power rangers:turbo storm

[blazinred]

hey guys im new here so i jus wana say hi n i hope u enjoy my fan fic its called turbo storm n it has nothing 2 do with turbo

characters

Dan(me)/red turbo storm ranger/leader

fred blue turbo storm ranger/second incommand

justin pink turbo storm ranger

chris purple turbo storm ranger

yaqub black turbo storm ranger

[blazinred]

Hi im Dan and this is how are story begins

One day i was in my room playing on my ps2 with my friends chris,fred,justin and yaqub when we saw this monsters attacking are town so we quickly ran out my house 2 help all the people who were in trouble. "Justin Chris Fred go and help them me and yaqub will try and fight he monsters" i said even though i knew we didn’t stand a chance against them so we ran at then as fast as we can threw a couple of punches but it felt like I was hitting metal then just one hit from the monster and i went flying then i saw a little boy wit a turbo morpher from the show and he ran at the monster i got up and tried to stop the little boy from getting to the monster but i was to slow and the boy got hit with a sword and went flying and i ran over to the boy but he talked to me saying "please take this i no someone will help us in this time of need" and he strapped the turbo morpher toy on my arm and said good luck then nothing he wasn’t moving so i shut his eyes then started to cry because this boy has hope that the power rangers will come to help us when i knew that it was only a show but i didn’t want to tell him so i was very angry so I tried again to fight the monster but I failed and they said “look out u foolish human are lord will rules this planet” then they disappeared then all the people apart from me went 2 the little boy but I jus stood there then something happened everything went black then I could hear a voice saying “you have been picked to be the red turbo storm ranger and leader so as leader you need to find the other four morpher and rangers so then u can fight this evil force and I said “what’s my morpher then” and the voice said “look on your left arm” then I said “what the toy its not real” then a bolt of lighting stuck it then the voice said “it is now” then everything went back to normal I has Justin shouting at me saying “ dude are you ok” I shock my head then said “ yeah im fine”

[dragomuseveni]

dude umm could seriously use some work.....its a great idea and all, but im reminded of another fic i have read...anyway i think that if u put a little more effort into it, this fic could be really good. Just a few tips more detail into what is going on into the characters and whatnot. good luck :)

[Cerebro]

To be honest, I find your fan fic intro hurriedly written, and haphazardly at that...

It is rather hard to absorb the idea you're trying to get across, if you compress an entire intro into one paragraph...

Just a few tips more detail into what is going on into the characters and whatnot.
I could not agree more with this suggestion.

It will require some deeper internalization of character to get the right flavor, and exude the right atmosphere.

Hope you take this type of cristisms constructively. Your fic has potential... Good luck in your endeavor, blazinred. :023:

[blazinred]

thnxs guys n to b honest this is my first fan fic but i'll try

[dragomuseveni]

hey dont worry about it man happens to everyone on their first fic, unless ur some sort of prodogy, which i have yet to see in anyone anywhere...so good luck.