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SentaiFive
06-18-2007, 07:43 PM
Starting a fic about the Tenth Anniversary team up based on Gaoranger vs. Super Sentai. Please give it a try before you guys criticize.

Here's the opening: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8MUhpNACDM

10,000 years ago, a sorceress named Rita Repulsa was sealed in a dumpster and sent onto the moon along with her minions. A brave wizard named Zordon sealed her in the dumpster. But she eventually trapped him in a time warp. But in the year 1993, two unsuspecting astronauts accidentally freed Rita from her dumpster along with her minions and attacked earth. Zordon along with Alpha 5 recruited five teenagers with attitude and they became an elite fighting force known to man called the Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers. Ever since then, more and more evil had appeared on earth. Where there is evil, there is the Power Rangers. There has been many teams of Power Rangers throughout the past ten years. The current team is the Power Rangers Wild Force.

Chapter 1: Rakusha Awakens

The five rangers make it to the mountain where Toxica and Jindrax are waiting for them. “So, you’ve made it rangers!” said Toxica. “Time for you to say goodbye!” said Jindrax. “Not this time! Guys let’s do it!” said Cole. “Right!” the rest of them said as they take out their Growl Phones. “Wild Access! Ha!” they all said. The five of them morph into the Power Rangers Wild Force.
Cole jumps and attacks a group of Putrids and scratches them. Danny grabs Putrids and throws them everywhere. Alyssa runs down the mountain charging at the Putrids and scratches their faces. Max kicks a Putrid in the air into a whole group of them. Taylor goes one on one against Jindrax and then she lets out her wings and grabs Jindrax and throws him against the mountain. Jindrax then falls. The rangers then regroup. “Jindrax, are you okay?” said Toxica. “Is that all your gonna give us today?” said Cole. “This is the place, right Toxica?” said Jindrax. They were planning something against the rangers.
The ground shakes. “He’s coming!” said Jindrax. “What’s going on?” said Cole. The ground then stops shaking after a couple of seconds. Jindrax and Toxica’s horns begin to glow. “I feel power flowing through me!” said Jindrax. “This is it! This must be his…” said Toxica. Then their horns turn golden. “Their horns turned into gold!” said Cole. The horns on the Putrids even turn gold. “Look, even Putrids too!” said Alyssa. “What’s going on?” said Cole. “Power Rangers, it’s time for payback!” said Jindrax. “Fine by me!” said Cole as he gets ready to fight again. The rangers fight them again.
Max goes for an attack, but a Putrid blocks his attack. “How did it stop my attack?” said Max. The same goes for Danny. “They have more strength than me!” said Danny. Taylor is slashed by Jindrax’s daggers. “Jindrax’s skill is greater than mine, impossible!” said Taylor. Alyssa fights Toxica, but keeps on vanishing. Toxica pins her to the mountain. “Kitty, if you want to apologize, then do it now!” said Toxica. Meanwhile, underground, a big purple horn glows with energy. The orgs beat up Danny, Taylor, Max, and Alyssa badly as they fall to the ground. “Guys!” said Cole as he runs to them. “It can’t be…” said Cole. “You’re the only one left Red Ranger!” said Jindrax. “Take this!” said Toxica as she blasts him with her staff. Cole falls to the ground. He gets up slowly. “I can’t believe they’re destroyed! That’s impossible… We’re the Power Rangers! We can’t lose to the Orgs!” said Cole in disbelief. It then goes black for a second. Cole is seen standing up.
“What? What happened just now?” said Cole. The other rangers are standing behind him and they are still morphed. Cole turns around. “Guys! What’s happening?” he said. A blue and white striped vine tries to grab Cole, but he dodges it. Then four more go after the others. “Guys, look out!” said Cole, as he pushes Alyssa out of the way. She then wakes up from her state of unconsciousness. “What happened?” she said. “It looks like we’re being shown illusions.” Said Cole. They both run to the others trying to wake them up, but it’s no use. They both turn around and see a purple, big-horned org. He walks toward them. “So you’re the one behind all of those illusions!” said Cole. “I wouldn’t be so sure about that! The fact that we’re stronger than you is no illusion.” said Jindrax. “This is the power of the Fallen Highness Org, Rakusha!” said Toxica. “No! I thought he was destroyed!” said Princess Shayla watching from the Animarium. “It was written in the Legends of the Org that he slept here after his single horn was damaged by the evil he had taken in. And to raise him from his sleep, we needed to bring him Power Rangers’ powers!” said Toxica. “So I could devour the powers from the Rangers that were needed for me to awaken!” said Rakusha. “Ranger powers? Oh no!” said Cole. Rakusha’s vines begin to drain Taylor, Max, and Danny’s powers!

TO BE CONTINUED…

GundamExia
06-19-2007, 09:56 AM
....It's been awhile since I've seen Gao Vs. SS, but if I remember correctly, this is more or less EXACTLY like how Gao Vs. SS went. If that's true, that's not good.

I've given it a "try", now time to criticize.

~FAR too short for a chapter. This seems like barely a page.
~The dialogue is painfully bland.
~There's incredibly little detail
~The present tense can be hard to pull off, but using it is your choice. BUT, if you're going to use it, stick to it, which means using "says" instead of "said". Also, try other words than "says", like "comments", "yells", etc.
~Another grammar hint, you press enter and start a new paragraph every time a different person starts talking. If you don't, the dialogue ends up in a big messy clump like yours.

This story needs A LOT of work.