ZeoFury
06-24-2007, 02:47 AM
Okay, so this fic is a little project I started not too long ago. I want opinions... Should I continue this or not? This is a prologue/first part of chapter one. I'll post bios before I post this, however, and then give you a brief summary. :023:
Characters
Name: Peter Fenty
Age: 17
Power: Peter is technically "fire proof". Described as a "walking propane tank", he can absorb fire and hold it in his veins in place of blood for a certain amount of time before using the fire as his own weapon, or manipulating fire around him.
Name: Darius "Dars" Michaels
Age: 17
Power: Dars is able to manipulate the gravity within fifteen feet of himself. He can also change the weight of any object he makes skin contact with, however, this is a very underdeveloped technique.
Name: Veronica Masey
Age: 19
Power: Veronica is a telekinetic and a telepath. She has the ability to move things using telekinetic power and can trace the brain waves to individuals, or read their thoughts. She does not have the ability to communicate back-and-forth to another person, and her powers, too, are still in development.
Name: Justin Griffis
Age: 20
Power: Justin can manipulate electricity and can actually create his own bodily atmosphere, giving him the ability to adjust his own body temperature on command at any given moment.
NOW... Onto the very, very, very short portion of the story. Comments appreciated. Pardon the campiness.
Six hundred years ago, the world was introduced to the New Breed. Following a series of molecular transitions and intergalactic radiation, it was inevitable that the human race would experience some sort of change. Physical, emotional, mental, maybe even spiritual.
The world was introduced to a new breed of human beings… If you’d like to call them such. Each of them possessed their own special “gift”. Their gifts were given to them by the eight Gods of Light to help them save themselves, their souls, and the souls of their loved ones.
However, with great power, comes great responsibility. Ignorance would be the motivation behind the thought that these gifts would be given to ordinary everyday people, mutating over time, simply for the sake of giving them power. No, no, no. These powers were given to children, teenagers just like myself. These powers were given to us to fight something bigger.
This isn’t an evolution… This is simply, and quite literally… A draft.
Los Angeles, California
2:32 AM
Glass flew down from the second and third story window as an explosion rocked the entire house. Bricks flew from the walls and crashed down onto the street. People ran, people ducked, and people crawled. No lives had been claimed quite yet and that much was miraculous. It was the fourth time in a month that a seemingly random neighborhood had been attacked. It almost seemed internally. One of the neighbors would wreak havoc on the community and in the process, take their own life.
This situation was different.
A cop cried out as a rusted piece of metal slammed into his chest and ripped through his heart. The pistol fell from his hand and clattered to the sidewalk. His fingers shook. His hand almost sought to cover the fatal wound that had been given to its bodily owner, though, it was obviously too late. The cop fell to his knees and rolled onto his back, making one final attempt to breathe, however, the lack of a heart pretty much crushed that dream.
“Let’s MOVE!” SWAT rushed into the house. Metal bounced off of the walls and tore into each and every one of them. It was merciless. It was completely merciless.
A little girl covered her eyes, hiding behind the burning family car. She screamed out as a dead body landed at her feet. She’d never seen anybody die before. The horror that was twisted across the face of the cop was entirely disturbing. She turned her head the other way, however, as she did so, a man dressed in a black ski mask and a completely navy-blue suit turned his head and looked down at her. He opened his hand and sharp piece of metal began to push itself through his skin and the glove on his hand.
The girl hugged her knees to her chest, shaking as she looked up at the man, pure horror in her eyes. “Pl-please.”
The man showed no compassion and failed to acknowledge the tiny girl’s pleas. He arched his arm to drive the spike down onto one of his final victims, but stopped inches short of her head. The man’s eyes rolled into the back of their sockets and he fell to the side, breathing slowly.
Peter Fenty stood in front of the girl, flames circling around his fingertips. He winked at her before turning and rushing into the burning building. Peter looked around, peering through the smoke. He narrowed his eyes and threw himself forward, narrowly escaping a burning plank of wood that fell from the ceiling and to the floor.
“Okay… Erm… Lesson number one. Wood always burns.” Peter pushed himself up and waved a hand in front of him. The fire separated, the flames becoming nothing more than tiny embers as Peter climbed the stairs. He turned his attention towards another man in a ski mask. The man threw a silver spike Peter’s way. Peter’s eyes widened. Within seconds, the spike was thrown to the ground. Peter found himself unable to move as well.
“Sorry if I’m a bit late,” Darius Michaels said, walking into the room. Gravity increased as Darius channeled the energy completely Earthward. “Hope I didn’t miss anything too exciting.” Darius ran towards the masked man who had tried to attack Peter and drove his foot into his ribcage. The masked man rolled into his side and groaned out. Darius reached down and picked him up by his collar, forcing him against the wall. An object several yards to the left exploded, the heat becoming too much of it. Darius winced, focusing on sending the debris straight to the ground before putting his attention back on the masked man. “Who sent you here?”
The man simply smirked. “I’ll never tell you.”
“So you speak.” Darius raised an eyebrow. He promptly brought his elbow back and delivered a sickening punch to the nose of the assailant. “You’re going to tell me what we want to hear.”
“Death before dishonor,” the man muttered, the blood dripping down through the holes in the ski mask.
“How cliché,” Darius muttered, rolling his eyes.
“Dars, look out!” Peter brought his hands up and thrust his arms forward, sending a stream of fire behind Darius and into a third masked man. The fire forced him against the wall and brought him to his knees. “Dars, we have to go! This place is gonna blow any second. Do you see all the beer bottles?”
“But we don’t know why this guy is here!” Dars yelled, throwing a sickened glance in Peter’s direction.
“We can’t worry about that right now! We have to GO!” Peter grabbed Dars by his arm and dragged him towards the wall. A target of extraction was unnecessary, since the wall had a huge hole in it, courtesy of one of the several explosions. “They’re not going to talk. These guys are barely human. We have to save our own lives before we worry about these guys.”
Dars simply allowed himself to be dragged from the man. He grunted. Peter jumped from the wall and to the ground. Dars fell along with him and the two rolled across the ground, seconds before the next--- and final--- explosion. Rubble rained down upon the two along with embers and sparks.
Peter was the first to look up, opening his eyes. Their only clues to this mystery were lost in the fire.
“Dead.” Patrick Ector turned, glancing at his assistant, Mara. “All three of the Spikes are dead. That… That New Breed seems to have gotten the better of them. They have two new recruits. Do you have any information on them?”
Patrick was a man who had to be at least in his thirties. He had black hair which was slowly, but not so subtly, graying. He looked like he hadn’t shaved in weeks and he dressed in casual clothes, though they were sitting in the middle of a very high-tech laboratory.
“I do,” Mara said. Mara was around seventeen years old, not much older than most of what the New Breed consisted of. “Peter Fenty and Darius Michaels. Both of them are seniors, still in high school. Darius was born with the power to temporarily manipulate gravity within about fifteen feet of him and Peter can control fire, absorb it, and use the fire he absorbs as a weapon, stored in his body. He’s a walking propane tank.”
“You need to get rid of them,” Ector muttered, typing in a few things on a keyboard. “They’re making my life very, very difficult right now and I don’t appreciate it. Eight rings are all we need, Mara. Eight rings, and the Gods of Light will be ours. I don’t think these idiotic adolescents realize what exactly is at stake here.”
“It’s true. They’ve no idea,” Mara agreed. “They think the attacks are completely random. Random riots and robberies.”
“You’re sure the Red Ring lies in Shadyville?” Ector asked, raising an eyebrow in Mara’s direction.
“Positive,” Mara said. “That building that you guys bashed and thrashed? Well, it’s directly under there. We need to get there before those kids do, however. Wherever they go, the cops tend to follow, and we don’t need to give the FBI anymore motivation to look into this.”
“Not yet. They’ll expect it,” Ector said, quietly. “They have no idea what’s happening anyway, so we’ll just play dumb until they decide it’s time... To fight."
Characters
Name: Peter Fenty
Age: 17
Power: Peter is technically "fire proof". Described as a "walking propane tank", he can absorb fire and hold it in his veins in place of blood for a certain amount of time before using the fire as his own weapon, or manipulating fire around him.
Name: Darius "Dars" Michaels
Age: 17
Power: Dars is able to manipulate the gravity within fifteen feet of himself. He can also change the weight of any object he makes skin contact with, however, this is a very underdeveloped technique.
Name: Veronica Masey
Age: 19
Power: Veronica is a telekinetic and a telepath. She has the ability to move things using telekinetic power and can trace the brain waves to individuals, or read their thoughts. She does not have the ability to communicate back-and-forth to another person, and her powers, too, are still in development.
Name: Justin Griffis
Age: 20
Power: Justin can manipulate electricity and can actually create his own bodily atmosphere, giving him the ability to adjust his own body temperature on command at any given moment.
NOW... Onto the very, very, very short portion of the story. Comments appreciated. Pardon the campiness.
Six hundred years ago, the world was introduced to the New Breed. Following a series of molecular transitions and intergalactic radiation, it was inevitable that the human race would experience some sort of change. Physical, emotional, mental, maybe even spiritual.
The world was introduced to a new breed of human beings… If you’d like to call them such. Each of them possessed their own special “gift”. Their gifts were given to them by the eight Gods of Light to help them save themselves, their souls, and the souls of their loved ones.
However, with great power, comes great responsibility. Ignorance would be the motivation behind the thought that these gifts would be given to ordinary everyday people, mutating over time, simply for the sake of giving them power. No, no, no. These powers were given to children, teenagers just like myself. These powers were given to us to fight something bigger.
This isn’t an evolution… This is simply, and quite literally… A draft.
Los Angeles, California
2:32 AM
Glass flew down from the second and third story window as an explosion rocked the entire house. Bricks flew from the walls and crashed down onto the street. People ran, people ducked, and people crawled. No lives had been claimed quite yet and that much was miraculous. It was the fourth time in a month that a seemingly random neighborhood had been attacked. It almost seemed internally. One of the neighbors would wreak havoc on the community and in the process, take their own life.
This situation was different.
A cop cried out as a rusted piece of metal slammed into his chest and ripped through his heart. The pistol fell from his hand and clattered to the sidewalk. His fingers shook. His hand almost sought to cover the fatal wound that had been given to its bodily owner, though, it was obviously too late. The cop fell to his knees and rolled onto his back, making one final attempt to breathe, however, the lack of a heart pretty much crushed that dream.
“Let’s MOVE!” SWAT rushed into the house. Metal bounced off of the walls and tore into each and every one of them. It was merciless. It was completely merciless.
A little girl covered her eyes, hiding behind the burning family car. She screamed out as a dead body landed at her feet. She’d never seen anybody die before. The horror that was twisted across the face of the cop was entirely disturbing. She turned her head the other way, however, as she did so, a man dressed in a black ski mask and a completely navy-blue suit turned his head and looked down at her. He opened his hand and sharp piece of metal began to push itself through his skin and the glove on his hand.
The girl hugged her knees to her chest, shaking as she looked up at the man, pure horror in her eyes. “Pl-please.”
The man showed no compassion and failed to acknowledge the tiny girl’s pleas. He arched his arm to drive the spike down onto one of his final victims, but stopped inches short of her head. The man’s eyes rolled into the back of their sockets and he fell to the side, breathing slowly.
Peter Fenty stood in front of the girl, flames circling around his fingertips. He winked at her before turning and rushing into the burning building. Peter looked around, peering through the smoke. He narrowed his eyes and threw himself forward, narrowly escaping a burning plank of wood that fell from the ceiling and to the floor.
“Okay… Erm… Lesson number one. Wood always burns.” Peter pushed himself up and waved a hand in front of him. The fire separated, the flames becoming nothing more than tiny embers as Peter climbed the stairs. He turned his attention towards another man in a ski mask. The man threw a silver spike Peter’s way. Peter’s eyes widened. Within seconds, the spike was thrown to the ground. Peter found himself unable to move as well.
“Sorry if I’m a bit late,” Darius Michaels said, walking into the room. Gravity increased as Darius channeled the energy completely Earthward. “Hope I didn’t miss anything too exciting.” Darius ran towards the masked man who had tried to attack Peter and drove his foot into his ribcage. The masked man rolled into his side and groaned out. Darius reached down and picked him up by his collar, forcing him against the wall. An object several yards to the left exploded, the heat becoming too much of it. Darius winced, focusing on sending the debris straight to the ground before putting his attention back on the masked man. “Who sent you here?”
The man simply smirked. “I’ll never tell you.”
“So you speak.” Darius raised an eyebrow. He promptly brought his elbow back and delivered a sickening punch to the nose of the assailant. “You’re going to tell me what we want to hear.”
“Death before dishonor,” the man muttered, the blood dripping down through the holes in the ski mask.
“How cliché,” Darius muttered, rolling his eyes.
“Dars, look out!” Peter brought his hands up and thrust his arms forward, sending a stream of fire behind Darius and into a third masked man. The fire forced him against the wall and brought him to his knees. “Dars, we have to go! This place is gonna blow any second. Do you see all the beer bottles?”
“But we don’t know why this guy is here!” Dars yelled, throwing a sickened glance in Peter’s direction.
“We can’t worry about that right now! We have to GO!” Peter grabbed Dars by his arm and dragged him towards the wall. A target of extraction was unnecessary, since the wall had a huge hole in it, courtesy of one of the several explosions. “They’re not going to talk. These guys are barely human. We have to save our own lives before we worry about these guys.”
Dars simply allowed himself to be dragged from the man. He grunted. Peter jumped from the wall and to the ground. Dars fell along with him and the two rolled across the ground, seconds before the next--- and final--- explosion. Rubble rained down upon the two along with embers and sparks.
Peter was the first to look up, opening his eyes. Their only clues to this mystery were lost in the fire.
“Dead.” Patrick Ector turned, glancing at his assistant, Mara. “All three of the Spikes are dead. That… That New Breed seems to have gotten the better of them. They have two new recruits. Do you have any information on them?”
Patrick was a man who had to be at least in his thirties. He had black hair which was slowly, but not so subtly, graying. He looked like he hadn’t shaved in weeks and he dressed in casual clothes, though they were sitting in the middle of a very high-tech laboratory.
“I do,” Mara said. Mara was around seventeen years old, not much older than most of what the New Breed consisted of. “Peter Fenty and Darius Michaels. Both of them are seniors, still in high school. Darius was born with the power to temporarily manipulate gravity within about fifteen feet of him and Peter can control fire, absorb it, and use the fire he absorbs as a weapon, stored in his body. He’s a walking propane tank.”
“You need to get rid of them,” Ector muttered, typing in a few things on a keyboard. “They’re making my life very, very difficult right now and I don’t appreciate it. Eight rings are all we need, Mara. Eight rings, and the Gods of Light will be ours. I don’t think these idiotic adolescents realize what exactly is at stake here.”
“It’s true. They’ve no idea,” Mara agreed. “They think the attacks are completely random. Random riots and robberies.”
“You’re sure the Red Ring lies in Shadyville?” Ector asked, raising an eyebrow in Mara’s direction.
“Positive,” Mara said. “That building that you guys bashed and thrashed? Well, it’s directly under there. We need to get there before those kids do, however. Wherever they go, the cops tend to follow, and we don’t need to give the FBI anymore motivation to look into this.”
“Not yet. They’ll expect it,” Ector said, quietly. “They have no idea what’s happening anyway, so we’ll just play dumb until they decide it’s time... To fight."