GreenNinja
12-23-2005, 11:11 PM
It's Christmas Eve. I sat through this for you! Enjoy! You do not know what I did to make this Fiver happen!
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POWER RANGERS FIVERATIONS
Direct-to-Video Special
Out-of-Continuity - "Alpha's Magical Christmas"
Building the White Ranger: GreenNinja
Special Thanks: y3k, for starting this Fiver's running joke.
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*The Command Center (Get Used to It, We'll Be Here a Long Time)*
Alpha: Welcome, impressionable children, to this direct-to-video special. Would you rather be watching this, or a Rankin-Bass cartoon for the 500th time? This story began a short while back, in a completely different reality...
*Earlier that day...*
Alpha: I, being a robot, am lacking in Holiday Spirit. And where are the Rangers?
Zordon: They're off helping Santa while Tommy and Peckster preside over them all holy-like.
Alpha: Ooh, ooh, Santa! I want to talk to him and tell him EVERYTHING I want for Christmas! There's some RAM, some oil, the ability to love...
Zordon: Or you could just decorate for Christmas.
Alpha: I know, I'll decorate for Christmas!
Decorations: CHRISTMAS MAGIC!
Zordon: In order to get you to shut up, I have produced the world's greatest Christmas tree...which I stole...uh, I mean...borrowed from New York City using my magical, interdimensional powers.
*The tree descends on the Command Center, complete with Al Roker and Hikaru (forcibly dressed up as a Christmas tree shortly beforehand)*
Al Roker: I'm Al Roker, and we're here live from the...Command Center, where a man in a tube and a high-pitched little android are preparing to celebrate Christmas in a rather unusual way. I'll keep you posted for live updates.
Zordon: Who said we could let Al Roker in the Command Center without a Power Coin?
Alpha: I'm all alone. I'll just listen to the background music out of nowhere and cheer myself up.
Zordon: We're in a musical? Alpha, turn on the sound-proof systems on my tube.
*A montage of Christmas trees (Power Rangers Toys) being decorated (Power Rangers Toys) by children (Power Rangers Toys) follows*
Alpha: In case you zoned out during the musical, I'm all alone.
Zordon: *To himself* Okay, so if I can manage to get that incriminating footage to show on the Viewing Globe...
Alpha *Turns off sound-proof systems on tube* I SAID, I'm all alone!
Zordon: If you don't leak any of this to the feds or the Rangers...press the green button.
*Through the Christmas Magic of Early 90's Special Effects, children, Sam, and Nova are teleported to the Command Center. Their Stage Moms push them in as they present toy Power Coins as means of entry. Alpha is suddenly surrounded by children. Zordon seems pleased*
Steven: Are there any spare morphers around here?
Alpha: Welcome to the Command Center, where you'll be held captive for a few hours in the company of a head-in-a-jar and an android. Make yourselves comfortable. And be sure to keep your souls as happy as possible and your wallets full.
Zordon: Now that the children are here, Alpha, let the party begin!
Steven: Didn't I see you on the news last night?
Alpha: Well, I have a prototype White Ranger coin here...let's see if the Magic in it works! You little munchkins sing another song to pad the time.
*Alpha, who has somehow learned how to do magic, decorates the Command Center with all the usual things - stars, Snowgel, snowmen, Mandora Claus, Smokey the Snowman, Makito and Tsubasa the Reindeer, Kai the Angel, a shrine to Jeebus, and Houka and Urara as Sexy Santas*
Alpha: Morphinominal! Now that you're my, ahem, captive audience, let's see what I can get you to do. Steven, do you know how to sing "Jingle Bells"?
Steven: ...yes.
Alpha: Good. Now sing it while dancing with the Christmas monster who our sensors failed to notice and let into the Command Center, Rude Elf. I'm sure he's harmless.
*Alpha looks on as Rude Elf dances with the children - and then absorbs them into his Bag of Evil. Zordon could care less*
Alpha: Since we don't want the feds...your parents to know about this, I suggest we stay here where it's safe. But I'll need a way to entertain myself that isn't the usual lube job.
Suzie: We could make Christmas cookies.
Zordon: *Cough* Laced with White Ranger Soul Transformation Sugar....uh, I mean...eat up!
Alpha: Who's in the mood for another song?
Steven: I can barely sing anymore.
Alpha: Sorry, but as a robot, I don't have vocal cords! KEEP SINGING!
*That they do*
Alpha: Now you can open your mind-control devi...presents.
Zordon: And sing another song. *Turns on sound-proof systems*
*MORE singing. You're on your own, readers.*
Alarm: BLARE!
Zordon: I knew I shouldn't have let a Monster of the Day in the Command Center...I mean, Observe the Viewing Globe.
*Show Santa and the Rangers (with Green Ranger?) on the Viewing Globe*
Santa: Your friend Oliver here is the best mascot for the Christmas Spirit I've seen since myself...or Jesus.
Tommy: Don't compare me to that wannabe.
Kim: Why does everyone look like they're about to sing?
Billy: I'm cutting transmission to the Command Center...now.
*The transmission is lost just as the next song begins.*
Suzie: Alpha, what do you want for Christmas?
Alpha: A SOPHIE Model to my Alpha, and the Rangers...it's just not a night at the Command Center without some vouyering. Gaze into the Viewing Globe and see what we see.
Zordon: *Humming to himself* No, there are kids here. Time for a clip show. I bet they'll do it to another song, too.
*Dozens of clips we've seen before - set to the tune of "I'll Be Home For Christmas" - officially earning this the title of Extra-Creepy Christmas Kidnapping*
Zordon: Okay, we've brainwashed the kiddies enough. I'm opening the White Ranger Power Sacrificial Roo...Magic Portal.
*The children sing one last song before leaving, at which point they are sacrificed to create the White Ranger*
Alpha: PERFECT. Our plan worked, Zordon. Using Christmas to get the power for the White Tiger coin...it's so deviously clever that I wonder why I didn't think of it.
Zordon: That's because you're the lackey.
Alarm: BLARE!
Alpha: WHAT NOW?
Zordon: Jeebus has arrived.
Tommy, Billy and Kim: FWOOSH!
Tommy: JEEBUS...has...ARRIVED! ...why am I the Green Ranger? I'm not at my godlike status yet! I demand to be godlike on this most holy of days!
Kim: Say what you need and I shall do it, my Lord.
Billy: ...I was going to say that.
Alpha: Same.
Zordon: Since only these three are willing to embaress themselves enough, we had the others send a message.
Rocky: *In Viewing Globe* Why's Tommy the Green Ranger?
Aisha: He hasn't achieved his godlike status yet.
Adam: Does anybody else hear a strange rumbling sound?
Fabric of Space-Time: RIP!
Alpha: Ai-yi-yi, what was that?
Zordon: Just the sound of us being ripped from the very clutches of space-time and forced out of continuity from our own series. Oh, and Trini, Jason and Zack are at some Peace Conference or something.
Alpha: Join me in song - I DEMAND IT!
*They join him in song by force.*
Billy: Prodigious, it's snowing the Command Center.
Tommy: Or it could just be the guy with the snow machine above us.
Kim: *Catches a flake on her tongue* That's not snow.
*A clip show followed by a cut to Alpha to bookend this Direct-to-Video special*
Alpha: And that's how my Magical Christma-
*Tommy, as the White Ranger, descends from the heavens and knocks out Alpha by bonking him on the head with Saba.*
Tommy: JEEBUS EX MACHINA - DIMENSIONAL WARPING!
*Santa, Peckster, Number One, Rocky, Adam, Aisha, Billy, Kim, Kat, his future grandkids, Zordon, Lord Zedd, Rita, Rito, Goldar, the Tengas, Mondo, Machina, Orbus and Klank, Sprocket, the Cogs, Mercergog, Rude Elf, Elsa, Conner, Ethan, Kira, Trent, Rumba Monkey, Squidrose, Croco D'Vile, the Raptors, Raymond, Ernie and Bulk and Skull teleport into the Command Center. Tommy rises above all of them with a white light of children's souls surrounding him*
Tommy: Remember, this is Christmas, the holiday that's supposed to be all about me. As soon as you're done unwrapping your gifts, donate to the Church of Oliver so I can finally fight Jesus in the Ultimate Battle of Battles. That will also be on Pay-Per-View.
YOUR LORD HAS SPOKEN!
*Tommy raises Saba and obliterates the Alternate Reality Command Center at Ludicrous Speed*
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POWER RANGERS FIVERATIONS
Direct-to-Video Special
Out-of-Continuity - "Alpha's Magical Christmas"
Building the White Ranger: GreenNinja
Special Thanks: y3k, for starting this Fiver's running joke.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*The Command Center (Get Used to It, We'll Be Here a Long Time)*
Alpha: Welcome, impressionable children, to this direct-to-video special. Would you rather be watching this, or a Rankin-Bass cartoon for the 500th time? This story began a short while back, in a completely different reality...
*Earlier that day...*
Alpha: I, being a robot, am lacking in Holiday Spirit. And where are the Rangers?
Zordon: They're off helping Santa while Tommy and Peckster preside over them all holy-like.
Alpha: Ooh, ooh, Santa! I want to talk to him and tell him EVERYTHING I want for Christmas! There's some RAM, some oil, the ability to love...
Zordon: Or you could just decorate for Christmas.
Alpha: I know, I'll decorate for Christmas!
Decorations: CHRISTMAS MAGIC!
Zordon: In order to get you to shut up, I have produced the world's greatest Christmas tree...which I stole...uh, I mean...borrowed from New York City using my magical, interdimensional powers.
*The tree descends on the Command Center, complete with Al Roker and Hikaru (forcibly dressed up as a Christmas tree shortly beforehand)*
Al Roker: I'm Al Roker, and we're here live from the...Command Center, where a man in a tube and a high-pitched little android are preparing to celebrate Christmas in a rather unusual way. I'll keep you posted for live updates.
Zordon: Who said we could let Al Roker in the Command Center without a Power Coin?
Alpha: I'm all alone. I'll just listen to the background music out of nowhere and cheer myself up.
Zordon: We're in a musical? Alpha, turn on the sound-proof systems on my tube.
*A montage of Christmas trees (Power Rangers Toys) being decorated (Power Rangers Toys) by children (Power Rangers Toys) follows*
Alpha: In case you zoned out during the musical, I'm all alone.
Zordon: *To himself* Okay, so if I can manage to get that incriminating footage to show on the Viewing Globe...
Alpha *Turns off sound-proof systems on tube* I SAID, I'm all alone!
Zordon: If you don't leak any of this to the feds or the Rangers...press the green button.
*Through the Christmas Magic of Early 90's Special Effects, children, Sam, and Nova are teleported to the Command Center. Their Stage Moms push them in as they present toy Power Coins as means of entry. Alpha is suddenly surrounded by children. Zordon seems pleased*
Steven: Are there any spare morphers around here?
Alpha: Welcome to the Command Center, where you'll be held captive for a few hours in the company of a head-in-a-jar and an android. Make yourselves comfortable. And be sure to keep your souls as happy as possible and your wallets full.
Zordon: Now that the children are here, Alpha, let the party begin!
Steven: Didn't I see you on the news last night?
Alpha: Well, I have a prototype White Ranger coin here...let's see if the Magic in it works! You little munchkins sing another song to pad the time.
*Alpha, who has somehow learned how to do magic, decorates the Command Center with all the usual things - stars, Snowgel, snowmen, Mandora Claus, Smokey the Snowman, Makito and Tsubasa the Reindeer, Kai the Angel, a shrine to Jeebus, and Houka and Urara as Sexy Santas*
Alpha: Morphinominal! Now that you're my, ahem, captive audience, let's see what I can get you to do. Steven, do you know how to sing "Jingle Bells"?
Steven: ...yes.
Alpha: Good. Now sing it while dancing with the Christmas monster who our sensors failed to notice and let into the Command Center, Rude Elf. I'm sure he's harmless.
*Alpha looks on as Rude Elf dances with the children - and then absorbs them into his Bag of Evil. Zordon could care less*
Alpha: Since we don't want the feds...your parents to know about this, I suggest we stay here where it's safe. But I'll need a way to entertain myself that isn't the usual lube job.
Suzie: We could make Christmas cookies.
Zordon: *Cough* Laced with White Ranger Soul Transformation Sugar....uh, I mean...eat up!
Alpha: Who's in the mood for another song?
Steven: I can barely sing anymore.
Alpha: Sorry, but as a robot, I don't have vocal cords! KEEP SINGING!
*That they do*
Alpha: Now you can open your mind-control devi...presents.
Zordon: And sing another song. *Turns on sound-proof systems*
*MORE singing. You're on your own, readers.*
Alarm: BLARE!
Zordon: I knew I shouldn't have let a Monster of the Day in the Command Center...I mean, Observe the Viewing Globe.
*Show Santa and the Rangers (with Green Ranger?) on the Viewing Globe*
Santa: Your friend Oliver here is the best mascot for the Christmas Spirit I've seen since myself...or Jesus.
Tommy: Don't compare me to that wannabe.
Kim: Why does everyone look like they're about to sing?
Billy: I'm cutting transmission to the Command Center...now.
*The transmission is lost just as the next song begins.*
Suzie: Alpha, what do you want for Christmas?
Alpha: A SOPHIE Model to my Alpha, and the Rangers...it's just not a night at the Command Center without some vouyering. Gaze into the Viewing Globe and see what we see.
Zordon: *Humming to himself* No, there are kids here. Time for a clip show. I bet they'll do it to another song, too.
*Dozens of clips we've seen before - set to the tune of "I'll Be Home For Christmas" - officially earning this the title of Extra-Creepy Christmas Kidnapping*
Zordon: Okay, we've brainwashed the kiddies enough. I'm opening the White Ranger Power Sacrificial Roo...Magic Portal.
*The children sing one last song before leaving, at which point they are sacrificed to create the White Ranger*
Alpha: PERFECT. Our plan worked, Zordon. Using Christmas to get the power for the White Tiger coin...it's so deviously clever that I wonder why I didn't think of it.
Zordon: That's because you're the lackey.
Alarm: BLARE!
Alpha: WHAT NOW?
Zordon: Jeebus has arrived.
Tommy, Billy and Kim: FWOOSH!
Tommy: JEEBUS...has...ARRIVED! ...why am I the Green Ranger? I'm not at my godlike status yet! I demand to be godlike on this most holy of days!
Kim: Say what you need and I shall do it, my Lord.
Billy: ...I was going to say that.
Alpha: Same.
Zordon: Since only these three are willing to embaress themselves enough, we had the others send a message.
Rocky: *In Viewing Globe* Why's Tommy the Green Ranger?
Aisha: He hasn't achieved his godlike status yet.
Adam: Does anybody else hear a strange rumbling sound?
Fabric of Space-Time: RIP!
Alpha: Ai-yi-yi, what was that?
Zordon: Just the sound of us being ripped from the very clutches of space-time and forced out of continuity from our own series. Oh, and Trini, Jason and Zack are at some Peace Conference or something.
Alpha: Join me in song - I DEMAND IT!
*They join him in song by force.*
Billy: Prodigious, it's snowing the Command Center.
Tommy: Or it could just be the guy with the snow machine above us.
Kim: *Catches a flake on her tongue* That's not snow.
*A clip show followed by a cut to Alpha to bookend this Direct-to-Video special*
Alpha: And that's how my Magical Christma-
*Tommy, as the White Ranger, descends from the heavens and knocks out Alpha by bonking him on the head with Saba.*
Tommy: JEEBUS EX MACHINA - DIMENSIONAL WARPING!
*Santa, Peckster, Number One, Rocky, Adam, Aisha, Billy, Kim, Kat, his future grandkids, Zordon, Lord Zedd, Rita, Rito, Goldar, the Tengas, Mondo, Machina, Orbus and Klank, Sprocket, the Cogs, Mercergog, Rude Elf, Elsa, Conner, Ethan, Kira, Trent, Rumba Monkey, Squidrose, Croco D'Vile, the Raptors, Raymond, Ernie and Bulk and Skull teleport into the Command Center. Tommy rises above all of them with a white light of children's souls surrounding him*
Tommy: Remember, this is Christmas, the holiday that's supposed to be all about me. As soon as you're done unwrapping your gifts, donate to the Church of Oliver so I can finally fight Jesus in the Ultimate Battle of Battles. That will also be on Pay-Per-View.
YOUR LORD HAS SPOKEN!
*Tommy raises Saba and obliterates the Alternate Reality Command Center at Ludicrous Speed*