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View Full Version : "Shiver" (SPD fic. PG-13/R?)


Dusk_v20
04-03-2005, 11:57 PM
Okay guys. Please tell me what you think! Note that this is a one-shot fic, so it's short, but... yeah. Also note that it's Romance/Drama-ish.
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Shiver

"You're under arrest!" Jack called, stepping forward. On the ground before him lay a particularly horrid alien, smoke rising off its battle-weary form. The other Rangers followed Jack's lead and powered down, standing all in a line behind him. Holding his Change Notebook in front of him, Jack pressed the button on the top, and it flipped open. The faux-pas clock began to wind its hand, on one side of the face a blue circle, on the other side a red 'x'. The alien stopped trying to get up and launch another attack; it accepted the fact that it'd been caught. Finally, the slow-moving hand on the SPD Change Notebook landed on the red 'x'.

"Guilty as charged!" Jack announced in a triumphant voice. The alien was then encased in a card, sulking. Jack walked over and picked the card up, turning to the others and flashing a cocky little grin. Z and Syd smiled, glad for a good days' work to be over. Bridge was also relieved, but a little tense. He'd had trouble sleeping recently. As a psychic, he was more perceptive to others' feelings, and the usually placid Sky - with whom he shared a room - had been a little... troubled, as of late. But far be it from him to pry.

"Bridge! You comin'?" Jack called, walking backwards to talk to Bridge. Snapping out of his daydream mode, Bridge turned to see the other Rangers all walking away. He smiled weakly at Jack and jogged to catch up.

"Good work, Rangers." Commander Kreuger said, hands clasped behind his back and feet planted a little apart from each other. The Rangers all nodded, standing in the same manner. Except Bridge. He hadn't been listening. He stood at attention like the rest of the Rangers, but his mind was wandering. He was staring off into space, particularly at a computer on the far side of the room. He was thinking about Sky... and what could be troubling him.

"Cadet Carson. Are you alright?" Commander Kreuger's calm but concerned voice snapped him into the real world. Bridge looked up, and nodded.

"Yessir. Sorry. I'm... I'm a little tired, is all." Bridge smiled, but it was a troubled smile. Commander Kreuger seemed to sense that everything was not right with Bridge, but he kept that to himself. And for that, Bridge was grateful. The other Rangers were chatting amongst themselves, but Bridge stayed where he was, losing himself in thought again.

"Bridge. We're off to play some Light Ball, gonna join us?" Jack asked, turning to him. Bridge pretended to think about it a moment, but he'd already decided.

"Actually, I think I'm gonna go back to my room and catch up on some reading. There's an article in my new Computer Tech Monthly magazine that I want to read." There actually was, though Bridge doubted he'd be doing much reading.

"Alright, then. We'll see you later." Jack said, and the other Rangers - Sky included - all left the command room. Bridge lingered for a moment, and then with a polite nod to Kat and Commander Kreuger, he left, as well, going the opposite direction down the hallway than the other Rangers had gone. Kat looked at Commander Kreuger.

"Did you get the feeling that Bridge was sorta troubled, too?" She asked.

"Yes. But... it's best not to pry. If Cadet Carson needs to talk, he knows I'm here to listen." Commander Kreuger answered calmly. Kat rolled her eyes and made a little snorting sound. Commander Kreuger turned to her, an eyebrow raised.

"What was that for?" He asked warily. Kat couldn't help but crack a smile.

"Commander. You're not exactly... well, you're just not the kind of person the Cadets feel comfortable confiding in. You're the disciplinarian, not the friend." Though her words could have been taken offensively, her voice was filled with nothing but fondness. Commander Kreuger thought on this a moment, then made a little grunting noise, going back to other duties.

Bridge was almost asleep when the mechanical door to the room he shared with Sky slid open. Sky poked his head in, and Bridge sat up, quickly rubbing his eyes.

"Hey. I was just headin' out to dinner, and I thought maybe you'd wanna join me? Jack and Z are off doin' somethin' and Syd is painting her nails, so I figured I'd see if you wanted to go with me." Sky said with a small smile. Bridge was both honored and slightly offended. This was the first time Sky had asked him to anything with him, but it was apparently at a last resort. He figured that wasn't how Sky meant it, but that's how Bridge took it, anyway.

"... No thanks. I don't have much of an appetite, and I'm kinda tired. I think I'll stay here. Have fun though, and remember not to eat anything that tries to eat you back." Bridge knew instantly that it was a corny joke, but he was in no state of mind to think of a good one.

"Okay. I'll see you later, then." Sky said in a friendly manner, giving Bridge a little wave, chuckling a bit at the joke. As the door slid shut again, Bridge fell back in his bed, and closed his eyes. He was asleep almost instantly.

Bridge awoke suddenly. He didn't know why. Sitting up, he yawned.

"Ah. That's why. I fell asleep in my uniform." He muttered to himself. Bridge couldn't stand falling asleep in his uniform; in fact, he had troubling sleeping at all if he didn't change into his green pajamas. He picked up his stuffed dinosaur and held it tight for a moment. Though he didn't realize it himself, in a lot of ways, Bridge was still an innocent kid. He still slept in pajamas, had a stuffed animal, called his parents at least once a day, and thought sitting in his room with a new computer game and Boomer was about as fun as a Saturday night could get.

"Oh wow. It's later than I thought." Bridge muttered, looking at the clock beside his bed. When Sky had asked him to dinner, it'd been seven in the evening. It was now almost ten-thirty. And oddly enough, Sky wasn't back yet. But Bridge didn't dwell on it too much. That just meant he'd sleep a little better. He stood, setting down his stuffed dinosaur, and started over to his closet to get his pajamas, and then thought better of it.

"I should shower first." He said to himself. So he finished the trek to his closet, grabbed his pajamas, and headed out the door, towards the showers.

Bridge poked his head in the doorway to the locker room-slash-shower area. He listened for signs of life, and heard none. Good. Bridge always waited 'til the showers were deserted before going in himself. He didn't like showering with the other guys. It made him uncomfortable. But as the showers were deserted this late at night, he made his way in and over to his locker. It was a little bit of a walk, as the Academy had a lot of students, but there was a special locker area designated to the Rangers. Of course, the lockers hadn't been theirs long - they originally belonged to the A Squad Rangers. Well, the three in the men's locker room, anyway. All of the lockers were slate grey, save for the ones belong to Jack, Sky, and himself. Bridge gave another cautious glance around before pulling of his uniform's shirt, and stuffing it in his locker. After that, he removed the tight green T-shirt under it. After shoving that in his locker, he wrapped his arms around himself for a moment. It was chilly in the locker room, and Bridge shook a little. Then, slowly, half expecting to hear someone come in, Bridge began to take off his pants. Even though he knew he was alone, he still hated being naked in the shower room.

Bridge turned the knob on the cold water, then the hot. He never liked to take completely hot showers, but he didn't want 'em cold, either. As the water hit Bridge's body, he sighed a little. It came out warm. He closed his eyes and tilted his head upwards, letting the water fall over his face. Bridge took care of himself, though he wasn't so much into weight lifting like Sky was. Bridge's body was toned, but not all that heavily muscled. And aside from his head, Bridge was virtually hairless. He just didn't like body hair on himself; he thought it made him look... well, bad. Bridge stood there, under the now-hot water, hair matted his his forehead, arms wrapped around his shoulders. He was about to actually start washing himself instead of just standing there when he heard a sound that made him go cold, despite the hot shower. The door to the locker room had opened. Bridge stood there like a deer caught in someone's headlights. He heard a locker open, and a minute or two later, close. Bridge looked down and ahead, but his eyes cut to the side a bit out of curiosity for who could be showering, other than him, so late at night. What he saw made him even more nervous.

"Bridge. Hi. This is a surprise. I thought you'd be asleep." Sky said casually, walking over to stand beside him. Bridge just gave a generic 'Heh. Yeah.', and went back to staring at the floor. He turned himself a little, so that Sky couldn't see him from the front. His back wasn't completely turned to Sky - that would be rude. But still. Sky turned the knob in front of him, but only the hot. Bridge couldn't help but glance over at his room mate; he'd never seen Sky without a shirt on. Sky was more heavily muscled; it came from lifting weights several hours per day. He was surprised to see that Sky was hairy. Not, like, forest-on-his-chest hairy. They were short, fine hairs. But the farther down Sky's body he looked, the darker and slightly thicker the hair got. Bridge looked away quickly, a slight blush crossing his cheeks.

"So. How come you're up so late?" Sky asked, looking over at Bridge. He raised an eyebrow as he realized Bridge was half turned away from him.

"Well, I... I woke up, and realized I hadn't had a shower... so I came here..." He muttered, clearing his throat. It wasn't just the embarrassment that was getting to Bridge; he was starting to feel something from Sky with his mind. That same feeling that kept him awake at night, but on a slightly more subdued scale. They were both quiet for a while, Bridge just standing there, too uncomfortable to actually bathe. Sky, on the other hand, seemed to have no problem. All the while, though, the feeling that Bridge perceived from Sky kept getting stronger. Bridge wasn't quite sure what the feeling was, though he knew it gave him butterflies in his stomach for whatever reason. He absently laid a hand over his navel.

"Bridge. I think we should talk." Sky's voice made him jump slightly.

"... Okay, sure." Bridge tried to sound casual, but his voice was shaky. He turned all the way around now, his back to Sky. He knew it seemed rude, but he was rather uncomfortable. Sky cleared his throat, and then began.

"I know your psychic and all, and I pretty much gathered that the reason you're having trouble sleeping is, well, me. I know you don't purposely poke around in peoples' heads, I mean, you can't help it that you feel these things. But, Bridge... I can't help the things I feel either." Bridge was about to ask what he meant when he breathed in sharply. A hand slid around his stomach, coming to rest on his navel. A hand that wasn't his. Before he could say anything, another hand slid around to his chest. And immediately after, he felt Sky's chest press to his back. Bridge blushed deeply, but made no move to fight it. He felt Sky's chin rest on the top of his head, and his grip on Bridge's body tighten ever so softly. Though Bridge didn't know why, he shivered. But it wasn't a bad feeling. And, as if he was being controlled by someone other than himself, Bridge's hands came to rest on the back of Sky's.

"Your hands... they're rough." Bridge said quietly. Sky didn't move. At first.

"I'm sorry."He said, and began to take his hands away, but Bridge held them there; one against his stomach, one against his chest.

"Your hands are rough... but your touch is gentle." He almost smiled. But didn't. Sky didn't say anything. They stood there like that for a few minutes, the hot water falling over them, bodies pressed together. And then Sky broke the silence.

"I love you, Cadet Carson." He said sincerely.

"I love you, too, Cadet Tate." Bridge answered, a little shocked. He hadn't even realized he'd loved Sky until he'd said the words.

"You know SPD's views on our kind of love, though. We'd be kicked out." Bridge said, and realized that he was saddened by that fact. Sky said nothing, and after a few moments, kissed the top of Bridge's head. He let his lips linger there for a moment before sliding his hands from Bridge's body. Without even a look, Sky turned his shower off and made his way out of the shower area, wrapping a towel around his waist.

Bridge kept his shower running, and leaned his back against the cool tile, letting his mind wander over the feelings he'd just realized he had.

- End -

Knuckles
04-06-2005, 03:21 PM
43 views, no replies? Well, at least it will be one reply after this...

Ok, let me first start by saying that 'Shivers' was a pretty good one-shot story. Your writing style flowed and was easy to read, your sentence structuring wasn't a problem, and both your grammar and spelling wasn't at fault. As for the story itself, (taking on board the fact that it was a short one-off fic) I thought that it held together quite well. It had good characterization and the story's overall development progressed nicely.

However, in that same token, having it so short also hurt some aspects of your story. Particularly towards the end, I felt that Sky advanced too quickly on Bridge. Yes, he knew that Bridge knew of his feelings towards him because of his abilities, but he couldn't have been so sure as to think that Bridge felt the same way. Even if he did, I just don't see Sky's character being so upfront like that.

On the other hand, I thought that you handled Bridge's character really well, with the insights of him still being a kid at heart, and his awkwardness at showering with others - I can actually see that being a part of the actual show. The 'your hands are rough but your touch is gentle' line felt a little ... I don't know. Misplaced? Awkward? I can't find the right word, but the rest of the story's dialogue was great, apart from the admission of their love - again, I'm taking into account that it was a short fic so there had to be some kind of revelation like this at the end.

So yeah, on the whole it was an enjoyable short fic. Good job. :023:

nickraman
04-06-2005, 03:59 PM
ummm. okay

Dusk_v20
04-06-2005, 07:14 PM
Lol. Thank you! I was really looking for some constructive criticism on this. I was kinda distressed when nobody replied. Lol. And yeah, after reading it over, I kinda had problems with the whole shower scene, too. But I didn't want it to go on forever, and I had to end it somehow. I probably coulda made it more believeable by going on an extra page. But thank you for the reply! ^__^

43 views, no replies? Well, at least it will be one reply after this...

Ok, let me first start by saying that 'Shivers' was a pretty good one-shot story. Your writing style flowed and was easy to read, your sentence structuring wasn't a problem, and both your grammar and spelling wasn't at fault. As for the story itself, (taking on board the fact that it was a short one-off fic) I thought that it held together quite well. It had good characterization and the story's overall development progressed nicely.

However, in that same token, having it so short also hurt some aspects of your story. Particularly towards the end, I felt that Sky advanced too quickly on Bridge. Yes, he knew that Bridge knew of his feelings towards him because of his abilities, but he couldn't have been so sure as to think that Bridge felt the same way. Even if he did, I just don't see Sky's character being so upfront like that.

On the other hand, I thought that you handled Bridge's character really well, with the insights of him still being a kid at heart, and his awkwardness at showering with others - I can actually see that being a part of the actual show. The 'your hands are rough but your touch is gentle' line felt a little ... I don't know. Misplaced? Awkward? I can't find the right word, but the rest of the story's dialogue was great, apart from the admission of their love - again, I'm taking into account that it was a short fic so there had to be some kind of revelation like this at the end.

So yeah, on the whole it was an enjoyable short fic. Good job. :023:

ModrnEerie
04-06-2005, 07:24 PM
I'm not a fan of this fanfic type, but it was actually pretty interesting. By the way, it's "Cruger".

nickraman
04-06-2005, 07:28 PM
No offense, but I liked ur style of writing, but I'm not into lesbian fics

Dusk_v20
04-06-2005, 11:07 PM
I'm not a fan of this fanfic type, but it was actually pretty interesting. By the way, it's "Cruger".

Lol. Yeah, I know, but I hate the spelling "Cruger". So i took some creative liberties.

No offense, but I liked ur style of writing, but I'm not into lesbian fics

Lol. Sky and Bridge are guys, so the fic wasn't "lesbian". Lesbian = two girls.

havemercy
04-07-2005, 10:44 AM
ewww. gay rangers. take it elsewhere flamer

Dusk_v20
04-07-2005, 02:05 PM
ewww. gay rangers. take it elsewhere flamer

Aw, look! The bigots have come out to play!

Lol. Just kiddin'. But seriously, if you don't like it, don't read it. Some of us happen to think that Sky and Bridge are a hot couple. (Okay, I'm the only one that I actually know of, but still. Lol.)

ModrnEerie
04-07-2005, 03:15 PM
ewww. gay rangers. take it elsewhere flamer
Watch it.

havemercy
04-07-2005, 03:30 PM
Okay my words were harsh and I'm sorry. My political/relgious views are not need here I know. But I just thinking making characters gay is not a good thing to do. Well except for Trent because I think he's a closet case. He didn't pursue Kira!

Dusk_v20
04-07-2005, 04:22 PM
Okay my words were harsh and I'm sorry. My political/relgious views are not need here I know. But I just thinking making characters gay is not a good thing to do. Well except for Trent because I think he's a closet case. He didn't pursue Kira!

Oooo. Trent and Kira would've made an AWESOME couple. I should write a fic about that... lol.

And to be fair, they've not actually established a sexual preference for Bridge. If I remember correctly, Sky was all over that woman in the Fernovian episode, but Bridge wanted nothing to do with her.

Plus, Chris Violette(Sky Tate) played a gay guy in Queer as Folk; it was a bit part for only one episode, but still. And Matt Austen(Bridge Carson) has played gay characters in several movies.

ModrnEerie
04-07-2005, 04:27 PM
Is this meant to be a stand-alone story?

Dusk_v20
04-07-2005, 04:34 PM
Is this meant to be a stand-alone story?

yeah. But I have a longer, multi-chapter(still, it'll only be about 5 chapters) Sky/Bridge fic in the works. It'll move a little slower, but have more depth. Sky won't just suddenly be like "I LOVE YOU LET ME TOUCH YOU IN THE SHOWER LIEK ZOMG."... lol. I'll post it here when it's done. Well, I'll post each chapter as it's done.

Knuckles
04-07-2005, 04:37 PM
yeah. But I have a longer, multi-chapter(still, it'll only be about 5 chapters) Sky/Bridge fic in the works. It'll move a little slower, but have more depth. Sky won't just suddenly be like "I LOVE YOU LET ME TOUCH YOU IN THE SHOWER LIEK ZOMG."... lol. I'll post it here when it's done. Well, I'll post each chapter as it's done.

Cool. Looking forward to it.

ZeoRangerIII
04-08-2005, 09:07 AM
Sorry for bumping this up a little bit, but I just have one thought: they've successfully integrated aliens into human society, yet they're still persecuting gays like that? Well, maybe not "persecuting" per se, but I couldn't think of a better verb.

But, all in all, I really liked it, and don't worry, I like Sky and Bridge as a couple too. :)

Dusk_v20
04-08-2005, 11:21 PM
Sorry for bumping this up a little bit, but I just have one thought: they've successfully integrated aliens into human society, yet they're still persecuting gays like that? Well, maybe not "persecuting" per se, but I couldn't think of a better verb.

But, all in all, I really liked it, and don't worry, I like Sky and Bridge as a couple too. :)

I know! Stupid military and their mistreatment of gays. Lol.

Wow. So many people(not just on Ranger Board, but on FF.net and other places) have told me they liked it; I expected to get a bunch of "This story SUCKS!" messages. Lol.

Sky x Bridge = best Power Rangers couple EVAR.

Hurricane Black
04-09-2005, 12:02 AM
This was good. I liked the interaction between Kat and Cruger. You captured their characters well in that short exchange of words. And you've mangaged to portray Bridge accurately, which is a plus. Sky's advancement on Bridge seemed a little fast, but it didn't damper my enjoyment of the story. Maybe that's why Sky's such a jerk? He just needs some loving! :)

All jokes aside, it's a good story. I'm looking forward to reading more.

Dusk_v20
04-09-2005, 12:26 AM
This was good. I liked the interaction between Kat and Cruger. You captured their characters well in that short exchange of words. And you've mangaged to portray Bridge accurately, which is a plus. Sky's advancement on Bridge seemed a little fast, but it didn't damper my enjoyment of the story. Maybe that's why Sky's such a jerk? He just needs some loving! :)

All jokes aside, it's a good story. I'm looking forward to reading more.

Psh. You guys make me blush!

This story is a one-shot, but I have a multi-chapter Sky x Bridge fic in the works, and Chapter 1 will be posted up here either Sunday night or Monday afternoon.

ZeoRangerIII
04-09-2005, 09:09 AM
Can't wait. :)

TristanCole
04-09-2005, 04:00 PM
... I actually registered just so I could comment on this fic; it was rec'ed on another site.

I am of two minds on this fic; firstly, I liked the insight into Bridge, I really, really did. However, I have to disagree with the people who found the ending a little rushed. Rather, I think it's the rest of the fic that's slightly rushed; the ending is slightly rushed like I'm slightly gay. Then -- and I'm v.v.guilty of this in my earlier writing -- there's the "I Love You Declaration" (tm). Not only does the way it's said sound awkward, you have them calling each other 'Cadet Tate' and 'Cadet Carson.' IIRC, the only people to refer to them as 'Cadet' on the show is Cruger, and maybe Kat. It just sounds /weird/ coming out of their mouths.

While you're by no means a horrendous writer, this fic was nowhere near as good as it could have been. It would have been served greatly by being turned into a longer series, or even a longer one-shot. (And I definitely want to see that longer fic from you.) As it is, it's far too short to be anything but a disappointment.

Hollywood-Whore
04-11-2005, 02:39 PM
That was hot. :D

Dusk_v20
04-12-2005, 08:30 PM
... I actually registered just so I could comment on this fic; it was rec'ed on another site.

I am of two minds on this fic; firstly, I liked the insight into Bridge, I really, really did. However, I have to disagree with the people who found the ending a little rushed. Rather, I think it's the rest of the fic that's slightly rushed; the ending is slightly rushed like I'm slightly gay. Then -- and I'm v.v.guilty of this in my earlier writing -- there's the "I Love You Declaration" (tm). Not only does the way it's said sound awkward, you have them calling each other 'Cadet Tate' and 'Cadet Carson.' IIRC, the only people to refer to them as 'Cadet' on the show is Cruger, and maybe Kat. It just sounds /weird/ coming out of their mouths.

While you're by no means a horrendous writer, this fic was nowhere near as good as it could have been. It would have been served greatly by being turned into a longer series, or even a longer one-shot. (And I definitely want to see that longer fic from you.) As it is, it's far too short to be anything but a disappointment.

Ooo. More constructive criticism. I like. ^__^

Just to be clear on one thing, though, the whole thing with them calling each other "Cadet <insert last name>" was meant to be a sort of light-hearted thing. Of course, it was a serious moment, but I liken it to when, in the movies/books, a character declares their love for the other, there's the cliché where they call the character by their first and last name.

Seeing as how they go to an academy, I figured instead of having Sky say "I love you, Bridge Carson.", I'd go for "I love you, Cadet Carson."... see what I mean? I'm not saying that I think the line is great, just that it was meant to be a play off that old cliché.

Longer fic coming soon, I promise. I was out sick for two weeks and make-up work is a bitch, not to mention I work part-time. Tomorrow(Wednesday) is an off day for me, though, so I'll be sure to startw riting tomorrow. Maybe I'll even get a whole chapter done? Lol. I can hope.

Merlin
07-01-2005, 12:24 AM
It was all right for a short, but I found Bridge and Sky being intimate that quickly to be too abrupt. That said, I'm reading after STH began. So it was a good start.

Dusk_v20
07-01-2005, 01:28 AM
It was all right for a short, but I found Bridge and Sky being intimate that quickly to be too abrupt. That said, I'm reading after STH began. So it was a good start.

Well, to be fair, they didn't actually have sex in this fic, but I see your point.

I probably should've stretched it out for a couple o' more pages before that scene...

PurpleThunderRanger
09-04-2005, 07:08 PM
Nice Very Nice :023: Every Fan Fic I Read About Spd Has Sky In Love With Someone. I Loved It. :023: Good Work :023:

NeoTK
11-06-2005, 06:55 PM
this story was HOT. good job.

DEKA1
11-07-2005, 01:27 AM
well Dekaranger would be rated PG-13, if it ever Aired on tv in the usa !

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NeoTK
11-07-2005, 12:56 PM
cute!