Next Generation MMPR

[YRAM]

I decided to do this fanfic where MMPR has started again except with different characters placed in the same positions as the original.

[YRAM]

Episode One – Return of the Dumpster - Part One

It was a normal day at the West Hampton Community Center. Ryan was rock-climbing, Elizabeth and Jessica were practicing dancing for the talent show next month, and James and Calvin were doing intense training for their karate competition next month.
“Have you noticed that the boys have gone all out training for the competition next month?” Elizabeth asked, “James was training all night last night. He was really loud; I barely got a wink of sleep.”
“Well, I’m sure James didn’t mean to.” Jessica told her friend, “The competition was really hard last year. We were practically anhialated.”
“I know, but, like, if James wins, it’ll just be another one of his collections of trophies.” Elizabeth paused for a second, “I don’t mean to be jealous, but James wins everything and I'm just sitting on the sidelines being his all too ordinary sister.”
“You're good at stuff James is not.” Jessica paused. "You're probably just nervous about the talent show."
“Maybe, you’re probably right.” Elizabeth stopped. Suddenly the ground started to feel like it was shaking.
“The building it’s –” Jessica was about to finish her sentence but she suddenly was bolted into a yellow ray of light; Elizabeth turned into a pink one. Suddenly they were in a building much different than any they had ever seen.
“You’re here?” Calvin said in disbelief.
“This is one uncanny day.” James stated.
“Did you guys get turned into colorful rays of light and then, like, be normal again?” Elizabeth asked.
“That’s one way of putting it.” Ryan admitted. “Do you guys know where we are?”
“No clue.” Elizabeth smiled with a shrug.
“Welcome,” A woman behind the five teens smiled, “I am Angelessa. I regret to inform you that the Earth is about to be attacked by Rita Repulsa once again. You have been chosen for the honor of becoming the Power Rangers. You are the earth’s only hope.”
“Us? The Power Rangers?” Elizabeth exclaimed, “That’s crazy!”
“I’d have to agree.” James said simply, “That is highly improbable.”
“Guys, what if this is true?” Calvin asked, “I mean, anything is possible.”
“I don’t think everything’s possible,” Jessica said quietly, “but I agree with Calvin.”
“Me, too.” Ryan smiled, “I say, why take the risk?”
“I concur.” James agreed.
“Okay, I'm in.
“Aye yi aye!” A robot walked into the room, “Trouble downtown. A monster is attacking the city!”
“And you are?” Elizabeth asked curiously.
“Alpha Seven.” The robot said, “You must be the new Pink ranger.”
“Yeah, I guess I am.” Elizabeth smiled. She was definitely getting comfortable with the idea.
“If what Alpha Seven says is true,” Angelessa said, “Than you better morph and get to the city.”
“Yes, Ma’am.” Calvin said, “Guys, we better get going!”
“Remember! The Zords are in the docking bay! Use them!”
“Okay, guys, c’mon!” The rangers gathered in their Zords.
“Guys, it has a stereo! Awsome! I wonder if they have a TV somewhere in here.!”
“I know,” Billy said, “Elizabeth, my own sister is not commonsensical.”
“I am so com-commonscal!” Elizabeth yelled.
“Guys, we’re in a battle! This is no time for sibling rivalry.” Calvin scolded, “And Elizabeth it’s commonsensical. Activating megazord punch sequence!” The megazord punched, did a spin, and knocked the monster to the ground.
“I thought you were just going to punch the monster.” Ryan said, “But that move was awesome!”
“To be honest all I did was activate the punch, nothing more.”
“That’s weird.” Elizabeth said looking at her friends

[havemercy]

I'm busy right now so I'll make sure to criticize this some other time. Laterz.

[YRAM]

Oh, do you think it's that bad?

[havemercy]

Well it's better than Elemental. I'll give you that much.

[YRAM]

Elemental's a cool fanfic

[dragomuseveni]

hey yram, listen the story isnt wonderful in fact its well.....yeah. however i will give u some critisim. i think that ur story would be a whole lot better if u did a couple of things. 1. change billys name cuz if u are using different characters, then billy would be bad cuz u are using him like the billy in the show. 2. u were moving to fast and were way a head of urself u need to slow down, and give ur characters time to develop i would suggest reading a couple of the other mmpr rewrites for ideas on that such as MMPR(alternate). because i had no idea what ur characters were like i dont even know how they got their powers. 3. u need to develop ur setting, and give it some flavor, basiaclly all i gotta say is TAKE YOUR TIME!!!! this story has potential believe me.

email me ideas and script stuff at green_machine135@hotmail.com

[Dr. House]

hey yram, listen the story isnt wonderful in fact its well.....yeah. however i will give u some critisim. i think that ur story would be a whole lot better if u did a couple of things. 1. change billys name cuz if u are using different characters, then billy would be bad cuz u are using him like the billy in the show. 2. u were moving to fast and were way a head of urself u need to slow down, and give ur characters time to develop i would suggest reading a couple of the other mmpr rewrites for ideas on that such as MMPR(alternate). because i had no idea what ur characters were like i dont even know how they got their powers. 3. u need to develop ur setting, and give it some flavor, basiaclly all i gotta say is TAKE YOUR TIME!!!! this story has potential believe me.

This coming from the poster who has zero grammar ability.

HDS

[dragomuseveni]

hmm i was trying to get my point across, and when i do actually take my time i write really well, but lets see u write fully developed and complete stong story. without totally fucking up somewhere along the line. everybody does it, and im just trying to help the best i can.

o and hardrive i challange u to write an interesting fic.......just to see if u have grammer ability.

[Dr. House]

hmm i was trying to get my point across, and when i do actually take my time i write really well, but lets see u write fully developed and complete stong story. without totally fucking up somewhere along the line. everybody does it, and im just trying to help the best i can.

I started a fan fic. Didn't finish though. It's called When Worlds Collide. Find it at www.doombuggyproductions.com

I don't think it's that swell.

HDS

[dragomuseveni]

whatever dude all im saying is he has a fic with potential, and he can make it stronger by doing those things thats y i have rewritten my story three times and im trying to make it stronger each time. i think yram deserves that chance.

[Dr. House]

whatever dude all im saying is he has a fic with potential, and he can make it stronger by doing those things thats y i have rewritten my story three times and im trying to make it stronger each time. i think yram deserves that chance.

I didn't say it was bad. I was stating that someone (you) shouldn't offer someone advice about writing when your post is riddled with grammar mistakes. I wouldn't take your help if I read that. Get my drift?

HDS

[TSoldier]

I don't think it's a problem that we don't know everything about the Ranger's before hand. In fact I prefer it. I'm not really into fics that have study guides and bio's on the how's who's and what's of their characters, heroes and villains alike. In fact, I'll go as far as saying that if your fic has that stuff, then it's already off to a bad start, because the story and characters within should be writtien well enough to inform us without the "study guides". I think a good story would be able to convey all that info thru it's telling; along the way we'll pick up what distinguishes the characters.

One thing that hinders this stories ability to do that is the clumsy dialogue. The lines of dialogue seem to have been made more with the intention of having a character get to say something, anything at all, rather than say something that makes sense, because honestly some of the lines here don't make any (sense).

Dragomuseveni was right about another thing though: Don't use Billy as a character name. And not just because it's the name of an original Ranger- you might have been able to pull that off, but not with your BIlly demonstrating the same character traits, such as the intelligence. Or maybe you're keeping your own AU version of Billy, in which case then it's cool. I like the idea of of the guys havng been "in training", only for the girls to find out they were recruited as Ranger's alread. Very unique which is important with the seige of of MMPR remakes here on RB.

Also, this was more like an excerpt and shouldn't be considered a chapter. It is to a chapter what "Dan book black" is to being a complete sentence. Think about that.

[havemercy]

Yeah what tsolider said.

[YRAM]

Thanks for the advice. I edited a little bit so far, I'll finish later.

whatever dude all im saying is he has a fic with potential, and he can make it stronger by doing those things thats y i have rewritten my story three times and im trying to make it stronger each time. i think yram deserves that chance.

Um, by the way, I'm a girl.

[dragomuseveni]

sry yram. anyway im sry i got frustraited when i first stared my fic i had a guy totally trash it cuz we were doing a similar fic, and a few ppl defended me. so yeah i felt i had to do that when i saw other things like that. and yeah i have never been that great in english so yeah dont expect much from my grammer. but yeah. sry.....

keep it up yram