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orangezeo
06-17-2005, 04:00 PM
This is my version of a zeo beginning with their originally being seven mighty morphin power rangers. Mighty morphin power rangers and power rangers zeo belong to Saban as well all the characters associated. I own the character Saira who is also the orange power ranger.
Any feedback regarding this fanfic or for me to continue with it due to readers interest and discretion simply pm me. Thankyou to anyone who reads this as this is my first fanfic, thanks again :) :023:

A Zeo Beginning

In a gigantic explosion the Command Centre, the Power Ranger’s base of operations was destroyed. All six rangers and their new friend Tanya dusted themselves.

“What are we gonna do now?” Saira the orange ranger asked their leader Tommy the white ranger.

“I don’t know! I really don’t’!” he replied as he got up.

“Billy!” Kat screamed and ran to the wounded blue ranger, alongside the others.

“Hey. You okay man?” Rocky asked as he helped Kat get him on his feet.

“I’m fine! But… The Command Centre…It’s totalled!” Billy shouted.

“Do you think they could have survived?” Tanya asked.

“I hope so cos if they aren’t it could mean our end!” Saira replied placing a hand on her shoulder.

“Why don’t we check it out? Who knows what we’ll fine? Come on!” Adam suggested.

The others nodded and the seven teens climbed the mountain and headed towards The Ruins.

The Ruins

The rangers are shocked and surprised at the seen set before them.

“Jesus!” Saira blurted out placing a hand over her wide mouth. The others just nodded, concurring with her exclamation.

“It’s been wiped of the map!” Tommy exclaimed tossing rocks aside.

“I always thought the Command Centre was the only place that Rita and Zedd couldn’t touch!” Kat acknowledged, staring sadly at Zordon and Alpha’s spot.

“Now look at it!” Adam silently announced.

“No base of operations. No Zeo crystal to restore our powers. How are we gonna save the universe when we can’t even save our friends?” Saira frustatedly exclaimed, as she harshly kicked a mound of stone causing a steak of light to emerge.

“Guy’s what’s that?” Tanya spoke pointing towards where Saira was pulling rocks away and ran to help her.
“It’s look like the….” Rocky began.

“Is it possible?” Kat interrupted.

“Let’s find out! Come on guys!” Tommy ordered and with the others he joined Tanya and Saira and started to remove rocks.

The Moon

Zedd and Rita are celebrating the destruction of the power rangers.

“No more power rangers! No power rangers!” they chorused joyously and repeatedly.

BANG! A huge crash rings through the entire moon palace. Rita runs to the repulsascope to investigate.

“What is it my prudent Danish?” Zedd laughingly asked Rita.

“Zeddy…” Rita began with a worried expression.

“Come sugar!” Zedd enforced.

“I think we’re being invaded by the Machine Empire!” Rita sobbed.

“What! Everyone pack! Pack you numbsculls, Pack! Load everything onto Serpent Terra!” Zedd ordered and dragged Rita to make arrangements.

The Ruins

The rangers have removed all the stones revealing the mighty zeo crystal.

“I can’t believe it! My big mouth and small temper came in handy after all!” Saira blurted, causing the whole gang to laugh.

“You can say that again!” Billy smilingly replied placing a hand on her shoulder.

“I can’t believe it either! I mean the zeo crystal is all here. I mean all six segments. Good job Saira!” Tommy praised.

“Don’t give me all the credit. It was a group effort getting all the rocks of it.” She replied giving everyone a smile.

“But does it still have its power?” Kat queried, this caused the zeo crystal to shoot six coloured balls of shining energy.

“I think it heard you!” Adam punned, gaining smirks from the others.
“You better put it down. We don’t know what effect the explosion had on it!” Billy informed.

Tommy nods and places the crystal onto the floor. The crystal glows unabling the rangers to move and causes a crack. The crack becomes bigger and the rangers tumble to the lower levels of the command centre.

Lower Levels

“Ow! My arm!” Saira exclaims as she reveals a twisted arm. The others turn to see if she’s ok.

“Ok, Sai. I’m gonna try and push your arm back into its socket, ok?” Adam told his former girlfriend.

Saira nods and shudders as it is done.

“Done! Now rip one of your jacket sleeves of so I can tie it around your shoulder to keep it in place. Thank you…that should now hold!” Adam informed.

“Thanks” She greeted and smiled. Which he returned as he helped her up.

“All set! Cos we need to follow that sound and see where it leads.” Tommy ordered. The others nodded.

“Here Saira you can stay with me and Tanya!” Kat told her, bringing the injured girl between them. The seven teens made their way in silence when a voice was heard.

“Activating serial port beta 9!”

“Hey! You guys! That sounds like Alpha!” Billy acknowledged hopefully.

“Ai yai yai yai yai!” Alpha sounded.

“Whoa! Now that really sounds like alpha!” Tommy summarised gaining joyous looks.

Suddenly the command centre begins to shake. Saira nearly slips but Tommy holds her up.

“I’ve got ya!” he shouts above the noise.

“Thanks!” Saira shouts back and grips hold of him with her unwounded hand.

Meanwhile

Zedd and Rita are running towards Serpent Terra with their belongings.
“Zeddy have we got everything?” Rita annoyingly asked.

“Yes, now get your skates on, where under attack!” Zedd shouted and ran on, leaving Rita to run behind and catch up.


Lower Levels

The earth shudder is over.

“What was that?” Tanya exclaims.

“The foundation must be resettling. Let’s hope it was nothing!” Billy announces.

Saira and Tommy release their grips on each other.

“Thanks!” Saira tells him smilingly.

“No probs and thanks for holding me up!” he replies smiling to which she nods.

The party walk on.

“Rangers! Please step into the vortex!” Alpha orders.

“The vortex?” Tommy queries.

When a steel door opens, revealing a huge green looking gungey doorway.
Tommy is about to check it out when,

“I trust Alpha. I’m going in!” Saira alerts the others and holding her wounded arm she runs into it.

“Saira! Wait!” Tommy begins.

All is silent as everyone looks at each other worriedly. When,

“Hey, you guys coming or not?” Saira shouts.

Causing the others to give sighs of relief. Everyone enters peacefully except for Rocky who is pulled in by Billy. The rangers are transported to a new computerised command centre.

“What is this amazing place?” Saira queries as she examines the consoles.

“It’s the latest design of command office!” Billy muses, “I saw plans of it in the mainframe but, I never knew it existed!”
Everyone then turns to a sound behind him or her, where Alpha emerges,

“Rangers, welcome home!” he greets them.

havemercy
06-17-2005, 05:11 PM
I think you should stop writing this. This isn't good. Why? Just because I read it and I felt it wasn't good. Maybe you should stop writing altogether. You should go to school. Bye.

BatRanger
06-17-2005, 05:13 PM
well done.

Magic Force
06-17-2005, 05:16 PM
I think you should stop writing this. This isn't good. Why? Just because I read it and I felt it wasn't good. Maybe you should stop writing altogether. You should go to school. Bye.

You don't have a single clue what the hell constructive critiscm is, now do you? Everytime you post in the fanfic section it is simply "your fic sucks and stop writing" or whatever. And when exactly did you become the Almighty that judges fanfics and that your saying is official and that everyone sould listen to you? If you're not going to say something constructive, then don't say anything at all 'cause it's a waste of time, space, and energy exactly like you.

Now...I think you (the author) need to try and get away from present tense and write in past tense. Present tense I see more suiting for First person stories or RPGs...and this is neither. This is a story/fanfic and present tense is just out of place when everyone is involved. So I suggest changing to Past Tense when writing this. Other than that...it's fine...I think the plot is good and the characters are good... but I would work on spacing more in some spots and spacing less in others...there certainly are lines that could be one paragraph instead of just a single sentence by itself and ther are more spots that should have another space (like where you change settings/times).

Good job, overall, though.

~MF~

havemercy
06-17-2005, 05:48 PM
Stop lying, MF. This sucks and you know it. There is nothing to critique. It stinks. The end.

GreenNinja
06-17-2005, 05:50 PM
So saying "This sucks and that's that" is critiquing? What about giving the writer suggestions on how to improve? There's always that, and that's what Magic Force was doing. What have you contributed to this forum other than mostly knocking down writers with pointless comments?

havemercy
06-17-2005, 05:58 PM
The thing is he WON'T improve because he doesn't WANT to. Most of these stories just die away along with their authors. This forum is full f one-time crappers. It's the truth. You guys just don't like to read about it.

GreenNinja
06-17-2005, 06:03 PM
Maybe the reason some authors never complete their stories or finish them is because they don't get constructive criticism, which, as MF stated, you don't give. To counteract your second statement this forum also has several talented and dedicated writers.

Finally, did you ever think maybe the reason people stop writing is because they receive scathing comments from people like you that aren't constructive in any form of the word?

havemercy
06-17-2005, 06:27 PM
They were never meant to write good stories then if they let my comments stop them.

Pure Hype
06-17-2005, 07:10 PM
Write a fic your self and let is critique it see how good of a writer you are. Yes they ask for comment, but constructive ones that help better their writing, not ones that diminish any hope of them writing again.

Dark Knight
06-17-2005, 08:14 PM
It didn't seem like a bad story, but I wouldn't have just thrown in a new character with no history or background for us to know. Why was she the Orange MMPR?

It just seems, to me, anyway, that if you're going to use an original character, you might as well start with their first story.

Magic Force
06-17-2005, 09:25 PM
They were never meant to write good stories then if they let my comments stop them.

Over my stay at RB I've realized that you never say anything good about a fanfic no matter who's it is (from what I've seen).

Your comments mean nothing unless you're the only one to reply to a fanfic...

You're not, again I'll say this, Almighty and you really aren't that important....as a matter of fact, if you never came to RB things here may just be slightly better...

~MF~

orangezeo
06-18-2005, 03:08 PM
listen thanks to the people with advice and i understand about addin another charcter and i am gonna post another fic i don't care wtf people like havemercy think, i'm a new writer and i'm gonna post a prequel for the orange ranger and i'll change the name of the character because i can see the name sucks. this fanfic won't be finished as i have another project to work on. Thankyou for the truth and havemercy act like your name be less cruel. Thanks again for the advice Magic force and to the others who stuck up for me.

orangezeo
06-18-2005, 03:10 PM
well done.

thankyou

and once again than magic force.

you guys rock :023:

Dragen
06-18-2005, 06:06 PM
Nice work so far, can't right to see what happens next!

y3k
06-18-2005, 11:47 PM
Guys, why are you arguing with him? For christ's sake, he's "havemercy", aka: not exactly the brightest tool in the shed. Just ignore the dude, like I did. He's an idiot who puts down others to make himself feel better about his non-existant IQ. And how better to do it without getting banned?

Havemercy, you are a sad, sad little man. As someone once said to you: "Go drink bleach". I'm sure humanity will be in a slightly better position.

*goes back to writing Peacekeepers*

TheTrueParty
06-24-2005, 03:30 AM
hey i have three things to say,

one, only critcism i have of your story is that it seems a little to much like just a dilagoue recap, maybe im wrong and if i am i apologize

two, no one is more talented to write your stories then you just ignore people who are overtly negative to you, only you can write your stories and i dont know about some but i love any form of fan fiction be it well written or poor its awesome to see other peoples ideas

three what the heck havemercy i mean hes doing something really cool and artistic, im not attacking anyone or taking sides but i just wanna say yo man he has the right to express himself in his own stories however he wants so what do you care, you dont like it, dont read it or better yet write it how you would want it and use that but dont be mean to people just for being artistic

ok thats all and i wish you all and future fan fic writters best of luck and may the best ideas come to you and if you wanna help me with my fan fic feel free to email me and or im me

havemercy
06-24-2005, 12:08 PM
Meh you bumped up the story. How dare you. Ignore the fact that I just did too. I noticed you didn't write a theme song yet and where the heck are your cool suit creations?! I wanna see some Orange Ranger pics! Can it be Joey from Dawsons Creek like "Elemental" has people from that show?

TheTrueParty
06-24-2005, 01:33 PM
havemercy, sarcasm is not needed