PR: Ultimate Mission Ch. 5

[The_Dark_Monkey]

Chapter 5
Passing

Earth, Year: late 2004

Her name was Trini Kwan. For the past two years, however, it had been Trini Scott.
As she looked through the photo album, she paused to look down at her abdomen. It seemed to get larger and larger with each passing day for the past four months. Despite the nausea and her apparent moodiness, she was still grateful to be bringing a new life into this world with the man she loved.
She could tell that he was just as happy. As soon as he found out, he started making plans for the child’s arrival. Despite the birth still being five months away, he had already painted one of the extra rooms in their modest home. In fact, right now, on his day off, he was in that very room building the baby’s first crib. In the twelve years she had known him, she had never seen him this excited about anything!
Her smile-inducing musings were abruptly interrupted by a loud banging at the door. It was the middle of the day, and she nor her husband were expecting anyone.
Maybe someone trying to sell something… She thought as she used a large portion of her strength to rise to her feet.
As she made her way toward the door, the banging could be heard once again, except harder this time.
Walking toward the front door of her home, she shouted in response, “I’m coming.”
She turned the knob and opened the door. Just as the door swung open, a black-haired man fell into her arms. The man was bleeding profusely from his stomach and his clothes were barely there, tattered beyond reparation. Her own strength was the only thing keeping the man upright as he breathed heavily as if running out of oxygen.
Seemingly using every ounce of strength and breath he had, he spoke, “…I… need… to see… Jason Scott…”
“My lord!” She thought aloud, before calling her husband, “Jason, get in here, hurry!”
Jason, sensing the urgent fear in his wife’s voice, came running into the room as fast as humanly possible.
Despite the man’s bruised and bleeding features, Jason recognized the figure as he entered, “Good lord! Trey!”
“…Yes… it is… me… Jason…” Trey strained.
Jason took the man from his wife’s arms and put him his own.
Looking at the terrible shape his former ally was in, he said to Trini, “Go get a couple of pillows and a lot of towels. Hurry.”
Jason dragged the man over to the sofa where his wife had been previously lounging in. Trini entered with the pillows and towels after just a few seconds. She stacked the pillows on the corner of the sofa while Jason soon laid his old friend’s head on them. He took a towel from his wife and began patting at Trey’s stomach, trying to clean him up so he could find the exact location of the wound.
“…No…” he struggled. “…There is… no saving… me… Not… much time… left…”
“Don’t talk like that, Trey,” Jason responded. “We’ll get you fixed up…”
“NO!” Trey forced himself to shout as he threw Jason’s towel away. “Not much… time left… for me… Must… tell you… important…”
“What is it, Trey?” Jason listened carefully.
“One of… old enemies… back…” he coughed as he spoke. “Attacking… whole universe… wants revenge…”
“Who?” Jason questioned.
Trey shoved forward an object that hadn’t escaped his grasp since he entered the Scott home, “Take… it… You must… stop him…”
Jason looked down at the object that was now forcefully in his hands. The Golden Power Staff was a weapon he had yearned to use again.
“But, Trey…” he futily tried to reject the grand gift.
“Triforia… gone!” Trey urged. “You’re… only one left… to use…”

[The_Dark_Monkey]

With that, Trey’s eyes became glazed, losing all life, as his body went limp. Jason had never been close to the king of Triforia, but seeing someone die wasn’t fun, especially if you knew them. He closed Trey’s eyelids, not wanting to see the lifelessness any more.
After which, he gazed once more again at the Golden Power Staff. The symbol, he learned after returning the powers to Trey, stood for “king” in Japanese. It had dual meanings on Triforia: (coincidentally) “king,” and “warrior.”
Jason lifted himself from the fallen warrior’s side and headed toward his and Trini’s room, passing by his unnerved wife. He found his way to a very small makeshift “hidden compartment” he had constructed in the back of the bedroom’s closet. Opening it up, he found four items: a red communicator, a yellow communicator, the Tyrannosaurus power coin, and the Red “Mighty Morphin” Morpher.
As he pulled each item (aside from Trini’s old communicator), Trini approached him from behind, “You’re not going to do this, are you?”
Continuing his task, he answered, “You heard him. I’m the only one who has access to the Gold Powers anymore.”
“Yeah, I heard him. And he’s dead! Those powers almost killed you once, you told me.”
“I won’t need them for long. Just long enough to neutralize this threat,” Jason turned away from the reconcealed compartment, ready to ext.
Trini tried as hard as she could to stop her husband of three years, “I thought we had left this life behind. We’re having a baby, we both have normal steady jobs, and we own our own vehicle and home. In a normal life, it’s never ‘morphin time!’”
The determination in his eyes she mistook for stubbornness, “I’ll be back as soon as I can.” With that, he made a move to kiss his wife, but was rudely denied by the turning of her cheek. Despite her display of distaste for what he was about to do, he knealt down to Trini’s stomach, kissing his unborn child.
She wouldn’t look him in the eye as he exited their home, very determined, but very distraught as well.

Eltare, Earth Year: late 2003

The dark-haired man got up out of bed. It was very early in the morning, or very late at night depending on opinion. He looked at his wife, who was sleeping as peaceful as humanly possible. Over the past few months, a look that used to contain nothing but affection had turned into a look of loathsome disgust.
After a snarl at the sleeping body, he entered the restroom. The first thing he noticed was the reflection in the mirror. It was a look he thought he had become accustomed to over a lifetime, but lately, he was beginning to think that it was a great amount shorter than that.
He noticed the hair that slunk down from atop his head. It had become stringy and oily from weeks of mistreatment. His facial hair had become out of control, as well, forming a shaggy beard. He grabbed a razor blade sitting on the Eltarian sink. With an evil smile, he began a painstaking but highly necessary task.

[The_Dark_Monkey]

Hours later, his wife awakened looking for him. She called his name twice before seeing noticing the bathroom light activated. She grabbed her robe from the bedside, and opened the bathroom hoping to greet her husband.
As she entered, he turned, displaying a vile sneer. She was thrown aback by the sight that seemed ready for her. The man she knew as her husband was now bald, in head, face, and chest areas! Blood oozed out from seemingly welcome cuts.

Earth, Year: late 2004

Rocky DeSantos pushed the weight off his chest, up and down repeatedly. He knew he didn’t really need to stay in shape anymore. He was finished with all the practices of martial arts that could be taken in the tri-state area. As much as he hated to admit it, he had settled into the normal life that he dreaded as a teen. He had a normal job, normal home, and normal friends. His world-saving days were over… so he thought.
He nearly dropped the bar bell elevated over his chest when he heard the sound. It had been so long since he had heard it that he barely even recognized it. It was that same tune sung in digital beeps that enslaved him for three years of his life.
He hung the weight and only looked down at his left wrist. The object made by a high school genius over a decade ago had become nearly a regular watch for Rocky. After a moment’s silence from the object, Rocky was able to convince himself that he had imagined the beeping. But, just as he laid down, the noise was heard again. Watching the communicator all the way, he exited the gym from the back entrance.
He came to a deserted alley, met with a greeting, “Rocky DeSantos.”
He turned quickly, ready for a fight, but was met by a familiar figure, “You!”
“It’s me,” the Gold Ranger said.
Relaxing, Rocky asked, “What are you doing here, Trey?”
The Ranger removed his helmet, saying, “I’m not Trey.”
Seeing it was his Red Morphin predecessor, he asked, “Jason, what’s going on?”
Knowing that he had proven himself to Rocky, he put his helmet back on as he answered, “I’m not sure yet. But we’re going to find out.”
“What are you gonna’ do?”
“Save the world, of course,” he replied. He then threw a rectangular object to Rocky, saying, “And if you’re going to help me, you’ll need this!”
Rocky looked at the Morpher, gazing at the intact coin inside. After the awe evaporated, Rocky asked curiously, “How do you know it works?”
“I used it.”
“When?”
“A couple of years ago. All the Red Rangers teamed together to destroy the remnants of the Machine Empire.”
“All the Red Rangers?”
If Jason wasn’t on a mission, he would have taken time to be regretful of his previous statement. Unfortunately, he was on a mission, so there was very little sympathy in his voice when he said, “I’m sorry. You did kinda’ get the shaft on that one. But you’re in on this one. What do ya’ say?”
Rocky looked hard into the visor of the Gold Ranger, then back at the Morpher he once called his own. He looked back up at Jason, “I say… it’s morphin time!”

[The_Dark_Monkey]

Eltare, Earth Year: early 2004

For over a year, the man had tried to fight back whatever was trying to emerge from him. But he wasn’t strong enough, and eventually he became something that was no longer him. His actions were no longer his own. He had lost nearly all control… and he was starting to like it.
One year ago, he was a scrawny weakling, incapable of any physical superiority. Now, however, his muscles were well defined, and he could lift twice his own weight.
He was in his tool shed, a place he spent much time in. It was a place where he could get away from his repulsive, nagging wife. He could also work on the armor. It was an armor that he knew very well, but he had no idea from where. Despite this, he continued the arduous task. He was almost done.
He was finishing off the helmet. The helmet’s design was simple, but threatening. The mouthpiece was a wide shape that held spikes that would cover his mouth, leaving just enough room for him to breath. To see, there was a red visor that extended nearly as far as the mouthpiece. And on the center of the top, a spike protruded, tipped by a small “Z.”
As soon as he was finished polishing each piece, he marveled at his creation, a grand thing that would strike fear into the hearts of the weak. Now, what was he going to do next? He thought of his own answer as he heard his wife calling for him. He looked down at a large knife with an evil sneer.

The woman continued calling for her husband, “Ed? Ed!”
She hadn’t seen much of him lately. He spent most of is time in his shed, working on something that he wouldn’t tell her about. When he was around, though, she often hoped he wasn’t. Over the past year, he had changed somehow. She wasn’t sure what was going on inside of him, but it was obviously something he didn’t want to share with her.
She started to close the door, but was met with a hand to the door.
“Hello, honey,” a vicious, yet somehow familiar voice growled.
She turned around, afraid. She was greeted by a horrific site: her husband was shirtless, and all the skin from his chest area had been removed, exposing bloodied muscle tissue.
“Oh, my…” she struggled with the words. “What… happened to you?”
Grabbing her by the throat, he answered, “Nothing that can’t be fixed with a simple ‘snap!’”
With that, he forcefully turned his hands over her neck and head, breaking her dainty neck into two pieces!
Dropping her to the floor, he said, “’Snap!’” He then laughed maniacally before announcing, “Lord Zedd is back!”

[The_Dark_Monkey]

Look if I don't get any feedback soon, I might just give up on this fic. C'mon people, I'm sure you've got something to say!

[legacyranger]

I just saw this fiction its pretty good. if you put it up on a site more people will read it. keep up the good work. what are the links the first 4 chapters.

[Clu-less]

One thing you should do is seperate you paragraphs. Instead of...


Her name was Trini Kwan. For the past two years, however, it had been Trini Scott. As she looked through the photo album, she paused to look down at her abdomen. It seemed to get larger and larger with each passing day for the past four months. Despite the nausea and her apparent moodiness, she was still grateful to be bringing a new life into this world with the man she loved.
She could tell that he was just as happy. As soon as he found out, he started making plans for the child’s arrival. Despite the birth still being five months away, he had already painted one of the extra rooms in their modest home. In fact, right now, on his day off, he was in that very room building the baby’s first crib. In the twelve years she had known him, she had never seen him this excited about anything!

Do it like this...

Her name was Trini Kwan. For the past two years, however, it had been Trini Scott. As she looked through the photo album, she paused to look down at her abdomen. It seemed to get larger and larger with each passing day for the past four months. Despite the nausea and her apparent moodiness, she was still grateful to be bringing a new life into this world with the man she loved.

She could tell that he was just as happy. As soon as he found out, he started making plans for the child’s arrival. Despite the birth still being five months away, he had already painted one of the extra rooms in their modest home. In fact, right now, on his day off, he was in that very room building the baby’s first crib. In the twelve years she had known him, she had never seen him this excited about anything!

When you do it the first way, people tend to think it's all amateur and won't give you the time of day. You have a good story, it's just the format is off.

[legacyranger]

this is getting very good can direct me to the first 4 chapters