ZeoMew2Too
03-22-2006, 11:13 PM
Part 2 of a one-part tragedy. Any inconsitincies are purely on purpose. Enjoy!
:::
V'ered!
That One Episode That's, you know, Inconsistent
Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers
Episode 2x23, "The Ninja Encounter, Part II"
I'm Drunk: ZeoMew "Chris Brockner" 2Too
Special Thanks
My ass, for giving me a place to pull this stuff from.
=========
*that big black place with all the cardboard computer equipment, the baldie in the big blue tube, and all the little twinkling lights in the background*
Zordon: Billy, do you remember what happened last episode?
Billy: Nope!
Zordon: Neither will anyone else after this horrid piece of shit is over.
---
*in Lord Zedd's ONE MILLIONTH DIMENSION, which is in the process of getting a prize*
Aisha: Lalala, lockpicking!
Mr. Anderson: Aisha, don't do that! There's something creepy about those Putties!
*the putties turn around, all of them have Hugo Weaving's face*
Putties (echoed): Do not anger us, Mr,.. An-der-son.
---
*Rita's Moon Palace Casino, now under new management*
Lord Zedd: So, Goldar, how's the "turn Vash the Stampede and Friends Into Evil Drones" plan coming?
Goldar: What, are you kidding? No spells, no intoxicating goo, no brainwashing of any kind? Are you even stupider than Lothor or something?
Lord Zedd: I'm trying to get my name into the Guiness Book of GALACTIC EVIL Records.
Goldar: Why don't you create a one-of-a-kind monster, then?
Lord Zedd: One that has no other purpose but to interfere with proper footage splicing and ADR? An excellent idea, my golden primate friend!
Goldar: ... ... I miss Rita.
---
*at the Command Center, where the following scene goes something like this:*
Command Center Warning System: RED ALERT! RED ALERT!
Kimberly: What now?
Tommy: Oh, Pink Concubine, I prophecize that you shall regret asking that question.
*AWMAN to that, Tommy! You'd better buckle up folks, this is going to be a fiver first. And not just because we're putting punctuation inside the asterisk marked text. And what I am about to do may make this the longest five-minute Power Ranger ep in the history of the art form. While Zordon plays exposition man, we are treated to the following sequence of camera shots of the Rangers:
Shot 1: Tommy, Kim, and Billy have all changed to their early first season counterparts. Tommy even has the Jeebus mullet.
Shot 2: At Zordon's behest, the Rangers turn to face the viewing globe. Jason, Trini, and Zack are replaced by stunt doubles in this shot. Trini is played by a beared Asian man with the same sort of black hair as Thuy Trang. Jason is played by William Shatner. Zack is played by Ice-T.
Shot 3: After Zordon has finished giving exposition on the Terror Blossom, and Alpha gives an arbitrary "Ai yai yai yai," Kim turns and asks what can be done to stop the monster. As everyone turns with Kim, the entire group changes appearance once more. In order of rank: Tommy now sports his "DinoThunder" look. Jason has gained 100 pounds. Zak is now Mr. Worf in a pastel tutu. Billy is a hobbit. Kimberly is replaced by Katherine Hillard. Trini is a skeleton. Oh yes my friends... I went there.
Shot 4: As we cut away from a 10-second shot of Zordon, we go to a shot of Zack and Trini, alone. But Trini is played by Audri Dubois.
Shot 5: After Alpha 5 explains he cannot find the monster because Lord Zedd has jammed the Command Center's scanning frequencies, Zordon starts in again. Cut to a shot of something totally unexpected. What shoud be a shot of Billy and Kimberly is, instead, a shot of (1.) Ethan from DinoThunder, whose face contorts madly with Zordon's every passing word; and, in the same shot, (2.) Vida Rocca from Mystic Force dances like a rabid spider monkey to the beat of the situational music playing in the background.
Shot #6: My numbering gets as inconsistent as the camera angles. Zordon addresses Tommy, Kimberly, and Billy. But instead of cutting to a shot of those three characters, we get a closeup of Brian the Dog and Stewie Griffin. When Zordon has finished addressing TK&B, Stewie replies "Shut up, Blue Boy! I don't take orders from bald pedophiles who find their heads stuck in overgrown suppositories."
Angle F: Zordon gives instructions to Jason, Trini, and Zack. Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman appear onscreen in that instant.
Yub Yub: The situation turns ugly. As Zordon continues speaking we alternate between two shots, One is of Goatse, the other is Tubgirl. Finally, as the famous opening scene of "Citizen Kane" fills the screen...*
Zordon: Jason, Trini, and Zack; you'll be using the "Jetix" transportation mode, which is really, really slow and unnecessary.
Kane: Rosebud!
Zordon: Anyone want to reply to my question with recycled footage?
Recycled Footage Jason (standing next to Mullet Jeebus): Right.
*A giant pencil eraser appears, and rubs out Jason from the shot. And then...
Shot #42, the answer to life, the universe, and everything: As Zordon says, "May the power protect you," we are treated to a shot of Wookies doing a rain dance; after which Ferbus confidently declares, "It's Morphin' Time!"*
Zordon: I hope everyone remembers what I told them. What is your opinion, Alpha? ... ... Alpha? ALPHA?!
*Alpha is on the ground, convulsing and spitting sparks*
Zordon: Oh crap, the camera work gave Alpha a seizure!
---
*Jason, Trini, and Zack jet through the sky, followed closely by the little Jetix cat-pig thing*
Trini (voice of Isaac Hayes): Woah, woooaah, children!
Zack (voice of Gollum): We's flying, preciousssss!
---
*in one of Zedd's many rock quarry dimensions*
Billy: Tommy, you ready for the longest series of random interruptions in your life?
Tommy: I'm Jeebus, Billy. I'm ready for anything.
---
*Tyler Waldman Recreational Park*
Terror Blossom: Aren't you three fired?! Maybe it's contagious! I'm gettin' outta here.
*Terror Blossom disappears; Jason contacts Zordon*
Jason: Zordon, Terror Blo--
Zordon: Mr. St. John, you're fired, remember?
Jason: Oh, yeah, right! Just a second.
*... ... ...*
Jason (voice of John Tui): Zordon, he's gotten inside our circle!
Zordon: There. MUCH better. Which reminds me, the Terror Blossom can reproduce.
Jason (still voice of John Tui): Yeah, well, I guess someone's gotta put their Shadow Saber" inside someone's "circle" for that to happen...
***
<the Command Center>
Zordon: Alpha, scan the park fo-- aw, fuck it! I don't even care about this episode anymore. I'm gonna smoke some weed.
Alpha: Ai yai yai yai! I've scanned the park... FOR SUBPLOTS! It seems Bulk and Skull are still babysitting for little Jacob!
Zordon: *puff puff* Baby who?
////
[Rock Quarry of Random Interruptions]
Tommy - "Wait you guys, I sense a..."
Zordon: Random interruption, guys! Oh, and Alpha is freaking out over that little shit that Bulk and Skull were babysitting last episode. You should see it, man, he's acting like a total queermo over this little kid. Hehe! [size=1]Man, I am so high right now!
Tommy: Come my children. We must do the Lord's work.
Kim & Billy: AWMAN!
^^^
(Tommy and Co. join the Unemployed Trio at the park)
...
...
*No, wait! It seems everyone is teleported in together. Even though Jason, Trini, and that Token Black Guy probably could have just walked. Hey, don't blame me! A wizard did it.*
...
...
*Oh. and Terrorsaurus wasn't present in the actual episode during this scene; but don't fret, just pretend that he disappears right after conjuring Hatchblossom (and while you're at it, pretend that "The Ninja Enounter, Part II" was a good episode)*
Terror Blossom: I choose you, Bulbasaur!
*Hatchasaurus rises from the ground>
Jason (voice of Ash Ketchum): You're not gonna get away with this, Team Rocket!
Trini> Pikapikachu!
Zack: (random)
Hatchasaurus: ... ... Mm'kay. Uh, just fight some Putties!
*throw-downage with Putties occurs; and once Tommy finishes fighting some Tyranno Drones...*
Tommy: Aww man, who's responsible for all the inconsistency in this episode? *looks right over at Hatchasaurus* Hey, where'd Hatchasaurus go.
Hatchasaurus: I've been standing here the whole time!
Tommy: Oh, really, I didn't see you there.
Hatchasaurus: WTF?! How could you not see me? You were looking at me! Even BEFORE you'd asked where I went! WTF is wrong with you?!
Tommy: Er... *kicks Hatchasaurus* That's for confusing the Almighty Jeebus!
Hatchasaurus: Awman!
(Insert Numa Numa Separation Line Here)
Lord Zedd: I'm growing wear of this.
$Goldar$ You and everyone else...
Zeddy) Magic Grenade, make my monster GROW???
333
Hatchasaurus: Lalala, getting bigger.
Tommy: Man, that is one ugly Hatchasaurus! I mean, that thing is uglier than Billy's mom!
Xander: Should we try to reason with him?
Tommy: No, my budding protege. He's beyond our help now. Instead, let's call upon the power of the Thunderzords!
*out roll the Thunder bug zords from Ninja Storm*
Tommy: Uh, actually, can we change those into something else?
Billy: Oh, you have no idea...
Tommy: I call upon the power of the TigerZord!
*you'd think that, as a little joke, I'd have Alyssa's White Tigerzord appear; well, you're wrong*
King Kong: ROOOOAAAARR! (monkey subs - special thanks to Bulk & Skull: Get in, Tommy!)
Tommy: ...
Saba: ...
Tommy: Oh well, good enough for me!
0_0
*HELL*
Voldemorticon: What?!
Koraag: For some reason, the director of this episode has decided to bring the camera down here.
Voldemorticon: What? Why?
Necroleelee: Perhaps they wish for you to sum up the events that follow the summoning of the Thunderzords, my liege. You know, so as not to waste time?
Voldemorticon: But doing narration for this episode would destroy my street cred.
Koraag: Come to Daddy.
Voldemorticon: Okay, yes, I suppose there are WORSE ways to destroy one's street cred. Alright, goofs and guiles, listen up: After Tommy and the Rangers summoned the Thunderzords, they took up a whole five minutes forming their respective Megazords. To add insult to injury, instead of a big climactic battle - the sort you'd expect after such a long Megazord formation sequence - the Rangers simply threw a rock at Hatchasaurus, and he exploded.
Necroleelee: Sounds boring.
Lord Zedd: Oh, and it's about to get a whole lot worse!
======
Zordon: Rangers, it appears that the monster is reforming because you forgot to destroy the Cardiatron.
Tommy: Say what?
Kimberly: Oh, yeah, I remember now! Hey, Jason, how come you didn't speak up and remind us about the Cardiatron? You should know that best of all.
Doug Sloan (in the Red Ranger suit): Maybe because I'm NOT Jason?
Kimberly: Oh, yeah, I remember that now, too.
---
Lord Zedd: Spin the Wheel of Contrivance!
Wheel of Contrivance: Spin spin spin.
Goldar: Y'know, that thing might still be haunted by TinkerSam.
Lord Zedd: Nonsense! The Wheel of Contrivance says we should hasten the Hatchasaurus's reformation, and that's just what we're going to do!
Goldar: But when did it say--
Lord Zedd: DON'T QUESTION THE WHEEL!
---
*downtown Angel Grove, approx. one year ago. during the episode "Birds of A Feather"*
MMPR DinoMegazord: Megazord!
Jason: Dragonzord is still under Rita's evil spell and--
*random time shift*
Jason (voice of Angie Diaz aka Vida) : I'm really getting into this kickin' song!
~Jason starts overacting and spinning random dials on the Dino Megazord cockpit, which randomly changes it into the Thunder Megazord*
---------
*the Cavetrix*
Rocky: Hurry up and pick that lock, Aisha! I've gotta get these underpants off before they decrease my sperm count!
Mr. Anderson: Careful, Aisha, I don't see how going "commando" can help us against all these Putties.
Chain Lock: CLICK!
Aisha: Only one way to find out...
---
*random downtown locations, including Kytokyo*
Hatchasaurus: Booya!
Booya: LASERS!
Thunder Megazord & TigerZord Battle Mode: HENSHIN!
*just as the death lasers hit those Zords with the long names, said Zords change into their season 1 counterparts; at this point, Dragonzord proceeds to eat Q-Rex for lunch, a direct result of Angie Diaz's overacting*
---
*meanwhile, in the cave, Rocky, Adam, and Aisha prove they're worthy of Jason, Trini, and Zack's paychecks by fighting Putties without morphin' powers -- which proves NOTHING; Aisha fights just barely, Adam fights with three guns, and Rocky fights by pulling down his pants*
Goldar: A party, and I wasn't invi-- HEY! Zapcakes!
*Upon being zapped, Rocky and Adam go down. But not Aisha! Our future Boogie Bear of the Yellow chooses to express her agony through interpretive dance.*
Goldar: Er, she must be taking acting lessons from Angie Diaz.
*It's not long before all three are returned to their bondage -- er-- chains.*
Goldar: Now, either become evil of your own free will, or my wooden snake -- which is, by its very name, a joke waiting to happen -- will come to life and turn you all into mindless drones!
Aisha: Crap! He's going to turn us into the cast of Lightspeed Rescue!
Adam: What do we get if we turn to the Dark Side? Do we become the rulers of Zedd's Army of Darkness?
Goldar; Nope, that's my job. But you do get these spicy stewed donuts!
Adam: O RLY?!
Aisha: Mmmm... Donuts. *drools*
Rocky: Mmmm... Goldar's wooden snake. *drools*
Goldar: See? What'd I tell ya?
---
*downtown Los Angeles*
Hatchasaurus: PWN'd!
Thunder Megazord: Don't you mean "GAK" ?
Hatchasaurus: Huh?
Thunder Megazord: Power Sword from Random Seasons, TENKUU MAHOU SLASH!
Battlized Tigerzord: JEEBUS BOLT!
Hatchasaurus: GAK!
Cardiatron: What? Angie Diaz is in town?! Screw it, I'm getting to fuck outta Dodge! Just forget I was ever here!
Tommy: Easier done than said. Thus sayeth the Lord.
Other Rangers: AWMAN!
---
*following the battle, the Rangers are teleported to the Command Center; they are quickly run over by a Greyhound bus, and replaced with the Ozu family and Pimp Hikaru from MagiRanger*
Zordon: Hey, everyone, remember the Bloom of Terror?
Kai: Nani?
Zordon: Yeah, it freezes everything. But it needs heat to reproduce. Hmm, when it gets hot, it leaves you cold. Kind of like Tracy Lynn Cruz.
Adam (from the Cavetrix): Haha! Way to rub it in.
Alpha: Divide and conquer, everyone! All those who didn't ask for a raise get to go to the Rock Quarry!
Makito: Minna, gambare-o! Yuuki!
Other MagiRangers: Hai!
Alpha: I need to get paid more! I mean, uh... Uh-oh!
*Alpha is instantly fired -- as in vaporized -- and is replaced by Bender from Futurama*
Bender: And remember, everyone, may the Power bite my shiny metal ass!
---
*at the Nicholas D. Wolfwood Memorial Park*
Jason (stock audio from Terminator): I'll be back!
Terror Blossom: Um, so you are. Uh, FREEZECAKES!
Zack (voiced by Matt Stone): So c-c-c-Cold!
\\\///
*the Random Interruptions Rock Quarry*
Billy: And now we're going to rescue Rocky, Adam, and Tanya. Random interruptions or no--
Kimberly: I thought it was Rocky, Adam, and Aisha.
Billy: STOP INTERRUPTING ME!
-M-
*the Cavetrix*
Snake: Hellooooo...
Aisha: Crap.
Mr. Anderson: GULP!
Rocky: I hope he doesn't bite my crotch. Man, I wish I hadn't gone "commando" now!
-_^
*and just as Jeebus-tachi is about to make progress*
Zoltar: Jason, Trini, and Zack are frozen! Randomness!
Jeebus: I'm getting very angry with you, wizard...
Billy: Well, the way I see it, those guys are just stuntmen frozen in their suits now.
Kimberly: Yeah, but if we don't rescue the suits, then Replacementcakes in the cave can't wear them. So what would be the point in their rescue?
Lord Thomas of Oliver: What's more, I have a special place in my heart for Rangers who get stuck in their suits. Now, let's go put those suits in comas!
Kim & Bill - ^Right!^
*-*
*inbetween takes*
Zordon: Hey, uh, robot dude, um... If we can see inside the Cavetrix and stuff, couldn't we just uh, teleport them through the cable feed or something?
Alpha: Long or short answer?
Zordon: Short. This is long enough already.
Alpha: Too easy.
Zordon: And teleporting the frozen suits?
Alpha: What do you think?
Zordon: Contrivance.
Alpha: Good boy.
---
*this episode is in permanent PARK*
Bloom of Doom: So why can't I use my freeze petals on you?
Tommy: Well, it's all part of your "hot and cold" paradox. You see, these three were fired. So it worked on them.
Faltoid Blossom: Um, yeah, 'kay, makes sense.
---
*the Batcave*
William: I've got the Contrivance device set on high. It still isn't unfreezing the Red, Yellow, and Black mannequins.
Zordon: Don't look at me. What do I look like, anyway? A wizard or something?
Tommy's Bitch: Tommy, we don't have much time...
The Technicolor Titan: Yeah, we could've spent this twenty-two minutes having sex, Kim. Instead, we blew it on trying to save Skippy the Hamster.
Alpha: But I thought you were trying to save--
The Better-Than-Peckster: Yeah, whatever.
'''
*back in the Cavetrix, Goldar's Golden Gall-asp advances on Neo, Sylvester Stallone, Katie from Time Force, and Vash the Stampede at a Totally Reasonable Pace*
:::
V'ered!
That One Episode That's, you know, Inconsistent
Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers
Episode 2x23, "The Ninja Encounter, Part II"
I'm Drunk: ZeoMew "Chris Brockner" 2Too
Special Thanks
My ass, for giving me a place to pull this stuff from.
=========
*that big black place with all the cardboard computer equipment, the baldie in the big blue tube, and all the little twinkling lights in the background*
Zordon: Billy, do you remember what happened last episode?
Billy: Nope!
Zordon: Neither will anyone else after this horrid piece of shit is over.
---
*in Lord Zedd's ONE MILLIONTH DIMENSION, which is in the process of getting a prize*
Aisha: Lalala, lockpicking!
Mr. Anderson: Aisha, don't do that! There's something creepy about those Putties!
*the putties turn around, all of them have Hugo Weaving's face*
Putties (echoed): Do not anger us, Mr,.. An-der-son.
---
*Rita's Moon Palace Casino, now under new management*
Lord Zedd: So, Goldar, how's the "turn Vash the Stampede and Friends Into Evil Drones" plan coming?
Goldar: What, are you kidding? No spells, no intoxicating goo, no brainwashing of any kind? Are you even stupider than Lothor or something?
Lord Zedd: I'm trying to get my name into the Guiness Book of GALACTIC EVIL Records.
Goldar: Why don't you create a one-of-a-kind monster, then?
Lord Zedd: One that has no other purpose but to interfere with proper footage splicing and ADR? An excellent idea, my golden primate friend!
Goldar: ... ... I miss Rita.
---
*at the Command Center, where the following scene goes something like this:*
Command Center Warning System: RED ALERT! RED ALERT!
Kimberly: What now?
Tommy: Oh, Pink Concubine, I prophecize that you shall regret asking that question.
*AWMAN to that, Tommy! You'd better buckle up folks, this is going to be a fiver first. And not just because we're putting punctuation inside the asterisk marked text. And what I am about to do may make this the longest five-minute Power Ranger ep in the history of the art form. While Zordon plays exposition man, we are treated to the following sequence of camera shots of the Rangers:
Shot 1: Tommy, Kim, and Billy have all changed to their early first season counterparts. Tommy even has the Jeebus mullet.
Shot 2: At Zordon's behest, the Rangers turn to face the viewing globe. Jason, Trini, and Zack are replaced by stunt doubles in this shot. Trini is played by a beared Asian man with the same sort of black hair as Thuy Trang. Jason is played by William Shatner. Zack is played by Ice-T.
Shot 3: After Zordon has finished giving exposition on the Terror Blossom, and Alpha gives an arbitrary "Ai yai yai yai," Kim turns and asks what can be done to stop the monster. As everyone turns with Kim, the entire group changes appearance once more. In order of rank: Tommy now sports his "DinoThunder" look. Jason has gained 100 pounds. Zak is now Mr. Worf in a pastel tutu. Billy is a hobbit. Kimberly is replaced by Katherine Hillard. Trini is a skeleton. Oh yes my friends... I went there.
Shot 4: As we cut away from a 10-second shot of Zordon, we go to a shot of Zack and Trini, alone. But Trini is played by Audri Dubois.
Shot 5: After Alpha 5 explains he cannot find the monster because Lord Zedd has jammed the Command Center's scanning frequencies, Zordon starts in again. Cut to a shot of something totally unexpected. What shoud be a shot of Billy and Kimberly is, instead, a shot of (1.) Ethan from DinoThunder, whose face contorts madly with Zordon's every passing word; and, in the same shot, (2.) Vida Rocca from Mystic Force dances like a rabid spider monkey to the beat of the situational music playing in the background.
Shot #6: My numbering gets as inconsistent as the camera angles. Zordon addresses Tommy, Kimberly, and Billy. But instead of cutting to a shot of those three characters, we get a closeup of Brian the Dog and Stewie Griffin. When Zordon has finished addressing TK&B, Stewie replies "Shut up, Blue Boy! I don't take orders from bald pedophiles who find their heads stuck in overgrown suppositories."
Angle F: Zordon gives instructions to Jason, Trini, and Zack. Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman appear onscreen in that instant.
Yub Yub: The situation turns ugly. As Zordon continues speaking we alternate between two shots, One is of Goatse, the other is Tubgirl. Finally, as the famous opening scene of "Citizen Kane" fills the screen...*
Zordon: Jason, Trini, and Zack; you'll be using the "Jetix" transportation mode, which is really, really slow and unnecessary.
Kane: Rosebud!
Zordon: Anyone want to reply to my question with recycled footage?
Recycled Footage Jason (standing next to Mullet Jeebus): Right.
*A giant pencil eraser appears, and rubs out Jason from the shot. And then...
Shot #42, the answer to life, the universe, and everything: As Zordon says, "May the power protect you," we are treated to a shot of Wookies doing a rain dance; after which Ferbus confidently declares, "It's Morphin' Time!"*
Zordon: I hope everyone remembers what I told them. What is your opinion, Alpha? ... ... Alpha? ALPHA?!
*Alpha is on the ground, convulsing and spitting sparks*
Zordon: Oh crap, the camera work gave Alpha a seizure!
---
*Jason, Trini, and Zack jet through the sky, followed closely by the little Jetix cat-pig thing*
Trini (voice of Isaac Hayes): Woah, woooaah, children!
Zack (voice of Gollum): We's flying, preciousssss!
---
*in one of Zedd's many rock quarry dimensions*
Billy: Tommy, you ready for the longest series of random interruptions in your life?
Tommy: I'm Jeebus, Billy. I'm ready for anything.
---
*Tyler Waldman Recreational Park*
Terror Blossom: Aren't you three fired?! Maybe it's contagious! I'm gettin' outta here.
*Terror Blossom disappears; Jason contacts Zordon*
Jason: Zordon, Terror Blo--
Zordon: Mr. St. John, you're fired, remember?
Jason: Oh, yeah, right! Just a second.
*... ... ...*
Jason (voice of John Tui): Zordon, he's gotten inside our circle!
Zordon: There. MUCH better. Which reminds me, the Terror Blossom can reproduce.
Jason (still voice of John Tui): Yeah, well, I guess someone's gotta put their Shadow Saber" inside someone's "circle" for that to happen...
***
<the Command Center>
Zordon: Alpha, scan the park fo-- aw, fuck it! I don't even care about this episode anymore. I'm gonna smoke some weed.
Alpha: Ai yai yai yai! I've scanned the park... FOR SUBPLOTS! It seems Bulk and Skull are still babysitting for little Jacob!
Zordon: *puff puff* Baby who?
////
[Rock Quarry of Random Interruptions]
Tommy - "Wait you guys, I sense a..."
Zordon: Random interruption, guys! Oh, and Alpha is freaking out over that little shit that Bulk and Skull were babysitting last episode. You should see it, man, he's acting like a total queermo over this little kid. Hehe! [size=1]Man, I am so high right now!
Tommy: Come my children. We must do the Lord's work.
Kim & Billy: AWMAN!
^^^
(Tommy and Co. join the Unemployed Trio at the park)
...
...
*No, wait! It seems everyone is teleported in together. Even though Jason, Trini, and that Token Black Guy probably could have just walked. Hey, don't blame me! A wizard did it.*
...
...
*Oh. and Terrorsaurus wasn't present in the actual episode during this scene; but don't fret, just pretend that he disappears right after conjuring Hatchblossom (and while you're at it, pretend that "The Ninja Enounter, Part II" was a good episode)*
Terror Blossom: I choose you, Bulbasaur!
*Hatchasaurus rises from the ground>
Jason (voice of Ash Ketchum): You're not gonna get away with this, Team Rocket!
Trini> Pikapikachu!
Zack: (random)
Hatchasaurus: ... ... Mm'kay. Uh, just fight some Putties!
*throw-downage with Putties occurs; and once Tommy finishes fighting some Tyranno Drones...*
Tommy: Aww man, who's responsible for all the inconsistency in this episode? *looks right over at Hatchasaurus* Hey, where'd Hatchasaurus go.
Hatchasaurus: I've been standing here the whole time!
Tommy: Oh, really, I didn't see you there.
Hatchasaurus: WTF?! How could you not see me? You were looking at me! Even BEFORE you'd asked where I went! WTF is wrong with you?!
Tommy: Er... *kicks Hatchasaurus* That's for confusing the Almighty Jeebus!
Hatchasaurus: Awman!
(Insert Numa Numa Separation Line Here)
Lord Zedd: I'm growing wear of this.
$Goldar$ You and everyone else...
Zeddy) Magic Grenade, make my monster GROW???
333
Hatchasaurus: Lalala, getting bigger.
Tommy: Man, that is one ugly Hatchasaurus! I mean, that thing is uglier than Billy's mom!
Xander: Should we try to reason with him?
Tommy: No, my budding protege. He's beyond our help now. Instead, let's call upon the power of the Thunderzords!
*out roll the Thunder bug zords from Ninja Storm*
Tommy: Uh, actually, can we change those into something else?
Billy: Oh, you have no idea...
Tommy: I call upon the power of the TigerZord!
*you'd think that, as a little joke, I'd have Alyssa's White Tigerzord appear; well, you're wrong*
King Kong: ROOOOAAAARR! (monkey subs - special thanks to Bulk & Skull: Get in, Tommy!)
Tommy: ...
Saba: ...
Tommy: Oh well, good enough for me!
0_0
*HELL*
Voldemorticon: What?!
Koraag: For some reason, the director of this episode has decided to bring the camera down here.
Voldemorticon: What? Why?
Necroleelee: Perhaps they wish for you to sum up the events that follow the summoning of the Thunderzords, my liege. You know, so as not to waste time?
Voldemorticon: But doing narration for this episode would destroy my street cred.
Koraag: Come to Daddy.
Voldemorticon: Okay, yes, I suppose there are WORSE ways to destroy one's street cred. Alright, goofs and guiles, listen up: After Tommy and the Rangers summoned the Thunderzords, they took up a whole five minutes forming their respective Megazords. To add insult to injury, instead of a big climactic battle - the sort you'd expect after such a long Megazord formation sequence - the Rangers simply threw a rock at Hatchasaurus, and he exploded.
Necroleelee: Sounds boring.
Lord Zedd: Oh, and it's about to get a whole lot worse!
======
Zordon: Rangers, it appears that the monster is reforming because you forgot to destroy the Cardiatron.
Tommy: Say what?
Kimberly: Oh, yeah, I remember now! Hey, Jason, how come you didn't speak up and remind us about the Cardiatron? You should know that best of all.
Doug Sloan (in the Red Ranger suit): Maybe because I'm NOT Jason?
Kimberly: Oh, yeah, I remember that now, too.
---
Lord Zedd: Spin the Wheel of Contrivance!
Wheel of Contrivance: Spin spin spin.
Goldar: Y'know, that thing might still be haunted by TinkerSam.
Lord Zedd: Nonsense! The Wheel of Contrivance says we should hasten the Hatchasaurus's reformation, and that's just what we're going to do!
Goldar: But when did it say--
Lord Zedd: DON'T QUESTION THE WHEEL!
---
*downtown Angel Grove, approx. one year ago. during the episode "Birds of A Feather"*
MMPR DinoMegazord: Megazord!
Jason: Dragonzord is still under Rita's evil spell and--
*random time shift*
Jason (voice of Angie Diaz aka Vida) : I'm really getting into this kickin' song!
~Jason starts overacting and spinning random dials on the Dino Megazord cockpit, which randomly changes it into the Thunder Megazord*
---------
*the Cavetrix*
Rocky: Hurry up and pick that lock, Aisha! I've gotta get these underpants off before they decrease my sperm count!
Mr. Anderson: Careful, Aisha, I don't see how going "commando" can help us against all these Putties.
Chain Lock: CLICK!
Aisha: Only one way to find out...
---
*random downtown locations, including Kytokyo*
Hatchasaurus: Booya!
Booya: LASERS!
Thunder Megazord & TigerZord Battle Mode: HENSHIN!
*just as the death lasers hit those Zords with the long names, said Zords change into their season 1 counterparts; at this point, Dragonzord proceeds to eat Q-Rex for lunch, a direct result of Angie Diaz's overacting*
---
*meanwhile, in the cave, Rocky, Adam, and Aisha prove they're worthy of Jason, Trini, and Zack's paychecks by fighting Putties without morphin' powers -- which proves NOTHING; Aisha fights just barely, Adam fights with three guns, and Rocky fights by pulling down his pants*
Goldar: A party, and I wasn't invi-- HEY! Zapcakes!
*Upon being zapped, Rocky and Adam go down. But not Aisha! Our future Boogie Bear of the Yellow chooses to express her agony through interpretive dance.*
Goldar: Er, she must be taking acting lessons from Angie Diaz.
*It's not long before all three are returned to their bondage -- er-- chains.*
Goldar: Now, either become evil of your own free will, or my wooden snake -- which is, by its very name, a joke waiting to happen -- will come to life and turn you all into mindless drones!
Aisha: Crap! He's going to turn us into the cast of Lightspeed Rescue!
Adam: What do we get if we turn to the Dark Side? Do we become the rulers of Zedd's Army of Darkness?
Goldar; Nope, that's my job. But you do get these spicy stewed donuts!
Adam: O RLY?!
Aisha: Mmmm... Donuts. *drools*
Rocky: Mmmm... Goldar's wooden snake. *drools*
Goldar: See? What'd I tell ya?
---
*downtown Los Angeles*
Hatchasaurus: PWN'd!
Thunder Megazord: Don't you mean "GAK" ?
Hatchasaurus: Huh?
Thunder Megazord: Power Sword from Random Seasons, TENKUU MAHOU SLASH!
Battlized Tigerzord: JEEBUS BOLT!
Hatchasaurus: GAK!
Cardiatron: What? Angie Diaz is in town?! Screw it, I'm getting to fuck outta Dodge! Just forget I was ever here!
Tommy: Easier done than said. Thus sayeth the Lord.
Other Rangers: AWMAN!
---
*following the battle, the Rangers are teleported to the Command Center; they are quickly run over by a Greyhound bus, and replaced with the Ozu family and Pimp Hikaru from MagiRanger*
Zordon: Hey, everyone, remember the Bloom of Terror?
Kai: Nani?
Zordon: Yeah, it freezes everything. But it needs heat to reproduce. Hmm, when it gets hot, it leaves you cold. Kind of like Tracy Lynn Cruz.
Adam (from the Cavetrix): Haha! Way to rub it in.
Alpha: Divide and conquer, everyone! All those who didn't ask for a raise get to go to the Rock Quarry!
Makito: Minna, gambare-o! Yuuki!
Other MagiRangers: Hai!
Alpha: I need to get paid more! I mean, uh... Uh-oh!
*Alpha is instantly fired -- as in vaporized -- and is replaced by Bender from Futurama*
Bender: And remember, everyone, may the Power bite my shiny metal ass!
---
*at the Nicholas D. Wolfwood Memorial Park*
Jason (stock audio from Terminator): I'll be back!
Terror Blossom: Um, so you are. Uh, FREEZECAKES!
Zack (voiced by Matt Stone): So c-c-c-Cold!
\\\///
*the Random Interruptions Rock Quarry*
Billy: And now we're going to rescue Rocky, Adam, and Tanya. Random interruptions or no--
Kimberly: I thought it was Rocky, Adam, and Aisha.
Billy: STOP INTERRUPTING ME!
-M-
*the Cavetrix*
Snake: Hellooooo...
Aisha: Crap.
Mr. Anderson: GULP!
Rocky: I hope he doesn't bite my crotch. Man, I wish I hadn't gone "commando" now!
-_^
*and just as Jeebus-tachi is about to make progress*
Zoltar: Jason, Trini, and Zack are frozen! Randomness!
Jeebus: I'm getting very angry with you, wizard...
Billy: Well, the way I see it, those guys are just stuntmen frozen in their suits now.
Kimberly: Yeah, but if we don't rescue the suits, then Replacementcakes in the cave can't wear them. So what would be the point in their rescue?
Lord Thomas of Oliver: What's more, I have a special place in my heart for Rangers who get stuck in their suits. Now, let's go put those suits in comas!
Kim & Bill - ^Right!^
*-*
*inbetween takes*
Zordon: Hey, uh, robot dude, um... If we can see inside the Cavetrix and stuff, couldn't we just uh, teleport them through the cable feed or something?
Alpha: Long or short answer?
Zordon: Short. This is long enough already.
Alpha: Too easy.
Zordon: And teleporting the frozen suits?
Alpha: What do you think?
Zordon: Contrivance.
Alpha: Good boy.
---
*this episode is in permanent PARK*
Bloom of Doom: So why can't I use my freeze petals on you?
Tommy: Well, it's all part of your "hot and cold" paradox. You see, these three were fired. So it worked on them.
Faltoid Blossom: Um, yeah, 'kay, makes sense.
---
*the Batcave*
William: I've got the Contrivance device set on high. It still isn't unfreezing the Red, Yellow, and Black mannequins.
Zordon: Don't look at me. What do I look like, anyway? A wizard or something?
Tommy's Bitch: Tommy, we don't have much time...
The Technicolor Titan: Yeah, we could've spent this twenty-two minutes having sex, Kim. Instead, we blew it on trying to save Skippy the Hamster.
Alpha: But I thought you were trying to save--
The Better-Than-Peckster: Yeah, whatever.
'''
*back in the Cavetrix, Goldar's Golden Gall-asp advances on Neo, Sylvester Stallone, Katie from Time Force, and Vash the Stampede at a Totally Reasonable Pace*