MegaZeo
08-28-2005, 08:51 PM
MMPR SPOOF: THE WEDDING, PART II
by: MegaZeo
MONSTERS: There's got to be a morning after... If we can hold on through the night... We have a chance to find the sunshine... let's keep on lookin' for the light...
TOMMY: Since we can't call our weapons---
ROCKY: But Saba's right there on your be---
TOMMY: I SAID WE CAN'T CALL OUR WEAPONS!
BILLY: We've gotta go on the attack!
[Dramole flexes his arms. Other monsters close in.]
TOMMY: I've got a plan! Let's go on the attack!
BILLY: ...
[The Rangers leap into action. Tommy takes on Soccadillo and trades a few blows. Salaguana and Dramole totally pwn Adam and Billy. Invenusable Flytrap completely bitchslaps Kimberly.]
SALAGUANA: Whatsa matter, Ranger?!
ADAM: Shouldn't you be in a Toho soundstage, somewhere?
[Salaguana lets loose with Godzilla (© Toho Co., Ltd.)'s roar, then opens fire with Godzilla (© Toho Co., Ltd.)'s atomic ray, blasting Adam across the room. Rocky runs up.]
ROCKY: You alright, Adam?
[Smoke chars from the hole burnt in Adam's suit. Elsewhere, Tommy sends Soccadillo tumbling.]
TOMMY: Rocky! Adam! Lookout!
[Grumble Bee lunges at them. Rocky suddenly produces a can of Raid and begins to spray Grumble Bee with it. Dumbfounded, Grumble Bee swats the can away and then slams his fist into the face of Rocky's helmet.]
------
[The Command Center]
ALPHA: Ha! The Power Punks are getting pummelled! Heh, I can see why Zedd always does that. It's fun. Pulverize those pathetic Power Pinheads, putrid peons!
TOMMY (on the Viewing Globe): Rocky, I don't think we can hold out much longer!
ROCKY (on the Viewing Globe): Is that what you tell Kimberly each night?
CARTMAN-DON: Dude, Alpha, seriously. The Rangers' powers don't work in that f**kin' theater! Why did you put those dumbasses in such danger?
ALPHA: ...did you completely MISS my rant in Part 1?
------
[The Rejuvination Chamber]
[Rita is pacing around the Rejuvinator, glaring at the sleeping Zedd.]
RITA: Excellent... once you say "I do," Zedd, you won't be doing much of anything anymore! Unless it's something I tell you to do. So, then you do it. So do what I say, and don't do --- grah!
------
[The Abandoned Theater]
[Aisha is fighting Eye Guy up on a balcony. Thanks to Eye Guy's bulk and stubby arms, Aisha is doing quite well. A few kicks, and she has the beast on the run. Below, Kimberly notices.]
KIMBERLY: AISHA!!
AISHA: Huh?
[Eye Guy grabs Aisha and tosses her off the balcony. With a sickening CRUNCH!, Aisha hits the floor.]
AISHA (weakly): you... bitch...
[Tommy and Adam run over.]
TOMMY: Are you hurt?
AISHA: I just fell off a f**king balcony!
TOMMY: Oh, good, you're okay, then.
AISHA: ...
PECKSTER: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA---
[Salaguana smacks him in the back of the head.]
SOCCADILLO: Come on, fellow monsters! Let's strike all at once and finish 'em!
GRUMBLE BEE: No! They have to be in one piece! They're Rita's wedding present to Zedd, remember?!
PECKSTER: I'm sure Lord Zedd won't mind if they're completely bitchslapped!
AISHA: So that's what this is about! Rita and Zedd getting married!
[Pause.]
AISHA: Who's Rita?
TOMMY: Evil cannot marry! Lord Oliver does not allow it! It is against---
BILLY: None of this will matter unless we get the hell out of here!
[He turns to the monsters.]
BILLY: Hey, can you guys give us a minute? We're trying to come up with a plan to escape.
PECKSTER: Oh, okay.
GRUMBLE BEE: Sure.
BILLY: So what are we going to do?
KIMBERLY: What about that hidden staircase we saw earlier?
TOMMY: We'll all split up and meet there later.
PECKSTER: Hey... wait... you coming up with a plan is bad, isn't it?
SOCCADILLO: GET 'EM!
TOMMY: Aww, f**k beans.
------
[The Rejuvination Chamber]
[Rita is tickling Zedd's mask with a feather.]
RITA: It's time to wake up, Zeddy!
[No reaction. She puts the feather down and starts tickling with her fingers.]
RITA: Come on!
[She grabs a baseball bat and starts whacking Zedd's face with it.]
RITA: WAKE UP!
[She grabs a sledgehammer and raises it. Before she can slam it down, though, an alarm clock goes off. Zedd begins to stir. She tosses the hammer away. Various crashing sounds are heard, followed by a cat yeowling. She sits next to Zedd as he awakens.]
LORD ZEDD: What beauty... what magnificence... what a great dream about Sarah Michelle Gellar that was...
[He notices Rita.]
LORD ZEDD: What the hell! I banished you to the depths of the universe!
RITA: Oh crap, I forgot...
LORD ZEDD: Goldar! Putties! Get in he---
[Rita uncorks the bottle of love potion and splashes it into Zedd's face. He goes silent for a minute.]
LORD ZEDD: ...how pretty you are. Where did you come from, oh fair maiden?
RITA: Surely you remember me, Lord Zedd! I'm Rita Repulsa, one of your faithful and humble servants!
LORD ZEDD: Ahh, yes. Rita, the grovelling one. Your spineless, snivelling attitude leads me to believe---
RITA: Wrong episode, dummy.
[Zedd reaches towards the floor and pulls up a script. He opens it and reads for a minute. Then he drops it.]
LORD ZEDD: Rita of the stars! Rita of the sun! Rita of the universe! Rita --- who wrote this drivel?
RITA: Just propose already.
LORD ZEDD: Err, right. So, uh... wanna get hitched?
RITA: ...okay!
LORD ZEDD: Goldar! Get in here!
[Goldar walks in.]
GOLDAR: Yes, my Lord, I---what?! Rita?! Have no fear, Lord Zedd, I shall summon the Putties to seize her!
LORD ZEDD: ...the same Putties that were defeated by kids and a kickball?
GOLDAR: Uh... I guess...
[Zedd groans.]
LORD ZEDD: Look, Rita and I are getting married. Just get crap ready, will ya?
[Goldar growls and walks out.]
RITA: It'll feel so good to be Queen!
LORD ZEDD: Y'know what else'll feel so good?
[Rita gets visibly sick.]
------
[The Abandoned Theater]
ADAM: Hey, how did we escape from those monsters?
TOMMY: The Lord made it so.
BILLY/KIMBERLY: Stop that!
[Elsewhere in the theater.]
SNIZARD: Well, they can't morph out of this building, so they've got to be here somewhere.
[He and RoboGoat walk into a wall.]
SNIZARD: Ow. Another dead end.
ROBOGOAT: That stupid Peckster. If the Rangers hadn't have poured that birdseed on the ground, he woulda stopped them from escaping.
[Peckster's laugh echoes through the halls. Back to the Rangers...]
BILLY: Well, the monsters are blocking the main entrance, but logically, there's gotta be another way out...
ROCKY: The exit?
BILLY: Well... uh, yeah...
[They spot a sign that reads "MONSTERS THIS WAY."]
BILLY: Look, this is the way out!
ROCKY: But---
BILLY: THIS IS THE WAY OUT!
SNIZARD: Ahh, looky here!
[Rocky smacks Billy in the back of the head.]
BILLY: Let's power up!
TOMMY/ROCKY/ADAM/AISHA/KIMBERLY: Right!
BILLY: And by "Power up," I mean "RUN!"
TOMMY/ROCKY/ADAM/AISHA/KIMBERLY: ... Oh.
[They follow suit.]
SNIZARD: Wait, Powerless Rangers, we only wanna kill you! I mean play!
------
[Finster's Lab]
RITA: Finster! I need more monsters!
FINSTER: ...we've got ten monsters down there. That's not enough?
RITA: ...fine. Just make sure the monsters bring plenty of presents to the reception! I love presents!
FINSTER: What do presents have to do with getting revenge on Lord Zedd?
RITA: GODDAMMITFINSTERMAKESURETHEMONSTERSBRINGLOTSOFPRESENTS!!
------
[The Command Center]
ALPHA: Well, look who else is in Australia: the only other two Angel Grove teens with names!
[On the Viewing Globe, Bulk and Skull are still harrassing the waitress with their terrible "G'day, mates!"s.]
ALPHA: Hah, this'll be easier than tricking those Power Dumbasses into the theater!
CARTMAN-DON: Goddammit! Don't even think about it, Alpha!
ALPHA: Shut your pie-hole, fat ass! Now, to give those two a taste of the [b]real Down Under!
CARTMAN-DON (whining): But Alpha that's not cool don't do it seriously...
[Alpha presses a few buttons.]
------
[Australia]
------
[The Command Center]
CARTMAN-DON: What the hell? You said you were sending them to the real Down Under.
ALPHA: Shut up, fat ass!
------
[The Abandoned Theater]
BILLY: Guys, look! A lower level! This could be the way out that we've been searching for!
ROCKY: I still say we shoulda gone out that door marked EXIT...
BILLY: Nonsense.
[They start going down a staircase.]
TOMMY: Okay, let's go! Everyone, keep your eyes peeled.
AISHA: Can't be any worse than what's behind us.
KIMBERLY: [directly behind Aisha] Hey!
[They reach a cave.]
BILLY: We're in a cave underneath the theater.
TOMMY: ...you [b]can't be the smartest of the team.
AISHA: Hurry! I can hear the monsters coming!
TOMMY/BILLY/ROCKY/ADAM/KIMBERLY: EEEWW!!
AISHA: ...as in getting closer to us.
TOMMY/BILLY/ROCKY/ADAM/KIMBERLY: ...oh.
TOMMY: Hey guys! Fresh air! I think this is the way out!
[The Rangers run through the exit.]
------
[The Rejuvination Chamber]
RITA: Ahahahahahahahahaha!
LORD ZEDD: Ahahahahahahahahaha!
RITA: Ahahahahahahahahaha!
LORD ZEDD: Ahahahahahahahahaha!
RITA: Ahaha---wait. What are we laughing at again?
LORD ZEDD: Uh... I told a joke off-screen?
RITA: Ehh, that works.
[Finster shows up.]
FINSTER: Lord Zedd! Queen Rita! Peckster reports that the Power Rangers have somehow escaped from the theater!
LORD ZEDD: What?! He didn't kill them? He calls himself Peckster, it should be more like Peckster Turkey! He should be stuffed, and then roasted!
RITA: Zeddykins, why not make those monsters grow? That'll take care of those Power Peons!
LORD ZEDD: Gee, make the monsters grow? What a brilliant idea!
RITA: I thoug---
LORD ZEDD: I mean, the concept of making monsters grow has never occured to me before! How could I have been so blind all this time?!
RITA: Okay, I get----
LORD ZEDD: Just imagine how helpless the Rangers will be when I do this! It's not like they have giant robots to help combat grown monsters!
RITA: ALRIGHT ALREADY!
------
[Desert outside the Abandoned Theater]
TOMMY: Let's keep running, guys!
ROCKY: But we're out of the theater! Shouldn't we just teleport?
TOMMY: Rocky, I swear to Me, if you don't shut up...
------
[Chamber of Command]
LORD ZEDD: Now I'll send those Rangers to the Abandoned City, where my monsters can---
GOLDAR: The what?
LORD ZEDD: Huh?
GOLDAR: "The Abandoned City?" What the hell is that?
LORD ZEDD: ...it's a city that's abandoned, obviously.
GOLDAR: You just made that up right now, didn't you?
LORD ZEDD: ...no.
GOLDAR: You're just sending the Rangers to downtown Angel Grove, aren't you?
LORD ZEDD: Shut up!
[He summons a couple of grow bombs and tosses them to Earth.]
------
[Desert]
[Peckster and Rhinoblaster catch the bombs and detonate them. They grow to giant size.]
PECKSTER: Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha---
RHINOBLASTER: Alright, we get it.
PECKSTER ---hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha---
RHINOBLASTER: Okay, seriously, stop it.
PECKSTER ---hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha---
RHINOBLASTER: SHUT UP!
------
[The Command Center]
[The alarms are going off.]
ALPHA: Oh, be quiet, ya stupid alarm.
CARTMAN-DON: Alpha, dude, seriously! The Rangers are totally needed to combat Zedd's giant Jews! I mean monsters!
ALPHA: Ya know what? I've had just about enough of you.
[Alpha hits a combination of buttons. Zordon's image turns back to normal, and begins to fade.]
ALPHA: There, how do ya like them apples?
ZORDON (fading): Apple sauce, bitch...
[Zordon disappears.]
ALPHA: Ha! A Kevin Smith reference at last! And now for the destruction of the Power Rangers!
------
[The Abandoned City... or Angel Grove... or the mountains. Whichever]
PECKSTER: Have fear, the Peckster's here!
RHINOBLASTER: Grraaahh!!
[Pause]
RHINOBLASTER: That's it? Peckster gets a catchphrase, all I get is freaking "Grah?"
ROCKY: Alright, guys, let's do our thing!
ADAM: Now's not the time for doing our things, Rocky.
ROCKY: We need Thunder Zo---
[He stops and glares at Adam.]
ROCKY: What the f**k?
ADAM: ...what?
ROCKY: Nevermind. We need Thunder Zord power, now!
[Lightning strikes.]
ADAM: Mastodon, Lion ThunderZord Power!
KIMBERLY: Pterodactyl, Fire---
[Let's just cut through this crap.]
[The Thunder MegaZord and White TigerZord strike battle poses.]
RHINOBLASTER: Prepare to meet your end, Rangers!
PECKSTER: Have fear, the Peckster's here!
RHINOBLASTER: You just said that.
PECKSTER: Oh. Well, uh... it's Peckster Power time!
RHINOBLASTER: Better.
TOMMY: Gimme your best shot, Peckster!
[Peckster tries to peck the TigerZord, but it punches him away.]
PECKSTER: Get 'im, Rhinoblaster! We're already running low on usable Zyu2 footage for me!
RHINOBLASTER: Don't worry, Peckster, I've got plenty!
[The Thunder MegaZord and Rhinoblaster charge each other. Rhinoblaster raises his sword.]
BILLY: We've gotta be careful to avoid the sword.
ROCKY: The what?
[Rhinoblaster slashes the MegaZord, sending it stumbling back.]
PECKSTER: I'm baaack!
TOMMY: You never left, pecker-head!
CENSORS: Hey hey hey!
TOMMY: ...he's a woodpecker.
CENSORS: ...oh. Carry on.
TOMMY: Hmm... Saba, any suggestions?
SABA: Well... how about the White Tiger Thunderbolt?
TOMMY: ...why are we acting like we don't know how to fight?
SABA: Dunno, I was wondering that myself.
[The TigerZord blasts Peckster with the Thunderbolt.]
RHINOBLASTER: So, ya wanna resort to special effects, huh? Well two can play at that game!
[Rhinoblaster fires a bolt from his sword. A badly superimposed blast hits the Thunder MegaZord.]
ADAM: That caused some serious damage!
ROCKY: Well, let's try it again!
[Rhinoblaster zaps the Zord again. Explosions abound.]
ROCKY: Not what I meant!
PECKSTER: Now for a really lame wing pun!
SABA: One focused blow should finish them!
TOMMY: Right! I'll concentrate all our energy into one big burst!
[Tommy starts laughing.]
SABA: ...what?
TOMMY: "Blow"... "Big burst"... hahahahaha!
SABA: Oh, I see. Hahahahaha!
PECKSTER: God, this fight sucks total donkey balls!
RHINOBLASTER: Yeah! Christ, we're not that far away from [i]Best Man For the Job, couldn't they have at least tried to give us an American fight?
------
[The Command Center]
ALPHA: Goddamn, this fight does suck! Let's move on already!
[He reaches over and presses a button labelled "End Badly Edited Zyu2/Dai Zord Fights."]
---
[The Abandoned Angel Mountains]
[The Thunder MegaZord and White TigerZord begin sparking furiously. A couple blasts from Peckster and Rhinoblaster, and they fall over. The Rangers fall out of their cockpits.]
------
[The Command Center]
ALPHA: Now to teleport you all right back to the theater! After all, Zedd and Rita's wedding can't carry Part 3 all by itself...
[He pushes more buttons.]
---
[The Abandoned Theater]
[The Rangers rematerialize in one of the upper levels.]
AISHA: What the...
TOMMY: Tommydammit!
KIMBERLY: Will you knock that shit off?!
ROCKY: What are we doing back here?
BILLY: It felt as though we were teleported.
ROCKY: But that's impossible!
BILLY: ...yes, Rocky. Being teleported is completely impossible. Why don't you go play that pachinko machine over there?
ROCKY: OOO! TOO FUN!
[He runs off.]
---
[The Lunar Palace]
[Finster is helping Rita with her make up.]
RITA: God! Enough with the make up, Finster! You're gonna make me look like a hooker! Or Kimberly, whichever's worse.
FINSTER: Sorry, my Queen...
RITA: Now then, I want you to leave two monsters in the Theater to guard the Rangers while the others attend the wedding.
FINSTER: Which two should I choose?
RITA: The only two that have gotten any focus in this episode, of course!
FINSTER: Right, King Sphinx and Terror Toad.
RITA: ...
FINSTER: I'm kidding, I'm kidding...
------
[The Abandoned Theater]
BILLY: Zordon! Alpha! Come in! Come in! Do you read me?
AISHA: I think we should just stay put.
BILLY: Do you rea---huh?
KIMBERLY: Guys, I'm really worried. Something must have happened.
TOMMY: Don't get down, everyone. Remember, there's strength in numbers!
ADAM/AISHA/KIMBERLY/BILLY: Right!
ROCKY: ...the monsters outnumber us.
ADAM/AISHA/KIMBERLY/BILLY: ...awww...
TOMMY: ...what the hell, Rocky?
------
[Chamber of Command]
GOLDAR (whispering): There must be a way to stop this wedding...
LORD ZEDD: Goldar, it is time!
GOLDAR (whispering): Or not. (shouting) Monsters, come in! Begin the processional!
[One by one, the monsters enter and begin gathering around Lord Zedd, presenting their gifts to him.]
SOCCADILLO: Aww, weddings always make me cry.
VINCE VAUGHN: Excuse me? Is this this Zedd/Repulsa wedding?
GOLDAR: ...go away.
VINCE VAUGHN: Right, sorry...
OWEN WILSON: I told you...
LORD ZEDD: Gather around, everyone. You are all like bastard sons to me. Come closer.
ROBOGOAT: You mean mutant, right?
LORD ZEDD: Whatever.
EYE GUY: This is my present to you, Lord Zedd.
[He holds up a caged spider.]
EYE GUY: It can be either a decoration, or a light snack.
LORD ZEDD: Or better yet, another guest with another gift.
[Zedd raises the Z-Staff and turns the spider into Spidertron.]
EYE GUY: Or that.
------
[The Abandoned Theater]
KIMBERLY: What about the Zords, you guys? What happened to them?
TOMMY: They got pwned.
[Suddenly, Peckster and Rhinoblaster teleport in.]
PECKSTER: Have fea---
RHINOBLASTER: Don't.
PECKSTER: Fine. Well, if it isn't Lord Zedd's wedding present, all wrapped up and ready to go!
BILLY: Oh, wait, you're just getting here [b]now? Darn, maybe we should've tried escaping beforehand...
PECKSTER: We'll be right outside the door if you need us!
[The monsters begin to glow, but then they realize the door is right next to them. They stop glowing and then simply walk through the door.]
KIMBERLY: How are we going to get out of here with those two right behind the door?
ADAM: Yeah, and if we do get out, how do we keep Zedd from sending us back?
ROCKY: And who is Eric Cartman's father?
TOMMY: Rocky, seriously, shut up.
[TO BE CONTINUED...]
by: MegaZeo
MONSTERS: There's got to be a morning after... If we can hold on through the night... We have a chance to find the sunshine... let's keep on lookin' for the light...
TOMMY: Since we can't call our weapons---
ROCKY: But Saba's right there on your be---
TOMMY: I SAID WE CAN'T CALL OUR WEAPONS!
BILLY: We've gotta go on the attack!
[Dramole flexes his arms. Other monsters close in.]
TOMMY: I've got a plan! Let's go on the attack!
BILLY: ...
[The Rangers leap into action. Tommy takes on Soccadillo and trades a few blows. Salaguana and Dramole totally pwn Adam and Billy. Invenusable Flytrap completely bitchslaps Kimberly.]
SALAGUANA: Whatsa matter, Ranger?!
ADAM: Shouldn't you be in a Toho soundstage, somewhere?
[Salaguana lets loose with Godzilla (© Toho Co., Ltd.)'s roar, then opens fire with Godzilla (© Toho Co., Ltd.)'s atomic ray, blasting Adam across the room. Rocky runs up.]
ROCKY: You alright, Adam?
[Smoke chars from the hole burnt in Adam's suit. Elsewhere, Tommy sends Soccadillo tumbling.]
TOMMY: Rocky! Adam! Lookout!
[Grumble Bee lunges at them. Rocky suddenly produces a can of Raid and begins to spray Grumble Bee with it. Dumbfounded, Grumble Bee swats the can away and then slams his fist into the face of Rocky's helmet.]
------
[The Command Center]
ALPHA: Ha! The Power Punks are getting pummelled! Heh, I can see why Zedd always does that. It's fun. Pulverize those pathetic Power Pinheads, putrid peons!
TOMMY (on the Viewing Globe): Rocky, I don't think we can hold out much longer!
ROCKY (on the Viewing Globe): Is that what you tell Kimberly each night?
CARTMAN-DON: Dude, Alpha, seriously. The Rangers' powers don't work in that f**kin' theater! Why did you put those dumbasses in such danger?
ALPHA: ...did you completely MISS my rant in Part 1?
------
[The Rejuvination Chamber]
[Rita is pacing around the Rejuvinator, glaring at the sleeping Zedd.]
RITA: Excellent... once you say "I do," Zedd, you won't be doing much of anything anymore! Unless it's something I tell you to do. So, then you do it. So do what I say, and don't do --- grah!
------
[The Abandoned Theater]
[Aisha is fighting Eye Guy up on a balcony. Thanks to Eye Guy's bulk and stubby arms, Aisha is doing quite well. A few kicks, and she has the beast on the run. Below, Kimberly notices.]
KIMBERLY: AISHA!!
AISHA: Huh?
[Eye Guy grabs Aisha and tosses her off the balcony. With a sickening CRUNCH!, Aisha hits the floor.]
AISHA (weakly): you... bitch...
[Tommy and Adam run over.]
TOMMY: Are you hurt?
AISHA: I just fell off a f**king balcony!
TOMMY: Oh, good, you're okay, then.
AISHA: ...
PECKSTER: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA---
[Salaguana smacks him in the back of the head.]
SOCCADILLO: Come on, fellow monsters! Let's strike all at once and finish 'em!
GRUMBLE BEE: No! They have to be in one piece! They're Rita's wedding present to Zedd, remember?!
PECKSTER: I'm sure Lord Zedd won't mind if they're completely bitchslapped!
AISHA: So that's what this is about! Rita and Zedd getting married!
[Pause.]
AISHA: Who's Rita?
TOMMY: Evil cannot marry! Lord Oliver does not allow it! It is against---
BILLY: None of this will matter unless we get the hell out of here!
[He turns to the monsters.]
BILLY: Hey, can you guys give us a minute? We're trying to come up with a plan to escape.
PECKSTER: Oh, okay.
GRUMBLE BEE: Sure.
BILLY: So what are we going to do?
KIMBERLY: What about that hidden staircase we saw earlier?
TOMMY: We'll all split up and meet there later.
PECKSTER: Hey... wait... you coming up with a plan is bad, isn't it?
SOCCADILLO: GET 'EM!
TOMMY: Aww, f**k beans.
------
[The Rejuvination Chamber]
[Rita is tickling Zedd's mask with a feather.]
RITA: It's time to wake up, Zeddy!
[No reaction. She puts the feather down and starts tickling with her fingers.]
RITA: Come on!
[She grabs a baseball bat and starts whacking Zedd's face with it.]
RITA: WAKE UP!
[She grabs a sledgehammer and raises it. Before she can slam it down, though, an alarm clock goes off. Zedd begins to stir. She tosses the hammer away. Various crashing sounds are heard, followed by a cat yeowling. She sits next to Zedd as he awakens.]
LORD ZEDD: What beauty... what magnificence... what a great dream about Sarah Michelle Gellar that was...
[He notices Rita.]
LORD ZEDD: What the hell! I banished you to the depths of the universe!
RITA: Oh crap, I forgot...
LORD ZEDD: Goldar! Putties! Get in he---
[Rita uncorks the bottle of love potion and splashes it into Zedd's face. He goes silent for a minute.]
LORD ZEDD: ...how pretty you are. Where did you come from, oh fair maiden?
RITA: Surely you remember me, Lord Zedd! I'm Rita Repulsa, one of your faithful and humble servants!
LORD ZEDD: Ahh, yes. Rita, the grovelling one. Your spineless, snivelling attitude leads me to believe---
RITA: Wrong episode, dummy.
[Zedd reaches towards the floor and pulls up a script. He opens it and reads for a minute. Then he drops it.]
LORD ZEDD: Rita of the stars! Rita of the sun! Rita of the universe! Rita --- who wrote this drivel?
RITA: Just propose already.
LORD ZEDD: Err, right. So, uh... wanna get hitched?
RITA: ...okay!
LORD ZEDD: Goldar! Get in here!
[Goldar walks in.]
GOLDAR: Yes, my Lord, I---what?! Rita?! Have no fear, Lord Zedd, I shall summon the Putties to seize her!
LORD ZEDD: ...the same Putties that were defeated by kids and a kickball?
GOLDAR: Uh... I guess...
[Zedd groans.]
LORD ZEDD: Look, Rita and I are getting married. Just get crap ready, will ya?
[Goldar growls and walks out.]
RITA: It'll feel so good to be Queen!
LORD ZEDD: Y'know what else'll feel so good?
[Rita gets visibly sick.]
------
[The Abandoned Theater]
ADAM: Hey, how did we escape from those monsters?
TOMMY: The Lord made it so.
BILLY/KIMBERLY: Stop that!
[Elsewhere in the theater.]
SNIZARD: Well, they can't morph out of this building, so they've got to be here somewhere.
[He and RoboGoat walk into a wall.]
SNIZARD: Ow. Another dead end.
ROBOGOAT: That stupid Peckster. If the Rangers hadn't have poured that birdseed on the ground, he woulda stopped them from escaping.
[Peckster's laugh echoes through the halls. Back to the Rangers...]
BILLY: Well, the monsters are blocking the main entrance, but logically, there's gotta be another way out...
ROCKY: The exit?
BILLY: Well... uh, yeah...
[They spot a sign that reads "MONSTERS THIS WAY."]
BILLY: Look, this is the way out!
ROCKY: But---
BILLY: THIS IS THE WAY OUT!
SNIZARD: Ahh, looky here!
[Rocky smacks Billy in the back of the head.]
BILLY: Let's power up!
TOMMY/ROCKY/ADAM/AISHA/KIMBERLY: Right!
BILLY: And by "Power up," I mean "RUN!"
TOMMY/ROCKY/ADAM/AISHA/KIMBERLY: ... Oh.
[They follow suit.]
SNIZARD: Wait, Powerless Rangers, we only wanna kill you! I mean play!
------
[Finster's Lab]
RITA: Finster! I need more monsters!
FINSTER: ...we've got ten monsters down there. That's not enough?
RITA: ...fine. Just make sure the monsters bring plenty of presents to the reception! I love presents!
FINSTER: What do presents have to do with getting revenge on Lord Zedd?
RITA: GODDAMMITFINSTERMAKESURETHEMONSTERSBRINGLOTSOFPRESENTS!!
------
[The Command Center]
ALPHA: Well, look who else is in Australia: the only other two Angel Grove teens with names!
[On the Viewing Globe, Bulk and Skull are still harrassing the waitress with their terrible "G'day, mates!"s.]
ALPHA: Hah, this'll be easier than tricking those Power Dumbasses into the theater!
CARTMAN-DON: Goddammit! Don't even think about it, Alpha!
ALPHA: Shut your pie-hole, fat ass! Now, to give those two a taste of the [b]real Down Under!
CARTMAN-DON (whining): But Alpha that's not cool don't do it seriously...
[Alpha presses a few buttons.]
------
[Australia]
------
[The Command Center]
CARTMAN-DON: What the hell? You said you were sending them to the real Down Under.
ALPHA: Shut up, fat ass!
------
[The Abandoned Theater]
BILLY: Guys, look! A lower level! This could be the way out that we've been searching for!
ROCKY: I still say we shoulda gone out that door marked EXIT...
BILLY: Nonsense.
[They start going down a staircase.]
TOMMY: Okay, let's go! Everyone, keep your eyes peeled.
AISHA: Can't be any worse than what's behind us.
KIMBERLY: [directly behind Aisha] Hey!
[They reach a cave.]
BILLY: We're in a cave underneath the theater.
TOMMY: ...you [b]can't be the smartest of the team.
AISHA: Hurry! I can hear the monsters coming!
TOMMY/BILLY/ROCKY/ADAM/KIMBERLY: EEEWW!!
AISHA: ...as in getting closer to us.
TOMMY/BILLY/ROCKY/ADAM/KIMBERLY: ...oh.
TOMMY: Hey guys! Fresh air! I think this is the way out!
[The Rangers run through the exit.]
------
[The Rejuvination Chamber]
RITA: Ahahahahahahahahaha!
LORD ZEDD: Ahahahahahahahahaha!
RITA: Ahahahahahahahahaha!
LORD ZEDD: Ahahahahahahahahaha!
RITA: Ahaha---wait. What are we laughing at again?
LORD ZEDD: Uh... I told a joke off-screen?
RITA: Ehh, that works.
[Finster shows up.]
FINSTER: Lord Zedd! Queen Rita! Peckster reports that the Power Rangers have somehow escaped from the theater!
LORD ZEDD: What?! He didn't kill them? He calls himself Peckster, it should be more like Peckster Turkey! He should be stuffed, and then roasted!
RITA: Zeddykins, why not make those monsters grow? That'll take care of those Power Peons!
LORD ZEDD: Gee, make the monsters grow? What a brilliant idea!
RITA: I thoug---
LORD ZEDD: I mean, the concept of making monsters grow has never occured to me before! How could I have been so blind all this time?!
RITA: Okay, I get----
LORD ZEDD: Just imagine how helpless the Rangers will be when I do this! It's not like they have giant robots to help combat grown monsters!
RITA: ALRIGHT ALREADY!
------
[Desert outside the Abandoned Theater]
TOMMY: Let's keep running, guys!
ROCKY: But we're out of the theater! Shouldn't we just teleport?
TOMMY: Rocky, I swear to Me, if you don't shut up...
------
[Chamber of Command]
LORD ZEDD: Now I'll send those Rangers to the Abandoned City, where my monsters can---
GOLDAR: The what?
LORD ZEDD: Huh?
GOLDAR: "The Abandoned City?" What the hell is that?
LORD ZEDD: ...it's a city that's abandoned, obviously.
GOLDAR: You just made that up right now, didn't you?
LORD ZEDD: ...no.
GOLDAR: You're just sending the Rangers to downtown Angel Grove, aren't you?
LORD ZEDD: Shut up!
[He summons a couple of grow bombs and tosses them to Earth.]
------
[Desert]
[Peckster and Rhinoblaster catch the bombs and detonate them. They grow to giant size.]
PECKSTER: Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha---
RHINOBLASTER: Alright, we get it.
PECKSTER ---hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha---
RHINOBLASTER: Okay, seriously, stop it.
PECKSTER ---hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha---
RHINOBLASTER: SHUT UP!
------
[The Command Center]
[The alarms are going off.]
ALPHA: Oh, be quiet, ya stupid alarm.
CARTMAN-DON: Alpha, dude, seriously! The Rangers are totally needed to combat Zedd's giant Jews! I mean monsters!
ALPHA: Ya know what? I've had just about enough of you.
[Alpha hits a combination of buttons. Zordon's image turns back to normal, and begins to fade.]
ALPHA: There, how do ya like them apples?
ZORDON (fading): Apple sauce, bitch...
[Zordon disappears.]
ALPHA: Ha! A Kevin Smith reference at last! And now for the destruction of the Power Rangers!
------
[The Abandoned City... or Angel Grove... or the mountains. Whichever]
PECKSTER: Have fear, the Peckster's here!
RHINOBLASTER: Grraaahh!!
[Pause]
RHINOBLASTER: That's it? Peckster gets a catchphrase, all I get is freaking "Grah?"
ROCKY: Alright, guys, let's do our thing!
ADAM: Now's not the time for doing our things, Rocky.
ROCKY: We need Thunder Zo---
[He stops and glares at Adam.]
ROCKY: What the f**k?
ADAM: ...what?
ROCKY: Nevermind. We need Thunder Zord power, now!
[Lightning strikes.]
ADAM: Mastodon, Lion ThunderZord Power!
KIMBERLY: Pterodactyl, Fire---
[Let's just cut through this crap.]
[The Thunder MegaZord and White TigerZord strike battle poses.]
RHINOBLASTER: Prepare to meet your end, Rangers!
PECKSTER: Have fear, the Peckster's here!
RHINOBLASTER: You just said that.
PECKSTER: Oh. Well, uh... it's Peckster Power time!
RHINOBLASTER: Better.
TOMMY: Gimme your best shot, Peckster!
[Peckster tries to peck the TigerZord, but it punches him away.]
PECKSTER: Get 'im, Rhinoblaster! We're already running low on usable Zyu2 footage for me!
RHINOBLASTER: Don't worry, Peckster, I've got plenty!
[The Thunder MegaZord and Rhinoblaster charge each other. Rhinoblaster raises his sword.]
BILLY: We've gotta be careful to avoid the sword.
ROCKY: The what?
[Rhinoblaster slashes the MegaZord, sending it stumbling back.]
PECKSTER: I'm baaack!
TOMMY: You never left, pecker-head!
CENSORS: Hey hey hey!
TOMMY: ...he's a woodpecker.
CENSORS: ...oh. Carry on.
TOMMY: Hmm... Saba, any suggestions?
SABA: Well... how about the White Tiger Thunderbolt?
TOMMY: ...why are we acting like we don't know how to fight?
SABA: Dunno, I was wondering that myself.
[The TigerZord blasts Peckster with the Thunderbolt.]
RHINOBLASTER: So, ya wanna resort to special effects, huh? Well two can play at that game!
[Rhinoblaster fires a bolt from his sword. A badly superimposed blast hits the Thunder MegaZord.]
ADAM: That caused some serious damage!
ROCKY: Well, let's try it again!
[Rhinoblaster zaps the Zord again. Explosions abound.]
ROCKY: Not what I meant!
PECKSTER: Now for a really lame wing pun!
SABA: One focused blow should finish them!
TOMMY: Right! I'll concentrate all our energy into one big burst!
[Tommy starts laughing.]
SABA: ...what?
TOMMY: "Blow"... "Big burst"... hahahahaha!
SABA: Oh, I see. Hahahahaha!
PECKSTER: God, this fight sucks total donkey balls!
RHINOBLASTER: Yeah! Christ, we're not that far away from [i]Best Man For the Job, couldn't they have at least tried to give us an American fight?
------
[The Command Center]
ALPHA: Goddamn, this fight does suck! Let's move on already!
[He reaches over and presses a button labelled "End Badly Edited Zyu2/Dai Zord Fights."]
---
[The Abandoned Angel Mountains]
[The Thunder MegaZord and White TigerZord begin sparking furiously. A couple blasts from Peckster and Rhinoblaster, and they fall over. The Rangers fall out of their cockpits.]
------
[The Command Center]
ALPHA: Now to teleport you all right back to the theater! After all, Zedd and Rita's wedding can't carry Part 3 all by itself...
[He pushes more buttons.]
---
[The Abandoned Theater]
[The Rangers rematerialize in one of the upper levels.]
AISHA: What the...
TOMMY: Tommydammit!
KIMBERLY: Will you knock that shit off?!
ROCKY: What are we doing back here?
BILLY: It felt as though we were teleported.
ROCKY: But that's impossible!
BILLY: ...yes, Rocky. Being teleported is completely impossible. Why don't you go play that pachinko machine over there?
ROCKY: OOO! TOO FUN!
[He runs off.]
---
[The Lunar Palace]
[Finster is helping Rita with her make up.]
RITA: God! Enough with the make up, Finster! You're gonna make me look like a hooker! Or Kimberly, whichever's worse.
FINSTER: Sorry, my Queen...
RITA: Now then, I want you to leave two monsters in the Theater to guard the Rangers while the others attend the wedding.
FINSTER: Which two should I choose?
RITA: The only two that have gotten any focus in this episode, of course!
FINSTER: Right, King Sphinx and Terror Toad.
RITA: ...
FINSTER: I'm kidding, I'm kidding...
------
[The Abandoned Theater]
BILLY: Zordon! Alpha! Come in! Come in! Do you read me?
AISHA: I think we should just stay put.
BILLY: Do you rea---huh?
KIMBERLY: Guys, I'm really worried. Something must have happened.
TOMMY: Don't get down, everyone. Remember, there's strength in numbers!
ADAM/AISHA/KIMBERLY/BILLY: Right!
ROCKY: ...the monsters outnumber us.
ADAM/AISHA/KIMBERLY/BILLY: ...awww...
TOMMY: ...what the hell, Rocky?
------
[Chamber of Command]
GOLDAR (whispering): There must be a way to stop this wedding...
LORD ZEDD: Goldar, it is time!
GOLDAR (whispering): Or not. (shouting) Monsters, come in! Begin the processional!
[One by one, the monsters enter and begin gathering around Lord Zedd, presenting their gifts to him.]
SOCCADILLO: Aww, weddings always make me cry.
VINCE VAUGHN: Excuse me? Is this this Zedd/Repulsa wedding?
GOLDAR: ...go away.
VINCE VAUGHN: Right, sorry...
OWEN WILSON: I told you...
LORD ZEDD: Gather around, everyone. You are all like bastard sons to me. Come closer.
ROBOGOAT: You mean mutant, right?
LORD ZEDD: Whatever.
EYE GUY: This is my present to you, Lord Zedd.
[He holds up a caged spider.]
EYE GUY: It can be either a decoration, or a light snack.
LORD ZEDD: Or better yet, another guest with another gift.
[Zedd raises the Z-Staff and turns the spider into Spidertron.]
EYE GUY: Or that.
------
[The Abandoned Theater]
KIMBERLY: What about the Zords, you guys? What happened to them?
TOMMY: They got pwned.
[Suddenly, Peckster and Rhinoblaster teleport in.]
PECKSTER: Have fea---
RHINOBLASTER: Don't.
PECKSTER: Fine. Well, if it isn't Lord Zedd's wedding present, all wrapped up and ready to go!
BILLY: Oh, wait, you're just getting here [b]now? Darn, maybe we should've tried escaping beforehand...
PECKSTER: We'll be right outside the door if you need us!
[The monsters begin to glow, but then they realize the door is right next to them. They stop glowing and then simply walk through the door.]
KIMBERLY: How are we going to get out of here with those two right behind the door?
ADAM: Yeah, and if we do get out, how do we keep Zedd from sending us back?
ROCKY: And who is Eric Cartman's father?
TOMMY: Rocky, seriously, shut up.
[TO BE CONTINUED...]