Kenzaki's Rider Belt: RIDER UP!
*some distance away on his motorcycle*
Hajime: Rider up! *Riders up*
Hajime's Rider Belt:
Hajime: Say something?!
Hajime's Rider Belt:
Hajime: Sometimes it sucks being the Jo--
Hajime's Rider Belt: SHUT UP AND DON'T SPOIL IT!
---
*the Evil Abraham Lincoln Evil Memorial Observatory... OF DOOM!*
Kenzaki: You've done it now! I'm going to combine all my cards into the ultimate weapon! Power axe! ... Power bow! ... Power dagg--
Invenusable Flytrap: I think I'll just use this chance to slip away and eat Amane-chan.
Kenzaki: Power lance! ... Power sword! ... Okay, time for Zeo weapons! Ready?
---
*the hidey-hole of Amane-chan*
Amane-chan: Hi, potentially important character here!
Invenusable Flytrap: BLARGHBLURBLBUBARGH!
Amane-chan: Oh, I wish a prince would come and save me! But not all these other children. They really have nothing to offer to the plotline.
Tommy: ZIGTUH! I am here my child. And I am ready to lay down my life for yo--
*Hajme's bike runs over Tommy*
Hajime: Out of the way, goatee Jeebus!
Tommy: You'll... pay... for this...
---
*soon*
Hajime: Blargleblargleblargle!
Invenusable Flytrap: Say that in English!
Hajime: You mean Engrish?
Invenusable Flytrap: As long as you don't speak retard. Blake Foster isn't here to translate.
---
*this is getting way too long, let's cut to the chase*
Invenusable Undead and Hajime/Chalice: Turn the playground! Burn the sinners! (Undead Subs: Fightingcakes!)
Pieces of Debris: We eat your skin!
Amane: What? My skin?
Hajime: Eat green blood instead!
Pieces of Debris: Ugh, like Vulcan testicles! Ick!
---
*retreatcakes, and...*
Haruka: Amaaaaneeee-chan!
Kotarou: Ammmaaaneeee-chan!
Kenzaki: Taaaachiiiiibannnaaa-san!
Kotarou and Haruka: o_O;
Kenzaki: What? You can't blame a guy for trying!
*Hajime arrives, carrying Amane-chan in his arms*
Haruka: Amane-chan!
Amane: Unconciouscakes! *erm, wakes up* Oka-san!
*Kenzaki and Kotarou eye Hajime suspiciously*
Kenzaki: Sooooo...
Kotarou: Where did you--
Hajime: A wizard did it!
Wolzard Fire: Yeah, don't thank me or anything.
---
*back at the back at the Drunken Jackaranda, where Vida is overacting again*
Kotarou: So a Kamen Rider saved you? Was it Garren?
Amane: Nope.
Kotarou: Was it Blade?
Hajime: BLADE?! AGGGGGHHHH!! *runs down the stairs to his room, and slams the door*
Kenzaki: What's his problem?
Amane: I dunno, but he's definitely NOT Chalice. Besides, I think Vida over there creeped him out a little.
Vida: WOOOT!!!111!! YEAH, SMASHTRAX ROX MY SOX!!!111oneeleven!!!11three!!11
---
*in Hajime's underground lair, which looks alot like a bedroom... OF DOOM!*
Hajime's Inner Monologue: So, what exactly is family?
Undead Voice Invading Hajime's Mind: Why don't you ask the MagiRangers?
Hajime's Inner Monologue: Good idea, maybe I'll -- HEY!
---
*near Aniki Farms, where Makito and Eriko are possibly doing the nasty*
Kotarou & Kenzaki: Lalala, walk-&-discuss-main-plot-pointcakes!
Invenusable Flytrap: Chalice is SMITTY!
Kenzaki: Makes sense.
Kotarou: Yup.
---
*soon*
Invenusable Flytrap: Roses are red. And violets are blue... I'M GONNA BREAK YOUR FACE, KENZAKI-KUN!
Kenzaki: You just go ahead and do that while I piss myself off enough to fight.
*Kenzaki Riders Up*
Kenzaki: Mmkay. Let's see: Things that piss me off! *gets a hit in the kidneys by Flytrap* World hunger, *gets bodyslammed* high gas prices, *sustains major leg injuries* people burning to death in fires, *ouch! Kenzaki's lombago!* Blake Foster... *a shot to the testicles just isn't right*
Invenusable Flytrap: Don't forget Star Wars knockoffs.
Kenzaki: YOU'RE A DEAD PLANT!
Hajime (Chalice form): That's UNDEAD plant.
Kenzaki: Oh, yeah, you're ri-- HEY!
---
Hajime: Feel my crossbow!
Invenusable Flytrap: I didn't even know you were into archery.
Hajime: You'd be surprised how often that happens in Toku, Japanese and otherwise... Yeah, see, Kenzaki got that one! Yeah, laugh it up, Kenzaki. I thought it was a pretty funny Mystic Force reference myself. ChIP ThORN, BiTCHES!
Invenusable Flytrap: Riiiggght. So, if I put this apple on my head, can you--
Hajime's Crossbow: TORNADO!
Invenusable Flytrap: GAK!
Jetix Card: CAPPED YO ASS!
Hajime: Yeah, turn that fairground, BIOTCH!
---
*soon*
Kenzaki: So, we're allies, right?
Hajime: Yeah, in the same way Conner and Evil Trent were allies.
Kenzaki: But--
Hajime: SMACK!
Kenzaki: *involuntary demorphage* Crap!
Hajime: Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm NOT going back to the Jackaranda to NOT spend time with Kotarou's niece.
Kenzaki: Yeah, catch you later NOT Hajime.
---
*don't worry, I think it's almost time for Ludicr--*
Kenzaki's Phone: Ring ring ring!
*hey, shut that off, I'm trying to talk he--*
Kenzaki: Wazzup?
Shiori: Kenzaki, I've found something awful on Chief Kurusuma's hard drive!
*back at Casa la Virgin, Shiori watches a hologram of Chief Kurusuma masturbating a rabid lemur at Ludicrous Speed*
Because...
a.) Kabuto, episode 1, was the first Kamen Rider show I watched. EVER.
b.) Kabuto is more popular. Hence...
c.) Kabuto is more widely available.
Despite the fact that Tendou is an asshole, at least he's a COMPOSED asshole. Meaning he's one of those assholes you'd like to call your own. Plus, you can go around pretending you've found a new backward lyric in the Time Force them by chanting, "Tendou is my asshole, bitch, bitch, bitch."
Kenzaki does have this annoying habit of yelling just about everything he says. This might turn off some first time viewers.
But, yeah, anyway, Blade fiver 2. Yeah. If you don't enjoy it, well, you may need professional help. Or have you considered Viagra?
---
Kamen Rider Blade Round 2 Fiver
The Overgrown Man-Furby Writing This Shit : Chris "I'm Only Paid to Translate" Kalish... Er, Brockner
Executive Dude: GreenNinja
------
*the front lawn of Men In Black Headquarters, where Tommy Lee Jones begins to look more like an alien than the aliens do*
Kenzaki: TACHIBANNA-SAN! TACHIBANNA-SAN!! TACHIBANNA-SAN?! TACHIBANNA-SAN!!! TAAAAAACHHHIIIIBAAAANNNNAAAA-SSAAAAAANNNN!!!
...
...
Geez, it always worked with Tommy.
Glenn Close's Mangina: Blurrblebluurblegina!
Kenzaki: Can't you see I'm busy here?
*Mangina Boy becomes a CGI post-prod effect and looks frighteningly familiar*
Kenzaki: OMG, you're not just any Mangina! You're a GEONOSIAN Mangina! Oh, I hate it when people rip Star Wars! You are so dead now!
*Kenzaki pulls out his Rouzer, which has conveniently become a lightsaber*
Kenzaki: I have been betrayed! My emo angst has turned into SHINING YUUKI... Of Mangina death!
*Kenzaki unpredictably throws away his LightRouzer -- the only unpredictable thing about this show, really*
Kenzaki's Fists: Lalala, fisting a Mangina!
Geonosian Mangina: That didn't sound just ri-- GAK!
Kenzaki (picking up his Rouzer: Well, that was easy. I'm glad no damage was done to the buildi--
*the Geonosian Mangina rises back up, and lunges at Kenzaki; they hit the front wall of BOARD HQ, which promptly collapses, showing just how little BOARD cares about its employees to build with such subtstandard equipment*
Kenzaki: HA! Shiori made it out of the building, and everyone else was already dead! So, no harm done.
*one of the BOARD comm towers falls over, creating a domino effect and knocking down most of the buildings within half a mile*
Kenzaki: It's night time. I'm sure there was nobody in tho--
*all the falling buildings create an earthquake, which causes a children's hospital to topple; shrill screams can be heard, and the throaty howling of dying little boys and girls fills the air as an electric line falls on top of the remains of the hospital, apparrently hitting the exact area where oxygen tanks were stored -- the place goes up in a blaze, and little burning bodies can be seen running around begging Kami-sama for mercy as they are slow-cooked in their own juices*
Kenzaki: Um, I'm sure that's just the "Evil Midget Robot Prison," cleverly disguised as a children's hospital to prevent mad scientists from attempting to break them out. There's nothing to worry abo--
Nearby Mother of 10: OMG, all my children were in that General Hospital! Oh, if only they had more than one life to live!
Kenzaki: I'm sure this woman is just here as a clever plot device to remind us just how much of a soap opera New Gen Rider shows ar--
Nearby Mother of 10: Oh, Kami-sama, if only I were just here as a clever plot device to remind everyone just how much of a soap opera New Gen Rider shows are! But no! I am a REAL mother, who's grieving over the loss of her REAL children who are being burned to death in what is NOT a secret location for holding evil midget robots!
Kenzaki: >.>
...
...
<.<
Hey, 5 of Mangina Spades, did you know they've been screaming your name?
5 of Mangina Spades: Who, the children?
Kenzaki: Nope. DEEZNUTS!
*Kenzaki throws a Jetix card at Mangina*
Jetix Card: CAPTURE!
Kenzaki: My work here is do--
*Kenzaki is knocked out by flaming preteen appendages, as the fire at the children's hospital apparently hit the gas line for the whole downtown Kytokyo area; mass destruction of decidedly EMPTY no-vacancy hotels and the district's most populated orphanage -- which TV Asahi assures us is EMPTY for no good reason -- are blown to smitherines*
Shiori: Wow, sucks to be Kenzaki.
---
*roll the theme song: abstract camera angles, strobe lights, and j-Pop*
---
Ferbusdora Boy: Round 2 -- "With a Poet's Soul Like That, Kotarou Should Get Laid More ~ Magi Gi Goolu Blueballsjin"
Shiori: Look what I found on Captain Janeway's laptop!
Janeway Audo File: Captain's Log, Supplemental. After receiving help from the alien, Trydar, we have arrived back in our own time, and 5,000 lightyears closer to home thanks to the technology we were given by Hayley and the DinoThunder Rangers. 7 of 9 has requested temporary leave of duty to pursue her own spirituality. Her meeting with Dr. Thomas Oliver has made her a believer in Jeebus. I'm happy to report that no one got inside Ensign Kim's circle on this missi--
Shiori: No! Not that!
Visual Log Chief Kurusuma: Do you expect me to talk, Tachibanna-san?
Visual Log Tachibanna: No, actually I expect you to -- LOOK, THAT RABID LEMUR IS GETTING AWAY WITH ALL OUR POCKY!
Visual Log Chief Kurusuma: Wha-- KIDNAPPED GAK!
Shiori: OMG, Tachibanna bit us in the ass!
Kenzaki: Well, maybe he had a good reason. We should try Plan Xander.
Shiori: How about we try Plan Kenzaki Loses HIs Faith In Humanity?!
Kenzaki: Shouldn't be too hard. I've already lost my faith in lemurs.
*rabid Visual Log Lemurs consume Pocky on Captain Janeway's laptop at Absurd Velocity*
---
*Two Guys, A Girl, and A Very Sexually-Tense Pizza Place; Kenzaki is sitting outside, wearing black and slitting his wrists*
Kotarou: Well, I tried to cheer him up with my classic "Dying Lemur" routine, but, zippocakes! What about Kurusuma?
Shiori: Well, I've managed to reconstruct a roomful of BOARD computers using the milk-borne casinate you piss out on a daily basis. But, well, zippocakes! Now, help me move these stolen computers upstairs.
Kotarou: For letting you stay here, will you gave me nights of wild uninhibited sex?
Shiori: Shut up and start moving!
Kotarou: Fine, then I'm not evicting the room's previous tenant.
Shiori: And who would that be?
Ferbus: I'm Ferbus, wanna play... BLOODY MACHETE MURDER?!
Shiori: ... Kotarou, you beefcake, get out of those sexy clothes and let's see if you can share some "milk" with me, because you make my udders tingle!
Kotarou: All you Jews had better tune out now, because I'm about to mix meat and dairy!
Bridge: Wait a second! Just let me go grab a cheeseburger and some ham on swiss!
---
*soon, Kotarou goes to visit Kenzaki*
Kotarou: Well, you think you've got it bad. Shiori kicked me and told the Jew to see if he could make her buns more buttery.
Kenzaki: That girl loves to make weird food/sex analogies. One time, she asked me to put my "special sausage" into her "clambake." Hey, have you ever been bitten in the ass?
Kotarou: Does she do that too? Well, I say it's better to be the man who's been ass-bitten 100 times than the man who's bitten the asses of 100 people. God only knows no amount of toothpaste could ever make that man right again.
Kenzaki: With wisdom like that, it's a wonder you don't get laid more.
Kotarou: Well, I figure with 47 episodes, one movie, and a Kodansha video to go, I stand a pretty good chance of getting lucky before Hibiki starts.
Shiori: AGGGGHHH!!! HELP!!
Kenzaki: What is it Shiori? Undead?
Shiori: No, the Jew put boiling butter in my cooter! Now he's posting about it on the Internet!
---
*Hayley's Cyberjacaraporium*
Haruka: Oh, hellow Nearby Mother of 10. How are you holding up after the death of all ten of your children?
Nearby Mother of 10: Oh, it's horrible! I found out I had an eleventh child, and that child is at the Ryan Tober Observatory!
Haruka: Oh, what's so terrible about that?
Nearby Mother of 10: The Invenusable Flytrap has returned, and it's terrorizing the observatory!
Haruka: OMG, Amane-chan is at the observatory! What does the Invenusable Flytrap want?!
Nearby Mother of 10: It's holidng all the children ransom, and will only let them go if a borderline-pedophilic amateur photographer with GQ looks agrees to take their place!
Hajime: Looks like that's my cue. As if the disembodied visions of the Invenusable Flytrap digesting the souls of innocents wasn't enough...
---
*at Shiori Hirose's Two-For-One Virgin garage sale*
Shiori: The computer has detected that the Invenusable Flytrap is terrorizing Ernie's Juice Bar and Observatory!
Kotarou: Invenusable Flytrap? Does that thing EVER die?
Shiori: Someone has to stop that monster from killing potentially important characters!
Kenzaki: Don't look at me. I don't like people anymore. Can't you tell by my "Hello, My Name is FUCK YOU!" name tag?
---
*Kenzaki arrives at the observatory*
Invenusable Flytrap: Welcome, Kamen Rider! I hope you enjoy your stay at the observatory!
Kenzaki: Because I'm never going to leave?
Invenusable Flytrap: No, because today they're holding a tribute to Star Wars knockoff movies.
Kenzaki: What?! Star Wars knockoff are my pet peeve. That, and my parents burned to death in a fire while I was forced to watch and do nothing.
Tetsu (aka DekaBreak): Yeah, well, some of us aren't whiney bitches about it...
Kenzaki: Oh, go buy some high heels... TINKERSAM?!
Tetsu: ... ...
...
...
*sob sob*
Mean people SUCK!
---
*soon*
Kenzaki: Rider up!
Kenzaki's Rider Belt: RIDER UP!
*some distance away on his motorcycle*
Hajime: Rider up! *Riders up*
Hajime's Rider Belt:
Hajime: Say something?!
Hajime's Rider Belt:
Hajime: Sometimes it sucks being the Jo--
Hajime's Rider Belt: SHUT UP AND DON'T SPOIL IT!
---
*the Evil Abraham Lincoln Evil Memorial Observatory... OF DOOM!*
Kenzaki: You've done it now! I'm going to combine all my cards into the ultimate weapon! Power axe! ... Power bow! ... Power dagg--
Invenusable Flytrap: I think I'll just use this chance to slip away and eat Amane-chan.
Kenzaki: Power lance! ... Power sword! ... Okay, time for Zeo weapons! Ready?
---
*the hidey-hole of Amane-chan*
Amane-chan: Hi, potentially important character here!
Invenusable Flytrap: BLARGHBLURBLBUBARGH!
Amane-chan: Oh, I wish a prince would come and save me! But not all these other children. They really have nothing to offer to the plotline.
Tommy: ZIGTUH! I am here my child. And I am ready to lay down my life for yo--
*Hajme's bike runs over Tommy*
Hajime: Out of the way, goatee Jeebus!
Tommy: You'll... pay... for this...
---
*soon*
Hajime: Blargleblargleblargle!
Invenusable Flytrap: Say that in English!
Hajime: You mean Engrish?
Invenusable Flytrap: As long as you don't speak retard. Blake Foster isn't here to translate.
---
*this is getting way too long, let's cut to the chase*
Invenusable Undead and Hajime/Chalice: Turn the playground! Burn the sinners! (Undead Subs: Fightingcakes!)
Pieces of Debris: We eat your skin!
Amane: What? My skin?
Hajime: Eat green blood instead!
Pieces of Debris: Ugh, like Vulcan testicles! Ick!
---
*retreatcakes, and...*
Haruka: Amaaaaneeee-chan!
Kotarou: Ammmaaaneeee-chan!
Kenzaki: Taaaachiiiiibannnaaa-san!
Kotarou and Haruka: o_O;
Kenzaki: What? You can't blame a guy for trying!
*Hajime arrives, carrying Amane-chan in his arms*
Haruka: Amane-chan!
Amane: Unconciouscakes! *erm, wakes up* Oka-san!
*Kenzaki and Kotarou eye Hajime suspiciously*
Kenzaki: Sooooo...
Kotarou: Where did you--
Hajime: A wizard did it!
Wolzard Fire: Yeah, don't thank me or anything.
---
*back at the back at the Drunken Jackaranda, where Vida is overacting again*
Kotarou: So a Kamen Rider saved you? Was it Garren?
Amane: Nope.
Kotarou: Was it Blade?
Hajime: BLADE?! AGGGGGHHHH!! *runs down the stairs to his room, and slams the door*
Kenzaki: What's his problem?
Amane: I dunno, but he's definitely NOT Chalice. Besides, I think Vida over there creeped him out a little.
Vida: WOOOT!!!111!! YEAH, SMASHTRAX ROX MY SOX!!!111oneeleven!!!11three!!11
---
*in Hajime's underground lair, which looks alot like a bedroom... OF DOOM!*
Hajime's Inner Monologue: So, what exactly is family?
Undead Voice Invading Hajime's Mind: Why don't you ask the MagiRangers?
Hajime's Inner Monologue: Good idea, maybe I'll -- HEY!
---
*near Aniki Farms, where Makito and Eriko are possibly doing the nasty*
Kotarou & Kenzaki: Lalala, walk-&-discuss-main-plot-pointcakes!
Invenusable Flytrap: Chalice is SMITTY!
Kenzaki: Makes sense.
Kotarou: Yup.
---
*soon*
Invenusable Flytrap: Roses are red. And violets are blue... I'M GONNA BREAK YOUR FACE, KENZAKI-KUN!
Kenzaki: You just go ahead and do that while I piss myself off enough to fight.
*Kenzaki Riders Up*
Kenzaki: Mmkay. Let's see: Things that piss me off! *gets a hit in the kidneys by Flytrap* World hunger, *gets bodyslammed* high gas prices, *sustains major leg injuries* people burning to death in fires, *ouch! Kenzaki's lombago!* Blake Foster... *a shot to the testicles just isn't right*
Invenusable Flytrap: Don't forget Star Wars knockoffs.
Kenzaki: YOU'RE A DEAD PLANT!
Hajime (Chalice form): That's UNDEAD plant.
Kenzaki: Oh, yeah, you're ri-- HEY!
---
Hajime: Feel my crossbow!
Invenusable Flytrap: I didn't even know you were into archery.
Hajime: You'd be surprised how often that happens in Toku, Japanese and otherwise... Yeah, see, Kenzaki got that one! Yeah, laugh it up, Kenzaki. I thought it was a pretty funny Mystic Force reference myself. ChIP ThORN, BiTCHES!
Invenusable Flytrap: Riiiggght. So, if I put this apple on my head, can you--
Hajime's Crossbow: TORNADO!
Invenusable Flytrap: GAK!
Jetix Card: CAPPED YO ASS!
Hajime: Yeah, turn that fairground, BIOTCH!
---
*soon*
Kenzaki: So, we're allies, right?
Hajime: Yeah, in the same way Conner and Evil Trent were allies.
Kenzaki: But--
Hajime: SMACK!
Kenzaki: *involuntary demorphage* Crap!
Hajime: Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm NOT going back to the Jackaranda to NOT spend time with Kotarou's niece.
Kenzaki: Yeah, catch you later NOT Hajime.
---
*don't worry, I think it's almost time for Ludicr--*
Kenzaki's Phone: Ring ring ring!
*hey, shut that off, I'm trying to talk he--*
Kenzaki: Wazzup?
Shiori: Kenzaki, I've found something awful on Chief Kurusuma's hard drive!
*back at Casa la Virgin, Shiori watches a hologram of Chief Kurusuma masturbating a rabid lemur at Ludicrous Speed*